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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Coolest Card


Many of you know that I am an avid sports fan and collect memorabilia related to the pastimes I enjoy and the athletes that make it so.

But among the Griffeys, Gretzkys, and Navratilovas one name stands out - Gustav Jaenecke. I am the proud owner of his 1936 hockey card and the man featured on the front is the reason why I won't sell it for a 1966 Bobby Orr. You probably have never heard of this guy, but that's what I'm here for.

Gustav Jaenecke was a Nazi-era hockey star and helped his team to a bronze in 1932 and made the squad as a star in 36. The problem was that for the 36 squad Hitler's honchos wanted to name Gustav captain and leave his best friend and the best german player ever off of the squad, for Rudi Ball was jewish. The authorities, fearing a walkout of their appointed star, permitted Rudi Ball to play as their captain and assured his entire family and free passage as well as several former athletes and their families.  The men carried their team and scored 3 goals apiece. They didn't win a medal, but in a rare measure, the Nazis kept their end of the bargain. Heinz Ball went on to establish hockey in South Africa and Gerhard and Rudi Ball reestablished winter sport in Germany after the fall of the Nazis and spread the game as well as goodwill into several countries where the game was unheard of.

Gustav Jaenecke used his voice to do what was right, even though he could have perished as a result. He just wanted to save his best friend and left a legacy so far beyond. He risked himself to save another and saved lives as well as a sport. And fittingly Mr. Jaenecke and Rudi Ball are together after death in the International Hockey Hall of Fame.

A Little Perspective

 

This is what a school in Port-au-Prince, Haiti looks like. Likely 100, 000 or more young minds enrich themselves daily in tarp shelters or partially collapsed buildings without complaint while relief agencies squabble with one another. The children care little about the UN and celebrity means nothing. All they desire is a bite to eat, a book, and maybe a soccer ball to share with their friends. These resourceful youngsters are the future for a country that desperately needs a change in how it is run. Aid needs to reach Haiti in the form of food, construction materials,and medical and agricultural equipment. if there is anything that the past 20 years has taught us, it's that the corrupt local authorities cannot be trusted with monetary instruments, having squandered 6.5 billion dollars and left most kids' parents with less than $2 a day for their families. But that is not to say we should stop giving and forget, but quite the opposite.

  We MUST assist these awesome kids in attaining education and medical care that will allow them to become the future for a working country. These children live the example daily, and when they do survive they will prevent oppressive regimes from destroying their communities. Just because your favourite actor stopped talking about this doesn't mean that Haitians spontaneously vanished en masse. The thing is that if we forget, over a million human beings could be swallowed up by the river of mud that is to come. And some of those will certainly be children like these.

   N matter how well your life may seem to be going, take a step back and a few breaths for the little guy. Live your dreams and never stomp on those of others and give from the SOUL. Have true gratitude for each of your blessings and do what you can to make a difference in the life of another. Your actions today can change the future for someone in need. The kid in the camp will be the surgeon in the future as long as he is guaranteed a tomorrow.

Photo courtesy of Kas Roussy and the CBC

Urban Legend? The Tapeworm Diet

 

Due to some unusual stories propagated on television, there has been some inquiry into the tapeworm diet . Does it really exist, and importantly does it work? I'm going to explore the facts and falsehoods around a diet that will make your guts hurt.

  In a few decade period in the 20th century, one could find diet products advertised as containing tapeworm eggs, dead tapeworms, or preserved tapeworms. While it is true that most of these products were indeed snake oil, some ambitious people did indeed contain the creepy critters in their products until the FDA put an end to it. There were stories of famous ladies adopting the diet from hell, and although the majority were false, housewives and young debs did indeed consume tapeworms to lose amounts of weight followed by toxic worm-killing potions once they dropped the pounds. Maria Callas was often quoted to be a proponent of the diet, but she was not. She was indeed afflicted with parasitic worms throughout her career, but it was due to her love of eating raw liver, which is frequently invaded by the crawlies.

  The truth is that tapeworm cysts do not live very long outside of a host and those pills from back in the day were not likely to infect someone with the parasite, but people did then and still do intentionally ingest cattle tapeworm cysts either directly or via eating raw organ flesh from an afflicted cow. There are indeed websites with "specialists" who will use "tapeworm therapy" as a dietary supplement, and they sell packages offerring trips to places where such treatment is legal or simply unregulated. They then prescribe you drugs to gradually kill off the worm after about 12 weeks. Not only do they treat you in Mexico for overweight, but the claims are that people with automimmune conditions can benefit from all kinds of different worms.

   How does it work? Well, not all infestations cause the nastier symptoms nor do all afflicted lose weight, but here's the backgrounder. Tapeworms are parasitic flatworms that infect the host after they ingest cysts harvested from the original host, generally a freshly killed cow. These hardy worms can grow to a length of over 30 metres and quickly, but in order to grow, they need to feed. In order to do this, they secrete a protein that regulates your digestive process so it can steal the nutrients it wishes. It speeds up the process in order to increase your appetite when you are consuming something it doesn't want, causing a slight laxative effect. You become less efficient at digesting food and you lose weight. An added boon to loss is when the worm begins to produce eggs - calories are energy, and they are burned through work. We burn calories through exercise and worms do as well. The worm is a living entity inside of you and will compete for calories, using up to 30% of the calories you ingest to go about its daily life. This element of the Worm Loss Plan works on simple calorie restriction, meaning that the worm steals calories that otherwise would be working their way to your waistline.

   Why doesn't everyone want a worm? Well, it's because it is a non-native parasite and people get creeped out by worms, and in this instance they should. The short-term effects can include vomiting and diarrhea. The sudden calorie restriction alone can cause fatigue. Madame wormie likes B12 and you can become dangerously anemic and suffer all sorts of related consequences, including blindness. They can cause a condition whereby you retain water and your abdomen swells, as well as various other symptoms of malnutrition that any Ethiopian will tell you are no picnic. Tapeworms can cause intestinal obstruction when they rapidly multiply and can even invade your organs after long periods of time, including your brain. Consumption of pig tapeworms, which can also hardily live in cattle, is far more likely to cause cystic brain infections, and may be the reason why Muslims and Jews are prohibited from consuming pork. Pork-origin Cestoda can cause infections resulting in blindness, stroke, and death. 60% of people with calcified oinkworm cysts develop them in their brains. On sight, there is no way to distinguish between the slightly dangerous cow tapeworm and the definitely nasty porkworm cysts. Besides, the eventual exit of flatworms and the fragments they shed should be at least a visual deterrent to wanting such invaders lurking the body.

   While there is truth to the tapeworm diet legend, it is certainly not a common one, but is increasing due to the want for quick weight reduction. The pounds will resurface once the infestation is cured and there can be lifelong consequences for the person who attempts this method of caloric restriction. Never be shocked by the methods in which someone will attempt to alter their physique, but aware. Amphetamines, laxatives, and even worms are being consumed by women made insecure by a society that romanticizes an unhealthy ideal. If you want to lose weight, put away the burgers and opt for a salad instead. And don't be a dumbell - pick up one.

Cool Toy

 

This is the iStraw and it is pretty neat. I was apprehensive about checking this out because of the whole "iRipoff" thing, but had to look into it anyways.

