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Sunday, May 31, 2009


Sometimes someone says something better than you can . Rex Murphy does so frequently . I don't always agree with his viewpoints , but there is nobody more eloquent and passionate on television today , and in this case , he is on point .
Here is his defense of Michaele Jean and Canadian Aboriginals . Enjoy!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hey PETA - Boycott This !

Okay kids, a lot of people are up in arms about the seal hunts that occur in Canada and Scandinavia, mainly due to horrifying images of stupid rednecks with hakapiks and clubs killing cute-looking, fairly docile creatures. Personally, I am against the manner of the Newfie seal hunt because it is so bloody wasteful. A lot of folks don't seem to consume any of the remaining carcass, and that rubs the wrong way a dude who was raised quite poor.

However I have ZERO issue with traditional folks taking what they need to survive the world's harshest climates . They have true respect for the lives they take and generally kill elderly male seals for not only their fur, but for their meat and fat. (Which I have heard is quite delicious and something I must try very soon) Now, I know HollyWacks believe in equality for everyone, you know except for aboriginals who are the only true environmentalists remaining . It's just not cute and, man, these people look kind of funny and speak a funny language and live in simple surroundings.
So, because of the misunderstandings of a not-so-trendy culture, PETA has asked all of us to boycott Maple Syrup .
OK, I'm lost. what the HELL did a tree do to anyone?  If I ever heard a tree bark or moo get me to a shrink and fast!
Of course, they pick the syrup because it is readily identifiable as Canadian even though 15% of the world's output comes from the U.S. and England .

So, PETA, I'll give you a list of Canadian things that your REALLY committed members can boycott ..... (in no special order)

#1 : The RIM BlackBerry communications devices are manufactured in Waterloo, Ontario by a Canadian company. I know, I used to work there.

But if you are thinking old-school, Canuck Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone. The walkie-talkie and pager are also Canadian inventions. Just avoid communication, to be sure.

#2 : Basketball - yup Dr. Naismith was a very proud Canuck

#3 : Comedians - Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Howie Mandel, Rich Little, Ben Blue, Will Sasso, Lorne Michaels, Jeremy Hotz, and Tom Green are just a few.

#4 : Diamonds - well, you folks don't want African blood ice right? If it ain't cruel, that rock is a Canuck

#5 : Insulin - sorry diabetic PETA loyalists, this life-saver is not only Canadian but was tested on animals and is usually not vegan. Please die now.

#6 : Cars - Most of the non-Saudi Oil used in your autos is directly piped from Alberta!! Oh, and thank our prairies for Ethanol and biodiesel. Natural Gas consumers aren't out of the woods either as the majority of it comes from our chilly Arctic.

#7 : Television, and Imax. Yes, TV cameras and Imax technology are both ours and chances are that the lastest new star is a Canadian .

#8 : Lunch - Peanut Butter was invented by Marcellus Edison and patented in 1884. Oh and the snack in your pack might be too. The candy bar was invented by the Ganong brothers in 1910 .

#9 : Reading - Wood pulp papermaking was invented in 1844 by prolific Canadian poet and general curious dude Charles Fenerty.

#10 : Margarine - Canola is an acronym for "Canadian Oil, low Acid". The plant was derived from rapeseed to have low acidity and a better nutritive profile by the University of Manitoba and naturally margarines contain a ton of it.

--------- Seeing as Americans buy 90% of Canadian Seal fur, maybe PETA should boycott Apple Pie. It makes about as much sense -----------

Sickos Update ....

These are the faces of evil , their names are Terri McClintic and Mike Rafferty . They murdered Victoria Stafford . They were subject to my outrage at the lack of severity of the charges against them - initially the asshole was charged with murder 2 (10 years to life) and the douchebaguette was charged with accessory after the fact (6 months to 14 years) . I mean dingbat the female CONFESSED and was even caught on video. People globally were horrified!
Today , Canada's Next Top Bernardos were formally charged with First Degree Murder and various kidnapping and confinement charges . When convicted , these stains on humanity will spend the remainder of their lives behind bars !!! Common sense has prevailed for once in a society where the most serious scumbags can walk in a few years .

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

This Would be Unbelievable

This is Adam Williams . He was 13 years old in January , 2000 , when someone close to him took his life . NOBODY reported him missing until October 2004 when a family member called the police to suggest he had been murdered . They found part of his body soon after they received the call , and yesterday , found the rest of him . The feds are keeping pretty quiet right now , but what we are all wondering is ... WHY would it take nearly FIVE years for someone to miss this young man ?
Now , it has been suggested that the mother's boyfriend murdered him and kept the mother captive for years , but this is speculation . But even if every rumour is true would there not be SOMEONE who would notice ? He lived in a decent area and went to a proper school and had a family , I just don't get how a child could disappear and nobody would notice . It's as if someone tried to murder his memory . Of course , we hope for the incarceration of the people or persons who took a promising life , but mostly I hope that people have a heart and pay attention so people cannot make kids disappear .

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

WTBlueFUCK of the Weak

Now , I have no idea who the hell this man is , but apparently he was on a shitty show called The Hills . OK , i now know this narcissistic dudes name - it's Spencer Pratt ! Thank you Twitter for "introducing" me to yet another vapid , self-obsessed shithead to waste time in my life I will never get back ! . Now , as you cats know , I don't normally waste my time on crappy pseudocelebrities , but this dude just said something out of this UNIVERSE! No , it wasn't his semi-sensical Twitter ramblings about Jesus or his professions of undying love for Perez , but it was this gem :

"If I were to beat up every homophobic racist loser that challenged me to a fight – I wouldn't have time to be the most famous person in the world. I'll pray for Jason Wahler."

