Roofer On Fire

The Song In My Head

2012-02-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

The record that this song is off of came out exactly 18 years ago. I was in grade 13 and it was a few months before my 18th birthday. I felt like I had the whole world ahead of me, but little did I know, my life would begin to fall apart in the few months after I heard this relatively unrelated track.

I was living with my mum and her welfare bum boyfriend had just moved in. Because of male privilege, everything my mum earned went to him. It's always been that way and I had been well trained in the subservience of my position as ordained by birth. I'd just been outed by my sister and my mum alternated between trying to hook me up with the sons of her friends and being accepting, depending on which combination of psych drugs she was on at the time. I was being seriously bullied at my school because one of my so-called friends outed me. I was a small and quiet kid, too, so I'd get beat up pretty often and chased all over. I had to share a locker with a girl named Jessie and we used to get it vandalized almost daily due to me being the school freak. It was the expected existence of the queer kid. Teachers used to even get in on it and I got kicked out for 3 weeks for displaying an "unacceptable lifestyle" after some teacher reported me for being a queer and lost my better classes and had to switch to ones they knew I could ace in half the time.

Another stressful thing occurred in this span. 4 dudes who I thought were my friends drugged me, raped me, and knocked me into next week. Luckily, I was so concussed that I don't remember complete details to this day, but the shame was upon me. The men bragged about "fixing the dyke" and were congratulated wherever they went. My mum's boyfriend had an inkling about what may have happened, but I was in such shock and felt so humiliated that I denied everything. But people knew, and there was no sympathy for me or the only other queer kid in town, who had also been beat up and had her bike tossed in Georgian Bay. I remember her story actually made the paper and I also remember the op-eds and letters to the editor basically saying that thee lesbo got what she deserved and that freaks shouldn't be allowed in town. She quickly moved away after this.

Now, occasionally, my dad would stop in for one of his visits that were supposed to be every two weeks. He used to sometimes drop me off at the Church Street Community Centre in Toronto where I got to hang with other queer kids and didn't feel so alone. Pop thought I was going to a support group, but they were really meetings to organize a help line for LGBT kids that still exists to this day. It was cool and even though I didn't understand the hip city homo speak, it was still awesome and I made a couple of acquaintances.

Cue back to the everyday...

My pop had been paying mum $100 a month in child support for YEARS. It was based on his income from 1982, so she decided it was time for little Mr. Growth Spurt to start paying off. She wanted him to give her plenty of cheddar and me one fine education. I wasn't aware at the time, but there was some serious gamesmanship going on in the corners. There was supposed to be a court hearing scheduled for a few days before I graduated. My dad somehow got me to write my exams early and convinced me to move into his place until shit simmered down. He won the war and my mother still has not forgiven me for falling for dad's plan. (For his part, dad maintains he was doing the right thing by sticking it to my mother.)

So, while I was at my dad's flat, I worked some shitty jobs and my dad convinced me to stop taking my psych meds. He sent me to an interview at the company he worked for where they humiliated me for not being enrolled in a fancy-pants university. I'm not sure what kind of bullshit dad told to get me this interview, but it was clear that I was not elite enough for them.After a couple of months the coast was clear, so dad sent me to live in some group home that was intended for abandoned young people. It was at Danforth and Pape and this is where I taught myself how to eat like a king for under 80 bucks a month. I eventually got kicked out of the place for having a mental episode and lived in shelters and on the street for quite awhile. The shelters would kick you out during the day, so I'd hang out in the Toronto Reference Library and read about Reed Erickson and Alan Hart and the Daughter of Bilitis and all of the rest of the old guys and gals who came before me. And while I was immersed in the stories of the heroes, this song may very well have been in my head.

(c) 2011 WMG Buy this HERE

Open Forum: Dealing With Sexually Aggressive People

2012-01-22T01:47:00.000-08:00

TW: harassment, shit my sister shouldn't read

When you've been single as long as I've been, the whole dating thing is a mystery. However, lately, I've been getting a lot of attention from a multitude of genders. Now, I'm not exactly used to being frequently hit on, so it is kind of freaky. For the first while, it was all good, but now it's the precursor to a serious panic attack. Regular readers know that I'm not dating anybody or sleeping with too many different people, so I must be turning folks down. And this is where the problems begin.

If you've known someone for awhile, there may be an attraction. Sometimes the while consists of 3 beers, sometimes a year or so. But sometimes (okay, most times), there is just something about the person that doesn't do it for me sexually. Sure he/she/they could be my friend, and we may even become really good friends. Most folks laugh it off when I turn them down, a lot of cisguys act like it was a joke, and we move on.

But what happens if the human doesn't get the point?

Sometimes this occurs and most of the time the person will require being told more than once, but will eventually understand that it ain't gonna happen and you're all good. But when the person persists, there can be a serious problem. Sometimes someone you've passed on continues to be not only flirtatious, but sexually aggressive. While I've had insane-ass stalker people, who I'm writing about today comes short of being a criminal.

There's this woman who lives nearby who is a really decent person, for the most part. She cooks for people and hangs out and she's a fun person to smoke a joint with. So, all is wonderful, except for the fact that I just don't dig her that way.

But she really, really likes me and wants to have sex with me.

Lately, this person has been hitting on me strong. She discusses her level of horniness and the fact her pot's been down her bra. She tries to guilt me into sex and says she is going to get me drunk so I'll hook up with her. She doesn't want a boyfriend or anything, just a breathing masturbatory device like the guy upstairs who she would have made sleep with her had he not been sleeping. This really sounds like a whiny mancomplaint, but when woman X gets too big of a hard-on for me, I have a massive anxiety attack. I have to leave the room as soon as possible before she frots me or something.

Today, she was in full pervert mode and made me feel so uncomfortable that I barely said a word. She uttered all of the above things and more before I quietly left. And that's what I always do- I separate myself from the individual and gradually distance myself socially until the unwanted affection ceases. It may seem wimpy, but it's nonconfrontational and has worked for me thus far. But with this mama lies a fear that if I don't put out, she will get extremely upset with me. I won't do it; in fact I'll be more likely to be further repelled in my mind, but I am still not good at defending myself from overtly suggestive women, and humans in general.

So, here's where I need you, my readers. How do you turn someone down without hurting his or her feelings and remain friends? Is this even possible; will there always be sexual tension? Am I being a wimp by weaseling out of parties where she may be, and if so what do I say or do to better handle this and similar situations?

Throw your two cents in below.

(Un)Blocked

2012-01-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This piece deals with anxiety and contains references to depression, family issues, self-loathing, and includes a heap of colorful language

I am blocked.

I have a bounty of ideas, a full whiteboard, notebooks scattered about over my apartment, and 50 or so drafts and half-completed pieces on my computer. For the last several months, every dandy idea gets lost between the time of conception and the moment of publication; in fact, there's a probability of about 95 to one that you'll never read this. But why am I so non-productive?

Well, it all boils down to anxiety and how I deal with it and how it relates to my literary output.

For me, writing is something that has historically been effortless. Despite having had utterly dreadful English teachers in school, I was a kid who could compose a thousand-word Geography essay on the bus ride from nowhere to the Middle of Nowhere, where the school was located. All was well and good until I had an English teacher who used to make you write mini-essays for the first 15 minutes of every class. Prior to this stress exercise, you would see just how shitty he thought your previous effort was, and I would PANIC. I could not sit and automatically generate a poem, or thesis, or anything related to a bookshelf, or grass, or whatever other inane word he had scrawled on the board. I knew I was screwed, so after a month or so of empty sheets of Mead college rule, I began writing lists.

The first one was a Shit List. Even though Mr. X's name was on it, he gave me a decent score. After recovering from the sheer shock of him not writing some demeaning comment, I continued. I wrote a list every single day of that class, and even though the prof hated my guts, I survived long enough to score a 96 on the final exam and get away from my nemesis. Now here's where the blogging comes in.

I have been penning and burning diary entries, sports stories, and random essays since I was a small child. I apparently began reading and writing at a young age. (and doing a ton of other things ahead of my peers, but we'll get to it at another time.) Of my 2 childhood memories, one is of me building a little village out of recycled materials after reading about it in a Sesame Street book. I have since found out that I was 3 at the time. So...back to the writing.

I'm sure that my journal entries were page after page of drivel, however, when I was 13 or 14, it became very apparent that the first of my dickheaded stepdads had been going through my belongings for a very long time. He began giving me shit for things I had thought but not said and for things I had only done in the confines of my bedroom. (it was actually a cement-floored storage room, but it was mine, so there.) After that, I incinerated everything I had ever written and only wrote about topics I was emotionally distant from, like the Flyers-Oilers rivalry. For well over a decade, I became so paranoid that I burned or shredded everything emotive, even when living by myself. Whenever I lagged, a visiting relative or person I was seeing would read my shit and then give me shit, so I internalized my feelings or destroyed all evidence of my humanness.

Cue the advent of MySpace.....

I began blogging on MySpace and similar sites some years ago. I had a decent enough job and still felt tremendous guilt whenever something personal would be touched on. A given post would only garner 10 or 15 views, but I was still highly restrained, and I still was for at least the first year on this platform. After a short while, people I had never met were tuning in. Lots of them. And with the number came a recycling of vintage neuroses that includes a ton of internalized shame. I embarrass incredibly easily. It may not show on the surface, but real or imagined guilt over uttering a single misplaced word in a conversation 10 years ago can stay with me.

Herein lies a problem, or rather several. Sometimes writing is therapeutic and it often deals with difficult subjects that cause people to feel things. There may be references to child abuse, mental illness, violence, alcoholism, and other nastiness that I figured occurred in every family until very recently. With the increase in numbers comes a sea of folks who may not be comfortable with me emptying the family litter box.

One of my personal anxieties comes to sex. I used to frequently discuss my feelings about so-and-so, masturbation, sex toys, and all sorts of things, but I feel extremely sheepish now because my pop and others read the not-so dinnerlike conversation. I get so freaked out that I censor pieces until there's nothing left because I have the irrational fear of giving Aunt So-And-So a myocardial infarction.

On the subject of embarrassment, I've created enough to last several lifetimes. If you scroll around enough, you'll find misogyny and transphobia; Islamophobia and migrant-bashing; religious fervour and equally ardent antitheism. To the reader, this may simply be a serious of downs and ups, but to me, much of this is an account of some of the most ridiculous ideas to escape my often disturbed mind. I was afraid of myself and transferred it upon others because that's what self-loathing, people-pleasing douchebags often do. I made horrible judgment calls and typed some things I no longer agree with and I apologize.

Next, we have the more current content. I really hate being ripped for things like syntax, but I loathe upsetting my readers more. Underneath my tough veneer is someone who has been hurt, yet doesn't want to cause pain in my fellow beings. The difficulty I experience is often with language itself. I'm not always up-to-date on the latest terminology and can say things that annoy some, albeit unintentionally so. Additionally, there may be veiled or overt references to discrimination, rape, abuse, sexism, racism, gaybashings and a slew of things not for the faint-of-heart. The content contained within these pages is an account of a very personal journey, even when it isn't obvious. My own issue is that I don't want to offend my non-family-member readership as well while still making whatever point it is I'm attempting to make.

Another dilemma is right here at home. I have a lot of insecurities, but the most recent ones arise from my personal transitions. I currently reside in a building with 42 fairly sheltered people who sometimes say absolutely awful things to me that trigger feelings of inadequacy or dysphoria. Also, I'm on the ground floor, so there are plenty of people just dropping by unannounced and I have been having difficulty dealing with all of their psychological issues as well. It's difficult to work on yourself when you have someone either reading over your shoulder or blabbing about their ex who just got out of jail, especially when most of your personal quirks arose from privacy violations.

So what to do? I think I'll be honest from here on out. I'm not going to sanitize my expression but I'll try not to rip anyone's heart out. I'm going to mention the things that make me hate myself and want to blow my brains out, as well as those that bring me tremendous joy. There may be some content that makes you feel, but I need one safe place in my chaotic life, and this is it. To my family, I'm not going to apologize, because if reading about my sexual quirks, political viewpoints, and possibly the stupid shit you have done to negatively affect others disturbs you, find something else to read.As for the old stuff, I'm going to keep it because it's a record of my emotional and sociological learning curve.

And there is work to continue. If I don't give myself a break and stop beating myself about the head for possessing similar emotive qualities to other members of the species, I will wind up in the hospital for the **th time. Thusly, I'm going to work on the whole not hanging myself with my intestines thing, and you're invited to watch.

So, am I going to turn into an asshole? Quite the contrary. I'm going to alert you if what you're about to read is heavy. With awareness of my own anxieties comes a respect for those of others. There will be things discussed that are of a sensitive nature, so in order to continue doing what I do, I will give you an idea of what you're in for and you can decide for yourself whether or not your psyche can tolerate the content of an individual piece. This new policy is not just for the benefit of younger/family/easily triggered readers, but for my conscience. I need to be able to free my mind without fucking up any of you. Also, if you see, hear, or read anything that makes your blood boil, feel free to comment or email me.

Here it begins. If it's your first time on here, I'll warn you that nothing published prior to this has been tagged. There are some frank discussions of rape, murder, child neglect, drug use, but also pieces about the origins of the toilet and frontal wedgies. It's mostly politics, but there's some weird shit back there. Periculo tuo ingredere.

By the way, I think that block thing may have been given a swift kick in the tuchas. Stay tuned.

Nothing Implied

2012-01-09T01:17:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney really wants to be U.S. president, but he does have several obstacles in his way in order to be taken seriously by voters.
As former Bain Capital bigshot, many folks won't be convinced when he calls himself a job creator; anti-choice people don't dig him because he's soft on the whole making-rape-victims-bear-their-attacker's-offspring thing, and anti-war and rule-the-fucking-world assholes alike think he's too wishy-washy on military policy.

Now, there are a multitude of reasons why I think Mittens is an asshat, however, the primary reason why I laugh my face off every time I see and/or hear Mitt Romney is because he reminds me of Robert Tilton, also known as Pastor Gas.

Yes, I'm immature.

Killing In The Name Of

2011-12-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

When someone discovers that he or she is infected with HIV, the person might be scared, confused, or in outward denial. When it comes to HIV/AIDS, quack alternatives can end lives early, but if the wealth garnered by folks like Peter Deusberg is any indication, decent people still buy into various HIV/AIDS lies.

Among the false-cure culprits are religious fundamentalists. The Synagogue Church of All Nations is located in London, United Kingdom. It is an evangelical church which the faithful flock to in search of cures for everything from bunions to the aforementioned retrovirus. While there are several churches that have reportedly claimed to cure HIV through prayer, Sky News caught SCOAN's Rachel Holmes in the act, telling the Sky reporter (who is HIV+ herself) that the church had a 100% cure rate.

The church states that after the person is healed through God, he or she must stop taking medications and is free to have unprotected sex with his or her partner. According to British authorities, at least a half-dozen people have died and several partners have become infected due to the church's message, which even includes documents stating that the person is healed.

Watch and wretch:

It may be easy to blame the sick in this circumstance, but I'd caution against it. Religion sells hope, and people desperately want to believe that a Creator can wash away what the sufferer may believe is a product of sin. SCOAN is a wealthy, multinational religious corporation with thousands of adherents- people who genuinely revere their God and want to believe that he can do anything.

If SCOAN was a clinic that dispensed drugs that its proprietors knew were fake, heads would roll. There would be arrests and fines and sanctions. The medical professionals would lose their licenses and the building would be sold to compensate the wronged individuals. But it's not a medical office. It's a church, and churches can do whatever the fuck they please, up to and including giving out letters stating that they have magically eradicated one of man's most feared infectious diseases through the power of prayer.

In every crisis, there are opportunists; people and organizations eager to exploit desperation in exchange for power and currency. If all of the recent scandals have taught us anything, it should be that religious groups and their leaders can be greedy, self-serving, sociopathic, and just plumb wrong. Faith so-called healing may not be as overt a grenade, but the result is still the same. Some people get rich and others die for the crime of believing a lie.

News at 11.

Visual Aid Of The Day

2011-11-19T03:24:00.000-08:00

In Israel, a land of awesome foods and textiles, this is Chumus

It's cheap, delicious, and even has a Twitter account.

On the West coast of Vancouver Island, chumus means sweet, like candy. However, the word has generally lost it's original meaning. Amongst young-to-middleaged locals, chumus refers to this:

It's semi-legal, super-smelly, and is even featured on a license plate. (If someone can get a picture of the blue Plymouth with the CHUMUS plate, he or she will be rewarded)

More often than not, inhalation of item #2 will result in the consumption of vast quantities of item #1

Process And Pronouns

2011-11-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

As most of you may know, November is Prostate Awareness Month; however, some of you may not know it is also Transgender Awareness Month, and as such, I'm going to give you a quick lesson on pronouns and transgender faux-pas:

The correct pronouns for a female who was assigned male at birth/ male-to-female trans human: she, her, hers, herself.*

The correct pronouns and their declined forms for a male assigned female at birth/ female-to-male trans human are: he, him, his, himself.

These are to be spoken and written as such, no quotation marks please (i.e.: "she") ; no dehumanizing pronouns like it sil vous plait. Most of all, if you use the term he/she to describe a trans person or deliberately assign the pronouns of the person's birth gender, you will come across as stupid at the very least, with the most likely interpretation being that you're an asshole. If you're in doubt, quietly inquire.

Most transitioning folks will understand if a person makes the odd pronoun mistake, particularly if you've known him or her for a long time and this is a new deal, but some will be pissed. Personally, I think in degrees of malice- if none is intended, I take no offense; if pronoun fuckups are repetitious and done to belittle me or emasculate me in public, I'm probably going to leave and/or avoid any further darts matches.

Also, never call a trans person a tranny- the term is along the same lines as faggot. In many circles, it implies that the person is a prostitute, which is probably not the implication you're trying to make. Furthermore, if you think you "see" a transgender person when you're out in public, don't run up and talk to him or her like the person is a circus freak. Gender expression is varied, even amongst folks who were born in their desired gender, so you may be making a mistake, and in real life Jenny may get a little pissed if you tell her you think she used to have a penis. We don't live on the set of Maury Povich. If you would be uncomfortable with a stranger asking about your nethers, it's safe to assume that the person you are approaching would be as well.

Finally, if someone you know is trans, don't announce it out in public. Transgender people are frequently raped, maimed, murdered, and arrested without cause. (There is an old study that stated that 89% of young trans people had been assaulted or threatened with violence. I think that estimate may be low.) Even if none of the harsher things occurs, you're publicly shaming someone and making the person feel threatened, and that makes you an idiot. Also, most people don't want to know if their hairy-assed plumber used to be a pretty girl named Anita. If you're curious about something related to someone's transition, address it privately.

So how do you treat a transperson? Like a human first and foremost- like your neighbour or friend or kid. The person is still the same even though the exterior may have had a few upgrades.

When we begin or continue to treat all people in a manner consistent with the way we wish to be treated, we further the growth of our species and pass along a little decency along the way. Whether we are fat, thin; young or old; male, female, or anything in between, we are all cells that make up the glorious human condition. And our actions are what determine how close we really are.

*There are acceptable neutral pronouns like zie, hir, etc. used amongst some groups of LGBT people to describe trans-identified people, but a lot of folks who are stealth won't dig them. Plus, they aren't adopted by all people; I am not a fan because they remind me too much of female pronouns, and I identify as a binary male.

Bullshit Pledge Of the Day

2011-11-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

The 2012 American election dickswinging parade is in full session. It's the time where governors fail to govern because they're too busy campaigning for another office and good bills become stifled by hot-button issues like abortion and gays existing.

And on the subject of the big gay threat that consists of roughly 3% of the population, the State of Minnesota will have a vote determining not whether or not gays should marry, but whether the state Constitution should be amended to ban it from occuring in the future.

One of the groups that wants to ensure that Church and State intertwine is the inappropriately-named Minnesota For Marriage, who wants to affirm their right to wedded whatever while making sure your sister can't marry her college sweetheart. FMF has even taken to giving out prizes to those who are unfortunate enough to sign their useless hate pledge.

Just so you know it's a MONTHLY drawing, the fact is mentioned 3 times, with the fact that a month runs from the first day to the last clarified for those who may not have deduction skills.

Here's the deal- if your idea is so revolutionary; so awesome, you shouldn't have to give out prizes. Besides, it's not like someone is required by law to vote in a specific fashion by signing one of these things. The only result of putting pen to this paper is that you're going to have to move to Saskatchewan to get rid of the crazy religious bozos. Once they've got your name, you'll be called upon to sign every Christianist wackadoodle pledge these yoyos come up with. They'll enjoy annoying you and you'll deserve it.

Just like those phony sweepstakes put on by timeshare companies, the offering of a prize is a scam to get your name on a mailing list. And in this case, you are signing your name to a pledge that attacks freedom.

This applies to not only this document, but everything else in life: If you don't take time to read the fine print, you might just wind up buying something you don't want.

Evil Is

2011-11-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Many judges find their names smeared on the internet, where accusations of corruption are permitted to fly with fairly little consequence. One such guy is William Adams, an Aransas Cty, Texas Judge, who has been accused of giving custody to abusive fathers, colluding with attorneys (one of whom is an admitted child abuser), threatening those who speak ill of him, and a ton of other things. This dude doesn't seem like the greatest cat, but sometimes members of the law profession are unnecessarily targeted. However, if seeing is indeed believing, Judge Adams is a genuine, festering, piece of judicial shit.

William Adams, like a lot of guys, has a wife and kids. Actually, it should be had because his wife left him after a couple of decades of severe psychological abuse and hopefully the had will also apply to his kids, because he's even more evil to them. See, not only does this foul stain on humanity make his living calling abused children liars, he likes to beat down on little girls. What you will view here is real. It is a recording of Judge Adams beating his cerebral palsy afflicted daughter for several minutes. His excuse is that she downloaded a video game, but it becomes apparent that he garners some type of sociopathic joy from inflicting suffering upon his family.

Warning: If you have an iota of empathy, you will cry

I know what it feels like to be this child. My stepdad was a brutal bastard and my mother's enabling was such that she denies everything a decade after his death. I know what it's like to utter "dear God, please stop" and get some more whacks for using the Lord's name in vain. When you're getting beaten like this, you're afraid that you're going to die. You can't just lie there and take it because whether or not you struggle, you're still gonna get strapped til the perp gets his fill.

William Adams is not just a bully, he's a sadist who should be locked up for a very long time with some very mean men. The man who abused his own and enabled the abuses of others deserves nothing more than to have his freedom removed, to be the rabbit among the wolves of the worst penal institution in Texas. A man who abuses that title deserves to lose all dignity.

Between you and me, I'd like to personally bootfuck the bastard, and I'm shocked that all of the decent men of Richardson, Texas haven't lined up to deliver this walking necrosis some real justice.

Vlog: Hey Bully!

2011-11-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

The website I'm referring to, not that the bully needs free publicity.

The song In My Head..

2011-10-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

..is for a tough young gentleMAN. And I am a fan.

Dylan Smith fought his heart out until it was his time, never bitching about his pain, just hoping for those who loved him to live on in his memory.

December man, I salute you.

Dylan C. Smith 1996-2011

A Picture Says A Thousand Dirty Words

2011-10-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

These three winners are grad students at Florida State.

The name of the character that the potzevateh in the middle is dressed as?

Anne Skank, of course.

Great New Product

2011-10-25T00:11:00.000-07:00

Animal lovers, set your eyes on this fantastic waste of your money.

The Thundershirt, sure to keep your freaked-out furbag from getting depressed when you leave him alone for a whole day without letting him pee. And it is bullshit.

It's a dog shirt, and an ugly one at that. If involuntary wearing of a shirt did anything to alleviate anything, 95% of Chihuahuas in Los Angeles wouldn't vibrate like they're palsied.

