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Saturday, July 31, 2010

You KNOW This Is Also Wrong

  In an effort to garner attention for his hateful church, The Dove  World Outreach Center has announced that September 11th will be International Burn A Quran Day.

  Pastor Terry Jones sees Muslims as evil and destined for hell and believes that it is not only his right, but duty to burn the Muslim holy books. Mr. Jones has written a book titled "Islam Is Of The Devil" and his church sells chotckes with hateful messages. He also has a Youtube channel that promotes his narrow-minded views.

  In addition, Terry Jones also plans to protest the existence of Gainseville's openly gay mayor on Monday because his very being is contrary to the church belief system. This guy and his very real following are absolutely foul representations of their faith and Americans as a whole.

  You can speak filth in America, bitch on Youtube, and even protest; But you cannot burn a religion's holiest works in a nation that claims freedom of religion. Your religious beliefs are not allowed to infringe on another's right to freely exist. These are the same dimwits who want to make atheism illegal.Terry Jones cannot even fathom a logical reason for burning some one else's holy book other than he believes his belief system superior.

I can make a case against Islam without reverting to the terrorist argument. I can also pick out parts of other religions that I find distasteful. I have pointed out the hypocritical elements in both creationism and atheism. But I will never desecrate your faith because you have the right to believe in whatever makes you a better person.

  If you rigidly believe that you are superior to another man because of the circumstances of your birth, you are a bigot. Every peaceful being on this planet has the right to enjoy life without having their race or religion insulted in the worst ways possible. If we believe our society to be more liberated than others, we cannot behave in a fashion identical to the worst of the worst.

  Yes, on September 11th, 2001 thousands of people, including Muslims, were murdered by 19 confused Muslim kids. The security of an entire continent changed and some became fearful and hateful. It is one of the most awful things to happen to America and has caused an equal, but not opposite reaction. Certain groups believe the 1.5 billion Muslims of the Earth retroactively responsible for 9/11 because it gave them a new scapegoat, a new enemy. And that's unfair. People don't burn the New Testament to blame all Christians for  the Spanish Inquisition. It is the ultimate insult to the victims of hate to commit a hate crime in their name.

  Do the right thing and don't participate in this sickening event.

Friday, July 30, 2010

What's YOUR Take?

  Vince Li is severely mentally ill. For those not aware of who he is, Mr. Li is the man who bludgeoned, decapitated, and cannibalized 22 year old Tim McLean on a Greyhound bus. Mr. Li was found not criminally responsible by reason of psychosis last year and the horrifying non-crime that resulted in an innocent young man dying is still fresh in a lot of minds both local and globally. The details are so shocking that folks simply cannot forget.

  So today is the second anniversary of Mr. McLean losing his life due to a man who is severely ill. And on that anniversary the Manitoba authorities announced that Vince Li will be allowed escorted walks. While he and other forensic patients will be accompanied by unarmed guards, the Selkirk Mental Health Centre is a fenceless facility.

  While the government apologized for the timing of the announcement, I'm more than a tad concerned about the perception of this. While Vince Li is schizophrenic and probably will not be released any time soon, you cannot erase the horrifying things that he did. I do understand that the mentally diseased are far different from conscienceless beasts like Paul Bernardo and Clifford Olson. But no matter how medicated a guy is, pills don't cure his disease and being sedated for a year doesn't mean Vince Li is harmless.

  The guy has spent less than 2 years under supervision and I personally believe that Vince Li has not proven that he will not be a harmful individual. I mean all he has to do is bolt from the unarmed guards and stop taking his meds and he likely will harm someone else. Such a short period of time in a hospital might mean the guy is doped up, but won't get to the root of what happened to this guy's brain to make him think that he was supposed to kill and eat a perfect stranger.

  Add onto this the timing that can only harm the living victims; the friends and family of Tim McLean. Who the hell decided that this was appropriate? And what about the family? They were the ones who had to receive the horrifying news that their loved one was mutilated to death on his way home from work. Who's listening to them?