   What it is is a personal water filter that excludes 99.999% of Crypto, Giardia, and all of the other nasties that can make your trip to the jungle or Tijuana a pain in the ass. Unlike those purifier bottles, it works without the wait and it doesn't leave that creepy taste of the tablets. And at around 20 bones, it is the cheapest thing going and can make safe the equivalent of 1000 of those disposable bottles of H2O that cost a fortune in tourist shops.

   This thing is goofy-looking, but it's small and if you are lost on a hike, it could save your life. Even if your biggest adventure is Spring Break, it could save your guts and your cred when you need a dehydration-killing litre of the plain stuff between benders.

  Geek toy WIN.

Va-What?

  

 I heard about a few people bedazzling their hoo-has and thought it was a bit of a stretch, but people actually glue crystal thingies to their netherbits as some sort of female empowerment dealio. But me being me, I have a few questions about this.

   How secure are the crystals? For example, if you are enjoying an extensive dive, is there any risk of swallowing a few only to have the scratchy things reemgerge a couple of days later? Also, don't some get knocked loose when you are knocking boots? I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that waking up with one or ten crystals in the crack of your ass can't be all that fun.

  Which leads me to - are they scratchy? When I see something bedazzled, I think it's going to be about as comfy to snuggle up to as a belt sander. I mean I'm sure there are people who enjoy having their genitals poked with sharp objects, but I'm not one of them. It does, however, give new meaning to the term "mashing nasties".

   On another note - chicks seem far too obsessed with their poons and people make way too much bank selling deodorants, depilatories, dyes and even vajliner-type cosmetics. People prune their girl-fur and dye it to look like strawberries, peaches, and a whole array of inanimate things. But those of us interested in the girl aren't really overly concerned about the Dirty South as long as you periodically bathe and take out the hedgeclippers from time to time. I don't think anyone goes on eHarmony with an ad that reads "only bushes pruned to look like apples need apply". If you have a bejewelled Glock on your vaj, I might personally be a tad intimidated.
  I think I'm just getting started on this, but I do have one final question...

  WHY???

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Big Shocker



 Jesse James has entered rehab. Is anyone surprised, here? I mean EVERYONE who is anyone nowadays goes into some for of "treatment" facility every time they get caught with their hand in the cookie jar of one stripper too many.

   His "rep" claims he's trying to save his marriage, but maybe he should have thought about his old lady before boning a half-dozen walking venereal disease postergirls. Because he got caught and can't handle the heat from the fire he started, he runs and hides in a facility designed for people with ACTUAL addictions and mental disorders. Normally, the affairs of self-absorbed shits like Jesse don't concern me, but it does when his very actions dismiss the sufferings of those in REAL need of a medical doctor and not one of spin.

  Enjoy your vacation dickweed.

Politically Correct Weapon of Mass Destruction



  On Monday morning, 2 Chechen women blew themselves up in Moscow's busy subway, taking around 40 souls with them and injuring large numbers of average folks travelling to work and school. One of the attacks was directly below the Russian Federal Security Service building, but the explosive belts were designed for maximum local human casualties and not destruction of a building. The cheaply made weapons shot construction hardware in every direction, ripping the bombers to shreds as well as many unfortunate people around them. And some disturbed people think these women died as heroes.

   While mainstream media thinks it is unsavoury to mention religion, the fact remains is that Chechens are overwhelmingly muslim, having ethnically cleansed out most others during wars for independence from Russia. Once a land with a diverse array of folks , the ethnic Russian minority has nearly vanished and the largely Christian Armenians have been forced elsewhere or killed. But the Chechens are oppressed people according to so-called human rights organizations.

   I'll agree that it is no picnic to live in Putin's Russia for most, but I don't think he is to blame here. What is to blame is a group of a million folks who believe that they cannot live within the confines of equality, and that those who are different from they are infidels who must be removed. Martyrdom is for those who need to compensate for grief or family shame, and martyrdom means mass murder. Women are easy to hide because the average old Russkie doesn't want to believe that someone who could be a wife and mother is a threat. But for the islamic zealot, the woman is the preferred human explosive. Not only can she make up for the dishonour of divorce or some other religious "crime", but she can be used to inspire men to copycat crimes driven by their machismo. Pre-suicide videos recorded by feminine warheads often express their displeasure and dare men to act in grotesque ways.

   Well-meaning groups paint Chechens and other rebel factions as victims, but we must remember that every time a dissident Islamist faction is permitted to oppress their own people and insist on a separate existence, they become a force. The alliances of breakaway republics are modern-day Jihad, the struggle to overpower and destroy all of those they see as damaging to their increasingly repressive lifestyle. Many religions have eschewed progress and instead opted to try to turn back the clock yet see nothing wrong with using modern-day weaponry to further ideals that are hundreds of years past their expiry date. Political correctness has become dangerous. The evil factions use our insistence on it to kidnap brides, deport their neighbours, and murder strangers. While victims' mothers cry, there are people in Grozny dancing in celebration.

   The suicide bombers were veiled Muslim women, and I am not afraid to say it.

Yo, Ricky


  You Sir, are awesome. You have quietly lived your life on your own terms and loved your friends,kids, and fans. Through reflection you have come to find inner peace and come out on your timeline, never once submitting to the bullying of Scuzzez and the other famewhores. A whole pile of confused kids can see you as a positive example of how a gay man can live his life, love his God and family, and be an intelligent member of humanity without the pettiness and anger of many others.

Ricky Martin, you are a really cool gentleman. I wish you a lifetime of joy.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Holy Flaming Biscuit! The King of All Briskets



Now many of you kids are aware of the fact that I am a vegetarian , but there are few foods as evocative of wonderful childhood memories quite like the perfection that is the KING of carnivore cuisine for the masses - the corned brisket , and I'm making one for at least a couple of holiday events and other occasions this year. Try this out , it is GUARANTEED to make an impression .. and here's how :


Firstly , dice up Walla Walla onion , a stalk of celery , a carrot , and half a head of garlic and fry in a wee bit of olive oil in a large pot until they happlily glisten in the light like an old grandmother's smile .

Pour a couple of litres of water (or half a gallon , for you lazy Amerks ) into the pot - stand back - it might bite you with the oil-vs-water action , and patiently wait for 5 minutes while this goes happy at high heat .

Then we have Mr. Brisket . O.K. , kids , many many recipes state to remove this handsome fruit of the Gods from the bag . DO NOT DO THIS!!! Instead , perforate the bag roughly a million times on the top side with a fork . Gently place Briskie into the pot of boiling mirepoix and boil it for a good 20 minutes or so . Don't freak out if you go outside for a smoke and forget about it for a while , just reduce your overall cooking time . Then reduce the heat and simmer for approximately 2 1/2 to 3 hours based on a 900 gram (2 pound ) roast .

Be patient - go grocery shopping , play with your dog , choke your chicken , but LEAVE IT ALONE!! You could even write a blog detailing your experiences with the glorious beef while reminiscing about your grandmother and feeling blessed to be able to use her knowledge to bring Brisket Extraordinaire to the masses .