My cat is a typical awesomely entitled furry little fucker. He hates the vacuum, leaf blowers, and anything else that sounds like work. He is a man of leisure who knows his place as king of the castle. Now what, oh what, does Mr. Doda do when some offensive sound pollutes his precious and serene aural spectre? He gets up and moves. The laziest companion animal this side of Morris The Cat gets up and moves to a place free of the offending noise. This solution not only works for him, but also myself, because if I tried to put a fucking shirt on him, he'd claw my bloody eyes out. The cat would be 100% justified in doing so because he's an animal with an independent thought process, and guess what, people? So are dogs.

Also, did you notice that one of these trolls mentioned that her dog and others don't need to be medicated anymore? Dogs need to have their fight or flight instinct well intact. It's what keeps them from becoming a coyote's lunch or a tomcat's bitch. A Rottweiler is supposed to be really fucking annoyed if you stick it in a cage for the 12 hours you spend at work. It's also supposed to bark if there is a threat or one of the cows gets out of order. It certainly doesn't need Paxil or Valium or whatfuckingever. If you wouldn't medicate your kid...oh neverfuckingmind, if you would buy this, you probably do already.

Whether it's Prozac, evil shock collars, or the false hope that the Thundershirt provides, it boils down to a few things- things that are wrong with humans and not dogs. Humans are lazy and self-centered. We want to have a pet when we want him. The "perfect" dog must be quiet when we demand, tolerate solitary confinement for long periods, be terrorized by bratty kids without reaction, able to resist the temptation of delicious-smelling sneakers, and able to withstand any manner of psychological abuse without exhibiting any sign of distress. We reduce social, proud beings to vacant objects and bitch and scream when they show any sign of objection to forced servitude.

Companion animals do try to communicate with us. They struggle when we try to doll them up and become depressed when we lock them up. We deny them everything that is natural to them and yet, they will die for us. We take their loyalty and trust as signs of dependence and weakness when we'd give a man a medal for holding the same values. We learned this week what exactly can happen when a man sees himself as superior to the beasts. Almost 50 of the Earth's finest creatures lost their lives because one man decided for himself that he could have domain over scores of animals that would never naturally encounter each other. It was an extreme example of what millions of us try to do on a daily basis.

We need to stop trying to invent new ways to control animals and learn to coexist with them. We should be honoured that they meet us at the door and care enough about us to bark at the bear in the backyard. Bingo will go mano-a-mano with a Grizzly to ensure your safety and certainly doesn't deserve humiliation as a reward for his brave service.

My cat just brought in a snake, and I'm not going to give him shit for it, nor force him to wear a straightjacket. Why? Because he's not a fucking doll.

Robbing Peter To Pay Pat

2011-10-19T00:34:00.000-07:00

In today's financial times, it is certainly difficult to feed, clothe, and entertain a family while managing to keep a roof over head. The once-proud are often found lining up at food banks and are increasingly living without adequate heating and comforts once taken for granted such as internet and telephone service. Today's poverty stretches across all ethnic and religious lines, which may result in a family simply not being able to afford their usual gifts to charities and religious organizations.

However, it is the lack of gifts to the church that Pat Robertson simply finds reprehensible, and here he explains his objection.

In Pat Robertson's eyes, poverty is simply a series of poor management decisions and not tithing is robbing God. But is it really? Churches were built by men and the gifts by common people to them have made some men, like Mr. Robertson, fantastically financially wealthy. Religious adherence has certainly blessed Pat, and I can understand his desire to see the contributions coming in, but Pat's not God- in fact, he's not at all like the God he professes to worship.

The Christ God was a champion of the poor, commanding his followers to feed his flock, that being those too poor to receive God's commands. (John 21:15-17 and many others). As we know today, children who are malnourished often fail to thrive in educational settings. The family that Mr. Robertson is chastising for "robbing God" is not comprised of thieves, in fact, they're obviously nice enough to at least ask if they can put a hold on tithing until they can afford to do so. Tithing is supposed to be a gift to the poor, and they are the poor. It is not supposed to be a collection fund for a mega-preacher's new Porsche.

It could be argued that the tithe is some sort of payment for spiritual guidance, but the Bible clearly states "freely you have received, freely give". (Matt 10:8) Telling the poor to give money to the rich may be part of the GOP platform, but it's far from in line with the god that they claim to worship, and there are multitudes of verses to support this. Whether you believe or do not, a fundamental part of the Christ story, as well as that of many other prophets and saviour gods is aiding those who suffer. Good works do matter, and if you can't afford to give monetarily, you can certainly aid physically by volunteering at a soup kitchen or whathaveyou.

Pat's selfish attempt at guilting the poor into giving their last dollar to a church building is abhorrent. No God would command this because it's patently absurd. I sincerely hope that this person prays to their God and comes up with the answer that it's far better to be alive and healthy than to go into ruin mailing in contributions to people that Jesus claimed would have less of a chance entering the garden than a camel passing through the eye of a needle.

Pat Robertson is not a holy man, but an opportunist. He has made untold riches exploiting the poor in African diamond mines and right at home on cable television. He is the ultimate preacher caricature, telling the Good News with a hand in the pockets of those just looking for something to believe in. Rev. Robertson takes money from the poor and accuses them of holy crimes when they cannot afford the price for teaching that is supposed to be free.

Even though I don't believe in Pat's god or any other presented before me, I firmly believe that no person needs to be spiritually abused in the manner that Pat Robertson and his cohorts so blatantly do. If I'm wrong and there really is an all-consuming hellfire which awaits unbelievers and the cruel, I am certain that I'll be roasting alongside the evil men who steal in the name of god.

Holy Shit

2011-10-16T03:59:00.000-07:00

When one of our forefathers invented this phrase, this is exactly what he meant.

How this broad acquired a PhD is a mystery that may only be solved by her BJ skills.

Quick Question About Grammar

2011-10-16T03:11:00.000-07:00

With the number of Conservative men trying to establish combat positions in them, it may become prudent to know whether they are fighting over the uteri or uteruses of others.

Personally, I'm a fan of uteri.

Discuss.

The Song In My Head

2011-10-16T03:02:00.000-07:00

I was 3 when this record came out, but tracks from Candy-O were still relevant when I was buying my own records. I'm sleepy, but this song will never be tired.

Enjoy

The Song In My Head

2011-10-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

How many of you smoke marijuana? It's kind of a rhetorical question; I'm not doing a survey, but chances are that you or someone you know uses grass to cope with pain or simply relax after a hard day's work.

I smoke pot. I'll admit it to all of you. I don't smoke a ton of it, and sometimes I eat it. The weed that foreign governments have executed people for possessing doesn't harm me one bit, but helps me tolerate tremendous pain that has resulted from far too many untreated or poorly treated injuries and some not-so-fine genes. Additionally, it does help me unwind, and when I'm calm, I'm at my creative best.

When I was a kid, there was a cop who would come to our school to educate us on the supposed dangers of mind-altering substances. He held up a display case of pouches which contained all of the various things we were supposed to be afraid of. There was LSD and crack cocaine and Quaaludes out there for all of the kids to see, with the urging that one should rat out anyone who may possess them. And also displayed were the various cannabis products - grass, oil, and hash- all lumped in with the hard drugs that would surely cause you to turn into a schizophrenic or worse. Some kids giggled and others were truly terrified, but the message got across that drugs- all drugs- were very, very bad.

Later on that day, when I went home, the phone rang. The voice on the other end of the line said that my mum and stepdad has been arrested for marijuana possession and that I was going to be picked up and everything. Needless to say, 10 year old me was scared shitless. As it turns out, the call was a prank orchestrated by my eldest sister Una. This was a decade or so before the invention of call display and her buddy had called from a payphone. So, I learned two lessons: First, drugs are very, very bad and, secondly, my sister is a sadistic asshole.

As it turns out, my parents did indeed smoke grass. My mum was a mechanic and my stepdad an electrician. They were normal taxpayers who smoked herb. And they weren't the only ones. A lot of grownups got together to smoke and bullshit and went back to their jobs doing average everyday things.
And despite all of the tax money wasted on law enforcement, incarceration, and ridiculous propaganda, they still do. Everyone from tired construction workers to the parkinsonian elderly enjoy the bit of relief brought by a weed that has been used medicinally for thousands of years. All of the fear of old has been replaced by an educated public that ranges from college kids to octogenarians who'd rather have a spliff over a scotch and who would like to see government money spent on apprehending and prosecuting society's true meanies, particularly in these lean economic times.

In an age of supposed fiscal conservatism, Prime Minister Harper not only wants to stop attempts to legalize marijuana, but thinks his american buddies will admire harsher penalties for even simple possession. Under the new Omnibus Crime Bill, an AIDS patient who grows pot will spend more time in jail than a child molester, the cost of a pardon will quadruple, and mandatory minimums will handcuff judges and send people away for long sentences in prisons designed for violent offenders. What's more, Canada's facilities are already so beyond capacity that the Elizabeth Fry Society says they violate Charter rules regarding cruel punishment. It should also be noted that, while crime rates are at an historic low, the cost of Corrections Canada has more than doubled since Harper took power 5 years ago. And the tab could get high enough to bankrupt the country.

But Justice Minister Rob Nicholson and his parade of merry big-government Conservatives aren't simply content with tossing granny in the clink, but they seek new powers of Internet surveillance, citizen's arrests, and other grotesque violations of personal freedoms. Yes, if the Big Nick has his way, I could have my home searched simply for writing this post. I'll likely be arrested and incarcerated in one of those privately-run hellholes that you just know Harper is dying to build with taxpayer money. He'll get full blessing from big liquor who'll figure that fear of jail will get us all back to good old booze.

Big-government Conservatism is just as ridiculous as it sounds. It's oppression that's bought and paid for by corporations and their front groups. It uses fear and moral indignation to try and create a mindless, homogenized culture that locks up those who refuse to be subjugated. The new crime bill is not about punishing society's most brutal beings, but terrifying anyone left of completely batshit into submission.

Right now, we're seeing big government crush not only America's liberties, but her economy. Due to ridiculous laws and minimums, there are simply not enough incoming dollars to cover the tab. Penal institutions were never designed to be businesses, and the middlemen-from-hell that run them must be paid, giving worse conditions for more dollars spent.

There's an adage that stupidity is defined by repeating a mistake with the expectation of different results. The Conservative Party of Canada has a front-row seat to the big government shitshow going on down south, yet seem perilously determined to mimic the policies that have turned individual liberties into collective catastrophes.

Legalize It by Peter Tosh. Buy it legally HERE

What CAN You Do Today? How The Terrible Case of Cece McDonald Can Change The Way We Think

2011-09-28T05:05:00.000-07:00

What would you do if it happened to you? What if you were out for a walk with friends and wound up fighting for your life in a jail cell? You're a good person with a good life, but it still could happen to you. And what on earth would you do? How would you feel if it happened to you?

On June 4th of this year CeCe Mcdonald was a pretty, 23 year old college student. She took care of some other young people, had fun with friends, and was making the most of her working-class, African-American upbringing that wasn't always kind to her as she had been born biologically male. Still, in the eyes of her friends and the Minneapolis youth crowd, she was an awesome example of hard work done right.

However, it's when we cue to the next day that her life truly changed forever. CeCe was walking with some of her mates to score some food when they walked past a bar. Three white folks began using racial epithets, as well as homophobic and transphobic slurs, many of which I would feel incredibly uncomfortable even typing. One even involved a reference to rape, one of humanity's most heinous of crimes. It was then when one of the folks then broke a glass of liquor on Mcdonald's face, resulting in a complete-thickness cheek laceration which went so far as to damage her salivary glands, among other injuries.

More people joined in, resulting in a dangerous brawl, in which Mr. Dean Schmitz, 47, died from a stab wound. It was stated in witness reports that he had began the verbal barrage and, along with his friends, caused the initial assault and that it's not certain who caused the fatal blow to Dean Schmitz.

CeCe Mcdonald was arrested the same night on a most serious charge of Murder in the Second Degree. Initially, Ms. Mcdonald claimed to an interrogator that Schmitz lunged into her scissors, but has since said in a letter that someone else must have done the stabbing. Ms Mcdonald has since additionally stated that the liquor within the weapon was of a strong enough concentration to seriously alter her vision and that she was incapacitated by the blow to the head and doesn't know what actually occurred. Despite the fact that a knife was also recovered from the scene, nobody else has been charged in connection with the death.

She was held on a hefty bond for months in solitary confinement and denied medical treatment for what, after 2 months of no intervention, had become a massive facial abscess. She spent some time in a men's criminal psych unit to be returned to solitary and has been returned only recently to the psych unit for her safety.

As it stands right now, she's reasonably safe, yet still in a psychiatric cell in a men's jail on $75, 000 bail and her trial date is January 9th of next year. The judge who lowered her bail a few days back deems her to not be a threat to anyone, yet she lingers, enduring harassment and intense isolation. Still, she keeps her head up for the time being, knowing that her kids are indeed paying attention. The media has portrayed this fine lady as a man, the courts have done so, and even the prison has. And in my humble opinion, it ain't a game, it's a crying shame.

I cannot even claim to know what it is like to a transgender African-American woman living in Bachmann's Minnesota. While I know that every time I step outside, I could be taken out, it's vastly more terrifying to be CeCe Mcdonald or anyone like her. In recent years, up to half of all murders of American LGBT people have been of transgender women. Throw in the obvious racism and initial physical attack and you have a situation in which Ms. Mcdonald had reason to believe her life was in danger. If she stabbed him by accident, or if she did in self-defense, or a friend did, or even a bystander did it, it doesn't warrant a hold for second-degree murder, and certainly not for CeCe Mcdonald.

The fact of the matter is that neither African-American, nor the gender-nonconforming are treated with fairness in the American legal system. Whether it comes to policing, incarceration, or prosecution, transfolk and people of colour are not treated the same as a middle-aged white fellow. We know these things.

CeCe Mcdonald was making a difference in her community, and was looked to to lead young people, and as she hopes for release, still inspires others. There are bigots and she knows it, and on June 5, she was physically attacked by such people, and one of the assailants wound up dead. It's a tragedy that anyone should have perished, and CeCe Mcdonald is highly aware of this, but the thing is, nobody knows who killed Dean Schmitz or even how. The State's case is all resting on DNA evidence that won't even be processed until at least December.

In this case, we are not simply speaking of evidenciary burden, but the conditions to which Ms. Mcdonald continues to be subjected to. Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity prior to and during trial. To begin with, trans women should not be housed in facilities designed for macho men. Some states have special yards for trans and/or gay folks or house them with women, which alleviates the some of the fear associated with detention. Either of these would be appropriate, and accepted by Ms Mcdonald, but all she's received is solitude and medical care that would make the guys at Gitmo bitch.

I have no idea why the entire LGBT community isn't losing their minds over a the plight of a bright young American citizen such as CeCe. I'm absolutely perplexed by the overall lack of media attention this is getting, and as much as I am sometimes bemused by the causes the major activist groups take on, I thought this would be one of them. In reality, all she's got are a Wordpress site and a hundred or so Minnesota college kids. That's right- no ACLU, no Advocate, nor screaming Jane Velez-Mitchell. Just a surprising and creepy quiet when it comes to the plight of CeCe Mcdonald, save for a few intensely transphobic blog posts.

I hold no doubt in my mind that CeCe Mcdonald will eventually see justice. Either the case will be dropped for lack of evidence or she'll get her day in court in front of a judge and jury that are hopefully not as blind as the overzealous police and prosecutors. Hopefully they'll see a scared young lady and her friends who were fighting for their lives after being attacked on a summer night in South Minneapolis; they'll see someone who didn't choose to be involved with bigots; a human being in search of a snack and who wound up in solitary. If they don't, they'll see a white man killed by what Dean Schmitz called a freaky 'nigger' and 'faggot' and she'll get 15 to life upstate.

Gentle readers, I do encourage you to further research CeCe's case, and if you'd like to support her, you can drop her a line HERE. Please keep in mind that her facility does not accept parcels. Just put 60 cents on an envelope containing some posi-thoughts to give one misunderstood human hope for a new and brighter day.

On what Ms. Mcdonald would call a most serious note, she was also supporting 4 youths who have since become displaced and they do need toiletries as well as larger items like beds. If you can help these kids, email HERE for more information. If you'd like to skip the fuss and provide a cash donation to help the kids, secure a bondsman, help with legal costs or medical expenses, you can wander over to Paypal and donate.

Empathy should be a part of the human experience, and just as CeCe Mcdonald has given support to so many young people, we should offer her a hand up in her time of need. Even if one cannot afford a monetary donation to every person who suffers from undue harassment or even incarceration, you can assist in reducing the problem by not engaging in bias against those you encounter. CeCe Mcdonald never set out to cause an issue, nor would ever wish death upon the most jaded; for when one is still alive, they can still be redeemed.

When we treat those we do not know, or may not even understand, with the same degree of respect that we would a neighbour, we epitomize humanity at its finest. It is within us that the human condition does not have to become a disfiguring disease.

"Everybody should just be treated like human beings, no matter who they are." : Chrishaun "CeCe" Mcdonald

Quote Of The Day

2011-09-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

Those who know me, know I'm a fan of dogs. Big, small, mutts, purebreeds- I love them. However, a special place in me is reserved for tough but misunderstood pooch love.

To find out more about the amazing pit bull, check out these fine sites.

Hug A Bull My favourite rescue group, which can also be found on Twitter

The Working Pit Bull

Pit Bull Rescue Central of North America

National Canine Research Council

Law Dogs USA

Sign Of The Times

2011-09-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

In the heated debate known as church versus state, opinions can go to extremes.

With absolutists on one end telling everyone that they're surely going to hell and those on the other certain that religious nuts are going to cause hell on Earth, sometimes it's nice to see something that simply conveys succinctly what most of us really do think.

Facebook-Related Post Of The Week

2011-09-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are freezing your balls off on Neptune, Facebook is a social network. You may not have an account, but you absolutely know someone who does.

The internet is awesome. I preferred the old MySpace layout (before it got all fucked up with too many Zynga apps), but Facebook is okay too. I don't use it often, but when I do, I often see people posting laughable rumours such as these generally grammatically-poor pleas :

FACEBOOK JUST RELEASED THEIR PRICE GRID FOR MEMBERSHIP, $9.99 PER MONTH FOR GOLD MEMBER SERVICES, $6.99 PER MONTH FOR SILVER MEMBER SERVICES, $3.99 PER MONTH FOR BRONZE MEMBER SERVICES, FREE IF YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. WHEN YOU SIGN ON TOMORROW MORNING YOU WILL BE PROMPTED FOR PAYMENT INFO... IT IS OFFICIAL IT WAS EVEN ON THE NEWS. FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING DUE TO THE NEW PROFILE CHANGES. IF YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR WALL YOUR ICON WILL TURN BLUE AND FACEBOOK WILL BE FREE FOR YOU. PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON IF NOT YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED IF YOU DO NOT PAY.

Here's the thing, kids- even if Facebook were to shift to a pay-for-play format, a screen would ask you for money like they did with the $237 you spent on Farmville. There is no law stating that you must have a Facebook account- your boss might even prefer if you didn't have an account, so his wife couldn't see him drinking shots of a stripper at the Super Bowl party. If Zuckerberg takes the money and runs and they want to charge you for their services, you can do your own thing. No social network is vital for human survival.

However, Facebook pledges to be free, so your aunt can continue posting pictures of you when you were an awkward teenager. The story is fake so please Google something before you copy and paste it. There are viruses being spread this way.

Now here's the other type we're going to discuss today. It is the internet bedbug that nourishes itself on your sense of empathy:

‎15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a "slut", no one knows she was raped at age 14. People call another guy "fat", no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man "ugly", no one knows he experienced a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 88 of you won't,the other 22 arent heartless and will.
Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart. Put this as your status.

The first problem with this one is mathematical. 22 fewer than 100 is 78, not 88. While there is a theoretical possibility that the "girl" was using a fraction of 88/110, it just isn't likely. Next, children are not exactly susceptible to lung cancer- asbestos and cement workers, firefighters, pavers, and roofers, sure, but not 7 year olds. Additionally, brain cancer is not caused by being beaten. It is an insult to the thousands of children with traumatic brain injuries and suffering from all other types of abuse to perpetuate this fallacy.

However, the most grotesque slam is to the Make A Wish Foundation, one I personally dig. The amazing staff help kids enjoy what may very well be the last awesome moments in their too-short lives. And they're not the only ones who care. Between Medicaid, a request from Make-A-Wish and plain awesome humanity, most children are given medical intervention in America. Moreover, neither Make-A-Wish or Facebook would participate in a scheme where a girl's wellbeing was held hostage in exchange for promotion. Not only are you doing a disservice to other people in exchange for the chance to post some complete farce, you are potentially libeling Make-A-Wish. Think about that for a second.

Facebook can be fun, but please think before you automatically repost everything you see but not read. One day, you could accidentally post that the head of the company you work for is a jackass or that you want to kill all Latinos. It probably won't be that extreme. Mainly, you'll just look stupid, particularly when you don't put apostrophes where they are supposed to be. And the ramifications will be your fault because you didn't pay attention before cosigning something seen by a billion people.

Spreading false stories are internet cancer. And unlike the thousands of real-life Amys out there, we actually have the cure.

Your Monday Bullshit- The Unfriendly Skies Edition

2011-09-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

In a ridiculous case of Monday morning bullshit, mighty fine actress and musician Leisha Hailey and her paramour were kicked off a flight because they voiced their disapproval with being discriminated against on a Southwest Airlines flight.

On the flight, the attendant noticed the gay couple showing some sort of affection and they were warned not to kiss because, of all things, Southwest is a family airline. You see, in the FA's myopic viewpoint, gay families aren't the real deal. Naturally, Ms. Hailey didn't take the blatant bigotry sitting down, and voiced her displeasure, which was apparently caught on camera. (I don't have the video, kids. sorry.) It was then when they were forced off the plane, just as Southwest had done with film director Kevin Smith when they determined him to be too fat to fly.

On Southwest's website, they claim to be the go-to airline for gay-friendly travel, proudly stating that they are the official airline of GLAAD, the Gay-Straight Alliance Network, and the Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Nowhere on the site did I find anything that states that Southwest kicks queers to the back of the plane.

While I'm aware that there are 3 sides to every story, it is still a surprise in today's enlightened day to think that an airline that makes so much bank off of the gay community would endorse an attack on any group, let alone this one. Besides, who knows how many average, taxpaying families their staff have put through hell before they nailed someone well-known enough to have a voice?

I, for one, won't be flying Southwest's unfriendly skies. I also think that GLAAD and other gay groups should no longer endorse Southwest. While I understand that Southwest is paying all of these groups, it's not worth selling an organization's integrity down the shitter for some free flights and ad revenue. The question now is if GLAAD has the balls to stick it to Southwest.

The honchos at Southwest are probably wishing they bought Maytag because they're going to need approximately 34289365 spin cycles to wash this stain out.

By the way Southwest- your planes are hideous. If you were friendlier to gays, maybe one would offer you a proper colour scheme.

Yummy Treat: The Kitchen's On Fire Edition

2011-09-10T01:10:00.000-07:00

Stoners and others, feast your eyes upon these. What I thought was a packet of toaster pastries was in fact a box of six individually packaged 'chicken' cutlets that you heat in your home toaster. A lady upstairs says they're wonderful, but she heats them in her George Foreman grill. Personally, I'm incredulous as to why these even exist.

Has anyone really thought this through? Although I realize the mechanically-separated chicken pucks are precooked, but they're still a frankendelicatessen item. How are you supposed to make sure you don't get Salmonella every time you use your toaster to defrost a bagel after you've used it for chicken ? It's chicken. And it's factory-farmed chicken. It either has salmonella or has been cleaned with ammonia. (or both) It's the shit your mum always told you to clean your hands after handling.

Anywho, you're taking scary mechanically-separated, genetically-modified, factory farmed animal fragments and sticking them in an appliance not suited to the purpose because you're too lazy to cook. And it sounds motherfucking gross. You can't disinfect a toaster without electrocution, or at least a very large autoclave.