  It is my belief that Vince Li should be transferred to a secure and gated psychiatric facility until the end of his demented days. But I open the floor to you folks- is Vince Li a dangerous killer or a victim of unfortunate mental circumstance?

  The photo is of Tim McLean from his Myspace page. Vince Li doesn't deserve to be pictured on such an ominous anniversary.

Middle-of-the-night Quickie

Warming up for her future career as a mohel, this lady will do ANYTHING for a tip.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Little Perspective

  I've been attacked recently for a post that essentially said kids should find REAL causes instead of petitioning for early release of celebrities convicted of felonies. I also stand FIRMLY behind it.

I'm gonna give you some perspective here.

This is a child in Darfur
And this is a local man helping children by giving them the small amounts of his water that his purifier will handle.

  And this is the bounty that many of us, including the famous, enjoy. We should be greatful for our existences and try to help those in REAL need.  These micros were convicted of no crime, but they are serving life without parole. Lindsay and others WILL get out.

  If you think the way I do, go HERE and help kids worldwide. Even privileged kids get to have the benefit of helping others.

  I stand by my blog and you should too. If we ignore kids we have no future.

  BTW, I just lost this poker hand writing this and it's really insignificant.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Lunchtime Quickie

Funny - Funny Videos
Moral Of The Story: If you are stupid enough to want to film someone annoying a bull buffalo, while he's eating, you get what you deserve.

Cool Toy : The DIY Free Toy Edition

  loads of front-load washers and tumble dryers are tossed away to scrap without a thought. But before you or one of your buddies haul off that deceased Kenmore to the tin recycler, take out the steel drum and you can have this funky fire pit for your yard or campout cooking.

  I love building useful things out of crap (it's not hoarding if you ACTUALLY use said crap) and luckily there is a website that not only will tell you how to make your own amazing incinerator, but brings together all sorts of people's ingenious ideas. It even has a recipes section, which I'm thinking of submitting a few of my creations to. 

Check out Instructables for all kinds of awesome.

Canadiana : Happy Birthday/RIP

  This was going to be a birthday blog for one of Canada's foremost character actors and all-around class acts. However, Maury Chaykin left the planet today, on his 61st birthday and that kind of bums me out. I mean amazing football giants Jack Tatum and Murray Galbreath also left the Earth today, so it hasn't been a great day for a lot of folks. But back to Maury.

  The cool thing about Maury Chaykin was his attitude- he loved life and didn't care for fame. He was the kind of guy who felt no dishonour in taking character roles even though he won tons of awards. He could play nearly any role and refused to be typecast. I remember him from a show called Seeing Things that ran in Canada in the 80's but you Americans might remember him as Nero Wolfe or Harvey Weingard on Entourage. He's one of those dudes that you sort of see everywhere because he has such a long resume and humbly helped to revive the acting profession in a country that he wasn't even born in. 

Luckily for us, We get to catch him on the upcoming series The Drunk And On Drugs Happy Fun time Hour (stars 5 guys from the Trailer Park Boys and Amy Sedaris) and in the Mordechai Richler penned Barney's Version, which is set to release in October.

 So long big guy. Guess your birthday kind of bit.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Yummy Treat

  BrewDog is a Scottish brewery that likes to brew ultra-premium beers. In fact, they've been a feature of a previous Yummy Treat segment . This time, they have done the unthinkable and brewed the strongest beer of all time, one as strong as the most potent whiskeys.
  The End of History is a sipping beer that packs a whopping 55% (110 proof) alcohol by volume. The juniper-based brew sold out within hours of introduction at a premium price - 500 to 700 British Pounds per BOTTLE.

