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Monday, August 31, 2009

Toddlers In Tiaras : Tampering With Innocence

The TLC/Discovery Channel empire prides itself on bringing informative yet entertaining programming to the masses and often fills that bill . In recent years TLC's offerings are becoming increasingly exploitative of many groups of people , but most obviously children. Highlighted by the larger media outlets  is Jon and Kate Plus 8, but Dancing Tweens smacks of this as well as other "special" programming . The worst of the worst thus far is most certainly Toddlers In Tiaras - which is not narrated so we can view the asinine behaviour of soccer moms in their most vapid and grandiose glory . Jumping on the bandwagon is WE with their series "Little Miss Perfect".

According to TLC's billing "The preparation is intense as it gets down to the final week before the pageant. From hair and nail appointments, to finishing touches on gowns and suits, to numerous coaching sessions or rehearsals, each child preps for their performance. But once at the pageant, it's all up to the judges and drama ensues when every parent wants to prove that their child is beautiful."

Naturally as a decent and protective adult, I have some very serious qualms about not only this display of maternal abuse being on the airwaves, but existing in general . EVERY 2 year old is a beautiful creation of the Universe and deserves to be treated as if she is the most amazing kid on the planet UNCONDITIONALLY . Treated as a valid, intelligent, adored angel who is congratulated for a best effort as opposed to how much paste, waxing, hair extensions and spray-painting she can tolerate without crying .
She needs to be taught to view people as the truly are versus how many pretty dresses their obsessed parents can afford, to value intelligence and determination and not to be groomed into the next-generation meth head soccer mom . Babies on these programs are openly psychologically and sometimes physically abused while we sit and watch and boost the advertising dollar .

Which leads into the sexual exploitation of these wee girls . We are living in a nation where the most common procedure for girls 12-14 is Laser Hair Removal . Even infants are being forced to sit for long hours to be spray-painted and manicured , and this is not just the pageant community . In North America , in excess of $50 million is spent on cosmetics for girls under the age of 12 annually and 80% are terrified of being seen as fat . Toddlers in Tiaras is the extreme example of a disease that is rampant .

The disease is unapologetic paedophilia - while people line up to send the latest pederastic priest to a justifiably lengthy prison term preschool girls are told to pout, to giggle, and yes, even to look "sexy" by their parents and the judges . The fathers of these wee angels always seem either powerless against their sicko wives or perverted themselves . This translates into an entire society where the most vulnerable children are seen as "fair game " for weirdos, not to mention the other damage being in these pageants can cause .

By the time they are adults these girls will have permanent skin, tooth and hair damage and may have bone , vision and metabolic disorders from dieting at a young age . These kids will grow up with such artificial esteem that they will be insecure fools who might well wind up being the next batch of porn stars and strippers only to be "rescued" into the housewife role by some rich closet-queen to perpetuate the cycle again assuming they don't wind up on Santa Monica hooked on smack and giving blow-jobs to octogenarians for $20 .

Pardon me for being so graphic , but we need to save our girls from this bullshit, and while I'm not the type to interfere with parenting style, these pageants have nothing to do with it and must come to a swift end as they no longer have anything to do with talent and everything to do with objectification .

What Is Real? Meet Whitney.

Studio Fred advertises this woman on funny Or Die as being Kate Faber and thusly this video has gone viral . On their main site they seem incredibly impressed that the video has been picked up and spread as fact by dozens of mainstream and gossip sites without verifying it .
You see , Kate was the lady that Kobe Bryant was accused of violating in a litany of ways and eventually paid millions of dollars to keep her quiet .
This stain is Whitney Teubner and she's a student at CSU-LA and no doubt a Kobe Bryant fan . Whether or not the real Kate authorized this is up in the air as it has been out for months and she isn't saying if she approves or not. It IS , however , safe to say that the real person IS the type to sue someone so I'm wondering if litigation has crossed her mind or if she thinks this is funny.
Either way , in her quest for 15 minutes , Whitney Teubner has managed to ridicule and trivialize one of the most horrifying experiences a human can endure .
But WHY were millions of people fooled into believing that this could possibly be the real deal? Is it that nobody wants to believe that their hero could REALLY be a monster , that women are all secret gold diggers and whores , or that we are really willing to suspend disbelief that easily ? Why is it that women hate other women more than even the vilest man ever could ?
Ms. Teubner is a jealous , twisted , and entirely unfunny little girl , and IF Katelyn Faber approved of this travesty , then so is she .
Oh , and Studio Fred should stop titling this as being the "Kate Faber" on F.O.D.

BTW , the video has an incredibly LOW haha rating .

O.K. ...I lied...

Raiders fans are scary too...

O.K. , Ladies .....

The NFL pre-season is underway , which means NFL fan season is also underway .
Yes , ladies (or a few unlucky fellas) , your man is gonna gain 20 pounds in wings and beer and paint some convicted felon's number on his moobs and display it to the world.

And it's always the larger , ruddy-looking white dudes and not his buff-looking pals who do this . And they are Eagles or Cowboys fans .

Always .

If your man satisfies these conditions , keep a close eye on him .

It's violence we CAN stop.

Thank You.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Happy Birthday Buddy

It's my buddy Shai's birthday today and he's a serene , non-judgmental , wonderful blessing to the world .
It is hard to describe such a wonderful dude . He is simply the Rabbi that even atheists can hang with without feeling an iota of discomfort . He's a teacher and a student , and activist and peacenik , a creator and admirer . He is my friend and I encourage all of you people to give him a shout out today and enjoy being filled with the spirit he will inevitably pass on .

Here's to another year with my adorable pal .

Happy Birthday , buddy !

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The Flatus Is At Us

There is a forbidden and curious nature that humans relate to anything that is emitted from human bodily openings , particularly that back door that we all possess . Your granny farts , so does your girlfriend , the Maxim cover girl , and yes , Shane - even Padma Lakshmi misdirects a burp from time to time . (In Hindi , fart = paad) In my mind it's the Pope who has the worst morning thunder , or at least he's up there with Tom Green in the rectal rocket Hall of Flame . And , I'll admit it ... I just farted .