Seriously, kids- is this what we have come to? This 'Chicken Krispy Toast' doesn't even resemble the animal which gave it's life for your fat kid to 'cook' in a toaster. The poor, dead creature doesn't even get the dignity of being waited for while safely cooking in the oven for 45 minutes.

This post began as something tongue-in-cheek, but there are obviously some serious things to consider when we even have a market for shit like this. We can't go blaming America here- Olymel is one of many Canadian companies who make millions annually selling us sodium-laden meat subsidiaries because they know that many people like their food to not have a face, or leg, or muscle structure really.

When you divorce yourself food at its fundamental forms- whether it's meat, or dairy, or fish- your body will stop recognizing it as food. And we're wondering why our kids are smellier, bitchier, and fatter than we were. Look at what the fuck we're feeding them! I'm not a nanny-stater by any means, but I am into people being permitted to be aware. Corporations will only sell what sells. It's simple- if customers wants something different, companies will adapt to suit. It's why the mustard they sell in New York is different from that sold in the midwest.

What we're talking here, though, is about a little more than the balance of spices. We're talking about what we ingest as a power supply for our personal powerplants. Oil messes shit up- it clogs your arteries, gives you kidney stones and does a host of weird things to your intestines. It doesn't build you up like protein, it doesn't give you the immune awesomeness that fruits and veg do, it doesn't give you the energy to run a few miles like carbs do. Oil's gross and it's present in life-altering amounts in most processed foods. This stuff has 12 grams of fat per single little slice, but it's far from the worst offender.

With this specific product, it boils down to the absolute absurdity of the concept. (****insert Showman voice***) "Yes folks, if horribly abused chicken dunked in bread crumbs made from pesticide-laden wheat and 4 other modified starches cooked in genetically-modified oil from a made-made species didn't sound disgusting enough, now we're going to tell you to cook it in a Chinese-made, possibly electrically iffy but certainly unsterile toaster." It sounds ridiculous because it is.

Today's Soylent Feed isn't made of people, but it's made by people, to consume and be consumed by other people. It's crap but it seems all modern and convenient, so we'll try it just this one time, and we'll try the next brand that comes along just once until we become too lazy and useless to know any better. We have no business eating things that are determined to eat us from the inside out, but we all have the freedom to do so, and if you want to eat it, I won't stop you.

However, if one of you guys catches your kitchen on fire trying to cook chicken in a toaster I will fucking laugh.

the End.

The Harper Government: What's In a Name

2011-09-08T01:00:00.000-07:00

In an interview with CBC News, to be broadcast tomorrow night, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper asserted that 'Islamicism' is the biggest threat to Canada. While the P.M. believes that foreign Muslims are a threat, he also believes that homegrown Muslim radicals are something the government keeps an eye on.

The conversation with award-winning journalist Peter Mansbridge details Canada's international security situation, and while Harper states fully that Canada is more secure than it was prior to September 11, 2001, he still wants to bring back so-called anti-terrorism clauses that were in force between 2001 and 2007. The main clauses that were points of contention are:

One which allowed police to arrest suspects without a warrant and detain them for three days without charges if police believed a terrorist act may have been committed.
A second, which allowed a judge to compel a witness to testify in secret about past associations or perhaps pending acts under penalty of going to jail if the witness didn't comply.

While it should be noted that nobody from my knowledge was arrested under these codes, it is worth noting that, as the politics down south become a deep red, Mr. Harper's ambitions continue to become more grand. also, now he doesn't have a minority government like the one which he held when the laws were repealed by a unified vote of three other major parties.

But here's the thing-the average Canadian Muslim really wants nothing to do with Jihadis. He or she probably has average kids who go to average schools and hang out with other average Canadian kids. Muslims generally come to Canada to escape extremism. They may go to the mosque every week or once a year. They might buy halal beef from Alberta or snack at McDonald's. The mere suggestion that Muslims should have separate family courts was quashed by Muslims themselves, as the vast majority of Canadian Muslims want absolutely nothing to do with anything that might even appear to be preferential treatment, let alone Sharia Law.

However, the Prime Minister is banking on getting white Canada to eat up his fear by the bowlful so he can enact draconian laws to enable him to spy on and detain citizens without just cause. Under these laws, anyone really could be detains, but the likely targets would be Muslims and others with 'suspicious' complexions and/or associations. The Charter of Rights and Freedoms declares that all Canadians are to be treated equal regardless of race, creed, or religion. It too declares that Canadians shall have Freedom of Association and Movement. Unfortunately, we also have the Notwithstanding Clause, which gives the powers that be the right to ignore the Charter whenever it sees fit.

The more I think about it, the more Stephen Harper sounds like a Teabagger. Add in his alleged insistence on the Conservative Government be termed the Harper Government, his mishandling of those ridiculous G conferences, ridiculous security spending with matching tax cuts for corporations, and social program cutbacks and he sounds spot-on.

What it boils down to is fundamentalism. There are fundie Muslims and there are Evangelical Christians, like a fair chunk of the Harper Government. There are extreme Sikhs and hippielike ones. But, most members of most faiths are average taxpayers, free of sinister agendas. To be honest, we should be glad that there are fewer crazy Muslims than crazy Christians; the Muslims don't even have a political party and the Christians have several.

Stephen Harper is leaning further to the right because he figures that he'll have an ally come 2012, but if Americans look up and see what mayhem ultraconservatism can do to a profitable nation, one of the world's great nations, they'll see the Harper Government of Canada.

Educated Guess

2011-09-07T03:52:00.000-07:00

Michele Bachmann does indeed tow the Tea Party line, waving the Constitution in the air whilst demanding adherence to antiquated religious models. On Monday, she addressed Jim DeMint's forum, specifically attacking the Department of Education, with this statement:

"The Constitution does not specifically enumerate nor does it give to the federal government the role and duty to superintend over education," Bachmann said. "That historically has been held by the parents and by local communities and by state government. To put that into the federal government as we saw a Department of Education in the late 1970s has eviscerated the constitutional understanding that the control of education truly lies with the parents."

Mrs. Bachmann has experience with educational authorities herself, as well as the Constitution. In fact, after discovering that one of her foster kids' homework seemed too fun, she founded a charter school with six others. She was forced to resign in less than six months because the publicly-funded school was aggressively forcing a Christian-based curriculum down the throats of students in contravention of state law and the U.S. Constitution.

Anyone else think that she might just be a tad bitter? I mean, her speech was consistent with tenther-Tea Party doctrine, but last time I checked she resided in the United States of America. Personally, I think she's just a pissed-off, bitter beast who luckily stumbled on the perfect platform, one that parrots all of her old resentments and paranoid feelings.

As they say, timing is everything.

Michele Bachmann Is An Idiot Of The Day: The Phyllis Schlafly Edition

2011-09-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

Some days, it is really too easy to pick on GOP Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann, but today is not one of those. Today is a necessary slam, not because she eats a corndog funny, but because of who she professes her idol to be.

In a webcast, Representative Bachmann and Rep. Steve King heaped several minutes of praise on Eagle Forum founder and preeminent anti-woman of the last 50 years, Phyllis Schlafly. Rep. King lauded her for defeating the Equal Rights Amendment and keeping evil feminists at bay.

Mrs. Bachmann chimed in with this lengthy endorsement:

"If I could just say a couple of words about Phyllis Schafly, she is my heroine and my example as a forerunner. As a young bride and a young mother, I read faithfully "The Phyllis Schlafly Report;" she was my lifeline to what was happening in the world.

She truly is the mother of the modern conservative movement ... I think she is the most important woman in the United States in the last one hundred years.

Whatever Phyllis Schlafly says, it's important that we listen because she's there on every issue, on every front. She is our hero, our heroine, our stalwart and I absolutely adore her. So God bless you, my dear mentor and the person that I hope to be some day. So thank you very much, Phyllis."

While I encourage you to listen to the entire thing, I'll let you in on a few things about Phyllis Schlafly, for those unfamiliar with one of the most prominent anti-feminists of the last 3 generations.

Phyllis Schlafly did stop the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. She used popular homophobia and sexism under the guise of women's rights to convert minds and prevent ratification of an amendment that consisted of these sole points:

Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.

Here are some smart kids spelling it out for you:

Secondly, Mrs. Schlafly believes, to this day, that women cannot be raped by their husbands. In 2007, while giving a speech at Bates College, she uttered the following:

"By getting married, the woman has consented to sex, and I don't think you can call it rape.

She didn't back down from the statement, in fact, she affirmed it in 2008, when Washington University bestowed an honorary doctorate on her. In an interview with the student newspaper, she reiterated her prior statement.

"I think that when you get married you have consented to sex. That's what marriage is all about, I don't know if maybe these girls missed sex ed."

Phyllis Schlafly has all kinds of other crazy ideas too. From blaming the Virginia Tech massacre on the English department to calling for the impeachment of a Justice who voted to bar minors from receiving the death penalty, old Phyllis is the proud queen of the ultraconservative lobby. She also believes in men's supremacy, with a strong belief that men should avoid career women at all costs, and even the fact that women deserve less pay than men in order to encourage them to pursue their Christ-approved position as wives and mothers of many children: “we want a society in which the average man earns more than the average woman so that his earnings can fulfill his provider role in providing a home and support for his wife who is nurturing and mothering their children”.

She doesn't believe in women holding management positions, wage equality, or discrimination protection in the workplace for women because such protections might give women overtime work or promotions that interfere with her far more important domestic duties. To this day, the 87 year old Queen of Mean is at the forefront of movements against women's health care, gay rights, and fair divorce.

Michele Bachmann desires to go to the White House with the teachings of her headmistress firmly at the forefront of her policies. Phyllis Schlafly is one of the meanest women in the public eye, and Bachmann wants to be a bigger, badder, louder version of her.

Between Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, the U.S. is inching closer toward a theocratic plutocracy. It's all about transfer of wealth from the lower and middle classes to the wealthy few, but making sure that the privileged caste also adheres to rigid religious regulations regarding day-to-day life. It's oppression in the name of liberty, and it's the same thing that propelled the likes of the Ayatollah Khomeini and the true fascists of Europe into power. You cannot have rights if they can be taken away. What you have are privileges, and today's Tea Party wants to ensure that there are more of them for the wealthy than for the good people whose hard work made the rich who they are today.

Next year, you will enjoy the privilege of voting with your conscience. It's up to you to ensure that the process continues.

Be well.

The Song In My Head

2011-09-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

Were he still alive, today would be Freddie Mercury's 65th birthday. MAN, time flies. It's been 20 years since the greatest natural voice rock has ever had died from a disease nobody really talked about. Sure, Rock Hudson and Liberace had passed, but to us they were old. Freddie was legendary, to be sure, but he was still highly culturally relevant when he died. Still, he withered away physically and denied the reason like so many others did.

Now, a lot of people I used to know are gone as well. A much as people will say that some deserved it and some didn't, I'll tell you that there's no "good" way to get HIV. A person sounds the same dying of aggressive pneumonia; Kaposi's Sarcoma looks the same, whether you acquired HIV from a blood transfusion or your boyfriend. Trust me- I've seen it up close and personal dozens and dozens of times.

Today, people reminisce fondly about Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, but that warmness is not usually exhibited by those who have lost friends, spouses, or kids from the disease. Between Reagan's "ignore the disease because it's just about homos" philosophy to Thatcher's outwardly homophobic policies which made gays even more marginalized, a ton of people got sick and died horrible deaths in the prime of their lives. It took the deaths of people like Freddie to make people wake up to the fact that, as my worn-out ACT-UP shirt says, silence equals death.

Freddie Mercury knew there would be no cure for his condition, but hoped that his final admission could be of some help to someone. If the only afterlife is in the memories of others, Freddie Mercury's had a monumental life after death. Over a billion people watched the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, raising millions of dollars and opening the minds of people across the globe.

For Freddie, The Show Must Go On. And it continues today.

Buy this on iTunes

Yo, Believers : Letting Go Of God Part 12

2011-09-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

If you're a religious person, you may not empathize with the irritations suffered by atheist/agnostic/skeptical folks around you; in fact you might even try to proselytize to them. You may do so out of genuine concern for their mortal soul, or you might not realize what you do, but every John: blah: blah-blah you send signifies that you have no respect for the non-belief of those around you. This may not be the intended result of your subversive preaching, but quietly annoyed we are.

Non-brainwashed people are expected to somehow try not to offend the deluded. We're supposed to smile and nod while someone rips out a quote about the evils of homosexuality from Leviticus and the next minute claims that it's only the New Testament that matters. It is the believer who angers if his or her crackpot creationist theory is categorically disproven by science. Creationists freak the hell out when it's even suggested that the story of Jesus is identical to Mithra and oodles of previous savior gods and there is no proof of any of them existing. It is always the potential offense of the religious person that it taken into account, even if said religious person is beet-faced and screaming at the top of his lungs that atheists are Satanists and that the only life worth living is one spent in submission to a god they cannot see, hear, or touch; one that loves him, but will send anyone to a screaming, eternal pyre for torture until Satan tires of him.

The thing is, I don't care what you believe in. Whatever gets you through the day without killing someone is fine with me. Your belief is actually of fairly little concern to me if you're not ramming it down my throat, and even if you try, I'll be generally patient enough to change the topic to something that won't cause you to suffer a cerebrovascular accident. I'm nice like that, and I can safely say that most free thinkers are pretty chill when it comes to what you choose to believe.

The problem is, most creationists I have met see my lack of angry reaction to their ridiculousness as a sign that there's a smidgen of belief in there, and this is a sign from god that they need to witness to me. But I'm atheist, which means that no gods or goddesses presented in storybooks have proven themselves worthy of belief, let alone submission to. Neither your preaching nor Youtube videos of Jack van Whatshissnatch will convert me to your illogical view of the world and the heavens. (Don't get too excited; I'm just referring to all of the stars and comets and things that have escaped from the Space Station.)

So, believers, just quit already. You are already sitting in the privileged position where you get to ask atheists a litany of questions per day, but don't take advantage of it. You don't see atheists hammering on your door when you are knocking boots with a hottie, so maybe chill the fuck out. If you stop irritating atheists with your "you may not believe in god but he believes in you" bullshit and unwelcome prayers, we may actually enjoy your company. If we do indeed have souls, mine is not yours to save. What goes on in my noggin or whether or not I pray should be of absolutely zero concern to you, because we are all individuals, and as I have stated before, I am not you. I don't need a god to tell me not to steal my neighbour's chickens; I have common sense and empathy to enable me to come to the conclusion that Bob would be adversely affected by such a selfish gesture. If all that is keeping you from lying, killing, stealing, or banging your brother's wife is the Bible, I'm truly glad for humanity that you do believe. Again, I'm cool like that.

In conclusion, take a quote from your book and love your neighbour. Love your neighbour for who he or she truly is and not for who you wish them to be. Stop trying to convert people to your faith and use the time to take a self-improvement course or go fishing with your kids. Live your own lives to the best of your ability and stop being annoying, sanctimonious twits. And if you still haven't figured out what really frustrates your usually friendly atheist, maybe you should watch this.

A Long And Winding Blog About Gender

2011-08-31T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm going to show you a couple of images of products that you can find in any store. They are manufactured by much-lauded toy manufacturer Fisher-Price and are designed for 3-to-18 month old babies. Take a few second to look carefully, because it is important.

Note, that the Saw and Hammer toys are for a"busy baby boy" and the Purse and Diamond Ring are for "sweet baby girls". Yes, you too can indoctrinate your 3 month old kid into a life of forced conformity- your boy a hardy carpenter and your daughter a twit desperately waiting for Prince Charming to put a ring on it-before they can even form words.

What the blue Hell is going on here?

I know that I may not have been your typical prissy girl, but I certainly wasn't spending all my days and nights waiting passively for Prince Bloody Charming to "save" me from having to work or whatever. I was Little Ms. Busy- zooming around and getting bumps and bruises and hitting my thumb with a hammer. That being said, even though I wasn't into purses or Prince Bloody Charming, I was a pretty sweet kid. I was reasonably thoughtful and kind and quite intelligent. You can even ask my pop, as he frequents this blog.

The thing is today we seem to have completely reversed feminism. We're not only as gender-typed as we were in the 1890s, but we're even more sexist. Sure, you might be Rosie The Riveter in your day job, but when you get home you're expected to change the diapers, prepare all foods including cookies for the school bake sale, (which you will be shunned for not volunteering for because your outside job actually means something to you) serve your "king" his supper in a lounge chair, take his plate away and wash it, etcetera, etcetera. Girls are allowed to be electricians and mechanics, so long as they're sweet and gentle and make sure that their profession doesn't offend Mr. Macho Man.

But it's not just girls who are gender-typed to death, as these products show. Back in the day, there were defined gender roles, but boys' attire was quite similar to that worn by girls. Boys weren't looked at too funny if they wanted to help mum around the house, and as they got older, genuinely respected women for being there. The roles were different to be sure, but men could brag about how amazing their wives were and would open doors, buy flowers, and shower their lady with affection without being regarded as "soft" or pussywhipped for their thoughtfulness. Nowadays, boys are pressured from shortly after birth to be hypermasculine and uncaring, with gentle boys even shamed by other parents. Real men in our age best earn a lot of money, listen to no authority, and make sure that no bitch turns them down or insults their machismo in even the smallest fashion.

I was having a discussion with a gent a few days ago. He works in assisted living units for adults and is working on a nursing degree. He loves to vacation in San Francisco and is a very gentle man. So we were talking about life in general and he mentioned the fact that he doesn't have too many guy friends and chilling with his wife's friends isn't some form of torture for him. He's a gender nonconformist, and I think being in the company of someone who also doesn't quite fit may be the reason for the conversation. So, as the chit-chat went on, I mentioned that one of my brothers was considering giving up his job as the manager of a furniture importer to become a nurse as well. Mr. Social Worker pal nodded and said that it was brave for my bro to consider the career change (said brother has also had the macho job of Corrections Officer), but that it's kind of a lonely (yet still rewarding) road for the gentle giants who pursue such a non-traditional trade.

Now, my bro Chris was a gender hero long before passing this new idea through his dome. He was a big and sporting kid who also happened to love ballet. (Try envisioning a 200 pound 11 year old dude doing pirouettes in the kitchen, and you're spot-on) Today's winner of football pools is also very content dusting or cooking or whatnot. He's pretty social and has straight friends and gay friends and some in between. His right-hand man, whom he hired, is a former U.S. Marine dismissed under Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Chris doesn't care about what anyone save for his lady thinks of him because he truly believes that all people deserve to be treated with dignity. I think that if we're going to survive as a species, we need more folks like him.

We need to get to a point where we stop seeing pretty things and kind people as being weak. In our age, we still categorize everything as masculine or feminine, with the latter thought of as inferior. A girl born today can do "boy" things in many families without being kicked out of the house or beaten for it, with exceptions given to those raised in religious patriarchies. However, a boy in almost any family will be scolded or worse for even glancing toward that Barbie doll or cookset with fun in his eyes. And speaking of the cookset, have you noticed that the play kitchenettes we had as kids weren't pink? Try finding one today that isn't pink or mauve and you'll be taking far longer on your trip than you expected.

This gender policing comes into effect early, and kids do absorb it. From my nephew saying "I can't be a nurse, silly. Boys are doctors." to Larry King having his brains blown out for wearing a skirt, sexism is beyond alive and well. Girls are sweet, pretty, helpful, and less than boys, who are to be tough, bright, active, and eventually insecure and cruel.

How is this fair?

This is not an attack on boys-quite to the contrary-but an indictment of our society which forces them to conform to unrealistic so-called norms. Your boy isn't weak for wanting to be an interior designer or hairdresser, but may just have stronger will than the meanest linebacker. If your son-in-law wants to hang around with his kids and respects your daughter, he's not a wimp or undriven. Hanging out in the garage with dad isn't going to make your little princess into a homo. When we stop portraying our insecurities onto our children and those of others, we will have well-balanced future adults.

I mean, do boys and girls really need separate inhalers?

Thank you to Save On Foods in Victoria, BC for selling such a ridiculous product.

Your Daily Awesome

2011-08-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

Larry Powell started off like any other teacher a few decades back, and through hard work come rewards. Mr. Powell rose to the top of his profession, becoming Fresno County School Board superintendent. The job comes with a benefit package, decent retirement, and a hefty $288, 000 salary. But the thing is, that's just too rich for Larry Powell's blood.

The 63 year old educator is quitting his job- for one day. He will get to regain his position overseeing the classroom experience for 195, 000 kids, but not at the same salary. Mr. Awesome will make $31, 000, just like any other teacher, because he wants to save preschool and some essential programs that have been cut. What's more- he's donating his statutory minimum salary to charity. Yes, Super Prof is working for the next 3 1/2 years for free. The move will put $830, 000 into his kids' art programs and other fun.

So, why did he do it? The gentleman and his wife are both teachers and they figure they've been able to live the dream and will be able to live a quality life without hoarding their cheddar.

When asked, he plainly stated "We basically asked ourselves the question, do you have to have more money and do you just keep stockpiling it? And we decided that we didn't and that's not what we're all about."

While I'm sure the move may puzzle Bill O'Reilly and most other rich guys with it's social idealism and all, I think that Larry Powell is close to heroic, particularly in today's day and age of excess on the backs of the poor.

Cats like this restore my faith in humanity.

Where Have All The Children Gone?

2011-08-30T19:07:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were in school? If you grew up like most of us, your teachers were usually strict, yet friendly, and recesses were spent out on the playground. It was all about outside, where tougher kids might be playing rugby, fast kids played ball or tag, and quieter kids might read on the grass. It was fun and sometimes goofy, and even bullied kids like me enjoyed the break away from structure.

Nowadays, children don't get to have fun anymore. Kids go to school, come home with piles of homework, are shuttled to ballet and judo practice, and come home and blow their minds out on the computer or gaming machine before collapsing for fewer hours of sleep than we ever had. Twice a week, they see the paediatric psychologist because they're depressed or insubordinate from the poor diet of fast food, Prozac, and little-to-no exercise. Kids get outside less because parents are afraid of the mysterious predator and schools are cutting out recesses under the guise of work proficiency.

In recent years, 40% of American elementary schools have either reduced or eliminated recesses for various reasons. Some cite budgetary concerns, but many believe that the loss of fun time is due to overemphasis on test scores. The problem existed before the failed No Child Left Behind Act of 2009, but recess reduction has gone full-steam. And it's not just in America, but much of the highly competitive western world.

Human beings are not hardwired to receive a continuous flow of information for 7 to 9 hours without a break. This is why most workplaces offer breaks to employees. More comfortable workplaces generally enjoy benefits such as better performance, fewer injuries, better overall mental health, and lower numbers of sick days taken. And it works in a similar fashion with smaller members of our species. Children who have no recess, or recesses-in-name-only that involve more schoolwork eventually crack. An overly stressed out young person may grow tired or despondent, with lower scores being the result. And it's no wonder that we have all of these kids with alleged hyperactivity disorders- while I know some are genuinely related to neurological or genetic issues, I believe that a great number of children are simply energetic and want to run around a field and chase the chickens like our grandparents did.

By inundating children with too much information, too soon, and not giving them a breather, we will create some perfect corporate drones. We can use technology to rot their social skills and then dope them up when they don't fit in or when protest this absolute assault on their natural selves. And of all arguments that can be made, it simply boils down to the fact that all of this is contrary to our very essence. Despite what anti-evolutionists say, we are animals. If you look at the young of all high-order social creatures, you'll notice that they play. We may not always be certain as to why youthful fun affects the adulthood behaviour of various mammals, but it's clear that play produces positive results.

In the western world, we get to choose our leaders; everyone from school board trustees to presidents sees his or her name on a ballot sheet. We have the right to petition our leaders for better and vote for those who have a record of caring for our youngest and most awesome citizens. Education cuts and miseducational policies are human rights violations against those too young to vote. In most states, provinces, and nations, a tax hike of under 2% would overhaul the education system to the positive, provided we get rid of these ridiculous overachievement standards and stop trying to raise a race of bored Stepford stockbrokers.