My mum's mum was a passionate and able lady who wasted little that she had and had a beautiful bright mind until the last moment I saw her alive . She had a difficult but gratifying life and could fix almost anything and cook - oh , she was without equal . Possibly the most supreme compliment I have ever received is when she proclaimed me to be her equal and possibly superior in the kitchen , but the truth is , if not for her , I would have NEVER mastered bagels , chili sauce , roast turkey , or the million uses for chick peas . She was truly one of a kind , not just in my eyes , but in the minds of everyone she met . One could be a homeless alcoholic and she would invite you in for a hot meal - everyone was treated as a guest of the highest regard in my grandmother's home . Hundreds if not thousands of down-on-their luck folks found hope and understanding via a few hours in Granny Annie's kitchen . If I become a fraction as remarkable as this phenomenal being i will be a success. ....but back to the brisket...

After patiently awaiting the sumptuous beast , carefully open the bag and deposit any stray pieces , liquid , and fat back into the stock pot and bring it to a ferocious boil . Take the brisket and lovingly douse it with pepper and a bit of soy and brown sugar as well as paprika (tip : Ras el Hanout = GOLD) and place it in the oven for about 15 minutes until it becomes a glorious brown . Thickly slice said beast and serve with some fragrant rice , nugget potatoes and any other sides you can come up with . SUCCESS! You have mastered the greatest crowd pleaser known to man!

But we don't waste a thing around here , so turn your attention to the stock pot .

After you have reduced the quantity to half , reserve the stock for later and add any remains of the brisket and some spuds or barley and corn and you will have the most delicious bowl of warmth possible - so fantastic , in fact , that you can enjoy it on even the hottest of days and you will be the hero of your family for the current generation .
We can all honour our past by remembering those who have shaped our lives and it is imperative to do so . We need to instill our culinary traditions into this fast-food society lest an imporatant part of history be lost forever.

Have a great day!

p.s. This is the finished beast. I finished it in a pan for out-of-this-world caramelization and used a red wine reduction.


 

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hahahahaha...


Just in time for Passover. Like this old cat, I also make my own matzos but wait until the very last possible moment. This is what mine look like. Oh, and cheers to the fine folks at Streit's for having such an awesome sense of humour.



Robot Seder

  Passover begins in roughly 26 hours and I'm not going to go on about the religious yada-yada-yada right now because I like to procrastinate. 
  This is how the kids at The College of Management and Acedemic Studies in Rishon, Israel get down with Passover, and while knowing a bit about Seder would be an asset, it's still awesome if you don't. 

Grooviness.

Bad Romantic

  I don't talk about myself other than the superficial, the past events, the FACTS. My entire life can be boiled down to a series of events, equations, figures, and triumphs over tragedies. But actual feelings seldom enter a story. I know that I must feel something - I'm a hard worker, I love animals and children, and I'm a loyal friend. Around me you will laugh, get pissed off, and think. I'm conscious that other people are sensitive and avoid causing anyone pain, but I've become aware that I'm just not like you. It is exactly this that has caused a lifelong pattern of failed relationships. In the distant past I've entered relationships because I don't want to hurt someone by saying no, and in the more recent I've been either cheated on or dumped because I eventually bore people to death. What generally, but not always happens is that the person I'm seeing meets one of my rad friends and that's the end. I see the light in their eyes when they meet, the one thing they want and I cannot provide. The same thing that made me capable of memorizing racks of encyclopedias when a lot of kids were struggling with tying their shoes is what drives people away. And I don't blame them.

I see my friends with their partners and notice how they look at each other, the true joy they have in each other's company. While it is absolutely fantastic and I wish them the world, I know that I will never have what they have. I'm not sad for myself, I'm genuinely happy for them. I just know that it is a foreign experience to me. I used to feel like a member of another species, but now I realize that no two people are the same and I'm just off into the left field of the emotional experience. People tire of trying to crack my shell and I find relationships a strangling obligation. They see that I am capable of the abstract because of the way I can paint or convey empathy for another and they get angered because I cannot verbalize much more than the factual. I often get told I'm like a certain fictional television character or that I'm emotionally retarded, the latter being much more true. Making someone else happy brings me peace and wounding someone else deeply disturbs me. I have no idea what would make anyone want to be with me, but I think it might be that most women have this belief that they can nurture someone into loving them. I simply do not understand why anyone else would trouble herself with the effort. Had I been born into different circumstances I would be an intelligence officer or psychiatrist and my stoic nature would be excusable. But I have the "everyman" job and the hard knock origins, so people expect something I am not. I will be the greatest friend you can ever have but I don't think it is fair to anyone to dare fall for one of the most incapable romantics alive. 

This post will probably piss people off enough that I'll have to take it down, but I needed to let this out. 

Saturday, March 27, 2010

You Won't Believe Your Eyes

 

 Check this out, folks. These guys are 2 examples of the latest frontier in body modification- eyeball tattooing . I shit you not. These cats did it in prison, but I've seen video of the process and it looks horrifying. You don't use a gun, but something that looks kind of like the needle one uses to truss a roast. There'a another method involving a hypodermic needle.  They not only ink the fronts of the whites, but roll their eyes back and ink that. 
  The first dude known to do this was a few years ago in Toronto, and it was a creepy thing to see. I have been pierced in places that would freak out a lot of folks, but this is so over and beyond the scope of my imagination. I'm not sure whether to be impressed or horrified. 

 The video below is a slideshow that includes several of these unusual tattoos. 


Inhumanity


 

There has been a lot of talk about paedophilia, wife-beating, and other horrid things seemingly sanctioned by the Catholic Church. Tales of refused divorces (annulments by credo), forced pregnancies when the mother is in peril, and every form of perversion imaginable. But THIS takes the cake that nobody wants. 

  A child of 16 years vanished in Potenza, Italy 17 years ago. Missed by her parents daily, her memory always as fresh as the morning sun. This child was murdered and her body was recently found by a parish priest during a roof reconstruction. The priest never reported finding a partially mummified PERSON in the roof. He never said a word because he knew that locals had long suspected another priest of ending this child's life. Eliza Claps may have also been a victim of a multiple killer, yet the priest denied her family the closure and may have set a killer free. 

  Danilo Restovo is a suspect as well as a now deceased priest in this as well as another murder. The body of this girl was not discovered yesterday, but in JANUARY. 

  Coming from a mixed religious background, I do know a LOT about Catholic thoughts toward the deceased. The deceased must be treated with the same dignity and respect as the living, for their spirit still lives in those they knew. Why would ANYONE, particularly a man who took all of the oaths, hide the body of a slain human? 

  The answer is simple. Those who become priests in our day and age are not holy people for the most part. In our times, folks want to serve a higher authority but have families and responsibilities and live their lives as the example. The chaste priesthood does not reflect humanity and thusly attracts those with horrid intentions and antisocial values to it. There are indeed a few who do opt for the career out of goodness, but the majority do not. They choose a career that they believe will cure them of their sinister impulses, but prayer alone cannot cure inhumanity. It takes bravery and action that hiding behind a cloth will not accomplish. 

  Tales such as these have confirmed to me exactly why my devout step-grandmother left the Catholic Church after over 75 years of service. There is indeed evil in the world and one Church has become the magnet. Reform or be reviled. 

  May Miss Claps rest with the angels.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Chill Time



  All of us need to relax and reflect, and for most of us it is zoning out on a reality program or playing the latest RPG. For me, a play my fun, watch the tube, read mostly non-fiction, and I write. But most of you do not know that I enjoy the serenest of time via my paintbrush. 