According to the "experts" on such things , the word and context of the fart as we know it only became taboo in the last hundred or so years . Back in the day , the fart was out in the open , featured in several Canterbury Tales and being an accepted dictionary entry in the 1700's . And then the fart vanished into thin air - Wolfe and Hemingway had references to the Gas removed from their literature and it is often referred to as the 8th dirty word . Think on this - when was the last time YOU heard an audible petard (that's French) on Network Television ? I'm talking a human one - animated stuff doesn't count because there's simply no proof that the noise wasn't made with a French Horn .

The taboo nature of the gas , or rather it's emission add to the humour value of this often-unused device . Outside of the bedroom , farts can genuinely be ridiculously hilarious . My older sister is model-perfect ,has a prestigious occupation , and is a mother of two , but she taught my other siblings how to AIM . (I was a very serious and humourless kid oddly) I'm sure she has passed this "skill" on to her darling offspring whom have certainly been victimized by a Dutch Oven or 10 .

People need to OWN their farts , laugh at their farts , and even be PROUD of the gas they pass . Besides , if you hold them in for too long , you fart when you are relaxed , and most folks just aren't into the post-orgasmic surprise . It's true - laughing at a fart in the den means less gas during sexy times , which I don't have but have most definitely HEARD about . As funny as a gas attack might be amongst coworkers , a Dutch Oven will probably get you a Coach-class ticket to the sofa .
To be succinct : funny , yes - sexy , not so much .

---sidebar : dogs don't smell your butt because of some perverse nature thing , they do it because they like the smell of farts and they are hoping that you have leftover essence on your trousers . They're scavengers and like anything that smells rotten. Ergo farting on your dog does not constitute cruelty . She might just thank you for it. : sidebar over ----

For some reason this turbulent topic came to rise during a conversation with my mother last night , who like ancient Emperor Claudius , believes that it is hazardous to the health to hold in the gas for longer than it takes to sneak out to the balcony . Rest assured , it won't physically harm you to hold it in , but as described above , might water they eyes of your sleeping partner . If you are one of those rare people who enjoys the expulsion of flatus or happens to be a very brave method actor (hi , Sina!), you can supercharge your farts by eating cabbage with your brisket . Meat is notorious for producing acidic , aromatic gas , and cabbage add the noise factor . Cauliflower has the same effect , but it's just a gross tasting version of Broccoli so I wouldn't bother . Dairy and beans make for an equally toxic combo because 95% of us simply cannot digest either of these properly .

In summation , be proud of what you produce , whether it be farts or fart jokes . We need eradicate the stigma associated with something that EVERYBODY does .
Or at least laugh at trot trumpets - laughing is good for you . Besides , it lets down your guard and we all know what that means :)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Salted Nut Bar?

People collect for varying reasons - be it nostalgia , information , or investment potential , and I'm not generally what would be referred to as the judgmental type of person when it comes to what might be the apple of someone's eye . I collect old medical textbooks , hockey cards , maps , and other curious items . In my home you will find Catalogues from the 1920's , Dead Kennedys shirts from the 80's and even a first edition copy of Dr. Zhivago , but not what you see here.

It's SALT . A vietnam-era wee packet of sodium chloride , likely a solid lump . People collect these things and I have no idea why . It's not pretty nor displayable , will likely have no resale value , and will likely wind up in a drawer somewhere or be eaten by a curious or dehydrated pet .
I'm very curious to find out what type of person collects this , and why . To the average person , it seems a tad odd and purposeless really but since these things frequently sell on EBay I'd like to know .

Because to me it's just SALT.

Silver Shards of Satan

We periodically install this horrifying product called DensDeck . What it is is chemically-treated GypRock with fibreglass mats on the FACE , right where you handle it . If you go on Georgia-Pacific's website they explain all of the wonderful product features , such as fire resistance , uplift advantages and the like . What they fail to inform the consumer is that your employees will want nothing to do with handling this abominable board . it is heavy , and contains so much glass , that it can cause airway restriction and it's tiny shards imbed themselves into the victims' skin and eyes and are nearly impossible to remove . eEven after a lengthy shower , I feel like I dry-humped a legion of porcupines . My skin is peeling , I have a horrendous rash , and my throat is clogged . NOBODY on our crew wanted to be near this evil product . It is the construction version of that annoying kid at school who picks his nose all the time .
If G-P is interested in increasing sales , they should come up with something installer friendly , but for now DensDeck ...


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Truth Is Stranger Than Science Fiction

Bernie Madoff is a douchebag who will most likely die behind bars and he should . There has been much made about him swindling the wealthy , but he also banrkupted children's organizations and hospitals . Like Ponzi himself , he generally preyed on people of his own ethnic group , but made millions off of others who wanted to be part of a "sure thing." He single-handedly destroyed the disability and retirement funds of thousands of hard-working people , but he gets to have buddies like Larry Levine .

Larry Levine is a "prison consultant" that tries to get robbers in Armani to have a much more fun time in the bucket . He was a scumbag in a suit himself and doesn't really believe that what he or any of the other swindlers did and do is all that reprehensible and now defrauds other scumbags by selling his "sage advice."
All one needs to do is take one quick glance at Mr. Levine to notice that he looks like he eats gangsters' livers for breakfast . I'm fairly certain that in a Federal lockup there are HUNDREDS of guys you would want to pick on instead of a papa that looks like he could go a few rounds with Bill Goldberg .

Want a prison survival tip ? Be born as big of a cat as Larry Levine . Oh , and you Wall Street sissies who are PAYING this dude .....