If we let kids be kids again, I promise we'll get better adults. Oh, and boot your kids outside every so often. I'm pretty darn sure that will help too.

Media Moment Of The Thinking Kind

2011-08-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

Childhood is an awkward, but fun, time. We play dodgeball, crush hard, and develop frienships. In some families, childhood means school after school; religious indoctrination the name of the game.

In Egypt, this could be your kid:

and in America, this could be your kid:

Note how the different kids make you feel. Is one more scary? Why? Why is an Egyptian kid terrifying and an American one cute?

The Song In My Head

2011-08-25T01:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a bit. Jack Layton was and is something that made street kids like me better. And I'm a bit bummed. MAN, how do I eulogize a cat who actually saved my butt? Well, I cannot..

So Olivia and Mr. Jack, I offer this song, an important one. My favourite song, dedicated to a gent and a family that will always rock.

Buy this awesomeness from Andre Rieu HERE

The Song In My Head

2011-08-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

I live in a building with 42 small units, the majority of which are rented by single men. As one of the few women in the building, a lot of the gents have taken a shine to me, even though most are around my dad's age. One of them has Parkinson's Disease and likes to visit me because I'm a reasonably nice person and I live on the same floor. But, being a guy, he just can't let it be. Dude has a crush on me, and I am so not interested.

WH frequently comes over to try to flirt and talk my ear off, which is kind of difficult since he's become difficult to comprehend as part of his disease. Earlier this evening, I went and watched a movie with a pal. When I came back, there was a pitcher of water and plate of food at my door. One of the guys said he saw who dropped it off, and sure enough, it was WH, who also stopped by later on.

Now, I have a problem. This guy has it for me and I'm not really sure how to let the guy down. Even thinking about having to crush the guy gives me anxiety. After all, I moved in to this building to get some peace and quiet and dudes keep trying to hook up with me.

For the rest of tonight, I'm going to quietly pretend I'm not home or am sleeping due to the 3 or 4 guys who don't quite get the drift.

Has this happened to any of you? How exactly do you get the message across that you aren't looking, and do it convincingly?

While I plan my exit from this most recent awkward situation, let's enjoy this 1985 oddity from Animotion

Property of Island Def Jam Group. Buy now on iTunes here.

Walk-Off Strikeout

2011-08-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight, terminal braincramp Christine O'Donnell decided to go on Piers Morgan Tonight to promote her book because nowadays, every shitty political wannabe that is completely decimated in an election writes a memoir.

Things were going fine until the pithy host decided to ask Miss O'Donnell a few questions, namely about gay marriage. Apparently, Christine didn't realize that when you're on any station other than Fox, hosts actually may be inclined to be inquisitive.

And just like that, the 43-year-old virgin walked off of the show. all Piers did was ask a few very mild questions about the content of the book and -boom- she was outta there like Piers had asked her about her favourite masturbatory techniques or what she's done with the $925, 000 in leftover campaign contributions or something.

Christine O'Donnell needs to realize a few things, namely that as a former candidate, she will be asked about policy issues. You can't bring about the "second American Revolution" or whatever nation-hating Teabag takeover without being able to discuss where the country would go after you win the next Civil War. Number 2- If you go on national television to discuss a book you have purported to have authored, you may just be expected to keep your end of the bargain. If it's "all in the book", why aren't you willing to talk about it? Is it because, like so many others, you didn't actually write it, and as with the constitution, you have no idea what the hell you're talking about? But most of all, Christine O'Donnell seems to have forgotten that fame is fleeting, and infamy can be moreso. Her clock is at 14:59 and plum opportunities for free promo only come so often. she's virtually screwed herself out of appearing on any non-Fox channel for shameless self-promotion. Sure, her pals will blame the lib-tard media, but the fact of the matter is that there are people who wouldn't have tuned in to Fox, but watch CNN. Because of O'Donnell's petulant behaviour, none of them are rushing to Barnes & Noble.

Christine O'Donnell has proven what voters dictated. You can't be political material if one or two softballs causes you to unravel. If you're in session and a debate comes up, you can't run into a corner, crying for your mummy. Politics is hard business, and Christine O'Donnell is not just a complete and utter twit, but she's an absolutely spineless twit, and we should thank our lucky stars that the good people opted to keep her out of a public payday.

Bow To Your Master

2011-08-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

This is 98 year old Keiko Fukuda, and she isn't retired. Sensei Fukuda is a San Francisco judo instructor and the last surviving student of the discipline's founder, Kano Jiguro, who encouraged her to become an ambassador for the sport .

The daughter of a jiu-jitsu great, Sensei Fukuda grew up in Japan in a time where women could have a career or family, but not both. She dedicated her life to her fighting art and became a 5th degree black belt in the 1940's, but her rank was stalled for 30 years because the later overseers of Master Kano's Kodokan dictated that they didn't think that women could achieve a rank higher than 5. In 1972, she was working at Mills College in Oakland when she received her 6th dan designation, a first for all women. Every time fellow judoka pressured the Kodokan to raise the Sensei's rank, they balked and reiterated with their "but no woman has ever achieved this" retort, keeping the woman who went from rookie to 5th dan in well under a decade stagnant record wise. And just like every other time, she pressed on, determined to change the way women were portrayed in the sport.

This month, Sensei Fukuda became Master. She is the first woman and only American to ever hit the judo ceiling. She joins 3 Japanese men as the only 10th degree black belts alive.

She cried upon hearing that she had reached her life's goal and now I may need a Kleenex.

Girls, never let anyone tell you that you can't play with the boys.

Gordon Campbell: Living Large On Taxpayer Millions

2011-08-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

To the average reader, Canadian politics doesn't really register on your collective radar, so I'll make this outrage short, sweet, and easy to read.

This man here is Gordon Campbell and he was the Premier of British Columbia for 9 years, when he and his band of old Reform, Conservative, and social Credit buddies took over the Liberal Party and won 3 consecutive elections. It goes without saying that the party was Liberal in name only during this recently-ended period.

During this time, Gordon Campbell sold off many of BC's natural resources and privatized profit-making provincial corporations, selling all to his stable of cronies. There is now an inquiry into Campbell's corrupt sell-off of BC Rail, which was essentially given to a friend. People are rightly pissed at his selloff of BC Ferries, which went to another buddy, and the fact he sold 3 ferries to their manufacturer for 10% of their value. His party had numerous offices raided and members arrested for things which included registry violations. Gordon Campbell was convicted of drunk driving while in another country while in office and took a bribe to institute a wildly unpopular tax that mainly affects lower classes. During his time in office, hospitals and clinics were closed, teachers and therapists laid off, and homeless people forcibly relocated so the city of Vancouver wouldn't look so bad during the Olympics.

Times were bad when Gordo was in office. He was so hated that he resigned after massive protests. His approval rating the day he stepped down was 9%- the lowest of any politician in Canadian history. Gordon Campbell wound up with a pension that us mere mortals could only dream of, but he got the hell out of his seat, and we were happy for it.

Cue to today, when the Prime Minister of Canada, the Rt. Hon. Stephen Harper, decided it was time to appoint some diplomats. The usual faces, like Sanjeev Chowdhury, were shuffled to new locations and there were a few brand new diplomatic faces. And one of those was our pal Gordo. Yes, Harper named Gordon Campbell Canada's High commissioner in Great Britain; the second-most important diplomatic job in the country. It includes loads of fun in London, full medical and dental, a $1.5 million salary, and another pension which he can keep along with his existing one. The guy who financially mismanaged Canada out of billions of dollars and caused one province to crash while others flourished is getting the royal treatment.

Decisions like this one show you exactly how out of touch with everyday Canucks Mr. Harper really is. Dreadful appointments, adding "Royal" to our country's institutions, and turning the rare surplus into a deficit by giving tax breaks to the rich are just the beginning for our version of George W.

I understand that since P.M. Harper was voted in with a majority, he can do anything he wants; however, offering the most plum available post to one of the nation's most hated men will come back to bite you in the ass come next election. I can guarantee it.

Michele Bachmann Makes An Idiot Of Herself Of The Day

2011-08-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Michele Bachmann is no stranger to using the memories of deceased American icons to her benefit. As we brought you before MSNBC did, Mrs. Bachmann famously forgot which John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa (Gacy), but today we have an extra special treat for you.

Today, Mrs. Bachmann gave one of her usual self-promotion speeches, in this instance co-opting the memory of Elvis Presley, who she wished a loud happy birthday to that can be seen and heard here. the problem is, Auguast 16th is not Elvis Arron Presley's birthday. It's the day her famously died of a heart attack on the crapper.

A little less conversation and a little more research, Mrs. B.

#winning With The Juggalos

2011-08-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

Giving up your $40 million a year job to catch turdballs and glowsticks hurled by Insane Clown Posse fans isn't normal...but on crack it is.

Tila Tequila showed up for last year's gathering. Soon after, she lost what was left of her mind and started creating nearly incomprehensible blog posts about the Illuminati reading her mind.

Dude, this is NOT winning.

(Even More) Fundies With Existentialism

2011-08-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

Read the entire thing and don't just stop at the video...please.

Recently, AFA talking head Bryan Fischer posted a piece in which he questioned the idea of the fitness of females in politics purely because of their gender. While the piece seemed quite mild by Mr. fischer's standards, he did hop on AFA radio on Friday to clarify things a little and take opinions from callers, most of whom claimed that women are far too emotionally fragile to be leaders and, moreover, such things were "inappropriate" and "unbiblical".

The caller who prompted this response is a woman named Robin, who most certainly doesn't jive with women being political leaders, stating that the mere possibility that a woman could be president is a sign that America is under a "curse" from God because that is what God does to nations that fall out of His favour.

Naturally, Mr. Fischer gleefully chimed in with this reply:

If there is a god, who is Bryan Fischer to say that this all-powerful being would be so sociopathic as to deem one gender to be garbage in comparison to the other, useful only as a hole for quickie sex and washing the pots and pans? These Scriptures were written by men to control people, men who were racist, sexist, xenophobic, and homophobic, just like Bryan Fischer. Men who likely had serious mommy issues and hated their wives because they secretly lusted for their buddies, and whether or not that describes Mr. Fischer, we may never know.

Also, God does not choose leaders of free nations. The idea that one is pre-destined by the supernatural to rule over the people falls within the Divine Right of Kings, and as liberated people know, monarchies are not democracies, no matter how hard they try to be. In fact, opposition to undemocratic rule is one of the founding principles of that America that you believe is blessed by your Creator. Besides, if the Scriptures are correct, Barack Obama couldn't have been permitted office by this God because he's of African descent. (Those with "flat noses" are considered blemished in the Scriptures and not fit to rule over the people or to even enter a religious building.) The idea that God chooses Presidents according to divine bigotry is absurd.

The person I feel most sorry for though is the caller that inspired Bryan Fischer's ridiculous rant. It's pretty obvious that Robin has been indoctrinated with the belief that she is inferior purely because she wasn't born with a penis. She believes that women are cursed by God because some rib-lady ate a sacred apple after being told to by a talking snake. Instead of viewing the ability to bring life into the world as a wondrous gift, she sees such a thing as divine punishment, and as such America will be plagued with a female honcho because of it's spiritual iniquity.Any value system that could cause this lady, and millions of others, to hate themselves this much is far from moral, no matter how pretty the hymns are.

Bryan Fischer makes his living by willfully promoting hatred against women, Jews, Muslims, gays, immigrants, Native Americans, Hindus, atheists, and anyone else who is not a bigoted, white, American Protestant male. I'd dare to suggest that Bryan Fischer has seriously deep-rooted psychological disturbances that may have been caused by childhood religious abuse or any of the many other causes of adulthood assholery. And, with him, he found a perfect outlet for his rage in a religion that's millenia old. If it weren't for Christianity, I'm sure that Bryan Fischer would find another way to express his self-centredness, megalomania, and misogyny, but fewer people would actually take him seriously. If he didn't have this man-made version of God, he'd probably invent his own death cult or be a permanent fixture in the Bubble Room of a psychiatric facility.

People often ask why I mention zealots like Fischer so often, firmly believing that I ignored, bigots will go away. The reason is multifold, but fairly simple: If intelligent and compassionate people like you and I don't rebuke folks like Bryan Fischer whenever we can, they will continue to have influence over the political goings-on of not only America, but other free nations. Secondly, protest doesn't give fundamentalists power like so many think. Because of outrage over Bryan Fischer's incendiary radio programs, he has been rejected from speaking at many religious and/or Republican conventions of late, ones that he often counted on as a source of income and new sheep. When we clearly state that the American Family Association and its cohorts do not at all represent a positive vision of faith, they will be forced to adapt or be pushed further to the fringes, where they will no longer be able to have power over our politicians, laws, and schools.

I choose not to believe in any of the gods and goddesses presented before me, but some people do feel the need to surrender their lives to something other than themselves to become greater human beings. And I have absolutely zero malice toward anyone who uses spirituality to attain a personal relationship with the bigger, more awesome them that lies in the mind. However, the thing about belief is that it should assist you in becoming a better human being instead of enabling all of your hatreds to multiply like intracranial skinhead bunnies.

So, if your god is demanding that you make your daughter dress up like Darth Vader or tell her she's only useful as a baby factory, you may just be a child abuser. And if you don't live in Saudi Arabia or Iran, it is at least partially your fault. You have a choice as to whether or not you'll allow a preacher to tell you and your kin how to live. Stop blaming your religion- it can only make you do what you would do anyways- and take some accountability for the way in which your kids' self-esteem is formed. Stop blaming a book written by Bronze Age nincompoops for your disgruntlement over your son doing 20-to-life for killing a gay guy, for the fact that you beat your wife, or for the fact that you allow sequences of bizarre superstitions to dictate what you can eat and when you can eat it. Don't give me the "but God said so" bullshit. God didn't say it, man said it and wrote it down for posterity. God doesn't hate fags or abortion or women or blacks. You do. Own it, and if you feel badly about it, atone for it by being a decent human being.

If you bring peace with you, it will multiply.

13 Questions

2011-08-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

After the well-publicized Republican debate that Rick Perry and Sarah Palin famously chickened out of was complete, opinions on how well presidential hopefuls had done began to flow as wildly as the Iowa River in springtime. There are always a few comments that people latch on to, like Santorum dissing Iran for having a lousy gay rights record when he hates gays as openly as any old-school Imam or Huntsman seeming to forget that he was involved in high-level talks with China whilst working as Ambassador; however, there are also pundits weighing in on the appropriateness of questions posed to the panelists.

The question that seems to have garnered the most media steam was asked by Byron York to the only female on stage, that being Michele Bachmann. In reference to the following speech, Mr. York asked Mrs. Bachmann if, as Commander in Chief, she would be under the power of her husband.

Mrs. Bachmann naturally tried to skirt the question by claiming that her and Marcus have a mutual respect relationship instead of an "I do not permit a woman to speak" one, as instructed in the Bible. She certainly didn't definitively answer who exactly would be running the show should America become suddenly insane and vote her in as Prez.

Naturally, news organizations have called the question sexist or otherwise inappropriate, but I don't find it either. You see, people have the right to know if their country could be run not by the woman they voted for, but a badly closeted guy who believes in the spiritual and psychological terrorism of gay people. For the citizens of the land, it is imperative that who decides to bomb Iran and institute Biblical law is the zealot of their choosing. As such, not only is the query appropriate, but necessary. If someone would hand over the wellbeing of over 300 million people to another solely because of a book written by bronze-age miscreants, not only do Republicans deserve to know, but the rest of the world should.

Now, I don't believe that Mrs. Bachmann should have been singled out for the submission question, even though we know that Newt keeps his wives and mistresses suitably subjugated. All of them should have been asked if they believe that women are second-class humans because of the tale of a rib-lady and a talking snake. In this vein, I've compiled a list of 13 questions that I would pose to this gaggle of Bible-beaters during the next Republican schmoozefest. I have more in my mind, but 13 seems like a fantastic number when dealing with matters of the superstitious kind.

1. If a bull gores someone, do you believe that both the ox and his owner shall be stoned to death as commanded in Exodus 21:28-29?

2. If someone works on the Sabbath, shall he or she be put to death in accordance with several sections of the Bible, including Exodus 31:13-17?

3. Do you kill a lamb or goat every time you touch an insect, making sure to sprinkle the blood all over the place and burning the fat, head, and innards in a bizarre spectacle?

4. As President, will you require that both parties in adultery be executed?

5. Would you execute Pat Robertson, Harold Camping, and other dreamers and Prophets if their predictions are wrong in accordance with God's laws?

6. Will you keep your daughter's bloody sheets to prove her virginity lest her husband decide he hates her and should lie that she was a whore? Remember, if you don't save the relic, your daughter shall be stoned to death at your doorstep.

7. Would you bar the blind, the deaf, or dwarves from entering houses of worship as they "profane the sanctuaries" of God? And would you reward those who kill the blind, just like David did?

8. Should we fear mass executions because your God commands you to murder all of those who do not "seek out the God of Israel"?

9. Would you and your buddies stone a disobedient son to death? Remember, this is not only commanded by God, but Jesus, who came to enforce the commandments, not alter them.

10. As President, would you demand a return to slavery with penalties for disobedient slaves as prescribed by God, Jesus, Peter, and Paul dozens of times? Do you currently own slaves? If not, why not?

11. Would you force schools to teach that the world is flat, as it is said to be so 18 times in the Bible? Would our kids also be taught that Earth is fixed, with the Sun revolving around it as mentioned 13 times? Will geography be banned from classrooms, as it involves Earth's measurement, which is strictly prohibited in Jeremiah 31:37?

12. Do you believe in dragons, unicorns, or talking donkeys? If not, you haven't read Numbers, 2 Peter, or Job.

13. Do you have a Christmas tree? If so, you haven't read Jeremiah 10:2-8, which states" Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.... They are altogether brutish and foolish."

These questions are not intended to ridicule believers, but to point out the fact that absolutely none of the self-righteous Christians who want to score the Republican nomination adhere to their faith by the letter. And this is probably a good thing, since these are people that, save for Ron Paul, do not believe in any separation of church and state. Asking Michele Bachmann, a self-described Evangelical whether or not she's submissive is an absolutely fair question because she brings her private beliefs into the public spectre so often; in that vein, it would be completely acceptable to ask any other Republican hopeful any of the above.

I thoroughly encourage you to think about exactly what your politicians bring to the table. Do they have sound ideas about how to better the lives of others or demand that hundreds of millions of very different people have their rights restricted or removed because of their belief in the superiority of words written by some of the most proudly brutal men in human history? Political ideals and religious practice are and must remain sovereign in order for nations to become and remain free. Perhaps, Republicans would understand the necessary segregation between church and state if they actually researched the woman whose words mean so much to them. Ayn Rand was the selfish, free-market heroine, but she was also pro-choice and very staunchly atheist. She also was an immigrant.

What I have done here is what folks like Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum don't want you to do, and that's think. One question generally follows another- not only in a political debate, but in life itself. It's when we stop asking questions and making decisions based on fact and instead settle for appeals to judgmentalism force-fed by those who care naught about us that we become partners in the loss of liberty.

Because New Twitter Is a Pain In The Tweet

2011-08-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

Normally I'm making you aware of super-important global causes and corrupt politicians, or at least giving you a history of the toilet, but today it's a little wee touch different. This post is about Twitter, the microblogging service that most of you know and love.

Some of you may have noticed that your Twitter is looking a little weird now. It's because the New Twitter, which made it's beta debut 11 months ago, has been foisted upon all tweeters. And a ton of you plumb hate it, which is why you opted out of New Twitter when you had a choice, choosing to stay with the tried-and-true original that had been around since early 2006. It's less busy and you need fewer clicks to do the same thing.

Until August 3rd, you were winning, and now that you're forced to deal with an interface not of your choosing, many of you have messaged me or bitched on Twitter about your New Twitter rage. Complaints have ranged from not being able to get online from dialup (yes, some people still use this) to forgetting about DMs, not to mention the weird way messages are dealt with. Twitter features an older demographic than most social networks and has a huge international reach. As such, Twitter should give their unique audience a choice as to which interface they'd wish to use. It's not Facebook, and twitterati wouldn't wish their fave service become so.

So, here's the deal: Because I had noticed the plethora of folks upset about involuntary conversion to New Twitter, I decided to try and do something about it. I know it's a first-world problem, but I decided to petition Twitter to bring back the opt-out, allowing my dad and you to figure out what the hell is going on in the Twitterverse.

If you're one of the many who hate New Twitter, or at least believe users should have a choice, wander over HERE to let them know how you feel.

Media Moment: Circular Impression

2011-08-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

This woman may become the leader of 65% of my readers.

Watch and wretch while Mrs. Bachmann attempts to justify indiscriminate pollution.

Your Morning Tea

2011-08-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Tea Party members have made no secret that they want Barack Obama to be a one-term president. They've stalled legislation and held the nation's economy hostage in an attempt to bring down a guy who may not be the best prez ever, but is the one voters placed in his seat.

Recently, the U.S. lost her AAA credit rating, and this does have an impact on everyday Americans in more ways than one can imagine. The Dow Jones took a plunge so huge yesterday that it was even felt on the Toronto Stock Exchange, instilling a sense of uneasiness in many middle-class folks with private retirement plans and mutual funds.

The downgrade has been given the moniker, The Tea Party Downgrade, and one would think this would bother the usually-disgruntled band of kazoos, but in this case they're overjoyed. Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz is among them, proudly squealing "We weren't kidding around either. We would have taken it down.". It in this instance refers to something affecting the nation's global economic standing and her sense of financial pride.

This is a Tea Party Express event in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin, a state so polarized by these malcontents that their government was at a standstill for what seemed like an eternity. Florida talk show host Andrea Shea King to discuss the credit rating downgrade and how it's been blamed on the Tea Party. Instead of this bothering the small crowd, they cheered.

This is not a faction of patriots, but parasites.

Media Moment : The Padded Edition

2011-08-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

The Always menstrual diaper adverts have always annoyed me. Every so often, they come up with a tagline that's obviously been invented by either a man or 80 year old woman who remembers when pads were 2 inches thick and held on with jockstraps. Their new TV spot is in their Have A Happy Period series and it offends not only female-born-women, but everyone else too. According to Always, some women (ie: transgendered ones) would love to be blessed with the monthly curse, so those of us who still have uteri should just stop whining.

Not only has Always managed to piss off those of us who have horrible periods, but they've managed to poke fun at the transgendered and made an underhanded stab at women who have had hysterectomies.

Great work, assholes.

When All Of The Atheists Disappear : Letting Go Of God Part 11

2011-08-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

Migrants have traveled to the United States for hundreds of years because, until recently, the Land of the Free moniker meant something. Oppressed families could find new and meaningful lives in a new nation, where religion or place of birth might be a curiosity but wouldn't cause you to be subjected to hate.

Unfortunately, the so-called Moral Majority has taken over, rendering America more religious than at any time in her history. More folks go to churches and pray more often now than when the nation was founded, during any wars prior to the ones occurring now, during the Great Depression, and even the times of temperance and Prohibition. Americans are petitioning for religion to be mandatory at the military funerals of atheists and even though clergy were originally banned from being near standing armies, there are even religious tests for recruits, Bibles handed out everywhere, and chaplains are available to consult female crime victims not to report rapes.

To be sure, the fundamentalist conversion of america has many victims. Religious war drains coffers, each of the thousand or so anti-abortion bills costs money to try to unsuccessfully force into law, anti-gay bills cost money and so do efforts to force prayer into schools. Trying to override the Bill of Rights or even change the Constitution is really expensive in a time of need, but hey, you can just blame those damned resistant non-believers for all of it.

But what of us pesky heathens? Well, Atheists comprise 16% of the population- more than Jews, Muslims, and Scientologists combined. An average American is 5 times more likely to be an Atheist than a gay of any kind. An Atheist could be a university professor, but is also my 10 year old nephew.

