OMG, SRLSLY?! : The Worst Words Added To The Oxford Dictionary

  I'm a huge fan of language in its original, correct form in conjunction with several personal combined words and invented terminology. Mastery of the English language is something I work on, continuously making an effort to improve sentence structure. Within reach of my seat at this moment can be found an Oxford Companion to the English Language, a monstrous Webster dictionary, thesaurus, and several books pertaining to correct form. While I have occasionally been referred to as a pedant or grammar Nazi, I assert that I'm not attempting to pull one over on anyone. However, the fact remains that I will not dumb things down for anyone who possesses the ability to open a dictionary.

But what if the problem is the dictionary? I've noticed that in recent years, words added to the Oxford English Dictionary have become increasingly asinine. Whilst the Oxford claims that their 70 or so wordmeisters are some of the planet's most cunning linguists, it's become apparent that their additions reflect the current assault on the English language.

I've also noticed that this prologue is becoming a tad lengthy, so let's move onto the Worst Additions to the Oxford English Dictionary in  2011.

♥ (aloud, heart) v. 2011 : To begin with, this is not a word; it's a symbol on a playing card. Usually uttered with a squeal by valley girls and other irritating effete folks ( kitties!!! I heart kitties!) , this term may have the potential to grate on grammar stiffs the most. Why? The simple answer is that heart is a noun and love is a verb, and the only way heart could becoming a verb is if someone was running around with a heart stamping people with the blood.

LOL abbreviation 2011:  This dandy comes in with other internet colloquialisms such as  OMG, TMI, FYI, and a bundle of others. I'm not sure where to start here other than to say that I would hate to be an English teacher attempting to grade a paper that features juvenile Reddit shorthand and have some kid claim that all of these are real words. Newsflash, folks: they're abbreviations of collections of words, not words themselves. They're not even correct acronyms since you cannot say them aloud, like WAG (also added this year) or BOHICA. (workplace slang that will hopefully stay far from the folks at Oxford) If GTL makes next year's edition, I'm hanging myself.

Wassup?! int., 2011: This may be the most asinine attempt at justification for the degradation of the English language this year. When this mistake is written, it looks horrid; when said aloud, it is consistently obnoxious. Any attempt to use this in a serious way in my presence will result in me beating you to death with a dictionary that was made prior to 2011.

Pap n. and v., 2011 : Why is this one here? Well, because this pap has nothing to do with shorthand for the Papilloma virus nor the test for the presence of it. It is used in this sense as a short-form of paparazzo, paps being short for paparazzi. I didn't realize that anyone besides frustrated Angelinos used this term; the usage of it implies an air of self-importance and notoriety. Paps is simply not used by regular folks, save for the odd teenager and fame whore. Words like this belong in the dictionary-on-tape titled Snooki's Verbal Dictionary For The Rich And Brainless.

Sammich, prolly, and who'da: misspelled words that deserve a separate category, 2011: These are all intentionally misspelled words that only sound cute or clever if you're a toddler. Any person who uses any of these words is announcing to the world that he or she is a bleating moron. Even typing these words annoyed me immensely. If someone I was dating texted any of these dreadful examples ( "Let's go get a sammich", for example.) it would be an absolute dealbreaker. I am a bit obsessive when it comes to language, and intentional misuse not only denotes a lack of respect for the written word, but for the recipient of the communique.

Fnarr fnarr int. and adj, 2011: This snicker from comic series Viz is also used by kids who make rage comics and other assisted-publishing comedic devices. It is used to imply usage of particularly crude sexual innuendo. Isn't the Oxford heavy enough without inclusion of every distinct zing, zam, zip, and blammo from every comic series? This is getting ridiculous.


Dishonourable mentions: doughnut hole, ten-second rule, muffin top, tinfoil hat, meep, ruckus juice, clickjack. Amazingly, rubella virus was just added this year.