WTBlueFUCK Of The Weak

O.K. , so Kobe Bryant may or may not have been a scumbag of the worst kind by forcing himself (or not) on a young lady in Colorado several years ago . At the least , he's a an asshole for philandering , at worst , he's a callous and arrogant criminal who bought his way out of hard time . Well , now the young mama is getting her "closure" by rapping about the whole ordeal , and here's the rhyme :


And check some of the lyrics : WARNING - NOT FOR MICROS OR THE FAINT OF HEART :

Kobe Bryant Rape Accuser Freestyle Raps
Uploaded by Heavyweight about 1 month ago. Plays: 20
Tell everyone you like this sound bite Create a new sound bite by clipping this one
Katelyn Faber, the woman who accused Kobe Bryant of raping her, freestyle raps about the event.
Check it,
You know how I be,
5 years ago date raped by Kobe,
You know how I be,
5 years ago date raped by Kobe,
I was in Colorado working at a hotel when Kobe rang the... More »
Check it,
You know how I be,
5 years ago date raped by Kobe,
You know how I be,
5 years ago date raped by Kobe,
I was in Colorado working at a hotel when Kobe rang the bell,
Said bring me some towels then he bend me over a chair, pulling my hair and tore out my bowels,
Kobe bought his wife a diamond to make up for being reckless,
But I also got some bling when he pulled out his thing and gave me a pearl necklace,
Hey you say, look at how she was dressed but I didn’t look my best,
My uniform was a mess, I looked like a Denny’s waitress,
Now I’m taking back the night because what he did to me,
You know it ain’t right,
It was consensual he said,
So Kobe tell me why my ass bled.

I'm not in the position to question someone's therapeutic methods , but this seems just a little too bizarre for my sensibilities .

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Arrividerci Asshole

This is Canadian Ryan Jenkins and he killed himself today after being sought for brutally murdering his ex-wife after he had stalked and terrorized her for not returning his "affections" . This scumbag beat out all of her teeth , killed her and then cut off her fingers and hid her in a dumpster in a seedy side of Los Angeles in the hopes that he would get away with it , and then ran like the coward he was.
He had been cast on a pseudo-reality dating show and if VH1 had done their homework , they would have realized that he had already been convicted in Canada of beating on an ex-girlfriend of his prior to billing him as a lothario .

The clean-cut man walked across the Washington - British Columbia border to avoid detection and holed up in a hotel . When the writing was on the wall , he hanged himself .

I was going to sound off about how selfish and cowardly he was , but his actions speak for themselves . Sure , we don't get to give him our brand of justice , but he was incorrigible and probably would have done something horrendous after his 25 years in the bucket . And in these trying times , he has saved 2 nations millions of dollars . For someone who lived a superficial life , we CAN and should trivialize his demise .
He removed a woman from the human experience and killed himself in mental terror .

Good riddance.

What's Your Take On Press Freedom?

C. Donald Bostrom is a Swedish journalist well known for publication of pro-Palestinian books and articles that generally slander Israel and it's citizens while hiding under the shield of Swedish press freedom laws , well known for being the freest in the world . He has been active in his quest to defame Israel for decades and still , the "horrible oppressors and murderers" have extended press credentials to him time and again until now . Now what has this cat done to offend the Israeli state? He published an article claiming that the IDF steals organs from dead or dying Palis to distribute to their own . This runs along the same lines as the ridiculous claims that Matza is made from the blood of Christians but the difference is , this man is passing his suppositions off as fact to the International media and people are believing it .

Bostrom himself admits that he has no proof of this and that his article is based on accusations of the families of a few dead militants whom the IDF admits were autopsied after their deaths . The article title "Our Sons Are Being Stripped of Their Organs" was meant to incite hatred against Israelis and by extension Jews , who are much-maligned in Sweden . Here's a snippet from the article :

“We know that the need for organs in Israel is large, that an extensive illegal organ moving is ongoing and has been for a long time, that it is done with the blessing of the authorities, the senior doctor at the major hospital is involved, as well as officials at various levels. And we know that the Palestinian young men disappeared, they were back five days later in secrecy at night, sewn up,”

Now , Swedish press and government is actively anti-Israeli and claims that Mr. Bostrom has the absolute freedom to write and have published whatever he wishes which leads me to the Question - Is press freedom limited to publication of facts or should any and all opinions be broadcast ? Should Holocaust deniers and genocidal pundits be free to say what they wish , whenever they wish ? And if there is a line , where does it lie ?

What's YOUR take?

Awesomeness ....

This is the best new kids toy in an eternity .
The Recycle Factory . You recycle scrap paper and newsprint to make a railroad that rivals any of those expensive wood sets . Plus , it's something you and the kids can do together that doesn't involve batteries or an admission fee . Your kids are probably going to have track going around the house , but not only is it recycled , it's recyclable - good karma toy . I can think of at least 10 kids in my life that would LOVE this and at around $30 it's affordable all around.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

Bill Maher - Misery For Sale

Bill Maher hosts talk shows and claims to be a comedian and because he's not nearly as clever or intellectually-gifted as he thinks he is , he targets religion and those who believe when he takes time away from demeaning women , whom he vilifies with frequency . (Don't get me started on his over hatred of children) In fact , if you don't agree with him entirely , he just has no time for you . He has been in the public eye long enough that he actually believes in the myth of his own intellectual superiority and to fail to be a sycophant will subject your ideas and ideals to ridicule by this pathetic little man . I know it's easy to pick on George W. Bush being religious , but about a MILLION other comedians kind of beat Bill to the chase in cutting Georgie up . In Bill Maher's flick "Religulous" , Bill essentially ridicules faithful people and religion and argues with people like a child while claiming that his view are most rational without offering proof of his suppositions . His few truths and legitimate questions seem entirely ripped from "The God Who Wasn't There" , in which the Director does offer an intelligent rebuttal to the Christ story . Maher's take offers a nice dose of mediocre comedy and he's riding the success by appearing on talk shows and hosting like-minded atheists like the self-obsessed insecure little famewhore he is . Maher doesn't know whether or not a higher power exists , but he's absolutely CERTAIN that your God , or my God , or the neighbour's God just doesn't meet his exacting standards .
Now call me a stupid little believer , but doesn't Maher's inflexible dogmatism and overt narcissism remind one a wee bit of the same religious zealots that he claims are evil ?
What it boils down to is that Bill Maher deals in misery - he hates all people who don't serve is needs and anything that provides hope to human beings that he already feels intellectually and socially superior to simply because he plagiarized a few lucky breaks . He really doesn't care about health care for the little guy or education - he openly despises children - he cares about ratings . Dissidence equals dollars and Billy will always find SOMETHING to whine about to make his dime . I find it someone puzzling that this twat preaches against psychotropic medication since he also seems against people experiencing any form of joy without his express written consent .

It's truly sad when the youth of a continent look up to a douchebag like Bill Maher for guidance because we've neglected to raise our kids .