Um , since when did you become famous , or deserving of glory? Now , when I think of globally famous people I'm thinking of Barack Obama , Oprah , or Bono . Even all-star shitheads like Kim Jong-Il and Mahmood Ahma dinejad rank far higher on my radar than this vapid shit . Seriously , Spence , where the HELL do you get off broadcasting such a ridiculous belief? I've heard of self-confidence - I have it and a lot of other decent people have it . Decent people like firefighters and teachers and doctors deserve to have it and would be terrible in their jobs if they didn't - but this is an absolutely abhorrent extension of it. How DARE he plan to rank himself ahead of Barack or Madonna or even fuckhead Ahmadinejad .
I have the belief that everyone deserves their slice at their 15 minutes regardless of how irritating they are and I pray to everything that is decent that his clock is at 0:14:59 .99

Sunday, May 24, 2009


A while back I blogged about a missing child from the city my dad lives in . A bright , beautiful 8 year-old angel named Victoria Stafford. It has now come to my attention that this life was snuffed out before it ever really started by a douchebag pervert named Michael Rafferty after his 18-year-old girlfriend abducted her from her school - the douchebaguette was even caught on videotape luring Tori away . The feds figure that she was murdered within a few hours of being taken and the whole city is justifiably mourning their loss . Rafferty is behind bars now , likely to spend the rest of his days behind bars , but Terri McClintic , douchebaguette of the scuzziest kind , was only charged as an accessory and that makes my fucking blood BOIL. She served up a young life to this fuckwad to be abused and killed , and as such , can be charged with Murder 1 like her old man - so why isn't she? Now , people are claiming she is helping look for the body , but after 5 days , hasn't found it - she's toying with us , and that makes her the absolute WORST example of humanity . These two sickos are actually ENJOYING the fact that they know where her remains are and are relishing the control they have over a family that wants to properly bury and mourn their daughter . I don't know what possesses people to make them this disturbed but what I do know is that they need to be excluded from the human experience for the remainder of their miserable lives .

Victoria stafford July 15 2000 - April 9 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Attacked Ads

The modern era has brought about change in opportunities for women . I personally know female firefighters , doctors , businesspeople and construction workers who often go home from their jobs to take care of their families with competence and even joy . Unfortunately in the modern commercial atmosphere , all of these things have created a very peculiar advertising environment where women are still seen as being put on the earth to service their husbands and ungrateful children but expected to be executives . All the "give mum a break from her cooking " ads do is reinforce the bullshit that male advertising execs want you to believe , kind of subversive social commentary on how they wish people would view women . Then there are the ads that attempt to keep women "in the kitchen" by repeating the notion that men have no business being there . Women in these type of ads are seen as domineering domestic bitches who can do it all and don't need your fucking help , thank you . What these ladies say in a nutshell is "The household is where I belong and I will gleefully belittle you in order to remain a slave to our snot-nosed brats who will also belittle you to make sure you know my place ."

But , what about what it does to MEN?? I have seen literally thousands of advertisements belittling the talents of men , be it their ability to change oil to their ability to microwave a meal . These are essentially ads that attack men's abilities in order to make sure you don't let them attempt to be an equal-opportunity parent . Most of the men I know are more-than-competent in the kitchen , can use a vacuum , can change their oil , and change their kids' diapers . They are decent dudes who will figure out how to do something they do not yet know what to do . Of course , advertisers don't want you to think this because they don't want THEIR wives thinking they are capable of lifting a fucking finger , lest they have to get off their sexist lazy fuckwad asses and change the baby . They have created an advertising environment that claims to cater to the needs of women , but really belittles them as well as the men they "serve". "See mummy - dad is too clumsy to use a vacuum cleaner " , "Dad is too much of a sissy to change a diaper " , "You better ask mum if it's okay that you make me breakfast because you might burn down the house" , "Daddy , you might be a Paediatric Neurosurgeon but you're innately incapable of frying an egg." - give the boys a fucking break! Everyday guys did not ask to be belittled so you could make bank selling your ecologically wasteful non-recyclable pre-packaged sexist bullshit . There are oodles of other advertisers who utilize the natural curiosity of men without making them look like morons . These creative and modern people come up with quirky and often funny adverts that sometimes sell more than a diaper - they are a sometimes subtle rebuttal to the ads that vilify women and ridicule dads . These cats are the future . It's time for the old-school cats to retire their fat asses to a country club where they can be waited on hand and foot and wallow in their domestic failure and pay big bank for someone to serve them .

Don't worry , old farts , Dad's got this .

Thank you to Freddie Rodriguez and

This is My Opinion

I was reading a blog post relating to a recent gay-bashing , a well written rant , much like a lot of us write , and wandered into the comments section . There were were justifiably outraged comments , not at the blogger , but at the horrendous hate crime that she blogged about ..... And then I came across this peculiar comment : (this is verbatim)

To bad it wasn't hate-monger MARIO LAVENDERIA aka PEREZ HILTON who got bashed instead! I hope I wake p someoneday soon and read in the paper that he has been murdered! Mario is ugly on the inside and out,wishing you & Lindsay death.

And after a little web wandering , I discovered a lot of similar comments about various gossip mongers ranging from the "I wish you were dead " type to the "I'm going to hunt you down and dismember you and eat your dog" type . There were literally thousands of similar entries and I am not about to source them all or give credit where it is not due.

