SMH At Your ROFLcopter : 7 Internet Abbreviations That Make You Seem Goofy

  The internet is a vast land of information, gaming, and porn. But it is founded on people, and not all of them have the intellectual resources of Bill Gates. Some are lazy or in need of parsing a few characters for a microblog, thusly a vast array of abbreviations for common terms have arisen. Some are fairly standard, like LOL for "laughing out loud" and some have been concocted by those who want to seem cute, cool, or street. Naturally, the latter would be the most irritating to people like myself who actually have a large amount of respect for the English language and the desire to at least attempt to use it correctly.

  So here is a partial listing of some of the more common cyber tragedies that make the typist look mentally deficient and the recipient feel insulted. You CAN stop the menace that I call Facebook Diarrhea.

  #1 Ure (alt. ur)

  This gem was angrily fired at me today by someone attempting to insult my intellectual acumen, but I've witnessed it all over the interwebs. Now one may think that the person was referring to England's Ure River or acclaimed actress Mary Ure, but this is apparently an abbreviation for "you are". In an attempt to sound tough or nonchalant, the person uses the last three letters of you're and brain-farts the apostrophe.
  URE is a known abbreviation for Unrecognizable Read Error, which my internal hard drive will suffer if you attempt to use this dreadful shorthand in communications with me. The alternate form "ur" (as opposed to "your" OR "you're") sounds like the guttural noise made when you are trying to suppress a gut shot and when used in poetry seriously degrades your beloved.

#2 Sum 

  Shorthand of "some" used to make someone seem chill. While it may easily be confused with a mathematical term, the person who uses this horror likely could not add 5 and 7. The amplification of the tragedy is the fact that this "term" is a mere 1 character shorter than the correctly spelled word. Use this and I will assume you did not pass grade 1 math.

#3 Wit , Nd , Kno , Wha, Doin etc.

  We are not speaking of Oscar Wilde here, but a shorter version of "with". The remainder are simple words with one letter missing. They are all equally tragic attacks on English. Should you use any of these in an e-mail or tweet directed at me, I will assume that you are at least one letter short of an alphabet. At the very least, I'll be led to believe that  you're a half-wit.

#4 FML

  Cover your eyeballs Aunt Ann because this is "Fuck My Life" super-compressed. This doesn't bother me because it is obscene, but that it is so damn depressing. It is also overused. People now use FML after telling stories about common things, like one's boss bitching someone out or a hangnail. Individuals say things like "fuck my life" when they are on the verge of a mental breakdown, not because they accidentally farted on the school bus. This is a grave term and should be treated as such.
  Here's a pointer : if you are thinking of typing FML say aloud your entire complaint followed by "fuck my life". If you hear yourself say it and don't have a razor to your throat, you should be hitting the backspace key.

#5 BBIAB

  For those who haven't had to Google this, this is an acronym for Be Back In A Bit. This one stands out from many others because it is just so bizarre. While BBL (be back later) is fairly acceptable, this is an abomination. I far prefer to actually give people the courtesy of typing that I will return or something to that effect. To abbreviate it makes people seem unimportant and I've actually witnessed this and its variants on business e-mails. Also I find that acronyms longer than 4 letters or those that would sound completely ridiculous if said aloud highly annoying. As a note, actual acronyms generally delete tiny words like "in" or "a", so the correct short form for this should be BBB, which if sounded out is roughly the same noise that your toddler makes. If you actually tell your recipient your estimated time of return, they might actually wait for you. Otherwise, it is just internet blabber that will likely be ignored.

#6 ISWYM / IYSWIM

  "I See What You Mean" , "If You See What I Mean" . Both of these phrases are grammatically weird before the assault upon them. Generally speaking, one does not actually see what someone means. This statement is one of the many unusual quirks of the English language and one I choose not to use in any form.
  In the abbreviated form, it looks as ridiculous as the person typing it. If you have enough time to come up with ridiculous abbreviants like this, you really need to get out more. In conjunction with being excessively lengthy, these examples of internet shorthand gone wrong also insult your reader. The 99% of the population that does not live in their grandmother's basement will have ZERO clue as to what you are trying to say.
  If you confuse the hell out of that woman you met off of PlentyofFish, chances are you'll be doing plenty of masturbation.

#7 ROFLMAO

  This one has been submitted to me by many friends who believe THIS is the example of Twithand gone horribly awry. While I have indeed rolled on the floor out of laughter, I am fairly rare here and I have only done it a couple of times in my 34 years. And certainly judging by the size of it, I have never actually laughed my ass off. I have certainly LOL at more than a few comedic tweets but not one has made me ROFLMAO. There are a MILLION other ways to tell someone that their humourous aside has made your day a little funnier than attacking them a pepper spray of script. In addition, actually mentioning that you thought their joke truly funny without abbreviating it makes THEM feel better as well. A barrage of capital letters seems cliche at the least and attacking at the worst, but saying something to the effect of "That was the funniest thing I've heard all day" offers a welcomed positive message that the 54672542 ROFLCopters won't bring.

  So as I actually need to doze I'll leave you with the first installment of Facebook faux-pas that could make you seem insensitive or unintelligent. Words are weapons that can be used for good or for harm and whether abbreviated or not should convey the message that you are intending to send.

  LBNL , IKYP so MNT you won't irritate the hell out of people .

Have a nice day!