  Everyone should discover something within themselves that is truly peaceful. I seldom show what I do, but this is the rare occasion. Enjoy for pleasure or critique, but this IS me. Pardon the lousy resolution.


Product FAIL



Shaker Pancakes. 

  Made by White Wings and Oetker, shaker pancakes are a lot like Jemima in the fact that all you need do is add water and you have breaky. And that's great except these things come in a huge PLASTIC container that is deliberately half-full. You add water and shake for disposable satisfaction. 

  Now in this age of reducing resources, this seems like one of the stupidest ideas out there. We have been scaling down all sorts of packaging, so why create something with 50X more packaging than one needs?

 It's great that the bottles are recyclable in some places, but give me a break. If a dude is too lazy to use a bowl do you honestly think he is going to remove the label, wash the container, and put it in the blue bin? If you are lucky enough to live in an area where this is recycled and put down the bong enough to wash it, plastic is still FAR more toxic and difficult to recycle than the cardboard Jemima box. And fellas, it's going to take a justifiably larger amount of your beer money to buy. 

  For arriving 40 years too late for the instant meal mom and being the ultimate in stoner-class conspicuous consumption, shaker pancakes suck for more reasons than I can print. If you buy them, you're an idiot.

Fuck Off Friday : The Kardashian Sisters


 

 In a new fun addition to my blog, I had the idea to ask my readers exactly what annoys the hell out of them. Reader submissions won't be all I blog about on any given Friday, but they do give an insight into the opinions of the everyman. No celebutante clan pisses off reader Leroy Box like the Kardashians, and he wants you to know why.

  We've all heard about Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian, but we don't really know why the hell they deserve the spotlight. Sure, their pop is OJ Defense Attorney Rob Kardashian, but what have these ladies done to deserve adulation? 
 
  The answer is not much. 

   After their stepbrothers appeared on Princes of Malibu, E! decided to give the princesses their own reality show. Kim, who is 29 now, is a divorcee who has found some fame from the series and posed for Playboy.  after the series, she has modeled sporadically and released a sex tape. She is famous for being famous and dating high-profile guys. She doesn't seem to have any other saving graces.
   Kourtney is 30 and has been a star of reality shows highlighting her high-class upbringing. After starring in the shows she has decided to lend her famous name to a boutique. She actually does have a degree in Theatre Arts from the university of Arizona and is a mother of a son. While I'll never dismiss the validity of motherhood, she still doesn't seem to warrant acclaim.
  And Khloe . Khloe is the youngest and tallest of the three reality stars. She co owns the boutique with her elder sister and is married to a basketball star. She has been arrested and served (a tiny 30 hours) time for DUI , but has lent her celebrity to some fairly worthwhile causes. She hosts a radio show and does seem to be the brightest of the clan. That said, her fame is still undeserved. 

  The Armenian triumvirate are the epitome of fame for its own sake. One couple's hard work made them into the entitled princesses they are. They've never needed employment, wanted for food, truly NEEDED a break.  They've entertained us solely because we desire to see how the privileged class lives, and that's it. 
  Shame on us for making stars out of the talentless, and shame on producers for spotlighting pseudoroyalty to make bank. 

  Fuck off, Kardashian girls, and get a real job.

Away Arenas


  

Gilbert Arenas was convicted of being an idiot and sentenced to the celebrity wrist slap : a cup of coffee in a halfway house, a puny fine, some "community service".  
  For those of you on Mars, the Washington basketball star brought several firearms into his team's locker room and threatened someone on his squad. That's right - he expressed the unsportsmanlike desire to intimidate a coworker with demise. If you or I were to do this, we'd be looking at at least 4 years in the slammer.

  Sissies are claiming that Mr. Arenas has a great opportunity to teach the youth a lesson, and he does have several to teach. First, the world is all about YOU and your needs- those guys you work and play with are just gonna hold you down so you must assert your superiority at all costs. Next lesson - if you try really hard to make it to the highest level of your profession, the laws of the land do not apply to you. Third- if someone threatens your manliness, you best make him your bitch. Finally- truth doesn't set you free, money does. You can lie , corrupt morals, and hurt people so long as you have the green. Make mo' money boys and girls and you'll be a hero. 

Nice example, assholes. Just another example of the justice system being robbed at gunpoint.

A Few Words About Foursquare


 

 I wasn't entirely sure of what the hell Foursquare was but noticed it filling up my timeline, so I decided to check it out, thusly you won't have to . 
  Basically, it's a loyalty program with a bunch of annoying features. The idea is that you check in via mobile phone and all of your buddies can see where you are. If you are lucky enough, someone will join you at The Angry Beaver Saloon for a beer. You get points and badges for things to fuel your competitive desire . If you are the most loyal visitor of a location, you are the "mayor", and may score free shit. No problem with free stuff right?

  Well, not exactly. With Foursquare not only do you flood your twitstream, but you look like a self-important ass. Nobody really wants to know that you are tweeting while taking a dump in the can of Joe's Hellfire Tacos. 
  Plus, it is out there for the whole WORLD to see. If someone has been casing your joint, they'll know that you are taking your Pit Bull to the vet 12 miles away, leaving you open to invasion. Not only aren't you home, but neither is your mobile security system . Unscrupulous people even have apps telling their subscribers which Twitter and Facebook users are messaging on the road. It's also a security risk for other reasons. If you're a young lady who Foursquares from a bar at 2 AM (There's even a "Crunk" badge), a pervo could pick up on it . Sure, he'll be going to jail, but you'll be scarred for life. 

  We'd all love to live in a world without predatory assholes, but it just isn't the case. Do not let your kids use Foursquare and stop annoying your friends with it. Your personal safety is not worth a free coffee.

Be well.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Be A Dan Today

 

   This gentleman is Dan Coyne and he is a school social worker, making him a working-class hero indeed, but that's not quite what makes him so amazing. Tomorrow, he's going under the knife to save the life of another being. 
  After noticing that his favourite cashier was becoming frail, he inquired as to why. It turned out that she had been working while receiving renal dialysis. Dan and his family began to pray for the woman and when she didn't get better, he offered to give her one of his kidneys. After initially refusing, she agreed to permit Mr. Coyne to be tested. While nobody in her family matched, he did. And he repeated his offer to the immigrant mother of two, and she accepted. She will likely live to be a grandmother because of the greatest gift from a man who loves his mum so much that he thought no kid should see theirs die.

  We will not all be in a position to give an organ to someone, but we can all do things daily to make the world a little bit more livable. We can begin by living the example. Whether it's volunteering at a food bank or fixing the car of a recently laid-off neighbour, we CAN live the kindness we wish of others. Sometimes all someone needs is a smile. The world is a much more beautiful place when every one of us learns and teaches through the positivity and kindness that is in all of us. 

Be well.

Publicity 101


  PETA has drawn fire and applause from folks all over the spectrum for previous advertising campaigns, and this latest is no exception. The animal rights organization has paid Nadya Suleman $5000 plus a month's worth of vegan food for her enormous family to post this advert on her lawn. 

  You cannot get cheaper publicity than to have every news outlet on the planet talking about this, and in a rare instance, I'm with PETA here. Who better to advertise the perils of uncontrolled reproduction than Ms. Suleman? 