Now , Mario and I do not get along . Mario lives a filthy lifestyle verbally attacking others , making big bank off of the misery he causes . He is crass and judgmental and takes his shot at an easy buck spoon-feeding bullshit to a hungry media-savvy public . His words are vile and divisive . He takes credit for the gay rights movement while vilifying people who are brave enough to come out . He is the self-loathing product of a vapid , egotistical society that pretends to love him but actually fears him . He utilizes his freedom of speech and tries to deprive others of that right , but he still has the FREEDOM to be an opinionated ass and I would die to defend it .

What we have is the right to voice our displeasure , to tell the world that we disagree with him . We have the right to a rebuttal , in fact , I've written numerous blogs about people like him , ranging from eloquently describing my dislike for their opinions to just plain ridiculing them . I have the right to do that and so do all of you . We have the ability to have an opinion , tell others our opinion , dance naked with our opinion , and even CHANGE it from time to time . Opinions aren't like assholes , folks , they are colostomy bags - when we decide one is full of shit we can trade it in for a new one .

What we do NOT have the right to do is physically attack people or advocate people to do so based on their words . People have the right to be all the asshole they can be or to be honest and decent . People have the right to a life of their choosing regardless of thought or belief . The neo-fascist fucks who perpetrate vicious hate crimes attack people because they disagree with something about their victim (or victims) , be it their opinion , lifestyle or religion or something immutable . The only real reason for violence would be to defend someone or oneself - it should not be used to attack ANYONE based on their OPINION. If someone's libelous nature is genuinely injurious to our mental or financial well-being , we call a lawyer , not a firing squad .

Encouraging or committing violence against others based on what they believe makes us no better than the bigots that hate us.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Open letter to Bill Maher

People have the freedom to essentially say what the want - radical , conservative , religious , and atheist opinions are voiced with voracity in our modern information society . Us lucky westerners are blessed to be able to voice our opinions with little chance of repercussions and this is something I would die to defend . However , some people are factually wrong and I will take time out of my day to correct them . One of those people is Bill Maher .

Now , Bill and I have some varying opinions on things . Some things like decriminalization of adult marijuana use and legalization of gay marriage , we agree on , but I will point out that the reasoning is different . On the flip side , he wants to remove funding for non-profit groups and thinks all religious people are delusional , and , well , we'll have to agree to disagree there . Vive la difference ! Opposing beliefs make the world a mighty interesting place and fodder for more than a fair share of my stand-up material .

But what DOES enrage me is that some of what he says is so factually wrong and divisive , he could very well be dangerous to democracy as we know it . At the very least , he is guilty of making big bank telling utopian falsehoods to a public looking for answers in today's tough times . You see , Bill Maher is just like those shitty AIG executives he bitches about . He is a blatant hypocrite .

Mr. Maher serves on the advisory board of PETA , an organization dedicated to promoting vegetarianism and environmentalism , yet he eats meat and lives a lush carbon-unfriendly lifestyle . He rants endlessly about our lack of brotherhood but supports removing funding of not-for-profit agencies . He claims to love women but supports prostitution and openly treats his girlfriends in an absolutely abhorrent fashion . He claims to be anti-military but loudly proclaims to support Israel . He ridicules religion and wants it removed from society yet he believes in a higher power . He incessantly spouts socialist ideals while living the lavish lifestyle of 100 working men . But most of all , he idealises other societies without knowing the first thing about them .

Mr. Maher continually quotes countries like Canada and Holland as being of the socialist ideal , filled to the brim with free hospitals and great jobs and fraternal love . Yes , in his world , my country is some free-loving utopia devoid of the social problems that plague America . And he thinks everyone should join the party . What he is doing is LYING .

Mr. Maher :

While I adore the country I live in and am honoured that others like yourself seem quite enamoured , I will point out that our wealthiest denizens get front-of-the-line hospital priviledges . Our poor pay high taxes and our wealthy have a littany of loopholes guaranteeing their continued prosperity . We have do have a somewhat better education system because we prioritize it , but you don't mention that because you dislike children rather openly . We have free elections and free speech and late-night comedians who satirize the governement . In fact , many of those anchors are paid to do so by taxpayers because nobody knows self-depricating humour like us Canucks . We work hard , have few vacations and live and die in the very nondescript way that our neighbours to the south do . We have corrupt politicians , corporate scandals , homelessness , child poverty , drug addiction and everything else you do . If we get sick it is generally our communities that raise money to pay for costly treatment . We volunteer for causes home and abroad , and per capita , our military is not that far off your mark . We really are alike , we are humans as you are , not fantastical cherubim .

What really grinds me is the fact that malcontents like you delude Americans into thinking we are something we are not , that we have more , that we pay exhorbitant tax rates , that we are somehow different , almost non-human . This , of course , generates a lot of hatred from people seeing us as getting an easier deal . In essence , your delusional beliefs about who we are teaches your people to hate us . People believe the bullshit and have a natural , almost visceral reaction to it because between you and your mates , there is so much propaganda that it is difficult to ignore . You have fueled hatred while claiming to be all for brotherly love . It may be inadvertant , but now that you know a few things about us , please stop selling lies about us to further your ridiculous communist agenda .

We didn't ask for your endorsement , please , for the love of decency , remove it .


Brazilian Women

As I have noticed , I have something of a Brazilian following on Twitter so I figured I'd write a wee blog about it .

