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Monday, September 26, 2011

Facebook-Related Post Of The Week

For those of you who are freezing your balls off on Neptune, Facebook is a social network. You may not have an account, but you absolutely know someone who does.

The internet is awesome. I preferred the old MySpace layout (before it got all fucked up with too many Zynga apps), but Facebook is okay too. I don't use it often, but when I do, I often see people posting laughable rumours such as these generally grammatically-poor pleas :


FACEBOOK JUST RELEASED THEIR PRICE GRID FOR MEMBERSHIP, $9.99 PER MONTH FOR GOLD MEMBER SERVICES, $6.99 PER MONTH FOR SILVER MEMBER SERVICES, $3.99 PER MONTH FOR BRONZE MEMBER SERVICES, FREE IF YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. WHEN YOU SIGN ON TOMORROW MORNING YOU WILL BE PROMPTED FOR PAYMENT INFO... IT IS OFFICIAL IT WAS EVEN ON THE NEWS. FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING DUE TO THE NEW PROFILE CHANGES. IF YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR WALL YOUR ICON WILL TURN BLUE AND FACEBOOK WILL BE FREE FOR YOU. PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON IF NOT YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED IF YOU DO NOT PAY.


Here's the thing, kids- even if Facebook were to shift to a pay-for-play format, a screen would ask you for money like they did with the $237 you spent on Farmville. There is no law stating that you must have a Facebook account- your boss might even prefer if you didn't have an account, so his wife couldn't see him drinking shots of a stripper at the Super Bowl party. If Zuckerberg takes the money and runs and they want to charge you for their services, you can do your own thing. No social network is vital for human survival.

However, Facebook pledges to be free, so your aunt can continue posting pictures of you when you were an awkward teenager. The story is fake so please Google something before you copy and paste it. There are viruses being spread this way.

Now here's the other type we're going to discuss today. It is the internet bedbug that nourishes itself on your sense of empathy:

15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a "slut", no one knows she was raped at age 14. People call another guy "fat", no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man "ugly", no one knows he experienced a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 88 of you won't,the other 22 arent heartless and will.
Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart. Put this as your status.



The first problem with this one is mathematical. 22 fewer than 100 is 78, not 88. While there is a theoretical possibility that the "girl" was using a fraction of 88/110, it just isn't likely. Next, children are not exactly susceptible to lung cancer- asbestos and cement workers, firefighters, pavers, and roofers, sure, but not 7 year olds. Additionally, brain cancer is not caused by being beaten. It is an insult to the thousands of children with traumatic brain injuries and suffering from all other types of abuse to perpetuate this fallacy.

However, the most grotesque slam is to the Make A Wish Foundation, one I personally dig. The amazing staff help kids enjoy what may very well be the last awesome moments in their too-short lives. And they're not the only ones who care. Between Medicaid, a request from Make-A-Wish and plain awesome humanity, most children are given medical intervention in America. Moreover, neither Make-A-Wish or Facebook would participate in a scheme where a girl's wellbeing was held hostage in exchange for promotion. Not only are you doing a disservice to other people in exchange for the chance to post some complete farce, you are potentially libeling Make-A-Wish. Think about that for a second.

Facebook can be fun, but please think before you automatically repost everything you see but not read. One day, you could accidentally post that the head of the company you work for is a jackass or that you want to kill all Latinos. It probably won't be that extreme. Mainly, you'll just look stupid, particularly when you don't put apostrophes where they are supposed to be. And the ramifications will be your fault because you didn't pay attention before cosigning something seen by a billion people.

Spreading false stories are internet cancer. And unlike the thousands of real-life Amys out there, we actually have the cure.

2 comments:

  1. "drinking shots *off a stripper".... yes I did this just to be a troll. I never get to be a troll. Good post by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. #The first problem with this one is mathematical. #22 fewer than 100 is 78, not 88. While there is a #theoretical possibility that the "girl" was using #a fraction of 88/110, it just isn't likely.

    There is no problem with the maths here. What the OP was saying was 88 of her 110 friends will also post the same status and the remaining 22 won't. There is no maths involved at all. Likewise, the 88 friends would replace those numbers to match the total sum of their own friends list.

    Just, ya know, FYI.

    ReplyDelete

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