In reality, In America right now, half of the population would rather trust a Christian prison inmate than my favourite micro-biologist. I remember being called a Satanist because I dared to sit down during a Christian prayer in my public school and my nephew has been forced to go to a church to try and get rid of his intelligent thoughts. There are a whole lot of people who don't seem to get the idea that the founding fathers of America were men who often derided religion, with Christianity a pet target. These guys said that the state shall establish no religion because most of them thought Christianity was divisive, mind-evaporating bullshit. (I can give you several hundred quotes if you would like this statement substantiated)

In North America, we have 3 fairly religious countries where being atheist is pretty darn uncomfortable and often unsafe. You see, a mere mention of one's lack of belief will usually cause the person to claim that you are "forcing" your non-belief on everyone. After this, the person will feel no problem in attempting to convince you that their chosen space demon is the right one and/or you are going to Hell. Religious tolerance has no meaning when it comes to those who aren't religious, at least in the eyes of those who actually believe the lie that America, Canada, or even Mexico are to be governed by religious institutions.

When someone asks me about my non-belief, I usually offer up some easy-to-understand reasons for why I don't believe in their particular faith. I will usually mention that I actually used to believe in a God, the one that Abram and Moses used to call their master, but don't anymore. I'll often explain that the reason is not some Bill Maher rant or Dawkins book, but my own self-actualization and the fact that I had read many, many religious texts and was sick of apologizing for a tyrannical figment of the imagination. Apparently my freethought has made me a member of the least trusted minority when I visit America, but also in Canada where I spend most of my time. Indeed, I've seen religious crap and anti-gay rants on the newsletter mailed out by my local Member of Parliament, "Dr." James Lunney, and there are more churches in this town than I can count. My mention of atheism is controversial at the very least on either side of the border, and several people have said that I should get out of the country.

Before you watch this very unique and thoughtful video, I offer up a very true statistic about exactly what would happen if you fundies got your wish:

If all Atheists were to be deported from America, you would lose philanthropic billionaires Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. You would lose soldiers and athletes and Jodie Foster. Photos memorializing Isaac Asimov, Marlene Dietrich, Mark Twain, Nehru, and Frank Zappa would all be burned. If all atheists were to get up and leave, over 93% of the members of the National Academy of Sciences would be on the boat, but a mere 0.16% of the prison population would join them.

If you can tell me that the world would be a better place without these people in it, you are in need of freedom from religion.

Because The Bible Tells Me So

2011-08-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

In the Bible, it's pretty clear that women are to be quiet, obedient, and fruitful, but most folks don't really think that applies to today's modern woman. Well, that is except that their are religious sects that do indeed consider women second class with preachers that promote inequality and even Biblical death penalties for crimes real or imagined. These men take to the airwaves, pulpits, and bookshelves to ensure that we keep a sense of morality that was passe 4000 years ago.

One of the many who believe that women are still chattel is Ron Hamman, Pastor of the Independent Baptist Church of Wasilla, Alaska, who wrote this damning statement when referring to the validity of spousal rape claims:

I, for one, have never had any woman make such an allegation against her husband to me. But even if these accusations are as vast as alleged, there are major problems with them from a Biblical standpoint.

For instance, there is the problem of truth. That is, this kind of allegation becomes her word against his word. And while I understand that in Alaska the lone female is able to convict her alleged perpetrator, this goes contrary to the Bible. In the book of Deuteronomy we find the following: “One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.”

While this may be a problem for some in that this is Old Testament, this is carried over into the Christian era in Matthew 18: “But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one of two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.”

The purpose for this is the preservation of justice. The truth is that people, including women, can lie. Thus, in not requiring two or three witnesses to the event, Alaska statute proves itself to be unjust, and likewise those legislators responsible for it. But then again, what more can we expect from the lost?

He's right- it says so in Deuteronomy. It's the part of the Bible that Muslims get their laws from, which include stoning of rape victims. In fact, the only Biblical instance when a man can be given a severe penalty for rape is if he rapes a virgin woman in the city. But the thing is, they both suffer the penalty of death.

But rape in a marriage? Such things are imaginary anyways; a sign the spouse is wrong in the eyes of the Flying Space Pervert. And it's not only the victim's fault, but a blight on the American people as seen in the eyes of the omnipotent Cretan.

But this is not the only problem. The next question we need to ask is to whom does the body belong? While in our day of feminism it is asserted that a woman’s body is her own. Biblically speaking, this is only true prior to marriage, for in Paul’s first epistle to the Corinthians we read:

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”

The truth is that God has given to us physical needs we commonly refer to as a “sex drive,” and he has designed for these to be met within the bounds of marriage. The trouble comes when one spouse or the other decides to exact retaliation against the other because of some offense and withholds him or herself from his or her mate. This is wickedness, and such is a violation of the spirit of marriage on the part of the withholder.

Thus, if these allegations of spousal rape are due to the wife withholding herself in attempt to control or punish her husband, she is out of line with God. And it doesn’t matter how many laws are passed, it will just be another reason why God will not bless America.

But then again, this is how far out of line with God America is.

Pastors like this one are exactly what's wrong with the world. Religious adherence means turning a blind eye to what are true abominations- ones that involve real people in real society as opposed to a mythical Sun god. Those who violently attack their partners should go to jail, and if that makes America out of line with this god, maybe it's followers should get the fuck out.

There is no excuse for barbaric behaviour, but those who do it at the behest of their imaginary friend take it to new lows.

A Good Cause

2011-08-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

This summer, Kurt Vonnegut satire classic Slaughterhouse-Five was banned in the public high school of Republic, Missouri after tight-ass MSU professor Wesley Scroggins bitched that the four-letter words in the World War II-based book offended his virgin eyes. He was also upset that Sarah Ockler's Twenty Boy Summer shows girls having too much fun and classified Speak as "soft-core pornography", evidently because the sole offending passage, involving a 15 year old being raped, turned him on. All and all, Mr. Scroggins claims the possibility that kids could actually read literature and decide for themselves what offends them is contrary to biblical teachings.

Thusly, The Scrog's complaint went to the board, where 4 board members decided that the 4500 students were far too immature to read two of these books, that being Slaughterhouse-Five and Twenty Boy Summer. Superintendent Vern Minor stated that the "intense" language led to the decision, not any feelings about the author per se. As for Ockler's book, he charged that the book "is just not good" and that he might have liked it more if there was a better ending or consequences to the teenage escapades. Speak slipped through because the board liked the ending, where the girl is able to thwart a second rape and, outside of being emotionally scarred, is victorious.

Naturally, there has been some backlash against the banning of books in public schools based on a complaint from a guy who home schools his kids. Ms. Ockler took to her own, expertly written, blog to apologetically defend her work and the free speech of other authors. The piece is good and I suggest you take a read.

Naturally, Kurt Vonnegut is not alive to defend himself, though I'd suspect he'd issue a gigantic "fuck you!" if he were. Because of this, the Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library in the writer's hometown is giving away copies of Slaughterhouse-Five to any highschooler from Republic who wants one. The library is also accepting donations to help offset the costs associated with shipping the books to kids. To find out more, go to their website and check it out.

The school board of Republic, Missouri may have banned words from their schools, but they cannot silence free speech. If you have a teenager, I strongly suggest purchasing copies of Slaughterhouse, as well as Catcher in the Rye and all of the other dandies that Christocrats are trying to prevent from the public educational facilities of the western world. Books written in the past can teach relevant lessons today, but if we don't fight censorship, the words written by great minds really could be lost in the coming generations. It's up to us to ensure this doesn't happen.

To send a kid in Republic, MO a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five for $5, go here

Smell The Coffee

2011-08-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the American stock market plunged over 500 points, but rich people will still enjoy their tax breaks, so have no fear. That's because, while your nation was being kicked in the financial balls, your GOP was there to make sure that you know that they stand behind the real 5% that's to blame for everything. The gays.

Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, and Rick Santorum all took time away from hating on the Tan Man to sign NOM's pledge to add gay hate to the Constitution. You see, they are all states' rights until it comes to things like taxes and abortion and gays and guns and Islam and Latinos. And they love everyday Americans and the working class too, so long as they're not gay or Muslim or Mexican or unmarried or female or the recipient of a salary of less than $250, 000 a year.

Yes, workers, while your 401ks were vaporizing, this was more important to the major GOP presidential hopefuls:

If you haven't figured this out yet, the Teajadis are doing everything in their power to hijack the economy and crash it into a sea of despair. All so that they can get out of office a man who has a degree from Harvard, but they see as no more than worthy of being a butler. These 'social war' issues are designed to turn people against each other in a time when the entire world could use a few positive examples of unity.

This week's attacks on Mr. Obama, gay families, and others by the Tea Party are nothing more than an attempt to obfuscate their true mission- the absolute control of America by wealthy, white, Christian elites to rule over the serfs in the way the British monarchy had dominion over their masses for centuries. Their 'tea' moniker has less to do with Boston than to do with wanting to be like the tea-swilling slave owners of old. People like Michele Bachmann wave the Red, White, and Blue as a symbol, yet completely burn the heritage behind it. If any of these half-wits could read, they'd take a peek at the Treaty of Tripoli, or any of the many other documents declaring that America is not a Christian nation.

To hell with tea- people need to wake up and smell the coffee. The Teaocrats are flushing the North American economy down the Crapper in order to hopefully get Barack Obama out of office. When and if they accomplish said goal, they will have no idea how to run the nation, with exception of letting their partners in Koch and Murdoch run everything.

Your nation is in the stinkhole and all the GOP cares about is pandering to racist, sexist, and homophobic religious leaders. I'm thinking that it's because the vast majority wouldn't know how to balance a checkbook.

Make sure to vote.

What The Blue F*ck Of The Weak

2011-08-04T03:24:00.000-07:00

When folks send their kids to school, they figure that their sons and daughters should both be afforded the same opportunities, particularly in publicly-funded schools.

Canada is among many nations that are looked to when it comes to issues such as gender equality and secularism. Indeed, many school districts are the envy of the advanced world when it comes to topics such as the sciences. Our spirit of inclusion has become a Canadian hallmark, with the nation attempting reconciliation with some of my ancestors whilst welcoming a new crowd with an embrace that few nations can. Indeed, Canada is becoming what all nations tried to be- opening to the new, respecting the old, and redefining a beautiful and wondrous culture distinct from that of any other. As a nation of natives and immigrants, Canada has attempted to do her best at providing the example for many, but there are always flaws.

The photograph here is of the gymnasium of Valley Park Middle School in Toronto, Canada. It is a public educational facility with the majority of students aged 12 or 13.. They decided to utilize the gymnasium for Friday Islamic prayers, which is contrary to general policy but they figured would be a good idea since there were a fair percentage of Muslim kids. And it's really a 'no harm, no foul' kind of proposition.

The issue here, as not only many pundits have pointed out, but even male Muslim leaders have, there is not only a distinct separation between these wee boys and girls, who must enter at separate entrances, but girls who are or may menstruate must also sit at the back. The girls who are 'stricken' are to remain silent, separated from boys and girls alike, not permitted to participate in any prayers or discussions. In accordance, most are attired in extreme modesty to signify that they are legally adult.

I recall the horror of discovering my 'monthly affliction' in grade 9. I was mortified and had no idea what was up, but I thought I was dirty because a book told me so. I went to a public school and couldn't imagine the thought of being forced to be segregated from my peers because of the possibility of spiritual defilement. After all, it's not like my parents sent me to a Jewish or Muslim separate school. These kids are being shamed, and it isn't even needed, like the belted pads that they finally stopped making when I was 18 or so.

The thing is, even the Muslim Canadian Congress thinks this is 100% bullshit.

MCC founder and general philanthropic fellow Tarek Fatah has stated that not only are the variety of Friday prayers conducted at the school not mandated by Islam, but that "the Toronto District School Board is using taxpayer money to tell girls that they are second-class citizens". He is among the many that comprehend the ideals that Canada is a place that respects faith needs, but shall never impose them, let alone a divisive sect of said system.

However, the Toronto District School Board is not listening to Torontonians, the MCC, the Muslim Women's Congress, or common sense in general in permitting one group to rule over the spiritual needs of people in a public school. According to the MCC, these prayers are not mandatory to begin with and even if kids wish to participate they should be gender integrated, as they are children in a free society.

This is not Canadian Islam. Religion is a free exercise in the home and religious office, and if spoken about elsewhere, should be done in accordance with decency and equity for all. These are not only Canadian laws, but views endorsed by the vast majority of Muslims and others who call Canada home. Good men bring their daughters to Canada in order to give them lives free of oppression and full of opportunity.

Let's get this disastrous sectarian bullshit out of North American public schools. Girls don't need to be shamed for being human beings. Let's fix this injustice before it spreads.

GO HERE NOW

Unwarranted Fame: The Disease That Cures Itself

2011-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Over the last few years, I've spent more time than I care to admit ripping on Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The pair of intellectual tits just grated on me, with their obsession with fame and outward arrogance and all. Throw in the displays of absolute financial stupidity and weird religious preaching and there's no way I was going to be a fan of Speidi, particularly the hairier member of the duo.

So now, these two are broke. And it's no publicity stunt- they have squandered millions and millions of dollars of mainly Heidi's money and are living at the home of Spenny's parents. Heidi and Spencer made huge coin off of staged paparazzi shoots, club appearances, and reality show bullshit and wasted it on trying to turn Heidi into a pop tart and Spencer into her Svengali. They wined and dined at famous joints and Spenny owns a million dollars worth of clothes. Everything from Heidi's numerous surgeries to Spencer's constantly-replaced vehicles was crafted to try and gain more dollars from momentary fame.

The guy who is two and a half years apart from this statement: "If I were to beat up every homophobic racist loser who challenged me to a fight, I wouldn't have time to be the most famous person in the world." is for all intents and purposes penniless and homeless. I'd almost feel sorry for the ugly bastard if I didn't think he was shopping some ego-massaging pseudoreality crap somewhere. I mean, this is a dude who filed a divorce petition against his wife as a publicity stunt because he was afraid of losing fame.

Fame and the paychecks that accompany it are almost always fleeting and once the cash is gone, you have to start over again. I suggest Spenny become a roofer or bricklayer or something real for a living. I mean, he probably couldn't hack it, but you never know. Maybe he can film some reality show where he has to scuba-dive through raw sewage for $14 an hour like some dudes do. THAT would be far more entertaining than The Hills, to be sure.

Seriously though, Spenny might be crying about his stupidity, but he should look to the wife whom he screwed over. She took that 'for richer or poorer' shit seriously. Maybe he could learn a lesson about unconditional love and strength and all of those positive attributes from a woman far wiser than he is.

Who the fuck am I kidding? The scumbag would divorce his devoted wife if he thought he could make $10 off of it.

There are cool, talented, and awesomely hard-working gents who deserve all of life's finer things. Spencer Pratt ain't one of them.

Quick Check In Post

2011-08-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

So, I heard that some of you were worried about my homelessness-following-domestic-assault dealio. Well, for you good creatures I have good news. I found a new flat the size of a postage stamp and am settling in to peace, quiet, and late-night cooking. It's weird how things can change in a positive fashion when you work your butt off to get to a good parcel in your mind and life.

Anywho, as for the place- I dig it. It's cheap and cheerful, kind of like the occupant. :) It's on the ground floor, so shit can get a little noisy, but I really lucked out.

I feel pretty loved with all of the rad messages from you folks and whathaveyou, so I figured a hello and thanks should be in order. I promise to be back to my regular cuntiness sometime this week, as I've heard that some of you were having withdrawal symptoms. Seriously though- to Spider Joe, Cine, Sarah, Tonda, Coner, Evan, Amy, Sandi, Boxy and the Aussies, the Kiwis, Hammy, and everyone else a seriously heartfelt thank you. You're the best.

Nighty night

M.

The Anatomy Of A Change

2011-07-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I brought you a story about how California's Board of Behavioral Sciences was permitting students to obtain continuing education credits from working at virulently anti-gay group NARTH. Myself as well as many of you were incensed that the freedom-forward Golden State could accredit an organization that promotes ideas and treatments for a disease that doesn't exist. Indeed, NARTH's gay cures have been discredited by every major medical organization and their proclaimed so-called success rates are dubious at best.

With these things and more in mind, many of you petitioned the California BBS to take NARTH off of the 'approved' list. Well kids, despite my slight pessimism, it worked. The National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality is no longer listed in the catalogue of approved organizations for the purposes of Continuing Education credits pending a September review of BBS standards.

As it stands now, the BBS can't reject a continuing education provider due to its philosophy or even the validity of its scientific claims, executive officer Kim Madsen says, and "that's been a challenge." Instead, as long as the provider "meets the requirements as set forth in current law, we have to accept them." (Those requirements include providing direct or indirect patient care, having qualified instructors and submitting the appropriate applications and fees.)

At its September meeting, however, the BBS will be reviewing those laws and requirements and having a discusssion about what Madsen describes as "long-identified deficiencies in the continuing education model".

While it may seem like a small deal to have NARTH taken off of the list, even though it was because they had the book tossed at them for not paying fees, it really is not. NARTH is no longer accredited and because of pressure from media and concerned citizens alike, they are not likely to be reinstated. This will mean that NARTH will simply run out of students and younger medical professionals to work for them and, eventually, their institution dedicated to psychologically abusing young people will vanish into the abyss of antiquated thought.

Never underestimate the power of unified protest, for if nobody spoke up about the California BBS' provider requirements, they wouldn't be reviewing them in the first place. If someone hadn't noticed NARTH's name and notified others, Nicolisi's group of homophobes likely would've received a warning or similar slap on the wrist. With the media aware now, the BBS will need to alter the ways in which they deal with organizations that profit from pseudoscience.

Thousands of people spoke up about something they believe in, but it started with just one. Never be afraid to affect change- if your cause is true, masses will follow the leader. If everyone remained quiet about every idea, disease, racism, and every form of injustice and ineptitude would be rampant. Civilized society is a pretty amazing thing, and it is so because thoughts are communicated.

Whether the idea relates to discovery or civil rights, good ones tend to reproduce rapidly. From free minds come wonderful brainchildren. The most tragic thing in the world is an intellect that's been neutered by submission to the status quo.

Media Moment: The Vander Putz Belly Bust

2011-07-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

Bob Vander Plaats is the man behind the weird racist, sexist, and homophobic pledge that terminal braincramp Michele Bachmann signed, but even though his pledge was 100% serious, he still enjoys a good laugh, particularly if the joke is about one of the groups he promotes hatred against.

Listen to a line told by an event attendee and see if it's worth Vander Putz busting his guts.

(Even More) Fundies With Existentialism

2011-07-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

Randy Thomasson makes no bones about his hatred for gays. His loathing is louder and prouder than RuPaul on a lavender skyscraper.As such, nobody was terribly surprised when Mr. T. let his protest fly last month when California decided to permit openly LGBT role models into their curriculum. Now, teens will get to know about Bayard Rustin and Leonardo DaVinci without their orientations sanitized out of the conversation. And, MAN, was Randy Thomasson peed off.

Thing is, nobody listened to Mr. Thomasson about his imagined threats to children caused by the sheer knowledge that Oscar Wilde or John Gielgud were lovers of men as well as the arts. People just aren't as freaked out as the fundies want us to be. Now, it's WAR.

Randy Thomasson popped on Janet (why are so many of these Stepford Fundies named Janet?) Mefferd's radio show to proclaim that no longer denying the LGBTness of heroes of the past was the most indecent brainwashing in American history and would begin a Christian civil war, because that's what Thomasson wants.

Here's a few choice snippets:

Thomasson: I believe he was responding to a tremendous amount of pressure from homosexual, bisexual and transsexual activists, they were saying, ‘Hey, Jerry [Brown], we’re demanding that you sign our bill on LGBT role models for children,’ and he did it. I think they are just reminding him that they own him, he is their governor, because what the Democrats give the homosexual activists what the homosexual activists want, and the homosexual activists want children. So the Democrat governor gave the homosexual activists the brains of children, six million children in California government schools now are going to be suffering under an eighth school sexual indoctrination law, the most direct, in-your-face brainwashing I’ve ever seen.

Actually, I do dare say that abstinence 'education' and the force-feeding of Gideon bibles to children are far more direct attempts at brainwashing. The LGBT hero bill simply states that teachers will no longer pretend Bayard Rustin is straight. Let's continue.

Thomasson: We can harken back to our American revolution. The Declaration of Independence has a long list of sayings that the colonists were lobbying King George III about, but King George III just kept coming back with more and more taxes, he didn’t listen. So they said, well, you know what, it’s our right to alter or dissolve the government. And that’s what we’re doing, we’re declaring independence. We’re not there yet but I tell you what if we don’t start voting different and telling people how to vote and if pastors don’t repent and teach people how to vote Christianly then we’re heading to toward a real civil war I’m afraid.

Mefferd: Strong words, but I’m with you all the way.

This dude is talking about actual WAR, involving actual death and rape and destruction and orphans and all of those other horrible things that come from it simply because people won't bow to his narrowminded views. In his fragile mind, even Christians who decide to accept people as the decent people they are would be part of the enemy. Read his statement closely- he believes people should be told how to vote Christianly and who to vote for. Thomasson is voicing his view that the church must become the state, even if people die for it.

If Randy Thomasson were Muslim, he'd be arrested for conspiring to commit treason or terrorism, but, alas, he's part of the fundamentalist so-called Christians, so he gets a free pass to incite violence. Fundamentalism is the enemy of democracy regardless of the religion or personality who holds the reigns. When John Adams stated that the U.S. was "not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion", it was a clear statement that all belief systems were given equal consideration. The United States was indeed exceptional in the fact that there was no fear of a deity stitched into the makeup of the nation.

If the recent Balkan wars taught us anything, it is that we can all become monsters if we view ourselves as superior to our neighbours based on race, religion, or other trait. On the other hand, as was documented amongst Jews and Muslims in Sarajevo, those who should be enemies can unite for the common good.

If you take religion and see it for the fact that it is entirely locational, you begin to see others as human beings instead of labels. Everyone wants to be free; free to learn, live and love and not be the victim of the next domestic terrorist.

And don't give me the line about God saying this or that is wrong- has it ever occurred to you that out of the tens of thousands of gods and goddesses, you may have just picked the wrong one? Who knows- if there really is a god, maybe it really hates Vishnu or Jesus or Moses or Mohammed or Buddha or whomever.

The point is that nobody can really be sure what a god would think if there ever was one. I'd venture to say that it wouldn't be digging Randy Thomasson and all of the fundies messing with it's rad creations, but then again, I know as little as Thomasson about it; the difference being that I'll actually admit it. You see, I don't care if there is a god or if there is not- I'm too busy living my life and acting positively than to waste it by condemning others and praying for things that won't happen unless I get off my ass to do them.

The world is an awesome place when we simply live our lives to their fullest and let our neighbours live theirs. Humanity is an incredible kaleidoscope of personalities, colours, and shapes that are far too diverse to stick inside Randy Thomasson's heterosexual white Christian cage. Whether a period of life involves struggle or bliss, it is always amazing. I think if fundamentalists stopped being so damn morally indignant all of the time, they'd see the magnificence of the world and her citizens, most of all that which Linnaeus saw fit to refer to as wise wise man.

Media Moment: The Ex-Gay Edition

2011-07-21T23:27:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that those who call themselves ex-gays were always dysfunctional gays in the first place; with hundreds or thousands of partners, drug use, and claims of molestation? They also claim that The Gay is caused by their evil mothers whom are overbearing, single moms. They blame friends, relatives, and society for their gayness and claim that a God who created them will also make them straight.

One of the champions of the "everything is everyone else's fault" school of de-gaying is Stephen Bennett. He launches into a tirade about how his mother and nonexistent dad made him gay and that he had a horrible life as a gay man. By his own admission, he was a drug-abusing, self-loathing twinky ho. All of this changed when he prayed to Jesus and found himself a good (read brainwashed) Christian wife.