  It stinks that people are famous without talent, but it occurs, and if she's down with the ad, why not? One unaltered female cat and her offspring can multiply into over 400,000 critters in less than a decade, so we all should be getting our best friend fixed for health reasons as well as birth control. Besides, this is far less offensive in my mind than the previous ploy of using porn stars in adverts, and far more family-friendly.

  Hats off PETA, you've FINALLY passed Marketing 101.


Just For Fun : Kiss The Fish


There is little doubt that this is one funny sign. 

This sign reminds me of an Eastern Canadian drinking ritual, most popular in Newfoundland. It's called "screeching in". Screeching in is a ritual for folks from other provinces to join the clan. 
Screech is a vicious and potent dark rum that either comes from Jamaica or Newfoundland. It is so named because an American soldier drank a huge swig and screamed because it was so horribly potent. And his buddies all had the same result. I digress...

The ritual takes various forms and generally involves being told newfie stories, having to eat Maple Leaf Wax bologna, hard bread, raw fish , or some other local delights(!) , and then a big swig of the screech followed by a peppermint nob. (It's a delicious candy. My newfie step-granny sent me some.) After the booze, the victim must kiss a cod fish. Then he or she must recite some local poem or limerick, and if it is screwed up (which it usually is) the screechee must drink more of the liquid death. After surviving, the person is proclaimed an honourary Newfoundlander. 

Here's a snippet of a lady mainlander getting the island treatment. Enjoy!


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

What's YOUR Take?

 

 This video was shot close to where I live. It shows two dudes  taking a beatdown from uniformed police officers. At the beginningan officer is shown kicking a man who is down on the ground. The same officer rushes over to help another officer arrest another dude. Victoria Police chief Jamie Graham was forced into "retirement" a few years back after numerous allegations of brutal misconduct (go Here) to resurface on Vancouver Island.
  The Chief claims to have not watched the video and one officer has been assigned to desk duty. 

Watch for yourself and tell me whether or not YOU think these officers went overboard.

O-Birthers




 There has been a ton of discussion about the so-called "birther" movement, and not a lot of understanding of what it entails. There are insults traded, but not a lot of intelligent conversation occurring between political factions. So, as someone who tows the centre line of the political spectrum and a master debater, I'm going to look into birther and other conspiracy claims to find out if there really is any validity to them.

  The eligibility movement has a pretty simple theory - that Barack Hussein Obama Jr. was born in Kenya or some other nation as opposed to the United States and therefore cannot be Commander in Chief. They believe that the President has used fraudulent documentation to prove his identity and has committed impeachable offenses against the American people as well as the World at large. 

   So let's look at the birth certificate. It claims that Barack Hussein Obama Jr was born of Mr. Barack Hussein and Mrs. Stanley Ann Obama on August 4th, 1961 in Honolulu, Hawaii. The Hawaii Department of Health registered a live birth of a biracial child named Barack Hussein Obama II on August 8, 1961. 

  Ron Polarik claims to be a "document imaging" expert who claims after a 4 month(!) investigation that the certificate is a forgery and people on conspiracy websites ate it up. The truth is that Mr. Polarik has no more expertise in this subject than any layman, with no educational background in computer imaging, technology or antiquities. He also examined a scanned copy of the document as opposed to the real deal. 
  However, the independent folks at FactCheck.org not only took a look at the certificate, but touched it, smelled it, checked all public records and concluded that Barack Obama is indeed an American. This is a non-partisan group of people with advanced degrees in every conceivable specialty from the best universities. They unabashedly call people from every party on their bullshit, so I'm going with them on this. 

   But let's just play devil's advocate here and pretend there was no printed birth certificate, shall we? Could Barack REALLY have been born in Nairobi or Mombassa? Let's look at Kenya for a second here.
   Kenya is a country on the Indian Ocean in Eastern Africa with neighbours like Ethiopia and Somalia. They have been invaded (settled) by various European nations over time, but there is no historical documentation of Americans taking up residence there. While there were indeed white people there until 1963, it was a small, segregated minority and if a white woman were to birth a mixed race child there, whitey would go batshit. There would absolutely be a record from someone who would remember such an event, not to mention a paper trail of some sort. Also, look at Kenya itself. A fraction of one percent of the population has ANY European ancestry whatsoever. If a man took up marriage with a white woman, it would cause an uproar amongst his fellow Africans. Also, Kenyan government is not exactly the backwater that people believe. They have a complex government, education, and birth records. Someone would indeed have recollection of Barack II's birth had it been within the white or black communities as Papa Obama was an educated man.

   Moreover, let's look at the USA here. If a biracial couple or a single white woman were to bring a minor child into the US in the early 1960's, it would be remembered. Not only that but there would be INS records, citizenship documents, and the like. If such things were in existence, one could quite easily acquire them. And somebody would have before Mr.Obama became a senator let alone elected to the highest office in the Land. 
Even IF Mr.Obama were to be adopted there would be records detailing such things. 

  There are a few claims that Obama may not be a mixed-race person at all, and that either his mother or father is not the real deal. It is clear to anyone with eyesight that Mr. Obama is of mixed ethnic heritage. Have you seen what a person from  that part of Africa LOOKS like? I know several people from the region and none of them resemble Barack - they are extremely dark pigmented people. They're not brown, they are BLACK. These are the folks that have essentially stayed put since days of yore and have evolved to have features that suit the climate. I'm not trying to sound like a bigot here, but Mr. President would get a serious sunburn if he hung around in Kenya for more than an hour without a shirt or sunscreen.

  The final piece of evidence I'll tackle here is the Kenya Sunday Standard article dated June 27, 2004. The headline boasts of a Kenyan-born senatorial candidate with no references to where he was born, when, his tribal affiliations, or background. The article doesn't seem to be signed, and is more concerned with former Senator Ryan than Barack, whose name is misspelled. They do not publish a Kenyan birth after the election or even after the obscure article . This appears to be the lone article that people are clinging to as fact. The problem is that the AP quoted at the bottom of the article NEVER published such a tale, and Snopes confirms that it is not the AP article HERE.  it The Kenyan government does have a day honouring Mr. Obama's patrilineal ancestry, but has never made a claim on him as truly theirs. Duped folks, including some esteemed members of the CoCC have quoted this as proof. In reality, they have been FOOLED by something as real as the "Richard Gere gerbil legend". 
   Like many tales, people believe it because they desperately crave for it to be true, whether it be the Kenyan who altered the AP release or the person who wants Obama dismissed from his job. 

  Essentially, people are permitted to believe whatever they wish, but the world does indeed suffer when falsehoods are spread to a hungry public that cannot be bothered to research the basis for what they have been told. Propaganda has been utilized to further societies and governments of all stripes, but it is just that. I do not wish to break anyone's heart here or make anyone feel stupid, but you have been deluded into believing something so untrue that TMZ would run from it. You are free to like or dislike Barack Obama, argue for or against his policies, and voice your opinion. You have the freedom to question your president, and you will be doing so as a fellow American. 

Be Well

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Holy Crapper! - 6 Things You Didn't Know About Toilets

  We don't put much thought to the places we relieve ourselves - sometimes it's a tree, or an alley, or even a porta-potty, but most often the arena of choice for our necessary yet unspeakable functions is a toilet. Because I have a scatological mind and a thirst for peculiar strands of information, I am going to share with you a few things that I did not know about the Sacred Throne before I researched them. 

Enjoy!

