You Can't Make This Shit Up

  When not trying to legislate their way into you or your partner's uterus, one of the prime focuses of the Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan platform is cuts, cuts, CUTS! to social programs and other government spending (save for oil, corn, and wheat subsidies) so that the fabulously wealthy can enjoy lower taxes and hoard more of their money. Supposedly, millionaires and billionaires are job creators, and when you look at the undocumented migrant housekeepers, agriculture workers, and factory farm butchers, their claim may be true; however, Romney pledges to get rid of those pesky brown people too, but that's a topic for a future blog.

   Well, one of Mittens' favourite targets for cuts is the arts. See, them creepy hippie types are not exactly of a Republican bent, Sesame Street is encouraging kids to overthrow the government, and gay dancers are trying to recruit your children. So the government must not lend financial assistance to expanding creativity or allowing children to go to museums cheaply lest they learn that the Earth is more than 6, 000 years old.

  Among Romney's named targets are the National Endowment For The Arts, The National Endowment For The Humanities, and PBS. Also on the hit list are Amtrak and Medicaid, but we know those things already. So what exactly is the big surprise here?

  PBS, because of its not-for-profit nature, airs about three times more political convention coverage than the big networks. You see, the big guys realize higher revenues with soda ads that interrupt re-runs of crappy shows like Friends, so they want to make the summer bank that knowledge will never provide. Being a public service, run by private as well as taxpayer contributions, PBS has no incentive to sell brain rot, so they opt for intellectual expansion, offering the shows that you and I grew up with, like Sesame Street, a show partially responsible for the fact that I could read and comprehend the content prior to my third birthday.

  Now, let's go back to the political content that PBS airs. For some the convention speeches are boring, but for others the coverage is an important part of examining the political process. During this high time of election fervour, PBS boasts massive convention coverage- a full 3 hours during prime time every night of the week. You won't see this anywhere else. Even MSNBC airs Lockup reruns and op-ed infotainment during the 8-11 EST slot that PBS fills with unfiltered politics, interviews, and analysis. PBS is one of the best things that the government subsidizes, and while Romney himself even admits that he loves it, it's gotta go.

  So which channel would you be required to tune in to in order to catch Ann Romney's all-important GOP convention speech?

  PBS.