The thing is, Stephen Bennett and others like him are not living authentic lives and as they continue to lie and deny, they are harming young people who seem to think that these old ex-gays have the way out of misery. The denial and parental blaming displayed in ex-gay groups tears families apart; with loving mothers seen as overbearing, hard-working dads viewed as absent, and normal doctors and friends painted as molesters. The ex-gay movement creates depression and self-loathing to be sure, but it also damages families instead of helping them.

One glowing example of what the movement does is in Stephen Bennett himself. You can tell that the gent not only hates himself, but is a very unhappy "straight" man. His veneer is more polished than that of Kevin Kline's character in In And Out. I know effeminate heterosexual men, and he's not one of them. It comes down to some unmistakable mannerisms. For example, he leans away from his wife when he looks at her; all contact seeming forced as Mr. Bennett tries to convince the world that he is what he says he is but clearly is not.

I do feel sorry for the Bennett kids. Those 2 have lived their entire lives as trophies- examples of how the so-called ex-gay therapy really "works". Their purpose in life is to affirm their pop's orientation. But I know gay men with kids from marriages to women. Lots of them. Most of the kids are far more well-adjusted now that the gay parent is out than when they were in. Mind you, those children weren't used to further a political or religious image, like those of the boy-men lost in the Exodus movement.

The ex-gay movement itself destroys families, I have no doubt. It causes men to hate their parents, children to be used, and the lives of religious wives to be destroyed. In Mrs. Bennett's mind, her husband's de-gaying is a sign of the glory of a great creator and an affirmation of her God-ordained purpose as a helper to her husband. However, as a result of brainwashing, ego, or both, Mrs. Bennett cannot see that her husband is a tutu away from being a walking Pride parade. One wonders what will happen when she finds out.

Come out, come out, whatever you are.

It Can Really Say A Thousand Words

2011-07-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in a boatload of pain today, but this dandy from Sunje made me smile, as it's exactly what I tell folks.

Cheers to Manhattan Mini Storage for seizing a fine advertising opportunity by being a little brave and a whole lot awesome.

On A Serious Note

2011-07-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not typing this from home, but from a location that I cannot legally disclose. I can tell you that it's a battered women's shelter.

Now, why oh why am I doing this? Do I work here? Nope. Am I visiting someone? Wrong. I am here because I have been abused by a family member; someone I live with and cannot escape from.

A while back, my parents needed a new house for themselves and their pets. There was a joint they wanted, but it was a bit on the expensive side. Me, creeped out by my perverted landlord, said I'd throw in the cash as long as I got my own space. So I did and got some office space and a room in the house that was bigger than some of my apartments in Toronto. I'm paying slightly more than my share but I'm cool so long as my mother gets a decent roof over her head. But with this arrangement came a problem.

My mum's sort of old man drinks. Every single night is spent getting absolutely blotto. To make matters worse, he's the only person I've ever met who gets extremely violent from smoking grass. So, when he gets drunk every night, he's very verbally abusive. This is an almost-every-night gong show that I really try to stay out of because my mother says she can tune Cunt Drunkula out. But he does go after me. My pop's been on the other end of the line listening helplessly to the mayhem while I'm hiding behind my locked door with a bat or hockey stick in my hand. However, he's not solely verbal with his attacks.

There have been times in the past when the world's strongest toothpick has gone after me. Well accustomed to my sister terrorizing the crap out of me, I can worm out of almost any skinny person attack without using violence. And that's really important because I abhor violence; the presence of it can make me freeze and I don't know why. With this guy, I think it may have something to do with the fact that , if I defend myself, my mum will never forgive me because I'm "crazy" and he only assaults me on the nights when she's passed out drunk or at least blackout drunk. A few years ago, he even tried to rape me and she insists it either didn't happen or was my fault. It was my private shame and has been so until about 10 seconds ago.

Cue to last night. My mum had quit drinking, but decided she wanted a beer or ten. I was exceptionally worried and even mentioned it prior to the boozefest. Like 99% of days when I'm actually home and not hiding out, I didn't drink a drop. Mum and Michael, now they got hammered. Cue forward a few hours.

My mother is falling down drunk and annoying. She decides she needs to use my computer to play online poker (hers died and Michael drinks away all her money because everything she earns is his too) I relent, but I'm not overjoyed with the idea. We get into a tiff over some spilled beer but I apologize for losing my shit and curl up with Mr. Dog. Dog needs to go out and I remember that I have a pan of ziti that needs to be put in the fridge. So, I'm rearranging the shit to try to fit this in, taking care not to put the food in any of the designated beer parts of the fridge. It's time for Michael to seize the day.

Michael bounds off of the sofa and pins me into the fridge, leaning over me. He's taunting me about my battle for food space. I ask him to back off. He replies with "oh, is that bothering you?" as if to antagonize me. I get away from him and put the container on the counter. He puts up his dukes, the former military boxer's sign he wants a scrap. I want exactly ZERO part of this and tell him to fuck off. In some twisted moment of hell, we have him punching me in the face-me trying to get away-him climbing on me and doing one of those MMA chokeholds from hell-me trying to get away-him biting me and somehow bruising my ribs and giving me a lump on the head- me finally shaking the bastard before he can render me unconscious.

So I get away and run to my room and recall that he had taken my phone the night before, possibly anticipating this, and refusing to return it. He's chasing me but I slip him and then get out of the house, him screaming dirty words all the way. I walked over 15 blocks barefoot to try to find help before finding a police station.

I finally spoke to an officer who took some photos of the damage done to me. An officer went to the house and both Michael and my mother lied and said nothing happened. While the police believed the sober and pleasant me, they decided not to arrest them because the men in this valley are so abusive that they have too many cases in the courts and this would be a very hard conviction.

As I was waiting for an officer to arrive, the cleaning lady was there. I mentioned to her as I was spitting out blood " he's white, he's never going to be arrested." I was right. The words of an alcoholic man who can tell lies so convincing that he, himself, believes them are more important than those of a sober victim.

So today we have me hiding out like a criminal, terrified of being found by someone who likes to beat on me. He even told my mum that nothing happed just like every other time. It's not the first time she believed him. I talked to her on the phone today and she basically dismissed it and then I explained things. In my busted-lip lisp, I told her that I am willing to forgive him if he seeks alcohol treatment and apologizes. She replied that it's not about to happen and asked me when I'm coming back. I responded that I'm done being a drunkard's punching bag.

The admission that you're being hit by a dude and can't stop it is a hard one, especially when people regard you as tough. In fact, I'm probably far more humiliated writing this than Michael ever has been during his multitude of arrests and complaints. For me there is shame, and for him there are rewards for his ego, bolstered by the fact that he managed to - once again - completely lie to an officer and get away with it. And as much as this fact absolutely stinks, I'm safe. I have no shoes, socks, phone or wallet, but I'm safe. If he had succeeded, I wouldn't be writing this; I would be starting to stink and attract wildlife. I would be dumped in the rainforest and never found. Instead of getting away with assault, Michael would be getting away with murder. It crossed my mind that he'd be at least jailed where he couldn't hurt anybody, but the reality is that he'd be able to dispose of me 50 metres from my house and, still, nobody would find me.

Last night, I lost the battle, but I won the war.

***p.s***If you're one of the few THOUSAND people who saw me walking down the street cold and barefoot, crying, with blood coming out of my melon and didn't stop to even offer so much as a phone call to the police, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Yes, I know, I'm a bald brown chick, but I was in real trouble. If you're one of the various people who saw me up close and gave me the stinkeye- you're a glowing example of the absolute inhumanity that plagues the little city we live in and you probably should seek counseling.

What's YOUR Take?

2011-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Michele Bachmann is easy to make fun of because of her very public factual errors, religious fundamentalism, and blatant unabashed near-pathological pattern of lying. There has been snarky comedic speculation about the real reason behind her husband's pray away the gay counselling, but I've already said my piece and he's a soft target anyways.

This snippet is a demonstration of Mrs. Bachmann's complete skewering of a language spoken by another. Yiddish is a combination of German, Hebrew, Ukranian, Russian and a bunch of dialects that have been combined. The primary speakers are Ashkenazik Jews, but there have been many Yiddish or North American Yinglish words adopted by mainstream society. But, Michele Bachmann is not usually be referred to as mainstream, and her views on Judaism can only be described as exclusionary, since Jews don't adhere to the 'holy' trinity that she believes should rule over the American people. Thusly, I'm not sure whether this absolute skewering of a very easy to say word is an intentional stab or just another example of her complete stupidity and insensitivity.

Watch this and tell me what you think. I personally believe that Mrs. Bachmann shouldn't use a word spoken by people she dislikes to make herself seem enlightened and her utter butchery is an insult, but I may have a bit of a bias here. I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.

Let me hear it.

The Song In My Head

2011-07-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

This song came out when these men were young, but still absolutely men. The cast of this band is comprised of great players and the message here is clear. It's an oldie but a goodie and you should scoop it up on iTunes or your favourite *legal* media interface.

This song is by Good Charlotte and it has actually saved my life on more than one occasion. The first time I heard this track, I was hooked on painkillers provided by a housemate who had me selling pow for her. I did a lot of bad things when I came home from work, but still considered myself sober since I didn't drink and only sold drugs. Hidden beneath my thick skin was a haunted past that even a gram of Oxy and morphine couldn't fix. And I felt sad; unbelievably sad. My friends and their parents were killing themselves and I was powerless. And then a song to restore the sane.

Now, I'm more of a fan of the minds behind the songs than the genre, but this cannot be overlooked. It's one of the most life altering tunes from a vapid era, produced by a group of gents who never forget the think.

Enjoy this acoustic version and buy the real deal HERE

This Weekend's Pay The Bills Blog

2011-07-16T03:19:00.000-07:00

See those ads beside you? They are not only here to entertain you, but to let you buy things I think are cool. Periodically, most advertisers send me a list of codes I can offer to all of you awesome readers. And this would be the post where I tell you how to save dough on stuff you dig as well as help get my office a new printer cartridge or some stuff I can then give away to you. One more thing- all of my advertisers are solid companies with decades in their businesses and secure checkouts.

(Note: All pics in this post are clickable links)

The big one this month is Captain America, and SuperheroStuff is just as excited as I am about the upcoming movie as I am. As such, all of their Captain America gear is discounted. Plus, you get a button or keyring with your order. Add on one of the following coupon codes and you're saving serious coin at a company that ships worldwide and even accepts Paypal!

These codes good on ALL merchandise

Save 13% on orders until August 13th : capiscoming13

Save 15% on all orders over $35 until August 31 : july35

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The next one is kind of related in the vein that they do sell Captain America Stuff. But Things From Another World is so much more. They have everything from statues and toys to hot new release and preorder comics, graphic novels, and even coffee table books. Their Deal Of The Day is always something cool for around 70% off of their already below retail prices. Whether you're seeking the British Doctor Who figure or a subscription to Archie, you'll dig shopping this Oregon-based worldwide shipper. American clients who don't have credit cards need not worry, as the 31-year-old company also accepts debit cards, checks, and money orders.

$5 off International shipping on orders over $50 until July 31: SHIPJULY

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So what about real-life dudes who seem like superheroes? Well for you we have Century MMA. Century started out over 30 years ago as a boxing glove supplier, but today they're so much more. The company behind UFC and Tapout branded products makes and sells gear for fans of MMA and boxing, fighters, and those who want to train in the fighting arts. These guys also have a ridiculously amazing When It's Gone, It's Gone Daily offer that might be too good too ignore. (right now it's Adidas boxing gloves for $10) They sell gear for the big boys, but also women and kids of all levels. Whether you're looking for a pilates ball, a video of your #1 fighter, or a pair of Hayabusa shinguards, this should be your first stop. Century ships internationally and has customer service lines in a multitude of languages. Oh, and they take Paypal and a bunch of other things too.

Free U.S. shipping : No code required until further notice. May be combined with following coupon.

10% off any regular-priced order over $100 (no country restrictions) : July10MMA
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The land of many bacon-related posts is Perpetual Kid. It's a fun joint that sells foot-high gummy bears and pickle-flavoured ice pops. If you're longing for an emergency yodel button or stuff to freak out a coworker, this is your place. Oh, and bacon-scented car fresheners too! Currently, one click is only avail to US, Canada, APO/FPO,and overseas Military bases, but they're adding more countries soon.

$5 OFF online orders over $50 until further notice : PICNIC

10% OFF all orders placed online over $75 until further notice : SUMMER

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Finally, we have Mountains Plus Outdoor Gear. This is a shop for people who don't spend much time sitting on their butts. MPG's stock runs the gamut from kid's snowshoes and backpacks to built-to-order competition bikes. Whether you camp, race, or just carry a lot of textbooks, you'll probably find something covetous at the home of an acclaimed company with award-winning customer service. You won't see coupon codes from these guys, but they do offer perks like free shipping, everyday low prices, wicked sales, and free footprints with tents, and many more.

Many products are available worldwide from this industry leader in adventure racing.

So here lies the bill-paying segment. Even if you don't intent to buy anything, stop on by to see why I like these companies over the many others out there. I don't get paid for clicks or anything, I'd just feel good if you wandered over.

Have a great weekend folks!

Smallscreen Fail Of The Week: Nancy Grace Edition

2011-07-16T00:20:00.000-07:00

I had already seen tonight's episode of Lockup Raw, so I tuned in to Nancy Grace. Having caught the last 5 minutes of last night's show, I noticed a tiny snafu, but decided to let it slide because I may have mistaken what I heard.

And then tonight, the same thing happened.

Tonight was one of a bunch of nights where Nancy, convinced that a murderess got it off easy, released jailhouse footage of Casey Anthony in what in any state not Florida would be private conversations. The entire show was composed of this footage with periodic commercial breaks that were hosted by Nancy herself. Oddly, in one segment, the then 22 year old Casey discussed how the dirty things Nancy said about her hurt her feelings.

So I used the thing for background noise while I wrote until the end, where she puts on a profile of a deceased member of the armed forces or police. And just like yesterday she did her usual thank you; ending with good night, friend. The funny part was when she thanked her 'guests', just as she did last night. Maybe she was subliminally thanking the Anthonys, especially Casey, for lengthening her career by 3 years. Maybe she was thanking George and/or Casey and/or the Swimming Pool for giving her a pretty dead white kid to scream to her imaginary friend about.

Seriously though, what likely occurred was Nancy recycled dead soldiers from previous shows. I mean it's possible. Today's hero was killed over 5 years ago. There's also the possibility that the Anthony acquittal has her so pissed off that she hasn't been able to have live guests for 2 weeks and she prerecorded all of the 'hero' segments. Either way, I'm sure I'm not the only one who noticed this lack of attention to detail, which is an affront to the families of all of the uniformed personnel whose deaths she has made money off of.

Nancy and her team's failure to pay attention to the details of the only segment in her program that ever seems to truly matter is a statement to her character, or lack thereof. Utmost care should be taken when dealing with the memory of the American (and sometimes Canadian or British) heroes lost in conflicts or the streets, particularly before profiling them on the international media stage. This absolute disregard is one glowing example of the fact that Nancy Grace is the very same type of narcissist she claims others to be.

It may seem like a small error, but no detail is too tiny when it comes to subjects as sensitive as these, and if Nancy doesn't know that, she needs to get off of the air.

Rick Perry: One Nation Under Jesus

2011-07-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Rick Perry has a record as being one of the most peculiar governors in the United States; his stable of religious leaders bringing a well-publicized affirmation of the fact to laypeople outside of Texas and the U.S. even. While we're not sure whether or not the staunchly far-right governor will run for the Republican Presidential nomination, he does have a prayer conference that many of his sheep are looking forward to.

The Response is a huge Christian kiss-and-cry slated for next month that will be hosted by a cabal of certified weirdos like Book of Mormon burner C. Peter Wagner and John Benefiel, who like Wagner believes that gays are part of the Illuminati plot to reduce global population. It calls on America to be One Nation Under Christ and everyone to pray that it becomes so and soon.

The text in a promo letter for The Response sounds enticing: "Right now, America is in crisis: we have been besieged by financial debt, terrorism, and a multitude of natural disasters. As a nation, we must come together and call upon Jesus to guide us through unprecedented struggles." It doesn't sound too bad in those terms. I mean, I think it's silly to rely on a dead dude to solve real-world problems, but if it makes you feel comfy, so be it. But a lot of what this involves accomplishes more sinister things.

In the copy of a speech in front of fundamentalist hopefuls, Perry alters history by stating that the founding fathers were "God-fearing men who understood those biblical values and how powerful they could be and would be in the future." This, naturally is contrary to the Treaty of Tripoli which stated "As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion", as well as the Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, and even the original Pledge of Allegiance, which did not contain the words "under God" until the 1940s. The majority of the men who founded the United States were Deists, Agnostics, or outright atheist, and many made damning statements against Abrahamic religion as a whole. Pastor Rick may not be able to pry open a history book, but I can.

Afterward, he could offer up his opinions on policy or change, but simply thinks that we should hand things over to his God, one that hates taxes:

I tell people, that "personal property" and the ownership of that personal property is crucial to our way of life.

Our founding fathers understood that it was a very important part of the pursuit of happiness. Being able to own things that are your own is one of the things that makes America unique. But I happen to think that it's in jeopardy.

It's in jeopardy because of taxes; it's in jeopardy because of regulation; it's in jeopardy because of a legal system that’s run amok. And I think it's time for us to just hand it over to God and say, "God, You’re going to have to fix this." ...

I think it's time for us to use our wisdom and our influence and really put it in God's hands. That's what I'm going to do, and I hope you'll join me. I hope you'll join us in Houston on the 6th day of August and really start a revival across this country. And I suggest that for our country, our best days are ahead if we get on our knees and ask God to take over and give us wisdom. We can change this country, but it requires us giving it over to Him and letting Him guide us."

Yes, America, all of your problems can be solved by praying. You know, because it's worked so well for all of the starving children of Africa. Besides, if this God was all-powerful, wouldn't it have control over something it already owns?

Pastor Rick's done the "God can fix everything" trick before. Earlier this year, the fine people of Texas experienced a very lengthy drought. The governor's response was to assemble 3 days of praying for rain in April. By late June, still-dry Texas was declared a natural disaster area and the state suffered massive agricultural losses. All Perry could do was wonder why his imaginary friend didn't bring rain to the millions of families that believed in God and Rick.

All of this is not an indictment against belief or quiet reflection in private, but a statement against using religion to remedy financial and natural disasters. America and other glorious unions have serious issues that require comprehensive real-world decisions instead of stoneage superstitions. Rick Perry has made a career out of stating that he believes in one nation under Jesus, and everyone that this triune God would reject is also to be shunned and even killed by the state.

Governor Perry is not only the man responsible for the nauseating Texas Republican Party platform, but for the fact that severely mentally handicapped people can be executed. He's also really pissed off that the Federal Supreme Court overruled Texas' right to incarcerate gays, opposes health care for state college employees, denies climate change so much that he installed a dozen coal-fired power plants, and doesn't believe that atheists should be entitled to voice their opinions. Texas is also the state that subjects women to forced ultrasounds and scrutiny before abortions with the plan to eliminate it altogether when they separate from the greater United States. He's a dangerous man who envisions a theocracy with himself or one of the 7 Mountains apostles at the helm.

In emancipated nations there is freedom of religious practice, but when 2000-6000 year old dogma becomes the way of the land, liberty cannot prosper. When the United States became a nation over 300 years back, religion was expressly not included in the equation, and I suspect that it may have had something to do with the fact that many early Americans were fleeing religious persecution and that the new U.S. was distinguishing itself from the devoutly religious England and her Divine Right of Kings.

Thomas Jefferson said that all religions are founded on fables and mythologies and was among the many who didn't want his glorious home destroyed by the kinds of people who burned witches. James Madison not only penned the Bill of Rights, but campaigned against appointment of government chaplains, the military in particular. The attorney, president, and notorious fighter of the Church of England was afraid that the inclusion of religous personnel into military units would interfere with unit cohesion. I wonder if all of the Teajad leaders who recite the founding documents know a lick about any of this.

Neither Rick Perry nor anyone else have the right to insist on a one-religion state or nation, particularly the one in which they reside. Not only is it nonsensical, discriminatory, and oppressive, but it's contrary to constitution and other founding documents that they seem to hold close to their hearts.

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government." - Thomas Jefferson

The Song In My Head

2011-07-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I found this CD kicking around today, and it's an old gem that you need in your life. It comes from Pop Will Eat Itself, a British band formed 25 years ago. Dos Dedos Mis Amigos is the last full-length album that the now reunified band has produced and it's arguably the best of their string of fantastic records the prolific project produced.

This record is undeniably political, with the track you're about to hear being focused on the white English attitude toward immigrants. But this isn't a one-track album- all 11 songs are a wonderful display of just how awesome noise can truly be. 3 songs hit the British charts, but my favourites are the political Cape Connection and the anti-modelling Underbelly. Should you scoop this up -whether on CD or iTunes- you'll probably discover your own aural poetry pick.

What you are about to hear was recorded 18 years ago, but its message most certainly resonates today. The title describes myself and many of you as do the contents. The video itself takes a few shots at the overproduced commercial acts of the time.

Open your ears and mind to Ich Bin Ein Auslander. Enjoy!

The Song In My Head

2011-07-14T22:12:00.000-07:00

I was going through that pile of homeless CDs everyone has kicking around the house, and to my delight, discovered this gem.

It's from the late 90's and despite efforts by the far-right British factions of today to link it to their cause, it has nothing to do with it. The song is set during the Spanish Civil War from the point of view of a Welsh volunteer fighting with Francisco Franco against the Spanish Republic, you know, before Franco became a fascist fuckwit.

The title comes from a Republican poster of a dead child under a sky of Franco's bombers which featured it as the headline. Incidentally, the 1998 track is the longest-named #1 track (it went #1 in Britain) according to the Guinness Book of World Records.

Anyways, enough of the history lesson. I really like this song and it's super-special live.

This is If You Tolerate This, Your Children Will Be Next by Manic Street Preachers

This version (c) 1999 Sony BMG UK. You can buy it on iTunes HERE

Saudi Arabia Restricts The Rights Of Women, Now Everyone Pretend To Look Surprised

2011-07-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Saudi Arabia has a reputation as being one of the most repressive nations in human history as far as women are considered, with the vast majority relegated to lives of existence under black sheets, bought and sold like loaves of bread. The world view of Saudi has not gone unnoticed by their officials, so they've vowed to make some changes in order to encourage Saudi companies to employ women. However, just in case ladies werefeeling all liberated, the governing bodies made sure to let the females know where they are and are not permitted in the 'new' Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Labour Minister Adel Fakeih unveiled the new regulations, which included a detailed list in which female Saudis were not permitted to work. It should be noted that female foreigners are not subject to the restrictions, but they are also not counted toward the quota, or Nitaqat. The jobs exclude anything involving physical labour, like construction work (this lady roofer would be a no-go), mining, machine repair and/or cleaning, and coal production. Additionally, the 'generating, transporting, or transforming' of energy, metal refinery, applying silver to mirrors, melting glass, and anything that involves climbing ladders are among the many tasks still out of reach of Saudi women.

The labour minister explains their position this way: “These decisions are not meant to change our customs or traditions," the minister said. "The Saudi woman has every right to work. We are only implementing regulations that will protect her and ensure her rights." In other words, as long as men still have control over women and reserve the right to dictate her liberties, they're all for it. Oddly, lingerie shops have always been staffed by men (!), but women may soon be permitted to take jobs in them.

An interesting fact is that while women have all of these job restrictions, but will be allowed to own companies in said fields, but outside of inheriting, it would be a tough prospect since women are prohibited from studying the required fields to gain knowledge of things like oil refining, for example. Nadiya Khalife of Human Rights Watch Beirut explains: "Women are still banned from certain subjects, or there are situations where they would be restricted later on in that field. It’s a really big problem, especially with the Saudi economy looking to grow; you are restricting that potential workforce."