  The potent potable is not only pricey because of its exclusivity, but because of the packaging. The 700GBP bottle are packaged inside squirrel cadavers and 500GBP one inside bodies of ermine (a foot-long weasel). I'm with the animal rights folks here- this is absolutely unnecessary. Killing hundreds of animals solely to package beer inside their bodies seems like one of the most arrogant displays of cruelty and conspicuous consumption I can think of. Moreover, people in the UK often keep squirrels as pets, much like we would a hedgehog or ferret. Again, an animal as a BEER vessel. This is degrading to the spirit of the poor beasts that were victimized so Jim Watt could push the alcohol envelope.
  I called Jim Watt genius for his previous brew, but he missed the boat here. Yes, he found 600 people who like drinking booze from corpses, but he also sent the message that he doesn't care about anything other than publicity. And he's lost me as a fan. I don't eat or wear animals and I'm certainly not going to drink any beer, no matter how tasty, out of one.

Free Lindsay

 For those of you not on MARS, Lindsay Lohan is still in prison, and I personally hope she stays for at least a couple months. I know of people convicted of nearly identical things who have spent YEARS in very tough penitentiaries, but she's in California, so she's doing 90 days. And that is the sentence she has been handed and she will hopefully learn her lesson and return to her more familiar surroundings grateful for her life.

  But her fans don't share the same opinion as I do. Even though she'll probably spend only a few more days in the slam, they're protesting like she's mid-80's Mandela. The folks who run Beach Bum Tanning Salon feel that the sentence handed down to a twice-convicted celebrity is far too harsh given her status. so they staged a protest in New York accompanied by numerous fans. Yes, I'm serious.

  These people really need to get lives. To begin with she was convicted in an entirely different state and their pleas won't affect anything except the traffic.People, she's not Mumia Abu-Jamal and sentenced to die. She'll be fine. She's not wrongly convicted nor a political prisoner, she's lucky with the slap on the wrist she received.
  If you are serious about speaking against ACTUAL injustices, why not start with guys who've been on death row for crimes they probably didn't commit or women being stoned for dressing too provocatively. You could stand up against people being butchered in Darfur or chant for the release of Gilad Shalit.

  It is obvious that you have voices that you are comfortable using, so why waste them to help a fledgling tanning salon promote their product? Well-meaning kids are being used for commercial gain when they could do so much more. Kids, find a cause that your words can be used for and affect REAL change. Imagine the amazing things that could be done if people cared as much about starving children as they do about their favourite actress. Instead of spending time sending postcards to someone who likely won't get them, write your congressman about education cuts. Or take those hours otherwise spent chanting in Manhattan and work in a soup kitchen.

But alas, fame is a drug and those large and small will line up to support someone in the spotlight because it makes them feel a little prettier or closer to the star. Our self-worth used to be tied into defending the helpless and now it is related to idolizing those who do not care.

Do the right thing.

Clown In The Court

  Daryl Simon is a con artist who likes to write bum checks and use fake credit cards. He's also not very smart. Let's take a look at his brilliant ploys to avoid the federal can, shall we?

 Dumb Idea Possibly Related To Panic: Instead of facing the music and a few years in jail for crimes ranging from buying crap at Target with phony credit cards to buying a $29,000 car with a fake cashier's check, he decided to bolt.

Dense Effort To Hide In Plain Sight:  While he was trying to avoid the slammer, he decided to become a magician, because working IN FRONT of people a few miles from where you ran from is the perfect way to hide.

Foolishly Fraudulent Resumes:  After being caught he decided to gain the favour of the judge by offering up a stack of letters of support from numerous reputable charities and high-profile people. We all KNOW that no Federal judge nor prosecutor would bother to authenticate evidence given to the court, right?

Preposterous Photoshop Abuse:  In an effort to garner even more empathy, he photoshopped himself into images of seriously ill people. Mr. Simon KNEW that anyone with a conscience would love the idea of him offering physical therapy to ill people and struggling high school students would feel empathy towards him. The problem is, Daryl Simon has no idea how to use Photoshop and even uses the same photo of himself in more than one shot. The judge noticed the similarities and the callous way he used the sufferings of others to his advantage and was unamused.

