Grab Your Pitchfork and Barfbag

  There are some seriously damaged folks out there, and 64-year-old Armand Pacher is no exception.

  Like most guys, the retired insurance exec likes some lovin. The girl he's in love with is Christie Brinkley, but the problem is she isn't the famous model, she's his Great Dane. And he didn't really seem to think anything was too strange about getting canal with his canine friend.

  But Mr. Pacher is looking at 5 years in jail for felony animal abuse after his vet's secretary asked about the animal's health and the freaky Floridian proceeded to tell the staffer about sexual problems he was having with his furry friend. He reported that Christie wasn't enjoying being boinked like the old days.
  While this could be taken in jest, the vet used the appointment to check to see if there was a possibility that the spayed animal could have been violated. Not only did the doc conclude that forced nastiness occurred, but that the culprit couldn't have been another dog.

  I get that there are all sorts of fetishes and that some people do indeed get lonely, but this is seriously perverse. I'm not sure what in one's brain must snap in order to want to rape an enormous dog, but if any of you ever have such an inclination get your ass to a psychiatrist. Not only will you save an animal from the most heinous kind of abuse, you'll save your face from being plastered all over every website on the globe. If that's not a deterrent, you deserve shame, ridicule, and incarceration.

  Armand M. Pacher, you are one severely creepy individual.