People , you can offer an intelligent rebuttal to Bill Maher without beginning the Apocalypse. Why worry what he thinks when it's painfully obvious that he doesn't give a flaming shit what anyone outside of his Inner Rectum thinks.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Big Time Out

One of the greatest things about living in British Columbia is the beauty of the landscape . Vancouver Island is truly the most magnificent place on the planet - a mere drive to work can stop your heart for a few seconds . It is this magic that draws some of the most amazing talent from all over the country and even the other end of the Globe to our wondrous land , and THEY treat us like royalty simply because they feel blessed to be able to touch this vision from God . I had the chance to enjoy some of the finest talent on the planet in an obscure wee town north of me , a bounty of talent , bands that all played their hearts out and hung with the locals . There were zero slackers , no pretense , no airs - simply grateful people normally idolized but almost put in their place by the obvious presence of something greater than themselves and they killed it well into the wee hours .
The whole experience was nearly marred by the fact that my companions were a warring couple , but NOTHING could have destroyed this .

Enjoy these clips and you'll see what I mean .

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Because Sometimes , Someone Else Says It Better

Even in the NHL...
Ironically, the Buffalo police department could easily use this picture of Patrick Kane as his mugshot. See, a couple of weeks ago, Kane and his brother were partying at a nightclub in Buffalo when they decided to take a cab home at 5 in the morning. This actually starts out as a good story because as is the case with most pro athletes these days, a DUI wouldn't have been entirely out of the question.

However when they get to their destination, the cabbie is 20 cents short on their change. First of all, who ever asks for change from a cabbie anyways? Unless you are paying 20 bucks for a 7 dollar ride, you don't see this much. So instead of saying, "Boy, I'm a professional athlete in the NHL. In the next 3 years I will have earned roughly 14 million dollars." HE BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF THE CABBIE! And takes all of his money back. Yeah.. over twenty fucking cents man. Furthermore, this dude was 62 years old.. Kane is 20.

He ends up getting charged with second-degree robbery, fourth-degree criminal mischief and theft of services. His plead - not guilty, of course. He chalks the whole thing up to "being at the wrong place at the wrong time." Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that something you say when somebody gets hit with a stray bullet, or is the victim of a random mugging. Not when YOU make the decision to HIT a cab driver because he is TWENTY CENTS short. I sure as shit don't make 4 million dollars a year, and I also sure as shit don't care about 20 cents either.

So, congratulations Kane. You managed to completely tarnish a career that only started 2 years ago when you were the first overall pick in the draft. I will never respect you, and thank god you play for Team USA so I will never have to cheer for you.

By the way, if you pick up a copy of the video game NHL 10 by EA Sports - guess who's on the cover?

ripped from

Thank You

To my coworker , Shane Bell for keeping something like this from occurring today . He saw a fire in the making and called into action a plan to stop it before any damage could harm people or property . We were torching fire-resistant roofing near very old cedar shakes that are to be removed tomorrow that were old , brittle , mossy and easily incinerated - people use this stuff to start campfires with a single match - and one ignited . The membrane we use is the best and is very fire-retardant , however , it is often wooden decks or existing older structures that will go . It is highly likely that I started this near-accident . I have never come so close to damaging anything in my time in the trade . There are often jokes that you aren't a real roofer until something like this wakes you up , and I am certainly more alert for a lifetime after this .
To play with fire , you must know how to extinguish one and as much as we tease and cajole this young man , he's the real deal .

Semper Roof


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

PETA and YOUR Best Friend

People think they are doing a great thing by lending their financial and representative support to PETA , but if you really believe in saving the lives of all animals , don't support PETA . PETA advocates the genocide of many dog breeds and wants to end animal companionship entirely . I know what you are thinking - THEY are the keepers of the animals , the positive stewards , the role models , but what if I told you that they wanted to kill YOUR best friend ? Despite the fact that they frequently use Bulldogs in their ads , their President , Ingrid Newkirk publicly promotes the euthanisation of ALL rescued Pits , Staffordshire Bull Terriers , Mastiffs , English Bulldogs , Ridgebacks ,Rottweilers , Doberman Pinschers and crosses REGARDLESS OF TEMPERAMENT OR ADOPTION POSSIBILITY . She even wants to exterminate dogs exhibiting "bulldog" characteristics ALL BECAUSE she was bitten after tormenting a terrified , abused animal . But , here's Ingrid's own words :

People have no idea that at many animal shelters across the country, any "pit bull" who comes through the front door goes out the back door -- in a body bag...This news shocks and outrages the compassionate dog-lover. ..Here's another shocker: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the very people who are trying to get you to denounce the killing of chickens for the table, foxes for fur, or frogs for dissection, supports the pit bull policy..."

Those who argue against the euthanasia policy for pit bull dogs are naive.

I have scars on my leg and arm from my own encounter with a pit. Many are loving and will kiss on sight, but many are unpredictable.

People who genuinely care about dogs won't be affected by a ban on pits. They can go to the shelter and save one of the countless other breeds and lovable mutts sitting on death row through no fault of their own."

Ingrid Newkirk is completely hypocritical! She is also a complete and utter liar - PETA's own "shelter" murders over 90% of the animals surrendered - dogs , cats , rabbits , birds , and even reptiles and they support breed bans in an effort to eradicate ANY form of animal husbandry - they have worked to get rid of service animals for the challenged and elderly and companions of shut-ins . PETA's old pal Peter Singer wants to phase out CAT stewardship entirely - not just overbreeding and kitten mills - he wants companion cats eliminated from the planet .

I grew up around the much maligned Staffordshire Bull Terrier . These dogs were my friends until BSL . Many of my coworkers have these wonderful dogs in their homes - around their kids , elderly parents , cats and other dogs and they are valued members of their families . These were the most popular family dogs 100 years back for a reason and are frequently retrained as rescue dogs and Police service dogs . Remember the dog in the Little Rascals? That ball of goo was one . The fact is that a child is over 100 times more likely to be killed it's own mother than all breeds of dogs combined . You are 10 ,000 times more likely to die via firearm than Pit Bull . Seriously , what should scare you more?

