Well, lucky for you there are Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Edition condoms.
The copy invites users to "lie back and think of England" . Yeah, because England is what I'm thinking about when I'm getting my groove on. I can hear a pasty damsel screaming "oh Lord Snaggletooth! I require you betwixt my chalky loins!" in my head right now.
Also, the Heritage Love Sheaths are "lavishly lubed" and "regally ribbed", you know because Royals have barberpolesque penises. (I mean, it would explain all of the left-handedness)
In addition the copy claims "Like a Royal wedding, intercourse with your loved one is an unforgettable occasion." , and just as rare if your mate has the fine visage of Camilla Bowled-Over.
Seriously, can you imagine the stress of having to live up to the princely legend when hooking up with a fine lass? Who am I kidding- the Royal rubbers will probably make your genitals crooked and bald.
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Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think