As I have noticed , in addition to being friendly , you lovely ladies are articulate , multilingual , and humourous . I have had conversations with some genuine geniuses who make my day a little brighter with their words . We are genuinely intrigued by the fact that you even want to talk to us ugly fuckers up north . You make us nervous and goofy but you seem to be clueless as to why and this intrigues us more .
The fact is , ladies , when us tomcats think of Brazil , we think of the physical beauty you are known for . We think of lovely bronzed beauties with nice round booties and beautiful smiles . We can't help it , we're pigs . But the fine folks at L'Oreal have decided to help the rest of us understand what makes you so beautiful .

I am in awe of all of you

Love , Mika


Some pro athletes get to the show in an instant , scouted from the time they are young kids , told they are the best , and given every opportunity to succeed . They are the rare talents who happen a few times in a generation . However , on the flip side there are the guys who are too small , too slow , or just simply not noticed . these folks work and work until they get their shot at glory . Scott Walker is one of those people - a very late draft pick never expected to make the show , but whose sheer determination got him there . Scott Walker started off as a very undersized tough defenseman making the minimum for a lot of years and then a coach turned him into a forward and he has forged a respectable NHL career . He played 589 games before he even got a shot at the post-season , playing on a miserable batch of teams , but after the season , always showed up for international tournaments , proudly representing his country . He will be 36 years old before the start of the next season but his improbable underdog team is still alive in the playoffs , and he is a huge factor , but he has other things on his mind .
Scott Walker has always had a reputaion as having more heart than anyone on the team , but has always been quick to point out that it's his wife , Julie who is the tough one . Very recently , he received some very disturbing news - news that the love of his live has cancer . He kept the news secret from teammates and fans , determined to show the strength of character that he has become known for . He was somewhat erratic , drawing a severe penalty for punching an opponent that could have derailed his team's unlikely progress . After all , they were playing the big , bad Boston Bruins and Walker had NEVER scored a goal against the Bruins , regular season or playoff . In fact , he had never scored a playoff goal against ANYONE . His team plugged away , making it to a decisive game 7 . The game went into overtime and some of the stars were getting tired so the coach put Walker out .
Watch what happened .

Now , Julie , i don't know what you did to this guy , but here's hoping you get better soon .

Friday, May 15, 2009

Cry Me A River! - Scumbag of the Weak

The scumbag to your left is former U.S. soldier Steven Green . Now , apparently my childhood and this shithead's were very similar - unwanted middle kids who were treated with general distain . While I chalk up my life to being something of a learning experience and an exercise in how to not treat people , apparently Steve the sissy doesn't see things the same way - he wants YOU , the North American public to feel sorry for him and save him from the highest penalty for his crimes of which he is unrepentant .

Steve here is a child rapist and multiple murderer .
3 years ago , this poor excuse for a man was stationed in Iraq . He and 4 of his equally perverted buddies had a "thing" for a local girl named Abeer . She had just turned 14 and was still living a tough but happy life with her parents and siblings . Her father had noticed that his eldest child was getting leers from the soldiers and removed her from school out of fears that someone would do something to her . Green had approached the girl previously and Abeer's parents had made arrangements to have her move in with an uncle , but as would become later apparent , she never made it there .

Green and a bunch of his peckerwood shitstain buddies got into some booze and came up with a plan to take this young girl and teach her a lesson . They changed into civvies and went over to the home while the sons and another daughter were in class. Steven Green took the parents and 5 year-old baby sister into a room and executed the mother and sister in front of her father and then promptly blew Qaseem Hamza's brains out while other soldiers raped and tortured the young girl . He proudly proclaimed his accomplishment to the other soldiers , raped Abeer Hamza and executed her . then he and his buddies tried to cover up their crimes by lighting the bodies on fire .

Green was honorably discharged from the military prior to being charged due to having an "antisocial personality disorder" , the apologists' pet term for not having a conscience . Of course , after being caught , weaselboy pled not guilty despite overwhelming evidence , convinced that nobody would find him guilty of crimes against foreigners . He was dead WRONG . In a rare moment , the American people decided that Iraqis were human after all , and found fuckwad guilty of all of the charges against him . His smug reply : "You probably think I'm a monster." .

Really? You think? Of course we think you are a monster . And a narcissistic , cowardly waste of skin . Because of the findings and the fact that he weaseled his way out of the military , Green could ride the lightning . The other 4 wackjobs were tried under the war crimes statutes , took plea arrangements , and could be raping your daughters in as little as 10 years . They all received the best defences for the inexcusable , just like Mr. Green .

Now in a last-ditch effort to keep Fuckface alive , he is using the whiny bitch defense . You know the one - i'm the victim because my mummy didn't hug me enough . He claimed his mum called him "demon spawn" - WAHHHHH!!!! You know what , fuckface - maybe your mother could see what a piece of shit you would become , maybe she thought that pointing out your weaknesses would make you fucking man up to try to prove her wrong . Parents bait their kids , it happens . I'm fairly certain your mother NEVER trained you to rape and butcher people and is justifiably humiliated by the fact that she ever birthed you . I would be . Trying such a defence is an insult to people who actually DID get the real beatdowns as kids .

Now , when dicksmack did all of the horrible things in Iraq , the Army covered it up . The locals , justifiably horrified by the lack of justice , saw the other soldiers of the platoon as a roving band of potential monsters and started picking them off , and I can't say that I blame them . In my mind , Steven Green is also responsible for the loss of those young soldiers who thought they were doing the right thing by serving with distinction . Those young people that were taken as a response did absolutely nothing wrong but paid the utimate price for Steven Green's crimes .