  It should come as no surprise that Judge Stephen Robinson was seriously irritated with Mr. Simon's insensitive and ridiculous ploys to make a mockery of his courtroom. Not only was the defendant convicted of credit-card fraud and bail-jumping, the judge bitched out the dipshit for attempting to commit a fraud against the court and slapped him with 4 years more than the absolute maximum for the charges he was initially facing.

  Daryl Simon will spend the next 23 years and 9 months in a federal facility where he will hopefully use his skills in illusion to avoid some of his scarier new housemates.



Monday, July 26, 2010

Random Canadiana

  When I was young, there was a Canadian-produced film that may have set the standard for the teen gross-out comedy genre that has since blown up to massive proportions. It was Porky's and it still makes me laugh. It is one of the largest-grossing Canadian flicks of all time and launched the careers of Art Hindle and Kim Cattrall.  I was reminded of this scene by a random tweet that reminded me (in a very vague) way of a word that is hilarious and underused.

Watch this scene and enjoy now-deceased English actor Eric Christmas in his comedic glory as Principal Carter to find out what it is.


P.S. factoid: Haemophilia B was named Christmas disease after his son, who eventually died from AIDS acquired through contaminated transfusions.

Hot Air

  The War On Drugs is sort of going as planned and NSDH data supports it. More kids 12 to 17 sincerely believe that smoking pot once a week is more harmful than binge drinking once or twice a week. Pat yourselves on the back there Reagans. Well, sort of.

  Amongst the youngest group, the vulnerable 12 year olds, pot is actually not the big, bad gateway drug that folks think. Only 1.4% of kids this young have ever tried it. LSD and other hallucinogens, less than one percent. Kids this wee don't even think of doing cocaine, with only one in one thousand ever having used the drug in their lifetimes. Good news on the battlefront, sure, but sixth-graders are still getting high, and they are getting high on shit that lurks around your house.

  The smallest ones surveyed are getting high on inhalants and your prescription drugs. Your twelve-year-old is 5 times as likely to huff glue and almost 4 times as likely to have played with pills as to have smoked a joint. And this is not new information. I was an isolated rural kid and built model jets. Nobody had to tell me that the glue was getting me a mental break from my parental issues- I figured it out myself. There was no internet to explain why most of the kids in my gym class used spray deodorant and REALLY seemed to like Reddi-Whip from the can and there were always a few weird kids who liked to sniff markers or Liquid Paper in class.
  The second drug I tried was my abusive stepdad's painkillers after some curiosity and a neck injury that I managed to conceal until adulthood. They wrecked me so much that I didn't play with them again, but loads of kids like the high or OD the first time they use opiate pills. I count my luck even today.

  The interesting thing to point out here is that even though I was exposed to a WORLD of illegal substance abuse as a child by my parents, the first mind-altering substances I used were the very same ones that kids use now. Even though my mum and stepdad used to hot-box us in the car, I found glue before grass. I'd seen my dad and his friends overdose on booze and powdery things, but found my first high in a hardware store and my second in a medicine cabinet. And this is not distinct from a ton of other kids.

  Well-behaved kids are getting high and screwing themselves up on things that they probably don't know are dangerous. It is not a new problem, but as the number of consumer products that contain volatile compounds increases, so does the danger that your kid is going to find ways to use them for a buzz. To start with, don't even think of buying "canned air" dusters if you have kids. The way that the gases expand and cool can kill a child on first use quite easily. And be wise in general- if you take medications, either lock them up or stop taking so many pills. Not every problem needs a pill. If you are into woodworking or the like, lock chemicals in a cabinet. And check labels as most furniture strippers and other solvents are dangerous as hell.Use your brain- figure out whether or not you REALLY need to bring toxic chemicals into your home in the first place.

