Spit For Spat

  Last April, there was a monumental disaster at a West Virginia mine, leaving many good people missing their sons and dads. To the twisted minds over at the Westboro Baptist Church it was a work of an angry God. In usual fashion, the church sent out their worst spokesbigots in the direction of Charleston for one down and dirty protest. Running the operation was Shirley Phelps-Roper, who shouted insults at the families whilst carrying a sign that read Thank God for Dead Miners.

  Naturally, the fine folks assembled to pay tribute to their fallen comrades weren't feeling it, one of whom was a gent named Billy Spade. He was particularly inflamed by another sign which read Thank God for Dead Marines. Annoyed, Mr. Spade spat a big log of tobacco juice on Shirley's sign, which Mrs. Wingnut claimed hit her. Billy Spade was arrested on the spot, and while cops were leading him away Shirley shouted "I'm glad you pigs finally did something!".

  After being charged with battery, Mr. Spade could have plead guilty and saved himself some time and frustration, but he decided to fight. He went to court and told his version of events; that he was upset and merely wanted to hit the sign and not a woman. Billy Spade was found not guilty of battery on Friday. It took the jury of the Charleston County Court under an hour to reach the verdict.