The new push for women to work is due to the nation's attempts to rely on fewer foreign workers and to reward companies that hire the most Saudis. They have instituted a system indicating red, yellow, and green flags rating employers on adherence to the new Saudisation system. Red flag companies, which are those with less than 3% Saudi women, have until mid-November to obtain the correct ratio or open their chequebooks.

Interestingly, only women between 20 and 35 will be counted against the quota, and these women must be registered with General Organisation for Social Insurance. Additionally, they must be full-time employees.

One issue is that there are so many banned categories that some may not be able to fill spots. You see, 21% of the workforce in Saudi is industrial and that percentage is growing. Add in their booming construction trades and even retail ones that might involve that prohibited ladder-climbing thing, and you may simply not have enough women to fit the numbers in some divisions and too many in others. Moreover, since women can't be in the company of unrelated men without a chaperone, this could get super-tricky. Do companies have special staff on board to ensure that Abdul in Tech Support doesn't stare too long at Sharbat in Sales' ankle while fixing her computer?

I guarantee you that the only reason why Saudi Arabia is considering allowing more women to work is to look good on the world stage, which would be fine and dandy if they actually would have women working. It's smoke and mirrors, folks. Saudi Arabia has no intent to join our century, or even the previous three. The religious police do not want women driving, so they can't get to work even if they qualify for one of the few positions. additionally, most women are the property of some caveman by 20, 25 at the most. The list of restrictions just proves how scared these insecure jerks are of a woman showing them up.

Sorry Saudi, but claiming to encourage women's progress whilst handing down rulings that further constrain women's right to choice of fields is hypocritical. Expecting the world, or even Saudi women, to believe it is absurd. Manhandling a group's liberties in the name of protection is not only ridiculous, it's wrong.

You can call a cat a dog, but don't expect it to bark. Oppression by any other name is still the same.

Scary Fundie Du Jour

2011-07-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

Illuminati is a word which means different things to different people. To historians, it refers to a German fraternal society that was active for part of the 1700's, with most members scooped from the Freemasons. According to conspiracy nuts, the Illuminati is a current organisation composed of Jews, Rusellites (Jehovah's Witnesses) ,Freemasons ,Wiccans , Atheists, and other miscreants bent on controlling the world's operations, beginning with finances, media, and population. Until recently, the NWO/Illuminati theory was considered the stuff of absolute wingnuts but now the subject comes up more often, with political wannabes, clergymen, and even musicians convinced that there is a shadowy plot by non-Christians to rule the world .

And one of the people of the mainstream who is proud to be endorsed by conspiracy nuts is Texas Governor Rick Perry. In addition to John (God sent Hitler) Hagee is this guy, Dr. John Benefiel of the Heartland Apostolic Prayer Network. Mr. Benefiel believes that the Statue of Liberty is a pagan idol, but that's been argued before. This self-proclaimed Apostle of Christ is convinced that the Illuminati is engaging in their population control ploy, which means that all of that abortion and birth control is of the Devil. Even funnier, gays are a product of Illuminati.

The fictitious Illuminati aren't trying to control the government, but 7 Mountains advocates like Benefiel see Christian dominionism as the ultimate goal with Apostles at the helm. These guys already control much of the Republican party and they won't stop until they have a very big government that controls every detail of your life, particularly the contents of your uterus and who you sleep with. This isn't some far-fetched theory, but it's documented fact.

Watch this clip and tell me you aren't afraid.

Great Promotional Stunt Of The Day

2011-07-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

The usually-insane 405 highway in Los Angeles needs to be widened by 2 lanes per side in order to handle the area's increased population. It's something that needs to occur on a fairly regular basis and it's not usually a big deal. However, unlike Toronto, for example, there aren't too many other options when the 405 shuts down. Instead of having 6 other freeways like Hogtown does, anytime shit hits the fan on the 405, you have the worst bottleneck in North America. And this weekend, the nastiest section of said highway will be closed completely for construction.

Angelenos will be forced to stay home or try to drive around the hell, and all of the mayhem will result in Carmageddon, and I'm not talking about the classic video game. However, the wise minds over at JetBlue have seized the opportunity to get a little cheap publicity.

The discount airliner will be offering seats on flights from Burbank to Long Beach that are cheaper than a gallon of premium unleaded. The promo tickets go for $4 and $5 with taxes and fees and everything included- even a checked bag. The promo flights are set for Saturday and can be booked by phoning in, as the demand was huge on their website for obvious reasons.

This is how you market when you are offering no-frills air travel to people who wouldn't otherwise consider it. So many people were driven to JetBlue's site by the cartastrophe that they'll notice $32 flights to Las Vegas or check out the nation's capital for $240. Even if JetBlue loses money on the promo flights, they'll be sure to gain new clients. Grocery stores use loss-leaders (idea hatched by Canadian Ed Mirvish) all of the time, and now the concept has come to air travel.

Others, take notice. JetBlue is coming for your customers.

Media Moment : The Presidential Candidate Edition

2011-07-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Michele Bachmann is garnering some mucho serious heat over the fact that her husband makes money by trying to cure people of homosexuality despite their denial of the fact. And now, naturally, Mrs. Bachmann is denying that she herself believes in the gay cure, but I've got audio to prove she's lying about that too.

In this clip, you'll hear Michele Bachmann lionizing NARTH-affiliated pray-away-the-gay Love Won Out Ministries for their efforts to cure gays. Additionally, she claims that referring to homosexuals as gay is 'part of Satan', that gays are sexually dysfunctional individuals who should be treated with compassion, that it's wrong to legitimize gay families, and a bunch of other things. Her language parrots that of the gay-cure therapy groups proving that she does indeed endorse efforts to alter the immutable.

That noise you hear is Michele Bachmann's campaign imploding.

Yo California : Stop With The NARTH Thing

2011-07-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

California has certainly been a state that, as a whole, is considered one of the more socially liberal states in the Union. Millions of folks flock to the Golden State from all corners of the Earth to enjoy sun and sand to be sure, but also a climate in which they can be themselves without being arrested or murdered by law enforcement. Knowing numerous people who reside in the state and being a fan of it myself, I was shocked when I opened my browser this morning.

The folks over at Towleroad received an email from a member of the medical community who is disturbed that the state that allows kids to have gay heroes in class projects has National Association For Research and Therapy of Homosexuality as an accredited organization from which members can gain credits toward license renewal.

I was wondering if you could help me raise awareness about in issue. I am a Licensed Educational Psychologist here in Los Angeles. The California Board of Behavioral Sciences is responsible for licensing LEPs, MFTs, and LCSWs here in California. I was recently looking at BBS website in order to determine which organizations I could obtain my continuing education credits from in order to renew my license. Much to my shock and sadness, the BBS accepts CEUs from NARTH. I am absolutely appalled. No therapist in California should be able to renew their license by obtaining CEUs from this hateful organization. "Homosexual conversion therapy" is not supported by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, or the American Counselors Association. I have written the the BBS with my concerns, but I have not heard back.

If you're unaware, NARTH is not what in any way could be considered a legitimate therapeutic network. Yes, they do indeed have doctors on their board, but their mission statement leaves no doubt as to their actual motives: "The National Association For Research And Therapy Of Homosexuality is a self-described non-profit, educational organisation dedicated to affirming a complementary, male-female model of gender and sexuality".

NARTH itself is not a religious organization, but does partner with numerous religious 'ex-gay' groups like JONAH and Exodus, pretending to conduct studies about how dreadful The Gay is and why it must be cured. It's an interesting fact that one of the founding fathers of NARTH was Dr. Charles Socarides, a man who dedicated 50 years of his life to attempting to cure gays and in his book, stated that we're all secretly Jeffrey Dahmers. It should be noted that Dr. Socarides' obsession was with male homosexuality exclusively and that his son, Richard, is an emotionally balanced, successful attorney and the president of Equality Matters, a gay rights organisation. Cofounders Benjamin Kaufman and Joseph Nicolisi also seem to be preoccupied with male homosexuality, simply dismissing the female as the result of some molestation or what-have-you that can be fixed with marriage.

These folks may be guys you haven't heard of, but there's one NARTH honcho you probably have seen on the news before. Former NARTH board member and scientific advisor George Rekers is a psychologist and Baptist minister (!) who was one of the founding members of the Christian hate group Family Research Council. Dr. Rekers' invented research has been used to defend Boy Scouts of America's ban on gays, and attempts to ban gay adoption in Arkansas as well as trying to ban gays and Native Americans from being foster parents in Florida. He also sells anti-gay and Abstinence-related materials to schools and has become a wealthy man offering up his 'expertise' to bigots all over North America. The fact that Dr. Rekers has had so-called 'cured' patients kill themselves wasn't a deterrent, but something that happened recently is.

Okay, so you still don't know who he is, right? I'll give you one word- Rentboy. Dr. Rekers was caught on tape on vacation with a young male masseur he met on Rentboy.com. Rekers claimed that he'd hired the kid to carry his luggage because of an old injury, but George is on the security video doing it himself. He then got on Christianity Today that his "travel assistant was more than a person raised in a Christian home". In reality, the kid was hired to provide nude massages that involved happy endings. Jovanni Roman, the young fellow, was convinced that the person talking to him about Jesus whilst getting a rubdown was certainly far from heterosexual.

If the tale of George Rekers proves anything, it's that gay repairative therapy does not work. 18, 000 members of the American Medical Association petitioned for the removal of homosexuality from the DSM-II manual of psychological diseases. Over 65% of AMA members voted to stop curing a nonexistent disease in the early 1970's. Think about that for a second.

NARTH and its associated religious groups primarily use shame and guilt in order to convince their patients that being gay is a moral or natural wrong. The treatments which usually include mentoring by someone that claims to have been cured have been known to involve shouting in anger at one's mother for causing the gay, electric shocks, and administering of drugs that are designed to make one feel ill while flashing repeated gay images in front of the person. Individuals subjected to sexual orientation conversion therapy are often presented to hospitals with severe anxiety, depression, drug overdoses, and suicide attempts. So damaging is conversion therapy that the AMA, American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association, American Association For Marriage and Family Therapy, National Association of Social Workers, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Counselling Association, and many others have issued statements critical of the practice.

This all leads me to wonder exactly why the California Board of Behavioral Sciences allows mental health professionals to obtain credit by working for an organisation whose entire basis for existence is something that has been completely discredited. Why is NARTH listed as an accredited group when their members have been referred to as quacks and pseudoscientists many times by judges in cases that they've testified?

If Californians want to fly that freedom flag, they need to address the accreditation of people who earn their living by teaching young people to hate themselves. No longer endorsing a group which openly violates the APA code of ethics is something that will affect change across America because NARTH is headquartered in California and their reports are the primary source of 'science' that all of the anti-gay hate groups rely upon to justify their ridiculous claims. It is an insult to the dedicated people who counsel abused kids to allow their license to also be given to those who are dedicated to abusing kids.

To tell the California Board of Behavioral Sciences to take NARTH off of their list, you can contact them vial mail, email, or online letter petition.

For the Petition, click HERE

To send a comment to Continuing Education Cooridinator Patricia Fay, click Patricia.Fay@dca.ca.gov

To express your concerns via snail mail:
Board of Behavioral Sciences
1625 N. Market Blvd. , Suite S-200
Sacramento, CA 95834

What's That Smell?

2011-07-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

The advance politicking related to the 2012 U.S. presidential election is certainly more rabid than any campaign in my memory, and it's certainly bringing out a brand of insanity that can only be described as Gary Bauer on steroids.

One of the scariest hopefuls that the new social conservatism is Michele Bachmann. The peculiar thing about her, other than her scary eyes, is her admission of adherence to evangelical Christianity. So religious is Mrs. Bachmann that she signed a pledge which claimed that black families were better under slavery and took a not-so-subtle potshot at Mormons, which include Mitt Romney. However, there are other scary things about the former employee of the IRS, and that is her string of lies.

A quick look into the finances of her husband's clinic yields the knowledge that they accept government financial contributions. This wouldn't be such a huge deal if Marcus and Michele Bachmann didn't a) claim not to take government money, b) claim to be morally opposed to Medicaid, and c) claim to not engage in so-called gay reorientation therapy.

So we know that Marcuss Bachmann takes the money his wife claims to hate, but what about the ex-gay stuff? Well, as it turns out, Marcus Bachmann is a huge fan of the discredited and sometimes life ending pseudoscience.

As The Nation discovered, Marcus Bachmann's clinic has been telling people to pray away the gay for a long time, and even counsels children:

In the summer of 2004, Andrew Ramirez, who was just about to enter his senior year of high school, worked up the nerve to tell his family he was gay. His mother took the news in stride, but his stepfather, a conservative Christian, was outraged. “He said it was wrong, an abomination, that it was something he would not tolerate in his house,” Ramirez recalls. A few weeks later, his parents marched him into the office of Bachmann & Associates, a Christian counseling center in Lake Elmo, Minnesota, which is owned by Michele Bachmann’s husband, Marcus. From the outset, Ramirez says, his therapist—one of roughly twenty employed at the Lake Elmo clinic—made it clear that renouncing his sexual orientation was the only moral choice. “He basically said being gay was not an acceptable lifestyle in God’s eyes,” Ramirez recalls. According to Ramirez, his therapist then set about trying to “cure” him. Among other things, he urged Ramirez to pray and read the Bible, particularly verses that cast homosexuality as an abomination, and referred him to a local church for people who had given up the “gay lifestyle.” He even offered to set Ramirez up with an ex-lesbian mentor.

Ramirez was not impressed. After his second appointment, he resolved not to go back, despite the turmoil it might cause in his family. “I didn’t feel it was something that I wanted to change, and I didn’t think it could be changed,” he says. “I was OK with who I was.”

So that's old news, right? Not entirely. Truth Wins Out's John Becker, a happily married gay man, recently decided to go undercover as a struggling gay Christian and went for 8 days of treatment sessions at Bachmann & Associated this month. Mr. Becker experienced the typical circus of justification as the therapist looked to find the supposed reasons for his gayness, and treatment for the supposed secret femininity that all gay men secretly have. Not once was Mr. Becker told that anti-gay therapy was linked to depression, suicide, and drug abuse. It was certainly not mentioned that the vast majority of the leaders in the churches he was referred to had disassociated themselves with such things and either gone on to live happy gay lives or succumbed to one of the negative side effects. But then again, everything's fair game as long as we can cure something that this god supposedly created but still hates.

At his clinic, he sells a book by paid bible-thumper and ex-gay contrepreneur Janet Boynes. The book includes this ringing endorsement: “Janet is a friend. I recommend this book as she speaks to the heart of the matter and gives practical insights of truth to set people free. – Marcus Bachmann, PhD.”.

Ms. Boynes has been featured on television and has a moneymaking ministry, where she enjoys the fruit of selling her wares to humble servants who are petrified that their kid may have been exposed to The Gay. Indeed, the ex-lesbian that Andrew Ramirez was set up with may well have been her. She is a woman who claims to cure gays, but clearly hates herself almost as much as male gays, who she has a weird fixation on that echoes that of her Exodus cohorts.

Janet also buys into the same lies that I was told by a psychiatrist who tried to de-gay me when I was 19. I had self-admitted for depression (that turned out to be really bad PMS) and the shrink locked me up for 6 weeks because I had a supposed gender identity problem. I obviously didn't know that was his reasoning until a well-meaning doctor acquired a copy of his notes and let me read them. It was right there- my butchness and declared sexual orientation were the reason for him sticking me in a building with schizophrenics and paedophiles and trying to make me wear ugly dresses. It also explains why I was released 2 days after requesting a new doctor. (I used the excuse that he was violating privilege, which he was.)

Ex-gay therapy, whether psychological or aversion, does not work, and I'm living proof. Despite what Muslims, Christians, Jews, and Scientologists all believe, you can't cure something that is not a disease. Forcing people to gender conform will not alter their inner workings and trying to 'fix' as many gays as possible does not a heterosexual make. (I'm looking at you Ms. Boynes) If all it took was wearing a skirt to make a dude gay every Scotsman, priest, Buddhist monk, and kid who has dressed up as a girl for Halloween would have an unquenchable thirst for man-sausage.

My pop says that such theories are hatched up by those who are hiding what they hate about themselves, and I agree. No amount of praying or punishment can alter orientation, and Marcus Bachmann's clinic is a circus of quackery. Marcus Bachmann's fruitless efforts to change the innate are not only a violation of the Hippocratic Oath, but they make his wife look hypocritical. The federal government should not be giving Bachmann and Associates money to psychologically damage people. B & A is a front for a religious organization and permitting them to obtain monies from taxpayers is not only an an endorsement of discredited pseudoscience, but a fundamental violation of the separation of church and state.

Caption This

2011-07-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Dude does have a point.

Flashback: The Awesome Prank

2011-07-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of people who spend their entire lives destroyed by the horrible memories of their past, and I do understand why, but I try not to be one of them. It's not because I had a fantastic childhood, because it was horrendous for the most part, but because I like to pick out the one or 2 good things versus the bad.

In this vein, I'm going to tell you a very real and personal story that involves, me, my dad, and sports. Ladies may wish to secure a supply of Kleenex. I'll try to be brief, but no promises.

I was born...okay, we don't have to go back that far. My parents split up in 1979, when I was pretty small. I lived with my mum, assorted weird relatives, and my dad and uncles on various occasions. Sometime around 81 or 82 I moved back in with my mum and saw my dad pretty sporadically for the next 10 years, but occasionally he caused some really cool memories, and this is where I'm going here.

In October of 1992, the Toronto Blue Jays were battling Atlanta in the World Series. Amazingly, my dad showeed up on his bike to pick me up and we went to Toronto to find a place to watch the game. Every joint was packed, save for an A&W that had a little TV set in it. We went in, stuffed our faces, and celebrated when our team took the crown. The party downtown was absolutely insane- hundreds of thousands of folks going nuts. No flaming cop cars or fights, just random strangers of all ages and colours high-fiving and hugging. Needless to say, this sports geek was in her absolute glory.

Cue to the following October. The Jays were in the finals again, and this time the potential deciding game was at home. Pop showed up without notice to pick me up and we sped off to the Big Smoke to go find some fun. We departed to go find the same A&W that we previously hung out at. Dad made me stop at one of the street stands. It was a lady who painted faces in exchange for donations. The very serious me did not want to have her mug oiled and I grumbled a bit, but finally relented. I got the lady to put Juan Guzman's number on one side of my face (he'd lost the previous game, so it was kind of a forgiveness dealio) and the Jays logo on the other. I really was not feeling this but the girl was cute and pop was insistent.

As the lady was finishing the little maple leaf in the logo, my dad pulled a pair of tickets out of his pocket. I stood there completely stupefied and then uttered the first cuss word my dad had heard from me. The paint lady cried . I gave my dad shit for scaring the hell out of me and he told us we had to go and fast. We bought peanuts and a program and found our seats that were behind home plate. There were 2 troopers sitting next to us, but most of the folks occupying these high-priced seats were corporate, like the person my dad was supposed to take to the game. We shared loads of fun with the troopers. Every time a big moment occurred, they would spill beer on the businessdorks below. Some of them even left, which is too bad because they missed the epic battle between Mitch Williams and his high-voltage mullet and Joe Carter in the bottom of the 9th that culminated in this most glorious of sporting moments:

Needless to say, I was stoked. I jumped up and down and may have even proposed to Mr. Carter as he approached the plate. It was the greatest moment in modern Toronto sport history in retrospect, but it was an immensely cool moment in my life because I got to do it with my dad. We enjoyed our night and went back to the normal, which included a 12 year gap in which we never even spoke, but this remains one of the greatest single evenings imaginable and the memory is a supersized bandaid for any previous wounds.

Cheers to you pop for totally punking me large and your newfound sobriety. I'm certain that the latter is far more monumental.

Footage courtesy of Major League Baseball.

Media Moment: What About The Children?!

2011-07-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

On GODTV's It's supernatural!, host Sid Roth helped Messianic apologist Michael Brown pitch his new book. A Queer Thing Happened To America is Mr. Brown's 650-page tome about the terrible effects that The Gay has had on America and the author figures it should sell big. The great thing is, he's asking for a $30 donation to his ministries in exchange for the book, so you can order it and deduct it on your taxes.

Dr. Michael Brown is not a doctor in any commonly-held sense, but don't let that detract you, believers. He has a PhD in Near Eastern Languages from NYU. In addition to his loud homophobia, Michael Brown is most well-known for his efforts to convert Jews to Christianity and peculiar opinions on Israel. (Praise Jesus!)

However, his most convincing argument yet for why we should keep gays from having custody of their kids is this fantastic trailer for his book.

The 40-year theologian's great reason for taking away the kids of gays- it's weird.

Bad Religious Joke Of The Week

2011-07-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

I usually Passover jokes such as these, but this one's funny enough to make you schvitz yourself.

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Christian."

"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.

"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?"

He said, "Funny you should come to me..."

Facebook-Related Post Of the Week

2011-07-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

Social networking is huge business, not only in affluent nations, but developing ones as well. Everyday people often belong to not just one, but 3 or more sites like Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, and the new Google+. And speaking of Google+, reviews are decidedly mixed, with some enjoying the group videochat features already available on Twitter app Tinychat and some finding the layout and user-friendliness to be a rehash of Google Wave, which was a monstrous fail.

But what to do when you're insecure Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg? Well, the little Z has teamed up with Skype to tie-in Skype's videochat service with Facebook. According to advertisers, they love the concept because they believe it will keep people on FB for a longer period of time. In the demo, Zuckerberg calls it 'awesome' approximately 42 times, but seems to miss the point.

People go to Facebook because it's Facebook and Skype or amazing dinosaur Yahoo to have private, realtime conversations. Facebook may have boosted most of MySpace's games, but a video option will be a pain in the ass, and here's why:

I am probably your average Facebook client- I log on a couple of times a day to make sure no family members are ailing, to see who's pregnant, and to make my Scrabble move. Once a year or so, I upload a few pictures of my cat and I post my blog updates on my wall via an app. While I do periodically use the typechat option, it's not a driving force in my social media life. Facebook is a small part of my existence and I'd like to keep it that way, despite what Zuckerberg's advergeeks want.

So, say I'm checking out some awesome Woodstock footage that my dad has been rad enough to find on the webs and I'm rockin out to Hendrix during my 7.5 Facebook minutes of the day. All of a sudden, 25 people I haven't seen in 2 decades poke me with the Skype doohickey. I will obviously be unamused by the bell interfering with the perfect riff. I will remember the name and source of said video so I can find it elsewhere and get the hell off of Facebook as quickly as possible. I may even hop on my own preloaded Skype or Yahoo and bitch about it to one of my actual friends, put as much aaaarrrrgggghhhhh!! as possible into 140 characters on Twitter, post a rage comic on Reddit, or write a long and winding blog post about it.

I can understand why Mark Zuckerberg would want an alliance with Skype pending their possible purchase by Microsoft. I am highly aware of how competitive the media marketplace is, but if the original Google Wave is proof of anything, it's the fact that people don't like drastic fundamental changes to how their toys work. Myspace panicked because of Facebook and sunk their own ship because they couldn't grasp two concepts- 1) that there's allowed to be more than one fish in the sea and 2) trying to be everything to everyone causes the quality of what you were good at to deteriorate.

Mark Zuckerberg is aware that North American Facebook membership has dropped, but he need not worry. 1 in 8 people who breathe Earth's air use Facebook. This includes all of the babies, blind and elderly, and people who reside in places without running water. 750 million people on our planet use Mark Zuckerberg's social network and it's worth billions and billions of dollars. The only excuse for attempting a tit-for-tat with Google Plus is ego.
Facebook will only expire if Mark Zuckerberg chases users away, and the Skype invasion might be the one thing that scares me and a whole ton of adults off of the network, and grown-ups are the people who actually buy the products that are advertised.

In our society, there is no longer a concept of too big to fail, but there might just be a possibility of becoming too big to stay.

Stay tuned.

Law...What Law?

