There are a number of things that the remainder of the world finds puzzling about America. Be it the flavourless chocolate, weird spellings of words, or the unusual absence of vehicles more than 5 years old, America really is different from other places. There is one thing that I notice in washrooms in America that makes me chuckle, and it is the toilet seat cover.
I assure you that nobody besides Americans understands the need to cover the seat in a layer of paper. What exactly is a layer of incredibly porous paper supposed to protect you from? Even if toilets weren't cleaner than water fountains, telephones, computers, doorhandles, taxicabs, and nearly everything else that exists the toilet seat cover wouldn't protect you from anything. According to The American Institute of Microbiology, nobody has ever acquired an STD from a toilet seat in the United States. The only way your bum or legs would be dirty enough to spread disease would be if you absolutely lacked hygiene and enjoyed smearing poo on your glutes. Plus, if the person previous to you peed on the seat, the cover will stick to your arse when you get up.
Americans, do understand. We like you, but we don't comprehend why you are so petrified of disease and other people that you'll worry about someone else's assprint when your cholesterol is 340 and there are a million other things that will actually kill you. And we are not stupid enough to think you give out cowboy hats in the loo, although the joke is almost funny.
Thank you.
The assholes who pee on the seat are the same assholes who squat out of fear that someone else peed on the seat. If everyone would just sit the f*** down, there wouldn't be a problem. But if you insist on squatting which results in a wet seat, have the common courtesy to wipe up your own damn mess. So infuriating.
ReplyDeleteEverybody has their priorities wrong in this country.
ReplyDeleteMost Americans don't understand them either.
ReplyDeleteAnd we don't understand why people from other countries enjoy getting their thighs wet with strangers' urine. I mean, I'm not one to criticize others' sexual fetishes -- hey, live and let live -- but I'm just not really feelin' this one. Still, if you enjoy the wetness of anonymous piss on your body, go for it! Love, An American.
ReplyDeleteAmericans cover the seat because it s a way they can control their life. Being so concerned about living a long life, they fill their schools and shipping malls with purell - anything to fight the disease - so long as we dont have to wash our hands, no that would be too challenging. The toilet seat covers and purell are bandaids, they let the common person feel like they are doing something to be safe, healthy, good, so when they swing through McDonalds on the way home from work they don't feel bad
ReplyDeleteThey're fairly common in some European airports. :shrug:
ReplyDeleteIf someone *actually* peed on the sit prior to your sit, not only will you have pee on your arse, but the ass gasket.
ReplyDeleteAs an American, I've never used one of these things and I don't understand why they're there either.
ReplyDeleteI've never actually used a seat cover... unless there wasn't any TP.
ReplyDeleteWhy would the ass gasket get wet if someone peed on it? You always wipe the seat first. Once the seat is dry, it does not matter if the gasket is porous or not, nothing will go through.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why I use them is that putting my bare ass on a seat someone just had THEIR bare ass on, just feels downright nasty. Raise your hand if feeling that warm seat did not make you cringe.
Do people actually sit on other people's pee, ass gasket or no? I mean. Is this like, a thing? I usually look at the seat and wipe the pee off.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Julia up there - squatters ruin it for everyone else, but it's a cultural thing so there's really not much you can do. I'm an American, and I'm now living in France. In my office where I work, they provide the paper toilet seat covers, but I'm assuming no one uses them, because the same old box has been sitting there for 2 years ever since I started my job. I did a quick poll of my French coworkers, and out of 6 women, only 1 admitted to sitting down on the seat (after giving it a thorough wiping). All the others are squatters. I originally was a wiper, but after hearing that, I became a squatter too. If everyone else is splashing their pee around, I don't want to sit on it!!
ReplyDeleteAs an American, I wholeheartedly agree with this post. The worst part is that they leave their sissy little creation there when they are done, forcing you to actually touch their butt impression. I promise you, they are a minority.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Maria and Anonymous (Nov 8, 2011 09:41 AM). You'd have to be a real moron to not wipe up the piss before applying the gasket.
ReplyDeleteOTOH, if you are content to wipe up the piss and immediately sit directly on the seat surface, then you have stronger character than I. More power to you.
If you have the luxury of your public/office toilets not having dried urine stains and poo on them, and are confident enough that the cleaners will notice and clean stains quick enough then congratulations. In the UK that's a rare luxury indeed.
ReplyDeleteOr if you're perfectly fine with the occasional sticky residue on your buttocks then more power to you.
Statistically the risk may be minimal but it's in our nature to feel squeamish about it.
Mika, I love you to death, but being an American, and a seat coverer (I actually use 2 after I wipe the seat off) I can't agree with your blog post. Working in the medical field I can promise you people are totally gross. Moreover, having to use the ladies room you have no idea how often I find a drop or two of period blood on the seat. I also spray my ass with hand sanitizer. I know far too much about pathogens to really feel any other way about this. Also, not having a dick, I find it impossible to squat without peeing all over my legs. I'm going to use toilet seats, a lot of them. And water fountains? No thank you. If I can help it I usually just wait until I'm home.
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