  Last, but not least- pay attention to your kids. If they seem all goofy after hanging out in the shed or have a sudden onset of seriously bad breath, they're probably up to something. If you notice that the aerosol air fresheners keep vanishing, don't automatically assume sonny boy has decided that he is trying to conceal a bad attack of the farts. Also actually TALK to them and carefully explain that certain things in the house can kill them. And wake the fuck up- you might not like the idea of a kid trying a joint at 15, but it truly is infinitely less harmful than your furniture polish.

  The real war on drugs must start in the home because the most lethal substances that young people use are found there.

Roofrant Vlog: Tila Tequila Edition

  Kids, the video quality is kind of crap and I sound like a Drescher, but I didn't feel like redoing it and the message is there. Plus, I sound dorky when I don't have my security blanky aka microphone in hand.


Lunchtime Quickie

The moral of the story: McDonald's ruins relationships.

You KNOW This Is Wrong

  Religious proselytizing can be something of an irritation, but believers and non-believers alike should be free to express themselves without issue. It's a fundamental part of the constitutions of nearly every civilized nation on the planet, and while it might annoy me, I'd die to protect that right. I don't care if you're a Moonie or a Christian or a Muslim; your beliefs may not be mine, but I'll at least respectfully decline the invitation to join your particular faith. You have the right to your opinion as I do mine, and that makes the world a really great place.

  With this in mind I bring you to the Dearborn Arab Festival. For those not in the know there are Muslim Arabs, but also Druze, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish and even Atheist Arabs. Whether Sharia enforcers like it or not, Arabs are pretty diverse religiously. Back to the Arab festival- a place of food, fun, and family.   There's also religion and Muslims were free to hand out literature. Christians, not so much. 4 Christian young folks wound up being arrested simply for having conversations with people (videos here) and others were harassed and threatened simply for handing out wee pamphlets. While I personally take offense to some of the beliefs of Act 17 Apologetics, they have the guaranteed right to pass out a chunk of the Gospel of John under the Constitution of the nation they were in, particularly on a public street.

  The Dearborn honchos defended it by saying that the group was being offensive and noisy, but they clearly were not. Trust me, I've been yelled at and harassed by crazy Christian protesters (think Phelps and his wingnuts) and these people weren't it. They were engaging people in peaceful conversation and praying with folks upon request. And they are still facing very real criminal charges for doing this. In America.

  It doesn't matter whether or not you see preaching or handing out flyers as a good thing. People are supposed to have the right to freely express themselves in any way they desire as long as it brings no harm to others. These weren't angry kids smashing apart a mosque, just youths spreading their version of the good news. Something is seriously wrong with the equation. Promoting dialogue is not a crime.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Is Seeing REALLY Believing?

  Recent news accounts proven to be artificial and sensationalist have caused serious confusion amongst layfolk. The onus of this recently has been Fox News' erroneous pegging of Shirley Sherrod as a bigot, but there are other instances where people tell things they know to be untrue to gain ratings or headline superiority. In fact, the entire Birther claim began because a Kenyan newspaper falsely and knowingly claimed Barack Obama as one of their own. Naturally, many right-wing agencies have ran with this tale to the chagrin of Mr. Obama and the general public. But is any of this legal?

  In a nutshell, yes.

  While Canada has a law in the books (Section 181) that can punish those who deliberately spread false news, the United States does not. While the FCC may have a position against news distortion, there is no law that states that one cannot lie. In fact, it is quite the opposite. On February 14th, 2003 Fox News was vindicated in the Florida Court of Appeals. They had been sued by a former journalist who testified that she was forced to lie on camera. The lawyers for Fox stated that the First Amendment guarantees them and anyone else the right to lie, conceal, and distort information broadcast over the public airwaves. And they won. It is 100% legal to bullshit for ratings.