According to breed bans , Pit Bulls , Stafforshire Bull Terriers and Bulldogs as well as dogs "exhibiting characteristics of a "Bully" breed" are banned , but what about your buddy? Well , if he or she is on this list , they could be coming for your dog next :
Rottweiler - Doberman Pinscher - Boston Terrier - Shar Pei - German Shepherd Dog - Belgian Malinois - Siberian Husky - Alaskan Malamute - Great Dane - Irish Wolf Hound - Scottish Deer Hound - Bouvier des Flandres - Mastiff (Bull ,English , Neopolitan , Italian , Tibetan , Spanish , etc) - Boerboel - American and English Bulldogs - Akita - Chow chow - Tosa Inu - Presa Canario - Dogo Argentino - Bull Terrier - Wolf/Hybrid - Canary Dog - Boxer - Perro de Presa - Old Country Bulldog - Alapaha Blue Blood Bulldog - Fila Brasileiro - Newfoundland - Anatolian Shepherd - Greater Swiss Mountain Dog - Great Pyrenees - Komondor - Kuvaz - Saint Bernard - Dogue des Bordeauxs - Akbash - Leonberger - Otterhound - Rhodesian Ridgeback - Japanese Tosa - Corgi . I've heard reports that Pugs may be banned in some major cities .

BSL is even more proof that PETA is an insult to vegetarians and animal lovers everywhere!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Just For Fun - Proofread This!

Real cookie box from my parents' day ..

And people wonder why Native Man doesn't trust whitey ...

Man , we were naive.

Oh , you gotta click on the image :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Just For Fun - Synchonized Dancing Roofers

Everybody has a little bit of fun at work and these guys don't know what to do during a winter rain when left to their own devices..

Happy Friday!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Greatness CAN Be Measured

The greatest-grandaddy to the right is none other than Les Paul at the spry age of 92 years , 5 months , and there is nothing wrong with he or his bands of geriatric awesome daddies - I challenge 4 micropapas toTRY to TOUCH some of this light without using a Les Paul guitar lick somewhere . They CAN'T and neither can any of you . So what we must offer is thanks to this amazing gent , a man of toughness and grace , ingenuity and spirit , the proof that ANYONE , no matter how humble can attain history-altering greatness.
Les Paul didn't invent Jazz or Blues , but would contemporary artists be the same without him? It wasn't his immense skills nor the guitars that bear his name that made him , it was his imagination . There is his essence in every sweet guitar lick , overdub or tricky beat you will hear to this day - there is no noise genre left untouched by this man's innovative spirit . He paid no mind to a man's colour of skin , but the radiance of his soul and was embraced by the toughest Jazz cats who saw beyond this hillbilly's exterior and welcomed him into the fold.
He could have given up after an accident nearly paralyzed his right arm , but instead had it fused into a permanent guitarist's pose so he could jump head-first into a world he had no idea he would create . He is now gone from our world into the only one befitting a man of elegance and fortitude - now he'll be God's mixmaster and the serenader of the angels .

Thank you sir your 94 years with us and your eternity in our memories . If one could quantify greatness , it would be measured in degrees of Lester William Paul.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Ambivalent Moment

This , folks is "Bebe Gloton" and you are NOT hallucinating - it comes with a petal-emblazoned "bra" and cries until you "nurse" and "burp" the wee infant doll . And I am a little drawn to both sides of the fence when I think about this for a variety of reasons .
First , I'll go with the pros - breastfeeding is a perfectly natural and wholesome experience that benefits mother and child and this doll is a breakaway from the irritating bottle-feed variety . Some girls who have witnesses their mummies with their younger siblings will naturally emulate this action with their dolls anyways and it is perfectly normal . It is certainly more appropriate than the "Brats" type dolls who adorn harlot wear and encourage early rebellion .

But then there is another side of me that sees this as a tad unsettling . I vividly recall being a young child and most girls didn't even wear shirts at the beach and I now see even infants wearing bikinis as if there is something wrong with their childish undeveloped selves - we have taken to sexualizing even the youngest of girls in this manner and thusly this doll may reinforce something that makes most normal folks cringe . Do toddlers really need to have maternity promoted and reinforced with a toy? I mean , sure it's natural , but do we really NEED to be introducing a CHILD to something an ADULT does at a very young age? And doesn't it step back into the vestigial idea that women are only on the earth for producing and rearing offspring?

After milling this over I have come to the conclusion that if a parent sees it as appropriate , then this is THEIR choice and nobody else's - maybe it is WE as adults who are of the sick mind that this encourages sexuality . It would certainly be of the parent's option whether or not to use the accessory "mammary" bra . It's up to the parents - NO doll is going to encourage early development in the way that the media already has . Yes , it might open your kids up to ask "uncomfortable" questions , but kids should be dialoguing with their elders anyways .

What do you think?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Honestly , This Is An Annoying Blog

The English language is a perplexing enough bastardization of numerous languages without the grammatical irritations and other annoyances commonly used by advertisers and layfolk alike . Advertisers will even stoop so low as to insult their target audience with redundant or useless claims , and here is my spotlight on some of the vernacular that annoys me to tears .

#1: Alliteration combined with intentional misspelling : This does not make your company sound "Klassy" , "Klever" , or "Koquettish" but might make one seem "Coke-headish" . If you are so illiterate as to be unable to spell "clean" , I will assume that you will clean my floor with Drain-O .

#2 : Unintentional double negatives : People use technically grammatically-correct terms such as "irregardless" in an attempt to sound more intelligent without realizing the correct meanings . Double-negatives are annoying by themselves without using them in places not required . You are essentially negating the following word with this prefix . Stop it.

#3 : Claims that cannot be factual : "New and Improved" is the classic here . If it is improved , then it cannot be a new concept and vice-versa . In addition , you are implying that your previous attempt was a failure .

#4 : Advertising that insults the intelligence : I witnessed the prime example today at the 7-11 today where a sign proudly proclaimed " All of our hot beverages are made with pure water" as if the corporation had just isolated Radon . Did they honestly think that the customers believed that the tea was steeped in Camel urine?

And here are a few common expressions that are just as irritating :

"Near-miss" - term for an accident that DIDN'T happen . Technically , a "near-miss" would be something that DID happen but almost did not . The more correct term would be "near catastrophe ".