2011-07-06T18:43:00.000-07:00

Linda Harvey of Mission America is working hard to earn her zealot badge, interviewing members of religious groups and broadcasting rants on WRFD Christian radio. The primary targets of Ms. Harvey and her guests are gays, kids, and (even better) gay kids. In her big weekend interview, she was honored to host Gary Glenn, head of American Family Association Michigan. The interview with Mike Huckabee's good pal focused on the far right response to gay rights, and Mr. Glenn offered his solution to the gay menace- stop hiring gays:

Glenn: Herman Miller, which is a major employer and corporation in Holland [Michigan], a furniture company, supported this so-called gay rights ordinance on the claim that it allowed them to attract the best and brightest.

Harvey: Here we go, yeah we heard that before.

Glenn: What ridiculous folly to suggest that only those individuals who engage in homosexual behavior given all of its severe medical consequences constitute the best and the brightest. It’s not really bright to engage in behavior that puts you at dramatically higher risk of mental illness and substance abuse and AIDS and cancer and hepatitis, and according to various sources, premature death. So to suggest that engaging in that type of behavior defines someone as the best and brightest, which seems to be the line coming out of corporate America, is just ridiculous.

Harvey: You’re right. And higher rates of domestic violence and unstable relationships. I would not think of a homosexual person as a good employment risk, I just wouldn’t.

Gary Glenn and Linda Harvey are not just recycling discredited talking points originally produced by SPLC-recognized hate groups such as Exodus and NARTH, but encouraging corporations to violate state and federal laws by discriminating against U.S. citizens. It's not a huge surprise, since the AFA is also a registered hate group, but seldom have 2 of these knuckleheads been so blatant as to suggest business owners break the law for Jesus, let alone on air.

Only once every generation or so does the political climate become so toxic that religion becomes intertwined with it. It doesn't surprise me that Gary Glenn and his AFA buddies are the darlings of several Republican presidential candidates when we have folks like David Duke considering a run.

We live in a scary world, people.

Linda's hate parade continues for nearly one-half hour, and you can listen to it here if you dare.

One More Thing.....

2011-07-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

According to the prosecution, Casey Anthony was a partying single mum with no college degree, yet she is some evil genius who hatched up a batch of chloroform in her secret laboratory that went unnoticed in her parents' home during a several month plan to kill her child.

The crouching loser, hidden Einstein was brilliant enough to do all of these things yet not bright enough to design a master plan for efficient body disposal, an alibi, or any back-up plan whatsoever.

And you wonder why Casey Anthony was acquitted.

Final Thought About The Casey Anthony Case

2011-07-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

Unless you were on Mars for most of today, you know that Casey Anthony was found not guilty by a jury of her peers in Orlando, Florida. Now, there are a lot of us who were incensed at the supposed miscarriage of justice; the wrong verdict seemed to be made and there is a justice system hate parade going on today. But, love me or hate me for it, I'm not joining in.

When Casey Anthony was first arrested, I was convinced she had to have killed her kid simply because she didn't react in the way that we think most parents should. Nancy Grace blasted Ms. Anthony and her weird parents, with Radar Online's party pictures to prove just how slutty this girl was. I had convicted Casey Anthony before she arrived for trial, much like many others.

However, as I looked into the media members who were calling Casey Anthony a murderess, I discovered some disturbing details hidden behind the sanctimonious rants. Media executioner in chief is Nancy Grace, someone who has been admonished for malicious prosecution and has her own pattern of self-serving lies. She didn't even tell viewers that most of the party photos of Casey Anthony were from 2006 before using them to macerate the image of a human being who was presumed innocent according to the Constitution. Nancy's brutal treatment of people has included an instance in which the mother of a missing child killed herself due to a character assassination carried out so Ms. Grace could further her own commercial success. Nancy Grace, her network, and many, many other media members had a stake in the guilt of Casey Anthony and their book deals that depended on their search for justice for a child and her killer.

But once this got to trial, I knew something wasn't quite right. There was simply not only not enough evidence to prove that Caylee Anthony died in a nefarious fashion, but the prosecution couldn't even prove who dumped the body of the child. When you have a car that was used by 4 different people, there's doubt. When you cannot prove that someone was even murdered, there's doubt. The prosecution went to court with no case even for manslaughter and went for the big gun, and despite their cockiness, they failed miserably. If it had been Canada, Casey could have received a bunch of years for how ridiculous her lies were or for Committing an Indignity to a Dead Body, but as my housemate pointed out, they couldn't even convince a jury that Casey disposed of her kid.

As the trial went on, even my opinion of Casey Anthony changed. I went from feeling certain that a demonic woman killed her child in cold blood to coming to the conclusion that she is only guilty of being a lying, scuzzy jillbilly who either discarded or enabled someone to discard her child in what can only be seen as a reprehensible manner. Sure, she made peculiar Google searches, but so have I and I wouldn't hurt a flea. My ex would drop her kid off anywhere to go party, but I'm pretty sure there are no bodies on her hands. There are creepy people who shouldn't be parents, and Casey Anthony is certainly one of them, but there's a reason why she didn't take the limited-immunity deal, and we have to consider the possibility is because she didn't murder her daughter.

Regardless of our opinions of Casey Anthony, she was found not guilty by a jury who saw far more of the case than any of us spectators did. And we have to trust that they made the correct decision according to a justice system that convicts over 95% of those accused. The snap judgments made by the litany of former litigators on the television need to be seen as ones made by media members, for if these folks were such fine, selfless, justice-pursuing attorneys, they would still be arguing cases instead of each other on prime time.

The State of Florida did not meet the burden of proof to convict Casey Anthony of anything other than being a bad liar and no amount of disbelief, sanctimony, or Vinnie Politano raging about the machine can alter that very basic fact.

If Casey Anthony fooled the world and did indeed do something felonious to end the life of her child, I wish her all of the torment that one's mind can provide. I'd hope her self-hatred consumes her until she loses her marbles and dies as a homeless societal outcast, hit by a car whilst shouting at her imaginary friends. However, if Casey Anthony didn't actually kill her kid, I cannot promote malice after she serves her sentences for her ridiculous string of lies. The problem is that nobody may ever know the bizarre circumstances that occurred before and after the death of a very small human being who died far too soon.

There are a multitude of reasons why trials are presided by judges and accused criminals found guilty or not by a diverse array of citizens in a courtroom. If this case had been adjudicated by members of the media, Casey Anthony would have been dragged through the ocean on a trawler's net or set ablaze in a public pyre. We should be thankful for the protections that guarantee fair trials because, without them, we'd see the kinds of atrocities that we admonish other nations for.

Today decisions were rendered, and whether you believe the verdicts were symbolically filet mignon or ground chuck, justice was served.

Mommy Dearest

2011-07-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

The news coverage surrounding the alleged murder of Caylee Anthony by her mother has turned the trial into a media circus, with folks offering speculation on whether or not the mum is guilty of murder or plain stupidity.
However, while we were watching the O.J. of our generation go down, a very real mother got away with the calculated murder of her own child.

Yvonne Freaney is a 50 year old woman who resides near Cardiff, Wales. By her own admission, she strangled her 11 year old son named Glen to death with a coat belt in an airport hotel room. The woman killed her son because he was autistic and she didn't want to be faced with a lifetime of caring for him alone after a breakup with her abusive husband.

The mother of 4 admitted to the crime even upon her arrest, declaring that "He was laughing when I was strangling him. That is when I knew he was happy.I had to do it because now no-one can point fingers at him. He is in heaven now.". Mrs. Freaney had strangled her son but made a fleeting attempt at cutting her wrists prior to her arrest for murder.

In this case, the justice actually took pity on the woman, beginning with the statement "You have already been punished enough." prior to permitting the woman to walk out of the courthouse with a supervision order. You see, if your kid is disabled, his or her life is not worth as much as that of one who doesn't need to speak through a computer, like Glen Freaney did. Time and time again, parents have taken the lives of their handicapped offspring and either walked or given huge diminished responsibility reductions in their sentences.

Am I the only person who sees something very wrong about the idea that some people's lives are more valuable than others? Why has Yvonne Freaney been "punished enough" simply by virtue of the fact she had to "deal" with a son who has challenges? Her son was described as a warm, happy kid who could walk, run, ride a bike, and communicate. Glen Freaney was loved and the person who swore to protect him from harm choked the life out of him over a period of several minutes until he was dead. This was no accident, mummy dearest had at least 5 minutes to reconsider her actions and save her son's life. As for the suicide attempt, it's laughable- if Yvonne Freaney wanted to actually die, she would have hanged herself and died in the same quiet violence, terror, and panic that her son experienced.

Glen Freaney was a human being who didn't deserve to die simply to make his mum's life easier. In a socially-blessed nation like the U.K., she would have a multitude of options at her disposal, ranging from supervised relief care to surrendering parental rights without prejudice.

I have several friends and relatives who have physical, psychological, or intellectual variations from the established norms, and it's pretty damn clear that if someone killed one of them, I'd be calling for the defendant's head. The concept of the lives of the disabled as less important smacks of eugenics movements of the past where human beings could be lobotomized, sterilized, and even killed because of things like epilepsy and feeblemindedness. The concept that Yvonne Freaney is less guilty of murder because her child wet the bed smacks of Nazism.

The murders of the disabled are often deemed mercy killings, but I see zero compassion in crushing a scared 11 year old kid's throat until he died. Obviously, there's nothing that can bring back Glen Freaney or anyone else killed by a parent, but shouldn't our sense of justice apply equally?

There are no second-class children, only substandard opinions of them.

Spy Vs. Spy : Letting Go Of God #10

2011-07-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

My older sister and my nephews came for a visit this weekend. It's pretty easy to get here because they live only an hour or so over the U.S. border. However, there's always something deliberately done by my sister to cause me to become angry or emotionally messed-with in one way or another, particularly since my recent discovery of these pesky things known as feelings.

Aforementioned sibling has spent the last three-and-a-half decades being a bully to me, but I'm cool with that. I make as large an effort as possible not to dwell on past negativity. I usually ignore the fact that she expects me to wait on her as a servant because that's how it has always been, but something my 10 year old nephew told me absolutely broke my heart.

Within 10 minutes of arrival, said nephew just spat it out " My mother says I can't hang out in your room because she says you're crazy.". That's all. Simple Simon said to the pie man.

I went and took my dog for a walk and cried my eyes out. I sobbed unlike I have in my reasonably sane life. There were full-on tears; last night I attained acute awareness of the true meaning of heartbreak.

After the sissy attack, I returned to my house with impenetrable asshole armour in full effect. Nothing halted my joy as my 2 little buddies chilled with me last night and for most of today. We enjoyed everything from Lethal Enforcers on Sega Genesis to jumping into the salty Pacific to existential conversations. All was good.

We arrived home and we collaborated on a meal-making session. After supper, when the kids were out of the room, I asked my sister why she would tell her son such an awful thing. She responded first with denial, and then with an admission that she'd told one of the few people I would truly die for that dreadful thing, but it was my fault. She flailed around for an excuse and blurted out "well I didn't want you guys to hang out and forget us but you've been negative and ***5 minute session of blaming me for her needing to degrade me to a 5th grader***".

My sister told a child to discriminate against another human being because she was afraid we'd have too much fun. She left whilst blaming me for my offense and I dropped it to make peace.

Now here's a little secret about my little buddy. He's 10 and he's freakishly smart and no matter how much bullshit my sister decides to cram down his throat, he's going to be himself. And I also found out last night that Mr. J is atheist, much against his mum's wishes.

For the record, my nephew had no idea that I didn't believe in any of the many, many gods before he asked me last night. He had already determined it to himself that " if Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are bogus, how can someone expect me to believe in something else that's obviously imaginary?" (he said this to my sister verbatim) and was just tossing out a line. He asked me if I believed and I said no and he was one very relieved child as he explained how my mother (his grandmother) has told him we thought a lot alike. The nephew told about being forced to go to Easter Mass and how he thought it was weird and thought his mum was trying to hard to make him believe in nonsensical things. We chuckled last night, but tonight was interesting.

This evening, my stepfather brought up all of this 'heaven' stuff and Jacob looked at him as if he had two heads. This young gent eloquently articulated his preference for science over imaginary friends. As he spoke regally about his logic and the way in which the universe actually operates, I quietly applauded.

You see, even though this boy was taught so many blanket judgments, he has already figured out what he believes and why. My sister may believe in a god, but she has very little humanity, and no matter how many labels she tries to throw on me to make herself feel more important, the kid she clearly doesn't favour sees through it all and is an incredibly moral atheist. The boy who asks me every time he sees me "why is my mum so mean to you?" has an amazing awareness of the world around him and doesn't need to wait for greatness since he has already attained it and looks toward an unlimited future.

I could focus on my sister's disregard for decency, but I'd rather tune into my nephew's wavelength. Admitting to who you are and standing on your ground are phenomenal actions. Choosing not to buy into hatred is heroic. I am proud to be very close to a 10 year old MAN who is indescribably incredible; a dude who loves to chill with me like no other.

My best friend is a 10 year old kid who constantly proves that you don't need to believe in cloud zombies to be truly blessed.

The Song In My Head

2011-07-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

Today is Canada Day, so I figure we'll go Canadian again. Here's a 2001 classic from progressive rock band The Tea Party, who recently reunited after disbanding. The group has been called legendary my some and pretentious by others, but this track, on it's own, it's pretty awesome.

Random facts- Vocalist Jeff Martin has played 10 different instruments on previously released records. As for the name, it has nothing to do with Boston or politics, but is an homage to the hash sessions enjoyed by the beat poets of the 60's.

Enjoy!

Buy me on iTunes here

WTBlue F*ck Of The Weak

2011-06-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

In our enlightened culture of today, we like to think of ourselves as having more compassion for those who might have more challenging lives than we do, which is why what I'm going to tell you about tonight will horrify anyone with a conscience.

Jesse Kersey is a 17 year old mentally handicapped young man who resides in Dayton, Ohio. He was stopped by a police officer named Willie Hooper when riding his bicycle near his home. The officer apparently knew the boy's mental challenges but still mistook his severe speech difficulties as a sign of disrespect. Mr. Hooper then began screaming at the terrified kid and Jesse tried in vain to communicate. The boy then bolted home to get his mother so she could explain things.

On the way home, a neighbour tried to plead Jesse's case to no avail, with the officer threatening to arrest the concerned citizen. As mother Pamela Ford opened the door, Willie Hooper and Officer John Howard fired their tasers at Jesse Kersey, striking him in the back with both probes. Once inside the house, they attacked the kid, who was against the back door in a defensive posture begging them to stop. And it gets worse, according to the complaint:

On numerous occasions, Ford and a family friend, Christopher Peyton, informed Officer Hooper that Jesse was mentally challenged/handicapped, and that Jesse did not understand what was happening.
Officer Howard utilized his Cap-Stun pepper spray and sprayed Jesse ... [and] struck Jesse with a closed fist in the upper chest area. Officer Howard utilized his ASP and repeatedly struck Jesse in the upper left side of his left thigh.

The officers called in over 20 backup units, none of whom attempted to communicate with someone they knew was mentally handicapped as to why he was being chased. They simply handcuffed and hogtied the boy and fired him into the back of a police crusier.

Amazingly, police still felt the need to charge young Mr. Kersey with assault on a peace officer, resisting arrest, and obstructing official business. All charges were eventually dimissed, but Pamela Ford is seeking justice for her son, and I don't blame her.

Jesse and Pamela seek damages from the city and the two lead officers, for false imprisonment, false arrest, malicious prosecution, assault, battery, excessive use of force, infliction of emotional distress and civil conspiracy.

I'm going to say that this family has a serious case against the Dayton police department. Who attacks someone they know is a minor, know is mentally challenged, for something as simple as a speech impairment? There is nothing to suggest that Jesse Kersey intended to ridicule any officer in any way, besides, if every person who was mocked on the job feloniously attacked everyone for every slight, there would be a lot of maimed McDonald's customers.

These officers not only viciously assaulted someone who couldn't defend himself, they brought shame upon their entire police force and the oaths sworn when they acquired their badges. It's my hope that Willie Hooper and John Howard will never be permitted to be in any position of authority, let alone one in which the motto is to serve and protect. The Dayton police department must get rid of this pair of thugs and institute a serious education campaign for their remaining officers, as well as open their checkbooks, to even begin to right such a grotesque wrong.

Your Daily Weird

2011-06-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

Has someone ever given you shitty service? Does your neighbour let his dog crap in your garden? Well, if you are tired of someone treating you like shit, you can pay them back in kind- with a mail-order gift of very real crap.

Shitsenders.com will anonymously send a package of poo anywhere in the Continental U.S.A. for a fee. You can choose from cow, elephant, or gorilla packages in a variety of sizes commensurate with how crappy the person has made you feel. In their disclaimer, shitsenders states that their gross gifts are purely for "entertainment" purposes and not for any unlawful purpose.

Naturally, I'm an inquiring mind and wanted to know if this was for real, so I filled in the order blank to see what would happen using NBC's address. Sure enough, I was taken to an actual PayPal credit card checkout and I could have completed the order for a gallon of gorilla garbage. (Attention NBC- I didn't actually click 'pay' so if someone ships your mailroom a steamer, it wasn't me)

I don't actually have the guts to send someone poo through the mail, but maybe you do. even if you don't, the comments on the website make it worth a visit. As a caveat, the company has one complaint of the stink package arriving very late.

Anyways, this is Shitsenders. Have fun!

Media Moment: Delayed Reaction

2011-06-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

In a case of attempting to add recent history to antiquated scripture, Morning Star Ministries spokesbigot Rick Joyner declared Hurricane Katrina to be an act that proves the grace of his imaginary friend.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who find's Rick's suppositions to be somewhat after-the-fact. I mean, the city is in stages of rebuild and several bachannalian parades have occurred in the U.S. South since the dreadful hurricane that took the lives and livelihoods of many.

However, it's not just his late timing here that puzzles, but his justification for the act of nature. Yes, God did it because he loves us. God loves homosexuals so much that he'll kill innocent people and animals and wipe out a large chunk of one of the most politically conservative states just to prove it. In my little heathen brain, any Creator that would erase entire cities to get revenge on a small minority of the population doesn't sound like a very nice God. In fact, he sounds just as evil as the guy on the podium.

How these peddlers of hatred manage to make millions of dollars tax-free each and every year never ceases to amaze and horrify me.

The Artist Formerly Know As Sane

2011-06-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Few mature folks regard musicians as authorities on anything other than their trade, however, Prince has been around long enough that people listen to what he has to say.

The veteran songwriter gave an interview to the Guardian, a British paper, in which he discussed things like his favourite tour stops. The 80's star claimed he enjoys hanging out in countries that are orderly, where one belief system is the law of the land.

"It's fun being in Islamic countries, to know there's only one religion", the singer quipped. When it comes to freedoms, he opined "You wear a burka, there's no choice. People are happy with that." As for those who protest, he stated "There are people who are unhappy with everything. There's a dark side to everything.".

The singer also discussed his own religious realization, which came in 2001, when he became a member of the Jehovah's Witnesses. "I was anti-authoritarian, but at the same time I was a loving tyrant. You can't be both. I had to learn what authority was. That's what the Bible teaches. The Bible is a study guide for social interaction."

I'm going to add my bit here, since Prince decided to put it out there. He may think it's totally rad to be in undemocratic societies, but it's no picnic for those who live under such systems. I'm sure no woman is happy about having to wear a burka in 120 degree weather, about being prohibited from leaving the home, to drive, or even learn to read. It's a big old party to live your life in fear of being raped and then stoned to death as an adulteress, but then again, that's an idea Muslims stole from that wonderful social guide, the Bible. (Deuteronomy 22:23-24)

I know Prince thinks he's spreading the good news, but he's not. If he wasn't famous, he'd be excommunicated from the death cult to which he belongs because he's been divorced twice and is now living with a woman he's not married to. In fact, he and his girlfriend could be arrested and possibly executed in one of those wonderful countries he loves to visit for living in sin.

There's nothing wonderful about religious fundamentalism. The people victimized for life simply because they are born under theocratic regimes are not dancers to be choreographed for a concert. They can't go home at the end of the day and put their feet up with a Scotch in hand. Terror is what those in Islamic countries live under and how they die if they step out of line. Forced orderliness is slavery, plain and simple, and as someone whose ancestors lived under such a system, Prince should know better than to suggest that it is an appropriate way of being for others.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who liked this Prince better

Thought-Provoking Quote Of The Day

2011-06-28T01:33:00.000-07:00

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
Ernest Gaines

What CAN You Do Today?

2011-06-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

One of the women I respect the most is from a place called Minot, North Dakota. It's a place where airmen and construction workers ply their trades and rest their heads. It's a conservative town where kids play hockey and retirees golf, much like it's sister city Moose Jaw, Canada. But right now, Minot is a city under water, with 11, 000 people homeless and 4, 000 residences severely flooded.

The Souris River runs from Saskastchewan through North Dakota and back up to Manitoba. Due to severe raining, 2 dams in Saskatchewan had to be relieved of pressure as the reservoirs overflowed. Various communities in Saskatchewan and Manitoba are flooded right now, but no place felt the flood like Minot. The dams were originally built as a result of the last flood Minot experienced in the 1960's, but there was just no containing what is considered to be worse than a 100 year flood. Combine this with nonstop rains and you have one hell of a natural disaster.

Minot is a city with a huge wage cap that causes the average income to be significantly lower than the national midpoint. Many folks in Minot work 2, 3, or 4 jobs to support their families and floods are not covered by home insurance. Since Minot was considered flood-proof, most people didn't even know they could purchase Federal flood insurance. But, for the first time in 32 years, Minot is swimming and thousands of people are left without even the most bare necessities.

The water is unsafe and people need to be fed. Emergency homes need to be provided and then extensive repairs to the ones that survive. And it all costs money, and I know Minot's not the trendy kind of cause to lend a few bucks to, but as a town with some great people, I think you should open your wallet if you can.

You can donate to the Red Cross or a larger group, but the money will have to change a lot of hands before it assists the hard-working people of Minot. I strongly endorse donating directly to the Minot Area Community Foundation's Disaster Recovery Fund so that the people who live around the Souris River get the help they need as quickly as possible. And you can do it with a click.

Photo courtesy of the CBC

Oooops!

2011-06-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Minnesota GOP Representative Michele Bachmann has barely warmed her seat in office, but has declared herself a candidate for the U.S. presidential election in 2012. As a person born in Iowa, Ms. Bachmann decided to kick off her campaign in the state of her birth, touting her knowledge of the state as an asset when considering her for the GOP Presidential nomination.

That home-state familiarity took a monstrous hit on Sunday, when just prior to announcing her run in Waterloo, Iowa, she spoke to a Fox News correspondent.
The midwestern candidate was reported to quip " What I want them to know is that, just as John Wayne is from Waterloo, Iowa, that's the kind of spirit I have too." As was quickly pointed out by several news sources, the John Wayne of stage and film was indeed born in Iowa, (he moved with his parents to California as a toddler) but in Winterset, a 3 hour drive away.

The John Wayne who lived in Waterloo, Iowa, well that's John Wayne Gacy, murderer of 33 men and children and star of the Statesville Correctional Center's death chamber. He lived there with his wife as an adult and committed the first slew of his infamous crimes in Waterloo and served his time in nearby Anamosa State Prison.

So, Michele Bachmann made a boo-boo, and that really isn't that big of a deal. Everyone makes mistakes. The problem is, she repeated the same line to NBC's Kelly O'Donnell "I'm not pining for nostalgia back in the 50s and 60s, that isn't it. But that sensibility about how we were grounded here is so important. For instance, another American that was born in Waterloo was John Wayne. We were a very patriotic 'yay rah rah America' city and nation and I think that's what America's looking for again."

If I sound like I'm nitpicking here, do note that Michele Bachmann is from Waterloo, Iowa, and should have known that John Wayne the cowboy wasn't from there. After all, she's the one who stated that her meticulous attention to detail is the reason why my numerous American relatives should vote for her.

This is going to be an interesting election year.