  Think about this the next time you watch the news or read the newspaper and think critically. CNN could broadcast that Keith Olberman was caught wearing panties in an Egyptian bordello and they would be allowed to do this. They'd violate their last shred of journalistic integrity, but no laws would be broken. This is why Fox can fabricate the entire ACORN debacle with impunity, and why Bill Maher can tell fanciful tales about wonderful socialist countries that do not exist. They do it because they can and while Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly use this power more, they are not alone when it comes to falsifying the news.

  Whether you are left, right, or centrist open your eyes and ears. See an issue from as many possible angles versus automatically entrusting your critical thought to one source. People are free to believe what they wish and invent stories to support their suppositions. Don't allow yourself to become a piece in the dangerous machine of misinformation intentionally peddled by pseudojournalists who prefer fame over facts. The more folks that believe a lie, the stronger it becomes. And lies DO hurt people. Just ask Shirley Sherrod.

Saturday, July 24, 2010


  If you are single and have living parents, chances are one or both might attempt to do everything in their power to relieve you of your happily unmarried status. The meddling mother comes in all ethnic and religious varieties and chances are about 50-50 that you have been afflicted by one of these. And I am no exception.

  Despite the fact that I have lived thousands of miles from my mum for most of my adult life, she still feels it is necessary to stick her nose in my uterus. From loathing everyone I've dated to trying to marry me off to whomever she meets, my mum has turned into a yenta of atomic proportions. And now someone has designed a website for people like my mother. Oy to the vey.

  Geri Brin really wants to marry off her 31 year old son and has tried to set him up with every single woman she's crossed paths with to no avail. Sonny boy says that he's proud to be a momma's boy with an overbearing jewish mother who will do anything for him. (Which MAY be why he's still single. That and the fact that he even works with his mummy.) Anywho, Ms. Brin decided to drop some coin to set up a website to find a wife for her kid and to assist other parents in setting up their offspring. And people are indeed volunteering their kids to the interweb masses in droves.

  After perusing the website I feel grateful that my mother is not nearly as crazy as most of these ones. While I may kvetch about mine, she really doesn't seem too bad in comparison to New York's finest.
  But as for the "kids", in my personal experience the prospect of having a husband who is his mum's lap dog will make 99% of women RUN in the opposite direction. Women want to feel safe and honoured, not to be second-best and second-guessed by a boy-man who is terrified of the matriarch. Well ladies, what is your opinion here?

  The problem with this website is not just that it reinforces some of the most ridiculous stereotypes, but that it cosigns dependent parental behaviours. Kids do grow up and live, love, and make mistakes. If one or both of your parents coddle you into your thirties you will never be a normally functioning adult without spending a hundred grand on therapy. Parents, let go of your kids. They really will be okay, and if something's wrong, they'll tell you.

The photo is of the long suffering Colby Brin and his ankle weight mother .

Say What?

  All you need to know about Spencer Pratt can be summed up in the statement he made to People magazine this week when referring to his failed marriage to Heidi Montag:

"There's no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully."

 Enough Said.

Slimebag Saturday

  This famewhoring weasel is Levi Johnston and he's famous for being too cheap to buy a rubber and thusly knocking up the underage kid of an incompetent politician. After abandoning his responsibilities to shill his puny pecker out to Playgirl and prance around with D-listers, he saw his 15 minutes run out.

  Well, what's a human greasetrap to do? It's simple. Launch yet another publicity stunt. Ole Levi proposed to his baby mama and she accepted because of the allure of a reality show. They're claiming that they want to remain celibate until they get married. In other words, neither one of them wants to do the nasty with the other. It's official- there will be NO bumping of the uglies in the Palin-Johnston household.

  Now because of all of the press (aka sneaking onto Us Weekly to piss off baby granny) , Levi is going to star in a music video. An R&B video. Because failed carpenters from Alaska are all secretly full of funk.

 All of this fame hungry bullshit leads me to wonder something, mainly why this guy is still alive. I don't have to be a jillbilly who likes shooting things from helicopters to know that if someone like this came near my kid, he would vanish into the lair of some hungry polar bears. The dude deflowered Palin's kid solely because of who her mum is and then used that to slime all over LA and try to become famous. He's the extreme example of unwarranted fame.