#1 : The Flush Toilet Was Invented About 4500 Years Ago

   In approx. 2600 BCE, the flush toilet was in such common usage in the Indus Valley (what is now Pakistan) that nearly every home had a flush toilet connected to a fairly modern sewer system.  They had domesticated crops and animals , fabulous artwork, boats,and cities with governments that most today would envy. 
  Various societies obsessed with hygiene utilized similar technology for around 3000 years, including the Romans. When the lauded empire fell , the toilet vanished into oblivion like the remains of your late-night run to Taco Bell.

#2 : Crap Has Nothing To Do With Crapaud

   Crapaud is the french word for a toad as opposed to a frog, or sometimes an ostentatious person. It is not pronounced the way it is spelled either. While it is indeed possible that a few crapaud have been flushed, it's hopefully not a common occurrence. 
  The word "crap" may have origins in the Dutch word "krappen", meaning "to break off" or the low German "krape" meaning a foul, inedible fish. 

#3 Thomas Crapper Was A Real Dude, But He Didn't Invent The Toilet

  Thomas Crapper was also a real plumber, with a career spanning a whopping 43 years . He was indeed plumber to many of England's rich and powerful, and the manhole covers at Westminster Abbey still bear his name . contrary to legend, he was never knighted and therefore was not "Sir" Thomas Crapper.
  While Mr. Crapper did not invent the toilet, nor the term "crap", the term "crapper" does originate with this drainage whiz. During the First World War, North American soldiers noticed the "Crapper" name on the toilets, and like we did with Xerox photocopiers, began calling all toilets Crappers. Thusly, for those anal retentive grammar types, the "C" at the beginning of Crapper should be capitalized like the name of the unique capitalist whose name the term came from.

#4 The Modern Toilet Has Its Origins in Islam

  When Islamic scholar al-Jazari wasn't studying , he invented hundreds of devices, including the predecessors to robots, the crankshaft, mechanical gears and controls, and the flush mechanism for the toilet. The early muslims as well as the new wash hands with frequency, thusly al-Jazari invented a flushing sink. The user would pull a lever and the sink would drain and an automaton would replenish the basin. Some later models even had humanoid servants that would offer soap and towels. It wasn't until several centuries later that this genius was applied to the toilet. 

#5 But The Direction Of The Swirl Changes When You Cross The Equator, Right?

   This is absolutely INCORRECT. It is commonly thought and even taught in some science classes that a Crapper flushes with a counter-clockwise swirl in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the south. The Simpsons and your science teacher are wrong here - the Coriolis effect is too weak to have an effect on something as tiny as a toilet. I had to find out about this because I live in Canada, which is clearly north of most of you and my toilet flushes clockwise. I thought that there may be some environmental factor that causes this, but it's just not true. The swirl direction is determined by the direction the water jets are pointed and it just happens that most toilets made in North America flush counter-clockwise and the one in my house deviates from the norm. To have a toilet that flushes "funny", you don't need to be a master of physics or attach a funny contraption, you just need a toilet made with different rim jets.

#6 There IS A Reason For This Sign

  Many people chuckle when they are in foreign countries and see restroom signs directing people to sit. After all, people only squat if they are using a hole in the ground, right? 
Not exactly. 
 In many parts of the world , including some very modern nations, the squat toilet is the norm. From Russian railway stations to Thai hotels, they are all over the place. Though rare, they can even be found on our side of the pond. Even better, there are the inclusive dual-use thrones where one can sit or squat based on preference. 

  I hope you enjoyed this snippet as there may well be a second edition since I have discovered tons of other things that I didn't know about the vessel we all take for granted.

  Have a great day!


Monday, March 22, 2010

Just For Fun

  A great deal of my posts of late have been pretty intense, so I'm going to periodically inject some mindlessness in for those of you who don't want to be bummed out or have ADD. 

  I was watching the Raptors game tonight (they WON by the way) and kind of saw something familiar, so tell me what you think. I'm not implying anything other than the fact that I have a short attention span. 

Raptors Forward Andrea Bargnani 


Musician and General Pretty Dude Lance Bass





I admit it, I am a little bored tonight

Steal This Album : Wheatus


 I'm pretty sure that most of you have heard this song at some time or another . It was on the soundtrack of Loser and fit the flick well. For those who aren't in the know, the band's name is Wheatus and they are from New York. What on Earth happened to these cats?

  Well, truth be told, they never disappeared. After refusing to lip-synch on Top of the Pops, Sony decided to bitchslap the band by not releasing their second album in the U.S. Sony's loss is our gain as these determined musicians decided to go it alone and have put out some amazing and diverse listenables since. Like any fine whine, they have developed new flavours with age whilst remaining a little rustic. 

  Their latest; Pop,Songs,& Death vol. 1 is Wheatus Carpaccio : lightly seasoned, raw, unprocessed perfection that could be served in the finest joints. From cerebral to fun, mellow to upbeat, this dish satisfies. There are no multitrack overdubs, nor bizarre distortions - it's identifiable, honest, and fat-free. 
I haven't posted content from this album because I want you to go HERE to steal a copy of this record for yourself. 

   The download is available as a pay-what-you-want format, and if you drop $10 they'll ship you your very own hard copy of any of their 3 available CDs so you can enjoy them while cruising in your Iroc. Diehards can score 7" singles (we used to call em 45s) and t-shirts that are the cheapest in the business. 

   For being clever enough to create an immaculately unproduced rock record that leaves us impatiently awaiting Volume 2, I give this album my highest endorsement.

STEAL THIS ALBUM TODAY.

Monday's Heavy Post


  

 Yemen is a poor yet influential country in the middle east that the USA has tried to make nice with in an effort to get at whatever "enemy" is most trendy. Due to negative publicity related to alleged al-Qaeda support and a few newsworthy cases, Yemen wants to enact a law proclaiming a minimum age to marry. Back in the day there was one, but conservative clerics shot it down with the future of girls all over the region.

   Yemenite child brides came to the international media when an 8 year old bravely walked into a courtroom solo and demanded a divorce from a husband who was in his thirties. She was granted the divorce, miffing local imams and tribal elders. You see, those old perverts believe that a very young bride can be molded into being a fearful, obedient companion who will bear oddles of babies and never stray. And the younger the bride, the higher the price. Any opposition, like a minimum age would be unislamic. And those Imams would be 100% CORRECT. 

  Under Islam girls can be promised to a man shortly after birth just as Aisha was promised to Muhammed. They can be married off at 6 because the beloved mother of Islam was. Muhammed was considered merciful for not deflowering his favourite bride until she was 9 while he was well into his fifties. Killing or mistreating girl children is prohibited . How else would there be enough women for the 4 wives that good Muslim men are permitted? There are specific mentions of prepubescent girls in divorce decrees, so it was obviously common practice at the time of Muhammed in Islam as well as in some other religious factions. Where the difference lies is that Islamic beliefs are considered immutable, and to progress is apostasy.

  The late Ayatollah Khomeini was noted for telling his faithful that marrying a girl prior to puberty was a divine blessing. Thusly, girls in Iran must be covered at age 6 because they are now sex objects that could tempt the menfolk. The past leaders knew of the dangers of marrying girls before maturity. Thusly, any girl who dies during childbirth is given a first-class ticket to eternal paradise. Some consolation.