"Ice Cold" - term for a chilly soda pop or what-have-you that implies the temperature is Sub-Arctic . But , the thing is , if something was that cold , wouldn't it indeed BE ice? Anyone who passed grade 3 Science should surely know this.

" I'm (You're , She is) the liaison" - Pretentious term for someone who sugar-coats bullshit between parties . The thing is , a "liaison" is part of a spoken FRENCH sentence , technically the pronunciation of a word-final consonant prior to a word beginning with a vowel . The misuse of this term makes me want to smack the offender with a large textbook.

"Literally" : If something is literal , it is definite , factual . The most common misuse would be "I laughed so hard I literally died" , or something in that vein . If you "literally" died , you wouldn't be still breathing to make that erroneous claim .

"Now More Than Ever" : "... tell your kids not to drink and drive" , " is time to watch CNN" , etc. Because it really wasn't terribly necessary before , it may have just been optional .

"Let's do lunch" and it's related variants : Lunch is something one eats or has , "doing it" would be something entirely different . while I am certain it is possible to "do" a burger , if you did so in public you would likely be arrested .

Beginning a sentence with "Honestly" or "Truthfully" : It implies that everything you previously stated was a lie , or at least somewhat evasive . In an end to sound more credible , the person who utilizes redundant words such as this has just removed every shred of his or her own credibility . And beginning a phrase with "I'm going to be brutally honest" implies that you are going to be rude to the point of verbally assaulting your victim .

There are dozens more similar phrases in the "English" language that boggle the mind . Feel free to share a few .

Have a great day!

Sex In The Shitty

The great publicity stunt known as Levi Johnston and Kathy Griffin's first public stepout occurred on Sunday night at The Teen Choice Awards with Kathy selecting 19 year-old Levi as her teen of choice for the evening . Get the math here kids - Kathy is nearing birthday #49 , which means she could be Levi's grandmama in his parts . (OK , so she IS the grandmama in his parts , beat you fuckers to that one.)
Now this is a fairly obvious stunt date although they were pretty touchy-feely and it will go down in the annals of grotesque fame-whoredom , but it makes you wonder a wee few things ....

Levi knocked up Sarah Palin's kid as we all know , but would he (or did he) hit the 45 years-young Sarah? I mean , despite her annoying voice and shitty politics , Mrs. Palin is pretty easy on the retinas . I mean , I'D get groovy with Palin if she was gagged .

And , did Miss Kathy and Studmuffin hit it? I mean if I was Kathy I'd do the gagfuck - I mean he's way better looking and probably way more eager (at least I HOPE) than Steve Wozniak .

And , finally , should I be calling my shrink after writing this blog?

Stupidity Is Limitless

This eminent display of genius is Keith Griffin and he was arrested for being a creepazoid to the Nth degree .
You see , this shining example of humanity was nailed with over 1000 images involving CHILDREN doing very wrong and illegal things on his personal computer .
The Floridian claimed that his CAT (yes , the furry , 4-legged kind) was responsible for the fuck-up .
Why do so many of these douchebags come from Florida ?
Dipshit is being held on $250k bail while his long-suffering scapekitty roams free and is now looking for replacement pussy .
Lock this stain on the human race away for life! He has obviously demonstrated his inability to comprehend reality .

ULTIMATE FAIL in every possible way.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Proofreading Isn't For Everyone

The fantastic webgeeks at obviously didn't think about this very thoroughly between bong hoots .
Let's hope it doesn't wind up at the back of the class .

Friday, August 7, 2009

WTBlueFUCK Of The Weak

... I KNOW that parents are getting increasingly paranoid about allowing their young to use el crapuletta in public spaces because of the imminent threat of creepazoid NAMbLA tools and Perez , but seriously , this micro is using a POTTY in a dining hall ! Yup , microman is dropped-trou and loafin' right in the room !
O.K. , could ma or pop not tear themselves away from the $8 Smorgasbord and $2 Miller High Lifes to take this poor soul to the John (or Jane) with supervision?! I mean , they obviously thought out their laziness to the point of bringing a porta-craphole to the unfortunate establishment .
And as for some other things ... #1 : Sonny boy looks too old to be using a portapoo and #2 : Can you IMAGINE the emotional SCARS left on this micro for being required to poo in view? I mean this shit is private .

Poor lad.

Parental FAIL .

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Fish Out Of Water

I understand what it's like to be queer and misunderstood via religiosity . I do believe that G-d made me the way I am , that I am a spiritual entity as we all are . I have been beaten , raped , and nearly killed because of people's perceptions of what is morally correct . I have been committed to horrifying psychiatric treatments , kicked out of my high school and abandoned by some of those closest to me . I have had friends murdered by friends , strangers , and even their own relatives due to misunderstanding of the Divine plan for us all . Man created religion , but only after G-d created the spirit , and thusly , I virtually command you do watch the trailer for the new flick Fish Out Of Water HERE . It's new and more than worth your time . Also do check out my columns about hatred and decide for yourself what is right and wrong and if you would damn your own brother , father , sister , mother or child to a life devoid of your presence simply because of man-interpreted belief .
If it was your child ... what would you do?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Stupidity Is Limitless

This dingo is Policeman and National Guardsman Justin Barrett and he is suing the Boston Police Department for causing “pain and suffering, mental anguish, emotional distress, post-traumatic stress, sleeplessness, indignities and embarrassment, degradation, injury to reputation, and restrictions on personal freedom.”
Now , why oh why would someone want to damage the reputation of a hardworking cop like Ofc. Barrett? Well , it seems that the officer has some issues with being a peckerwood shitstain and not keeping it to himself . You see , the dignified and esteemed officer sent a nasty e-mail to The Boston Globe , that's right , a major newspaper filled with racial slurs , abusive overtones , and major grammatical errors with reference to the now-infamous Henry Gates incident . Here's a few choice tidbits :

“If I was the officer [Gates] verbally assaulted like a banana-eating jungle monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC [pepper spray] deserving of his belligerent non-compliance”
"that paragraph was as pathetic as jungle monkey gibberish - I might as well ax you the question"
"He indeed has transcended back to a bumbling jungle monkey , thus he forever remains amid this nations great social/racial divide"
"Go ahead , ax me what I think ... Your article title should read - CONDUCT UNBECOMING A JUNGLE MONKEY - BACK TO ONE'S ROOTS"

You can view the entire email HERE

After the shit hit the proverbial fan and Barrett was suspended for his idiocy , he then claims that it was all taken out of context and that he could never be a racist . Who does he REALLY think he is kidding? He is a bigot , and he should own his words and not back down like the coward he and most bigots are . Instead , he tucks his balls in his asshole and goes crying to every news outlet possible and every lawyer who will listen and files suit against the City , Department , and Media .
Justin Barrett is a waste of skin and should just own up to his idiotic behaviour or go away quietly . How a cowardly sissy like he wound up in the military and then learned ZILCH about honour is beyond me . This bitch needs a pistol whipping STAT.