  I can see how this will end. Levi will keep not banging his baby mama, dump her just before the wedding and move to Vermont and get married to Jon Gosselin or Mikey Lohan.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Your Daily Diversion

Just listen and love yourself.

  I own this record and you should too.

Media Moment

  The disco band Boney M (yes, they're still alive) performed a recent concert in Gaza. But one of their hit tunes was given the boot. It seems that the chorus of Rivers Of Babylon offended the powers that be. You see, it mentions the Book of Psalms and it might confuse future terrorists into thinking that Jews and Christians are people looking for their homeland. That content was deemed inappropriate for the Palestinian International Festival and was canned.

The lead singer was quoted as saying "I don't know if it was a political thing or not, but they asked us not to do it and we're a bit disappointed."

Well yes Maizie Williams, it IS political. Hamas doesn't want the world to know that Gaza sports not just Muslims, but Jews, Christians, Druze, and even animists. Yes kids, there ARE Jewish Palestinians who have been there long before Papa Hamas has been. Even Jenny Jones of former talk-host glory is a Jewish Pali. Old-school Jews even have a friendly nomer amongst other Arabs.

But the Jews are the bad guys.  Even if this was true, everyone should dig peace amongst men, right? Well, apparently the old Imams who want you to think they are oppressed have no problem with censorship.The land where Mein Kampf is a permanent fixture on the Arabic language book charts has zero problem with censoring other folks.

Again,  Ms. Williams it is political. The ideals of the folks who censor you murder people for not fitting a societal norm. And your genre helped remove discrimination. You might want to look into the politics you are promoting prior to future performances. Your integrity is not worth a payday.

Let's go have a problem with this song eh?

Hello Vancouver!

This also means you folks in Washington, Oregon, and California.

  We must find this aberration and make him go down for life.

  Jef Emery has been convicted of setting his partner ablaze, extinguishing it, and then lighting her into a ball of hell because he likes to see females suffer. Five years ago this scumbag ran, and he is an average-looking guy who hurts people.

  He's 54 and 6'3". He carries a good 250 plus on his frame. If you see this beast call 1-800-222-8477

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Your Daily Diversion

  The net is replete with exploitative images of young women. But there are sites that celebrate all that is cool about the feminine beast and her charms. I am one who adores all that is perfect about the girl that lives in and out of the box, and so are many of you.

These images come courtesy of someone who I do not know. An individual who amalgamates soulful examples of women, butch and femme, clothed and naked, gay and straight. The collage is fantastic and here is a sample from Girlcrushing . And if the website owner wishes to identify herself, my info is at the page bottom.

Note To Alberta

Child abuse is horrific, this is a given. But when it occurs because of those we trust to care for our wee ones while we work, it is nearly unspeakable. And in one part of Canada, one full of oil promise and wealth, it is nearly systematic.

  I really attempt to keep an open mind when dealing with folks and am hesitant to classify those of a particular area as being prone to either good or bad behaviours, but Alberta has become a place difficult to ignore. The ultra-right cowboy mentality is everywhere and on display- everything from animal abuse to giving your kid a beatdown is not only accepted, but encouraged. Selfish actions and the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality are the word in many places. Alberta is a province of old ideas and new wealth, and that new economy ensures that almost every (white) person who desires employment can find it somewhere.

  I have personal experience here. When I moved to Leduc, Alberta with my former partner and young fellow I was offered the first job I applied for and even got to choose my shift. So, like so many others I dropped the little guy off on my way to the roof truss factory at one of the reasonably priced child care facilities that are everywhere. I made my money to pay the sitter who was generally decent and overlooked some signs that might strike me now. After all, boys will be boys and they get scuffed up on a daily basis.