  This is what happens when women become the property of religions that refuse to change. Deviating from the texts of yore in many faiths is considered a great sin, prohibiting advancement and promoting regressive social policies. All of the civil rights we have fought for will be reversed by the reactionary voting in of people who see themselves as servants of a higher being versus their people.It is not just Islam. Freedom is threatened every time a priest proclaims that a rape victim cannot be given emergency contraception or a rabbi voices the opinion that gays should be executed. We have not only a right to freedom of religion, but freedom from religion. Religious beliefs of a few cannot and should not be used as a weapon to control a populace lest we become Yemen with a cross instead of a crescent. 

Be well.

Sidenote : The Khomeini book of Sharia law, Tahrirolvasileh gets worse. In it, there are even proscriptions on the rules regarding permissible sex with infants. (It's all good as long as it's only anal) Google it.

Friends Don't Let Friends...



  I was watching TV and noticed the ad for Extenze. I KNOW, it's not a life-changing revelation - it is on ALL the time late at night. Anywho, at the end of the customary douchiness, I noticed something - the logos of the places you can buy the placebo for peckers.

   7-11

  I shit you not.

  Now, we all KNOW that 24 hour joints sell all sorts of stuff for grown-ups, like Advil and condoms, but they are sort of "immediate need" things. You have a headache before work, you grab the Advil. You have some unexpected after-the-club chandelier swinging in the near future, Trojans. I mean, these things are supposed to take WEEKS to work. You don't go "OH SHIT!!! and run for Extenze and a 6 pack."

Or at least I HOPE. Moreover, one should never be seen in pubic nor public places buying this shit. It makes you look like an insecure twat who is out of his realm. And not only are you alerting your 4 embarrassed drunk buddies to your ineptitude, but all the potential booty calls scoring Doritos at 2 A.M . There's no concealing that box without looking like you're shoplifting. It's even WORSE if they keep it behind the counter. And that's NOT even the WORST part- wait til a woman stays over and finds it in your medicine cabinet or bedstand. that's where dudes put shit and every woman "explores". She will be off like a rocket the FIRST chance she gets. Women find insecurity as sexy as you find nude images of Nancy Pelosi.

  Friends NEVER  risk implicating their buddies by buying this shit in front of them. Nor do they let their friends waste their scratch on the product whose image is saltpetre for females. If you are going to use this as a gag gift, buy it online and get rid of it as soon as possible. If gifted, incinerate it. Seriously.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Proofreading Isn't For Lefties Either

  This anti-Olympic protester obviously didn't put the bong down long enough to open a history book. 




P.S. Fun little tidbit - The Olympic torch was invented by those frisky, fire-lovin fellers too :)


Proofreading Isn't For Everyone


For the life of me, I cannot figure out why...

Freedom For Sale - The Paper Burqa


  

The National Organization of Women is on fire because of Obama's abortion concessions which are seen as effectively cosigning the Hyde amendment. For those of you unfamiliar with the amendment, it states that NO Federal funding may be used for abortions with some exceptions. (rape, incest, and the like.) Recommendations in Hyde are being used to modify national health care reform to appease those who are staunchly anti-abortion. 

   Now this is a tricky issue because of the pseudoreligious hijacking of public office . Those on the far right do not even want women to be able to obtain abortions in the gravest of instances and those on the far left want access for all on the public tab. The Stupak amendment on the floor right now would PROHIBIT new insurance companies and plans from being permitted to cover abortions, even if the company wants to . It would also bar women on ANY federal subsidy from purchasing a plan that covers such procedures, even if they never wish to obtain one. 

  Now, the Stupak amendment is indeed a sexist denial of female freedom. Under the new rules, women are all being painted as potential procurers of abortion regardless of age or health. One gender could be forced to change insurance companies should they require any assistance in maintaining coverage if her coverage includes such things. What this will do is restrict the gender seen as being incapable of deciding for themselves from obtaining the best insurance plans offered. The top-of-the-line providers that may provide coverage for abortions also cover early mammograms, birth control, and a myriad of pre-screening and diagnostic procedures. These changes may be irreversible and women may die as a result. 

  While I do generally see NOW as overboard, my own research into their original objection (Hyde) has unearthed something that for me is far more heinous than the amendment of 1976 ever intended. We have moved into a time where women are being reduced to our parts, and those parts are owned by someone other than ourselves. We must take ownership back from cults that undermine the health and security of 54% of the population. Continual pandering to the wills of preacher men will result in our democracy becoming a theocracy. We will become the state we propose to hate. 

   Not all Burqas are cut from cloth. Sometimes they are printed on a paper sheet used to cover up our inhumanity and violate the rights of others. The Christian Right is neither. 

  

  

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Dumb Jock Itch

 

 This irritation has long been a staple of arenas all over the place, primarily ice hockey and basketball, but I've heard it elsewhere. It is possibly one of the most annoying abuses of the musical spectrum ever, but that isn't even the worst thing. 

  The dude who (de)composed it is Gary Glitter, and people keep forgetting that he's a scumbag of the worst kind. 
  Here's a sampling of the wrongs he has been charged with:

In 1997 - Downloading and possessing thousands of items of child pornography(convicted and placed on the UK sex predator registry)
1999 - Molesting a 14 year old in the 1970's (barely acquitted)
2002 - Deported from Cambodia for child sexual abuse
2005 - Arrested in Vietnam for raping 10 and 11 year old girls (charges dropped)
2006 - Arrested and convicted in Vietname for sexually abusing 11 and 12 year old girls

  So suffice it to say that the dude likes to do ghastly things with little girls, but hey it wasn't little boys, so it must fly okay with the sports gods. And it's catchy right?

   Am I the only person out there whose blood BOILS every time his shit is played at an event? Why aren't people more pissed off? I don't get it for the life of me. Why haven't we made this asshole's jams vanish like we want all perverts to? Isn't it an injustice to all of the babies this dickweed has harmed to have them hear reminders all over the place?

  But we're just stupid sports fans who don't notice we're being made a mockery of.

Yummy Treat



  People eat a variety of things we consider to be pretty offensive, sometimes out of necessity (like the Cambodians who eat Tarantula as a throwback to when the Khmer Rouge were in power and food was in short supply) , sometimes out of perceived health benefit (think the Balut egg, thought as a protein food for those on the go) , and sometimes for...well I have no idea. This seems to fall into the "WTF" category.

  This is Casu Marzu cheese, found primarily in the Sardinian area of Italy. While it looks like a normal cheese, it is NOT. 

  It is Pecorino that has been decomposed by the digestive action of larvae. The cheese is left outside to permit larvae to do this and by the time it is chow time, there will be thousands of live maggots in the cheese. LIVE because the cheese can become toxic if there are dead wee wormies present. 

  Because the critters have a vertical leap of around 6 inches and will instinctively try to escape, eating a Casu Marzu sandwich requires you to have a firm grip to keep the bread from going airborne. There have also been instances of dangerous intestinal larvae infestations because these particular bugs are resistant to stomach acid. 

  I'm as tolerant as the next cat, but this is beyond bizarre. 

  Oh, enjoy your brunch.

P.S. Anyone for a Weird Al cover of Abba : "Dancing Cheese"?

Kids NEVER...


...come out of the womb preaching fire and brimstone. 

  Someone put each and every one of these young souls up to this. The one at the end pisses me off because I've witnessed a whole pile of instances of this exact thing. 