For directly taking 4 lives , raping a defenseless child , indirectly causing the deaths of at least 3 soldiers , and then claiming to be the victim , Steven , you are possibly the scumbag of the decade . I have never wished for someone to be raped to death , but in your case , it might be justice .

Would You Put This Guy on Ritalin ?

The man to your right is a universal symbol of intellect . For those of you who don't know , he is Sir Isaac Newton . A man of diverse intelligence , a boy who was something of a malcontent . Yes , Newton had opinions as a child and freely expressed them with little more than a whack on the ass as punishment . However , wee pain-in-the-ass Isaac was born in 1643 , long before shrinks and drugs and sissy parents were put in place to mutilate the crania of the bright. while I will never claim to possess the world-changing wherewithal of this amazing specimen , his estimated IQ is the same as Albert Einstein's . And mine .

Today , a man posted a blog about the overmedication of children and was naturally very disturbed by the whole idea . So I decided to respond with a personal story and a few points . I think this needs to be retold so I will post the comment and a blog link .
HERE'S THE BLOG ... and this is my response. ...

Another thing to Grow On

As I have previously alluded to , I was used as a pharmaceutical testing ground as a kid and exposed to numerous drugs for NO valid reason other than a bigoted doctor and a paranoid over-medicated mother . My mother had been taking me to psychiatrists for years who all assured her that I was perfectly sane but very intelligent and to leave me alone . That is until she found a FAMILY DOCTOR (not a psychiatrist) who started giving me a lot of drugs . These drugs were primarily experimental at the time , although NONE of them are FDA-approved for people under 18 . Not only was I underage , I was still growing and at a very rapid rate . The side effects were no picnic at the time , but the worst thing of all is the fact that , since I was never mentally ill in the first place , I now have IRREVERSIBLE damage to the neurotransmitters in my brain and now I have to take a small amount of an antiquated drug (incidentally the same drug Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were taking when they massacred over a dozen people), lest I become psychotic .
I have a medically manufactured mental illness caused by greed and paranoia that I will have to live with for the rest of my life .
If anyone tells you to put your kid on mind-altering drugs , run as fast as you can in the opposite direction - even if it means pulling your kid out of a school with a shrink on the staff.
Most of the kids given medical lobotomies are of a very high intellect - look at the stats yourself - the vast majority are in the top 5% intellectually . I'm sure Americans don't get as much information about such things , but the median IQ of Canadian children diagnosed with serious mental illnesses is almost 40 points higher than average.
Genius needs to be nurtured , not stifled by parents afraid that their kids will be seen as socially awkward .
When did intelligence become a mental disorder??

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


There are a lot of animators nowadays utilizing all of the great new technology , turning their ideas into epics with the aid of computers . There is less and less actual artistry going into cartooning and more dollars given to computer geeks . However , there are a few old-school types who refuse to bow down and still use their semi-crude scrawlings to get their point (or just sense of humour ) out there to the world , often to be ignored by those awaiting the next Pixar blockbuster . Enter animator Cordell Barker . He's a little-known but twice Oscar-nominated Canadian illustrator who does things old-school and will finally release some new content in the not-too-distant future after teasing the folks over at Cannes . This man is something of a throwback , but he is pure genius . His new masterpiece , Runaway is going to be out soon , and should you get a chance to enjoy it , I implore you to do so . But for now , enjoy some of the fun that this guy brings !!!

A tidbit for Coca-cola

His funky Oscar-nominated take on "The Cat Came Back"

Honesty is Still out There

This hard-working single mother found $270,000 in her bank account . She pondered the idea of suddenly being able to pay off her debts , but instead of doing so , she went to work the next day ...and returned the cash . It's not so far-fetched to say that the vast majority of people wouldn't do this .
So cheers to you , mama , for teaching your kids real values in today's shitty , selfish society. Chances are , your kids are going to be some of the best people in the world , although I'm sure they are already awesome . And , seriously , to her employer : you need to retain people like this - give her a raise!

Ex Ed 101

After noticing way too much dyke drama over the last couple of years I developed a few guidelines (because everyone hates "rules") on how to deal with them yours or a buddy's . This is really not specific to gay folks , it really goes across the board

Here she flies (These rules are in no particular order here)

1. Never have sex with your ex . There is a reason (or a multitude of reasons) why your ex is your ex. Keep it that way.

2. Never be the reason for your friend's current to become an ex ( A.K.A. The don't bang your buddy's old lady dude)

3. Never sleep with the ex of a friend if they are still cohabitating or bonking.

4. Never sleep with (or date in general) the ex of a friend within 1 month for every 6 months they were together (so if they were together for 3 years , that's 6 months , pal) .

5. Never openly date the ex of a close friend if you know the friend's exes' kid(s) . Wait at least 6 months , otherwise you risk screwing up the kid's head. (If you mess with a kid's head , I'll seriously beat you . Kids are fucking gold.)

6. Don't become jealous if your buddy dates your ex . If you get freaked , suck it up , at least in front of them . Again , your ex is your ex for a reason and friends can be forever . Besides , neither your pal or your ex survive to placate you or pander to your insecurities . Besides , showing this kind of "weakness" in front of your ex will likely bring joy to your ex.

7 . You can become friends with an ex only if they abide by the rules . Otherwise , she doesn't deserve your time. Recent exes should NEVER try to fuck your friends immediately after you break up . If so , then chances are , she fucked around on you and you were right to dump her . Get an S.T.D. test .