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits" - Albert Einstein

The Worst Songs Ever - A Superficial Blog



10. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (1988)
- I think this deserves to be ranked higher . This is easily one of the worst songs , but the tragic thing is , there are worse. 80's cheese at it's finest

9. "Batdance" by Prince (1989)

Weird , yes . Dancable , not unless you are on Crystal meth . One of the worst , nope.

8. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin (1988)
This song annoyed me through grade 7 and even longer . The weird thing is this guy isn't actually a bad artist . Deserves to be on this list as one of the most overrated cheese songs ever.

7. “I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys (1999)

The REAL reason Lou Pearlman should be locked up . As a boy band , these guys actually aren't that bad. But this track is easily their worst. I'm sure there are numerous girls born in the late 1980's who want to strangle me right now.

6. "I’m Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred (1992)

I know this song was supposed to be satire , but it's trash . That said , if drunk enough one can dance to it. I first heard this weird track in a Montreal mall and prayed it was isolated to Quebec. I was sorely mistaken.

5. "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter (2006)

Limburger for the new millenium. Brainless crap , but not the worst song by far. Still , I would neever voluntarily listen to it .

4. "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men (2000)
This song is the theme song for the Alberni Valley Bulldogs Hockey Team . And , as a fan of the club , have to suffer through this frequently. Mind you , the local hockey wingnuts singing along to it provides me with way more laughs than any single person can handle. Thank G-d these idiots didn't score any other "hits". This song is possibly the worst pseudo-dance hall song ever.

3. "Wannabe" by Spice Girls (1997)

Hmmm , typical cheese for the masses. Certainly not worse than Baha Men . Kind of sends a "message" . Then again , I may just be paying more attention to Victoria Beckham's arse and Mel C's biceps. The video doesn't really seem to go with the song.

2. "Macarena" by Los Del Rio (1995)

Now THIS is the merd de la merd of dancehall type mambo WTF ever. I remember being in a Toronto nightclub when the yo-yo at the turntables played this . I wanted to slap him. And the fact there was a line dance to this ....TRAGIC!!!! I honestly fell of my bar stool laughing and was rescued from the floor by a very large drag queen who was howling as well. This song is the recurring yeast infection of the music industry. I want to puke thinking about this song.

1. "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (2005)

This song is James Blunt's worst ....but the worst EVER.... not even close . I know he sounds like his nuts are in a hydraulic press , but 11 million bored housewives can't be wrong ... or can they be? The rest of the album is not that bad and there is the odd tolerable song. this just isn't one of them.


“Mambo No. 5” cover

Does this need to be explained?? A remake of a 1949 song that should have stayed there. I actually did drag whist incredibly inebriated to this song. Hit #1 in the UK and Canada . Belongs somewhere between a large trucker and his seat cushion.

“We Built This City” cover

Ever notice Grace Slick's eyes do not move through the entire video? Maybe because people were expecting "White Rabbit" , we have unreasonable criticism of this song and it's terrible video. Or is it unreasonable ? I think not . This song hit #1 in Australia and on the Billboard Hot 100.

“MMMBop” cover

Hit #1 in no fewer than 11 countries . (but not Canada) I know these guys were kids , but WTF!!!!!! This "song" is just a smattering of incomprehensible groans , wails , and nuts-in-a-vise sounds as only a group of barely pubescent boys can provide. Horrid.

“Kokomo” cover

Who the HELL advised the Beach Boys to publish this crap??? The comeback song from hell . And , sorry ladies , i did NOT like Cocktail . Tom Cruise even annoyed me in the 80's. It was almost as cheesy and pretentious and just plain wrong as this dreadful song which hit #1 in Australia and on the dreadful Hot 100 charts.

“She's Like the Wind” cover

Proof that decent actors should be carefully monitored anytime they choose to sing. My mother liked this song for some odd reason . she also REALLY liked Dirty Dancing. I can't put my finger on exactly what makes this drivel so irritating , it just is. Every time I hear this I want to slit my wrists.

“Scatman (Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop)” cover

Does this man know what "SCAT" is? In addition to being one of the more bizarre technoesque tracks ever , I could never dance to it , let alone sing along. I know there is another meaning to the word "Scat" , as in music style , but this song doesn't qualify . So it's Scat as in crap , much like this song . I'm sure Perez Hilton likes it , though.

...and the piece de resistence...

“Achy Breaky Heart” cover

How did Spike TV miss this?? I wrote at least 5 parody variations of this irritation. Not shockingly , this hit #1 in (drumroll please ) Australia ! I remember being around 16 when this came out , and I was in a small town at the time , so trust me , I've heard this (and seen the resultant line dance) WAAAAAY too often . The first time I drank so much beer i puked , this song was on repeat . ( I had some weird and sadistic pals) I still have no idea whether it was the song or the booze.

So , the end of my superficial music critique... have a great week!!!!


Can YOU Find The Funny?

Some people think I am a pretty funny person . Some people even pay me to be funnier than usual whether it be for myself or charitable cause .
And then we have Heeb . ..