   Parents, believe in whatever you want but fight your own battles. 

  They're just kids. (If they were adults, this would be hysterical)

Famous Asshole of the Weak



  A meathead is a meathead. And Jesse James, you fucking SUCK. I didn't like you before. Might have something to do with the fact that bike shops continually use imagery like the nazi cross on promo gear. It always left a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, you seemed like a douchebag to begin with.

  And then you stick your dick in THIS. Now, you can't claim ignorance dude. The chick's photos were all over body-mod sites and she's not only wearing the armbands, but the SS hat and dagger to boot. The "WP" on her legs might be a giveaway too. Plus, while you were boning her, she got a swastika INKED on her stomach and she likes to give the brownshirt salute for fun. If you didn't know the kind of shithead she was, you're an idiot. 

   I'm not gonna attack you for cheating. Everyone and God knows you screwed around on previous ladies and Sandra was naive to think she could change you. And I DO get the idea of wanting some strange poon. But there's nothing cute about a skinhead, and if you knowingly bang one, you endorse it and deserve to be raked over the coals for it.

  Douchebag.

Friday, March 19, 2010

WTBlueFuck Of The Weak



Watch this and grab the Kleenex ladies and fellas.

  Even if you dislike dogs, this will piss you off.

  This stain decided to torture defenseless animals, and she deserves major time for this. It baffles me that a woman could engage in such blatant sociopathy, but it's all too common. This bitch claimed that she tried to kill her PETS in the most painful way imaginable because a 6 month old puppy bit her. 
First off, puppies nip, and if you are a RESPONSIBLE human being and don't chain the thing to a fence, it will stop with little effort. Secondly, puppies will indeed bite when afraid, and this beastly twat would scare the hell out of me.
   She's looking at up to 6 years in prison, and I hope she gets every day then can give her and is prohibited from being anywhere NEAR any sentient being for the rest of her life. 

  Go ahead and look up the kind of people who become serial killers, and you will see heinous crimes like this in their histories. 

  To donate, adopt, or donate a dog bed (with one click at a wholesale price) CLICK HERE

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Revenge Of The Nerd

  Bullying is rarely funny . 

  This asskicking isn't funny until bully gets hit by Karma. In this case Karma is wearing a cape, and I'm not really sure why. 

  Just watch it. Pretty please.

You Can't Make This Shit Up

  Scandal sells, and politicos are making bank after epic fuckups that would destroy those of the past. 
And sometimes scandal makes the related riffraff famous as a result. Here we have Kristin Davis, PIMP (Madam just makes it seem socially acceptable) to the rich and powerful, most notably Eliot Spitzer.
  See, the convicted FELON is after Spitzer's former job. That's right, she's running for governor. 

  Now I know that technically everyone can run for office, but maybe we need some regulation. I mean this broad did TIME for selling esteemless girls into a life punctuated by drugs and diseases. she won't get in, or at least I fucking hope because stunts like this just serve to further undermine  public office. 

  Besides, she's a dipshit.



Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Rock Bottom

   


Step One : "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."

 I live in a city like most smaller cities - reasonably friendly, a place where you can get everything from a local farmer or mum-and-pop shop. It's a strange kind of community where a mansion with guest houses may be next door to a guy with 4 Chryslers on the lawn. It's the kind of place hardest hit by the economic downturn and free trade. And it is a town ADDICTED. 

  30 years ago this area used to attract the best and brightest with promises of the most beautiful scenery in the world and one of the highest pay brackets in Canada. It BOOMED. People had the dream they were promised and a playground that seemed to be a gift from a supreme being. People made fortunes and spent their earnings on all of the luxuries deserving of their hard work. There were lavish parties and high-end drugs did surface. 
  And then something happened. Through a combination of factors, this city lost it all. The wealthy home owners moved away to have their properties converted into tenements and managed by slumlords. The trendy nightclubs degraded into dives occupied by has-beens telling tales of lost fortunes and the one that got away. The local governments of wealthy cities like Vancouver started shipping their mentally ill and destitute here to make their cities seem cleaner while the city shut down rehab facilities and all of the mental health professionals moved on to greener pastures. What remains is a city with only one gynecologist, zero psychiatrists, and a dwindling amount of professionals of all stripes to care for the down-and-out addicted to the cheaper drugs that fuel a depressed city and the stream of hopeless babies born into it. The once-bustling home for the bright has now become one of the worst places in North America to live.

   Hopelessness is the match that ignites the lamp of addiction. I have coworkers accustomed to $80 000 a year incomes reduced to barely functioning alcoholics. The old vice principal of a local elementary is a corner-post skeleton that has birthed 12 crackbabies. Most of us who are lucky enough to be employed like myself do so at greatly reduced wages and travel hours to our workplaces . Once-proud fishermen stagger through the alleys collecting beer cans and begging for a fix. For those of us who see the light through the sea, this IS our anti-drug. 

   I have touched on this in the past, but today a specific event reminded me . The owner of the hardware store my mother works at (she's a multiple trade ticket holder, but that's another story) flew in a young man who he saw potential in. This fellow is an amiable kid from the wrong side of the tracks who seemed deserving of his chance for a future. My mum immediately took a liking to this chap as well as his fellow workers. But strange things began to occur. The janitor picked up on this guy coming in at odd hours and some inventory seemed to vanish from the warehouse. When these things occur, surveillance steps up. The promising man was arrested after being caught on camera stealing firearms, ammunition, bear spray, and power tools at the behest of two thugs outside. He will spend federal time no doubt after becoming ensnared by the local beast, the crack cocaine that has brought this community to its knees and shot it in the skull. His rock bottom is the assurance that his white bottom will be violated in a penitentiary. 

   The community spirit ignores the weak and vulnerable when it is under such strain. The federal and provincial authorities refuse any assistance and the local magnates live in gated enclaves with a continual police presence whilst the working class fear for their lives. There is an entire generation that knows none of the prosperity but just the easy dollar that drugs and death can bring. Our city council is staffed by a generational hierarchy of the privileged families serving a populace that is too drunk to vote. There is a beautiful hospital with few doctors and a new police station staffed by rookies who transfer out as soon as they get credentials. Many of the old workers that remain are now senior citizens with no resources nor the secure feeling that they will be protected when the good gone addicted come to prey on them. 

   But I live here despite other opportunities because I firmly believe that if a voice is given to this group it will again become a fellowship. If this place was given more than a spot on a map just maybe the governments would understand that there are human beings just like them living and dying here. Good people have been forgotten as the roads travel past  instead of through our city on the paths to the playgrounds of the wealthy tourist. Where is the bailout for the folks who have lost everything but still have so much more to give? There are sentient beings who remain here with the hopes of helping themselves and others discover or reinvent their dreams, but they need a hand up. It could be as simple as hiring a few physicians or as large as enabling lumber processors to function. We still have a university, so why not offer an incentive to remain instead of pushing away the people brave enough to break away from their upbringings and attempt success? 

   The alcoholic or drug addict that one may be fearful of was once something great, and can be again. I have bore witness to incredible tales of ultimate redemption. But those folks always seemed to have someone to enable their recovery. This city is now a town that needs help. If I can be the written representation of this down admitting Step One and someone listens, I will have lived a good life should I die tomorrow. This is a town addicted to the past that desperately needs a new future.