8. Never hook up with the ex of a coworker if you work in a high-fatality-rate occupation. (police officer , tar roofer , iron worker , firefighter) People can become vengeful , and , "accidents" do happen. "Friendly" fire , fall restraints "break" , you get the idea here . Sure , they'll get 25 years (if they're actually caught and judged "sane") , but , man , you are DEAD. And nobody's ex is worth that.

9 . If you are fucking a buddy's ex , while they may be potentially "healing" , try not to be too graphic with the details of your sex life. It can create disturbing visualizations if your buddy has realized that their ex is unattractive or , in the unlikely event , considers YOU to be unattractive.

10. If you have found someone you can live with , take reasonable steps to ensure they don't become your ex. Congratulations , you are pussywhipped.

When kosher isn't - aron Rubashkin and the Great Kosher Lie

I was writing this blog and accidentally deleted it . Hopefully this is close to as eloquent . Either way , you will get the point....

Millions of people purchase kosher-certified meat "products" for a multitude of reasons , the most common having to do with perceptions of animal welfare , cleanliness , or approval from a "higher authority" . Animals are supposed to be treated with compassion and respect and killed quickly and relatively painlessly in accordance with over 5000 years of traditions .
I grew up in a rural area (or rather various areas) with content , cared for , free-roaming cows and chickens that met their ends quickly and without suffering . Roosters and bulls strutted with pride and mother animals tended to their young. All was well in my Rockwellian version of the agricultural world. So , obviously , when I moved to Toronto at 17 , I had no idea of the existence of the factory farms that most animal flesh comes from . I'm not sure whether it was becoming more religiously observant or more aware of animal sufferings , or possibly just simply an allergy to pork , but I began to purchase more kosher meats . After all , in the big city , they were widely available , and in my mind , they were better for the animals and for me , and of course , I felt better for it. So when I moved to a small town for work and found Aaron's kosher products in the meat case , I was a pretty happy camper and bought them whenever the "need" arose . (it was several years until I decided to forgo meat altogether) I was impressed by the company's ideas of bringing cleanliness , animal welfare standards , and of course , kashrut , to everyday homes in crappy little hick towns all over North America . After all , a nice old Chassidic butcher like Mr. Rubashkin would never LIE to us........
......... or would he?

Rumblings about Mr Rubashkin's business dealings and shoddy enviornmental record started surfacing around 5 years ago. After hearing complaits about the dumping of untreated effluent waste into the water system of a small town in Iowa , an investigation occurred where the firm owned by Aaron Rubashkin , now named Agriprocessors admitted polluting waterways and paid a substantial fine . There were rumblings about animal abuse and intimidation of employees and rivals . So , PETA and Animal Liberation Israel decided to see if they could catch Agri in the act , so to speak . What they found were animals faving their esophagii and trachii ripped out while still alive and animals walking around several minutes after they should have died. In addition , animals had their throats cut in a saw-like fashion , causing the cattle pain and thus rendering the animal as not kosher . The OU (Orthodox Union) decided to stand by their men and declare the meat processed at the Postville plant to be kosher despite all evidence to the contrary , including the fact that KAJ removed it's certification . It also should be noted that Star-K certification proclaimed Agri's products non-kosher according to current conditions . In fact , the methods of slaughter including the ripping out of the throat and the pens Agri uses are actually ILLEGAL in Israel . To label such meat kosher is a FRAUD perpetrated on your own people and he should be ashamed!!!! And I'm not the only one who thinks so , in fact , you can find more than a few Rabbis' names on this petition ,including David Mivasair of Ahavat Olam in Vancouver .
Unfortunately , the abuses don't stop with the animals . The long-standing abuses of employees and others are too many to ignore. In fact , the Federal government finally decided to arrest Aaron and Sholom Rubashkin , among others , for thousands of crimes ranging from the bizarre to the abhorrent.The initial search warrant mentioned the operation of - get this- a methamphetamine lab in the Postville facility , something alluded to by Natalie Portman at the Oscars when she told Ben Stiller that he looked like he worked in a "Chassidic meth lab". I could get into detail about every charge and allegation , but you can read ... here they are...

- 9311 criminal counts of violations of the child labour act
- hundreds of thousands of violations of the Humane Slaughter act
- recruiting hundreds of illegal immigrants
- underpaying , and sometimes not paying employees (in fact , 70 Rabbis walked out of the plant to protest this)
- requiring employees to pay for safety equipment out of paycheques
- failing to report injuries
- firing employees at a Brooklyn facility for complaining about conditions
- attempting to quash a union mandate by force
- bribing USDA inspectors
- failing to pay overtime
- anti-competitive practices including physical intimidation and sabotaging competitors
- manipulation of the kosher certification system
- physical and sexual assault of employees by supervisors
- identity theft to facilitate hiring illegals
- green card fraud
- bank fraud
- permitting operation of a methamphetamine lab
- turning a blind eye to drug and weapons trafficking inside the Iowa plant
......and the list goes on...........

So why am I bringing this up now? Well , because the Rubashkins are out of jail and Agriprocessors has embarked on a shiny new PR campaign in the hopes of convincing you , the consumer , that their products meet the standards of the "higher authority" . And , of course , they need some new employees , now that their illegals have been deported , their honchos arrested or fired , and their decent folks have quit. Don't buy the lie! Don't buy their cruel products , don't work for them , don't stock Rubashkin's products on your shelves and be sure to tell your customers why - because even good people can become greedy and sometimes OU-certified really isn't kosher . It obviously meant nothing to Aaron Rubashkin.