For those of you who don't know , Heeb is a magazine that essentially caters to baser instincts while playing to a primarily leftist Jewish audience . Their interviews and photoshoots are notoriously over-the-top and they really don't mind making fun of the same celebrities whose asses they try to kiss to attain a comedic end . Some of their stuff , or rather their writers , can be quite humourous , or at least ALMOST as funny as they think they are , and they do garner quite the readership for it .
And then we have The German Issue (issue #21 of the magazine , silly)

Going into the shoot , Roseanne is greeted by the "artist" giving a straight-armed "Seig Heil" and proceeds . Here is an excerpt :

As the “Domestic Goddess” dons the famous moustache, transforming into “Domestic Goddess Hitler,” I notice that she’s beginning to have fun. She nails the Fuehrer’s facial expressions with twisted glee, and as she takes the burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” out of the oven it occurs to me that Barr may be the last celebrity utterly incapable of giving a fuck—a quality theoretically easy to embody until it’s time to face the practical repercussions. “Franklin Ajae, Paul Mooney, Mort Sahl and Dick Gregory’s passings will tear my kishkas out,” Barr laments. “They gave everything they had to just tell the truth, and they couldn’t make a decent living because of the choice they made—not selling out to Hollywood.”

Now , while I realize that Heeb tries desperately to be irreverent and transgressive , I just don't find the funny here . I understand being able to satirize horrible historical figures a la Werner Klemperer in Hogan's Heroes , but this seems a tad much , particularly considering Ms. Barr's self-loathing stances . The recipe of the magazine was "The Final Solution German Chocolate Cake" (Execute with thoroughness and precision . Like the Germans would. ) And people are on FIRE about this - advertisers have pulled their support , people are complaining , and people are even cheering on Heeb for being "edgy".
what do YOU think?
Is the fact that Roseanne is Jewish (a self-professed anti-Ashkenazim , anti-Zionist Sephardi at that) an excuse for this behaviour ? And , HOW funny is it - am I simply taking too seriously a photospread published by a magazine endorsed by a rolling paper company or is there something more sinister at work here?
Find out for yourself HERE and HERE and fire your opinion back at me .

Monday, August 3, 2009

For The Kids

Some of you folks who follow me on Twitter know that I have signed up to rappell down the CIBC Building in Victoria on September 17th for Easter Seals but don't know exactly where your pledges are going . By supporting me , you are supporting specialized camps like Camp Shawinigan for children with disabilities , as well as Easter Seals House , a home away from home for kids travelling for medical treatment . The Society also provides prosthetics , therapeutic equipment , and financial aid for kids with challenges . All in all a great cause for great kids that I'm proud to be part of .
The Easter Seals website is located HERE
and the link to sponsor yours truly for Drop Zone is HERE .
thanks , folks , and stay tuned for updates.

Hate By Any Other Name

Some things are so reprehensible that it is difficult to find the words for it and I have touched upon it before . While South Africa seems so foreign to us , the concept of "corrective rape" should never be . I happens here as I know all too well , and depending on my comfort level , I may delve into the personal aspect at a later time .

In South Africa , 54 000 women are victimized annually and it is entirely justified by their misogynistic culture . It crosses all ethnic boundaries and even the siblings and children are raped and murdered , or left to live shortened lives after being horribly abused by HIV-positive jerkoffs . National Soccer hero Eudy Simelane was raped and murdered by a gang of these bastards and many of them rove in packs , with a hierarchal structure , and compete for numbers of women they have "fixed" . It is the belief of people like this that all the woman needs is one good fuck from a man and she'll be fixed , and even here , people hear such comments daily while attempting to live out their lives in a positive manner .

How the FUCK is raping someone supposed to "fix" something innate or bring about a positive view of men in any sort of fashion? The logic is so ridiculously flawed but well supported and promoted in pornography where 2 mamas will be going at it until Mr. Dick comes in to "save the day" . Asinine logic like this is exactly why rapes of obviously gay women are seldom prosecuted and the conviction rate is microscopic even in North America with our hate crimes statutes , it is never prosecuted as a hate crime because the victims are women .

And you thought that gay men got the worst bashings - sorry , boys , you are dead wrong .

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The RIAA - Scumbags of the Weak

College kid Joel Tenenbaum had just been ordered to pay $675 , 000 to 4 record labels for downloading 30 songs off of Limewire - a whopping $22 , 500 per track . and once again the large record labels have alienated their target audience in an EPIC fashion . I will explain why here before you politically-correct asskissers jump down my throat ....

Now , we all know that file sharing can be either illegal or legal depending on what content is transmitted , and while it seems like a new idea to a lot of people , it has actually been around for about 30 years and the MP3 file format is old enough to vote . People have been using this technology for a very long time as well as tape-swapping , which made a large percentage of rap and metal artists very wealthy in the 80's and early 90's through concert proceeds . Metallica , the whiny bitch of the P2P era would not exist as we know them without tape-sharing , but like many people who become pampered stars , they forgot where they came from and attacked P@P services like Napster as a "criminal enterprise" . Now , here is where most of the plaintiffs are ridiculous - bands like Limp Bizkit , Rammstein , Funker Vogt and others have seen the direct feduciary benefits of being shared online by college kids who then spend their post-grad big bucks on uber-concerts , CD's , Vinyl and merch . At least half of the bands I have discovered have been via P2P networks and I own products related to EVERY SINGLE ONE of these artists - if it weren't for these networks I likely never would have heard of some of my favourite smaller acts , and all in all , I do not feel the least bit criminal for having used such things in the past to broaden my musical horizons . My brother spends $15-20 ,000 annually on concerts and records and he does the same thing now that I did - call it "try-before-you-buy" , if you will .

Attacking your target young and educated audience will result in nothing but alienation . Remember Metallica who benefitted so handsomely via tape-sharing? While they do attract some sales and concert-goers , their self-obsessed whining and disconnection from their fans has cost them financially in a very massive way . I do know what it is like to have your intellectual property pirated , but this is not about some asshole in China selling millions of counterfeit albums , it is about RIAA greed and bitterness that they cannot go after the REAL criminal element so they have to force into bankruptcy some of our best and brightest young kids . This has no benefit to the reputation of the RIAA and is an unneccessary stain on the reputations of the individual artists who are frequently opposed to these attacks on the hand that feeds .

Oh , and last month the RIAA was awarded $1.92 million in a judgment against a young divorced mother for 24 - as in 2 dozen - downloads and the RIAA is petitioning Congress to charge radio airplay royalties .