If you "must" get your meat fix , or you need that steak or whatever for your visiting uncle Yitzhak , you can try these producers or a Whole foods location
Golden West Glatt Cattle Company (Denver , CO) - OU
Wise Organic (Winfield , PA) - OU , QAI , Beth Din Tzedek/CH
Marvid (Montreal , PQ) - CRC , Montral Vaad Hair , OU, Nirbitor Rav
Empire Kosher meats have KAJ certification as of late , so that's your call

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Kids are Alright

Playoof time in hockeyland is serious business. Stars are born in an instant and old guys take their last stand . The Canucks were the last Canadian team eliminated from the playoffs - a team of multimillionaire greybeards got taken out by a team so young that only 3 of the guys are married . Their Captain still has peach fuzz despite being nicknamed "Mr. Serious" , and like their other stars , isn't even old enough to buy beer in the U.S. But they took on the grown-ups and won soundly , little kids running a $7 million dollar goalie into the locker room , humbled by it all . So here's to you kids . And for those who don't know these boys yet , here's a few guys under 25 making their mark in the Windy City...

Pos Age Vitals Name Stats Salary

D 23 6'3",214 Cam Barker 68-6-34-40-65 $984,200

C 22 5'11",181 David Bolland 81-19-28-47-52 $887,500

RW 23 6'1",213 Troy Brouwer 69-10-16-26-50 $700,000

RW 23 6'3",260 Dustin Byfuglien 77-15-16-31-81 $3,000,000

LW 25 6'2",220 Ben Eager 75-11-4-15-161 $650,000

C 24 6'1",190 Colin Fraser 81-6-11-17-55 $500,000

D 21 6'3",194 Niklas Hjalmarsson 21-1-2-3-0 $644,000

RW 20 5'9",170 Patrick Kane 80-25-45-70-42 $875,000

D 25 5'11",194 Duncan Keith 77-8-36-44-60 $1,600,000

LW 23 6'2",200 Andrew Ladd 82-15-34-49-28 $1,450,000
D 24 6'3",220 Brent Seabrook 82-8-18-26-62 $3,500,000
C 20 6'1",195 Jonathan Toews 82-34-35-69-51 $850,000
LW 22 5'9",185 Kris Versteeg 78-22-31-53-55 $490,000

These kids are proof that with heart , you can go from nothing to something in a couple of short years . All 7 goals in the game were scored by players under 25 . None of the marksmen make a million a year . Kane had a hat trick and a helper , Toews had 2 goals and a helper and scored the game-winning goal. 6 different kids got assists . It's gonna be fun watching these kids for a long time .

While everyone was watching the Crosby-Ovechkin show , Chicago came up with a whole hockey team.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Elaine - the reason I'm alive

Ah , it is Mother's Day - shouldn't it be every day that we honour the influential ladies in our lives? But since we don't , we have the obligatory blogs and flowers . So here's a few things you should know about the goddess that is my mum . My mother grew up in a very abusive and just plain weird family dominated by my loser of a grandfather and bitter-until-he-died grandmother and was the youngest of my grandfather's biokids . My mother got pregnant with my sister on her 16th birthday but still managed to finish high school before she was born . My mum met my dad when she was an apprentice mechanic at Harding Carpets and they got married when she was 18 . My dad has never been Mr. Responsibility but he adopted my sister , and shortly after , my older brother Sean was born who died 8 months before I came into the world . My mother persevered often working 70 hours a week up until a couple of weeks before I was born . My father was one of those so-called "functioning" alcoholics who spent most of his time working or at the bar , in fact , my mum once brought him his Thanksgiving dinner , gravy and all , to his barstool in a paper bag. My mother has never had decent taste in men .

My mum still managed to work her butt off to raise her brood often singly , but sometimes with the assortment of asshole stepdads I've had over the years . She's had nervous breakdowns and divorces and wasn't always the perfect mother and could even be brutal at times , but the difference between her and those dudes is that she got the courage to apologize .

But , after 36 years of it , she still generally doesn't complain , but she never ceases to amaze . I have seen this wonderful woman rewire houses , do brickwork , build intricate furniture , and so much more . At 50 , she could still pack a bundle of shingles up a 60-foot ladder all the while looking like a very attractive 35 . She is iconic in my eyes and I would truly be lost without her .

Thank you Mum .
Love ,

Saturday, May 9, 2009


I know there are various negative opinions about Mathew Shepherd and most are based on speculation and the associated conjecture. Even if all of the gossips are to be believed and he was all of the dirty things I refuse to repeat , the kid was killed for one reason - because he was different in a place where different can still get you killed.

The people who oppose the Matthew Shepard Act which would add sexual orientation and gender identity use quips like " isn't every crime a hate crime " and other sarcastic remarks to convince everyday folks that the addition is a joke . Then there are the hypocritical Bible-beaters like Fred Phelps who celebrate hate crimes . But the largest group of people are people who think that it won't affect anyone they know. Now that's where they are wrong.

This guy was a friend of mine many years ago . His name is Shawn Keegan , but everybody called him Junior . He was a friendly little guy about 5'6" , and pretty innocent-looking . He was homeless for a time and used to crash on my couch , but he was no freeloader , just a previously lost kid who was getting his life in order . That is , until May 21st , 1996 , the day prior to my 20th birthday. It was just after midnight when he was picked up by Marcello Palma , but instead of a sexy time , Junior got a bullet to the head . The same asshole stalked and shot dead 2 other folks that night. The guy was under mental health treatment but somehow was still allowed to own the .357 magnum used in the murders as well as a huge cache of rifles and handguns . And then Palma ran like the coward he is. When he was caught , he had the privlidge of hiring superstar lawyer Eddie Greenspan to claim him to be mentally incompetent (He was directed to kill "scum" by G-d) and fight for his life . Brenda , Shawn's mother , loudly fought for justice for three young people who Palma thought he had silenced. Because of the hate crime enhancement , all three charges were upped to First-Degree murder (25 years to life , parole not probable) instead of second (10 years to life , parole probable) , and on April 20 , 2001 , Marcello Palma was convicted of all counts and will never see an barbed-wire-free existence . Unfortunately , the scumbag has become something of a "celebrity" with a following of right-wing religious nuts . And that is abhorrent to me . If any "good" can come from this , it will be people seeing that this can happen to anyone's friend or family member , continue giving a voice to an exhuberant man who was taken just as his life was beginning. At least his killer got the time .

About 6 months after this , my friend Rahim (I don't have even a grainy photo but I drew a lot of "Flying Furrball" cartoons of him over the years I knew him) was tortured and killed by his closet-case so-called boyfriend and the mother of the boyfriend . He was injected over a period of 3 days with opiates and G-d knows what else and had actually escaped once before they threw him from the balcony of his 21st-store apartment. Rahim was 18 but had lived on his own for at least a couple of years and was doing quite well , until he met the family from hell . Rahim's family had him quickly buried under the guise of religion but in reality just wanted to bury the "shame" and nobody was ever convicted .

Both of these awesome dudes left the earth before I could introduce you to them . These were people who were killed by people so filled with self-hatred that they unleashed it on people who had done nothing wrong except be themselves .

My American friends , if there is ANYTHING that can be done to incarcerate unrepentant bashers and murderers for longer , you should be all for it . And you should sign the HRC petition to the U.S. Senate .

If you love animals , this will make you cry

I was on last night and he was justifiably horrified at the idea that idiot "fishermen" used live dogs as shark bait . I commented about the fact people use live ducks and cats commonly , even in countries like Canada . Not only that , it is common practice .
I didn't have to look far to find a video of so-called humans engaging in their unrepentant "sport" .

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Oh my fuck!

Some people really are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them ... case du jour ....

In Tampa , a 21-year-old dickweed named Richard McTear has been charged with murder 1 (maximum penalty - riding the lightning) for killing a baby . This fucker tracked down his 17-year-old ex girlfriend at her apartment and started beating on her and the kid , and after beating the girl into submission , stole her defenseless baby (not his own kid BTW) and killed it by throwing it out the window of his car . 
How this waste of skin wasn't incarcerated at the moment is beyond me . He has a lengthy felony record including aggravated assault , among others . Now, why was he on probation instead of in prison? Because his felonious attacks were against women . Men who beat on women get shorter or non-existent sentences . FACT . Look it up kids .

I hope this little baby-killing fucktard gets the biggest blackest gang of boyfriends in the Pen . And if I ever here of any of you people beating on an innocent , I will personally hunt you down and torture you to the point you are just prior to death and let you starve to death . 

****UPDATE***** This idiot when arrested was unrepentant , his retort : "It's a dirty game." 

Monday, May 4, 2009


Stalkers ... I know of them well . It's the reason why I don't post my full name on any social networking websites . I know from experience what these mentally and socially deficient people are capable of . For those of you who see it fit to bash those who defend others from this media-driven menace , here's a few words from someone who has experienced the terror of being followed . 

The first serious stalker I had began his weirdness in 1997 . I was 21 and he was around 50 . He lived a few floors below me in a building in downtown Toronto . I was not aware that he was following me everywhere , in fact , he seemed like a fairly normal , albeit somewhat lonely middle-aged man . We had conversed a few times in the elevator and whatnot and even felt comfortable enough to have a pint with the fellow on an occasion . The second time I had a beer with the dude , he attacked me . I defended myself well enough to bust open his face and get the fuck to a safe place , not before he had done some pretty serious and embarrassing damage to me . But that was just the beginning - even from jail the guy was trying to call me and had me followed , and even though I moved twice , managed to track me down . It was absolutely terrifying . The guy got 18 months in jail and  the judge was pissed that the prosecution didn't charge him with a heavier offense . Despite the guy being in jail , under our system he was still able to phone all of my relatives and phone his buddies to track me down . And I know , to this day , if he had a chance to kill me or worse (having been victimized before I know there are worse fates than death) , he would take it in a heartbeat . 

   These people can be the camerajock who wants to make a name as well - these people are driven by something slightly different - money and the perception of fame by osmosis . But even these people , but virtue of being close to the people they follow , can develop unseemly obsessions with their targets , thus victimizing them . It is all too common for people trying to break into the news game by following kids of the famous and infamous , following friends , parents , even killing their pets . And it's not just the Hollywood types getting the stalker treatment - it can be anyone they perceive as newsworthy ... save a cat from a burning building and you could be next . 

    The thing is , nowadays , stalkers can garner near instant fame for terrorizing people - automatic name recognition is seldom bad in today's get-famous-quick society . You see the names and faces of the offenders on CNN as much and sometimes more than their victims'. They get their 15 minutes for causing sometimes years of pain to their victims . 
Yet another reason why life's not fair .

P.S. If stalker dude from Friday comes near me again I'm gonna break his face . Dude , seriously , FUCK OFF . Please.