 But sometimes things are not what they seem. Recently, numerous facilities have been investigated for treating children in ways that would seem unimaginable. As it turns out due to the wealth, care subsidies, and demand for caregivers almost anyone can be licensed as a child care provider. It is an essential service that some take very seriously but is also a source of a very decent lifestyle for someone who is uneducated and desires an easy dollar. Caring for our future caregivers is a difficult but rewarding occupation for those who genuinely love children. It is also an occupation that is seldom monitored and can be a source of choice victims for those who see innocents as nothing more than a way to buy a new truck.
  This system of any-parent-can-get-a-license care has resulted in unprecedented numbers of physical and sexual hate crimes against those that cannot defend themselves. And this morning, it cost a little girl her life.

  An 18 month old baby was taken to a Medicine Hat hospital on Monday with multiple head injuries that she could not recover from. The child had been attending a licensed in home daycare and was beaten to death by the 23 year old owner of the operation. The disgusting part is that the woman was arrested and released with an appearance order that she can run from. She can also care for children if someone is stupid enough to entrust their young with her. I'm actually nauseated typing right now.

  This child's death may come to save others because the hundreds of abuse reports have done nothing to change the way that children are cared for in Alberta. The government is so desperate for caregivers that they even will pay for the pitiful educational component and give incentives to people to turn their trailer park shacks into nurseries. The government will even subsidize child care for those who do not work under the present system. Alberta doesn't even require facilities to be accredited in order to not only accept children, but be subsidized. This must come to an end. Here's a thought- provide a living incentive for one parent to stay home  or for companies to provide monitored child care and flexible shifts. Just because someone can breed doesn't mean that they are qualified to parent the offspring of others. Alberta needs to raise the qualification standard of providers to include not just passing the government-paid classes, but psychological screening and a minimum education level for providers. Again, because you dropped out after grade 6 and got knocked up by some vacationing oil worker are not qualifications. Children need to be put first over giving employment to anyone with a uterus.

  To the 97% of the readers that do not live in Alberta, these things seem given. We all expect our children to be cared for suitably and while some instances of terrible adult behaviours do rise, nothing comes within a football field of Alberta. The dozens weekly accounts of abuse that come from a province of only a few million give disservice to the fine folks who live, work, and adore children in this province. the majority of Albertans are not bad people- they just want to enjoy their province's new opportunities and have someone responsible to look after their kids while they earn their kids' future needs. Being ambitious while still adoring your children should never be a crime.

  The system is broken in Alberta but the solution simply requires that no more children should suffer. We should never need to demand that children be given carefree beginnings that do not end their lives.

Be well.

This Is The Definition...

..of assholery. This is a living, terrified being who didn't volunteer for your ridiculous stunt. I'm glad it backfired miserably and that the donkey actually survived. I hope these douchebags enjoy their time in a fine Russian hellhole.

What CAN You Do Today?

  I was going to throw out junk mail today and I noticed a form for organ donation. And I filled it out and it's headed off in the morning. Along with the donor card were some disturbing stats. First off, I'll say that I live in a place that does not have Implied Consent- if you wish to donate, you need to fill it out and send it to some government agent who makes a nice living typing your name into a computer. I digress- the statistic that alarmed me the most is that only 16% of folks in British Columbia have filled out donor cards. That means one out of six people have opted to give someone else a second chance after they die.


  It got me thinking. Some places, like Spain have Implied Consent (you mail a card in to refuse) and have very short waiting lists for organ donations. In Ontario, where I used to live, your donor card is filled out when you get a Health Card or Drivers License. And people have various grounds for wanting to be buried "whole", and most of them are religious. And I do have an opinion about that as well.

  First off, what Greater Power would want someone to die because you read something that some old fart in a cave wrote 6, 000 years ago? Think about this for a second. Also wonder to yourself about G-d's great plan. No spiritual entity put a nuclear power plant so close to some 6 year old kid's house that she's dying of kidney disease. No metaphysical marvel designed brakes filled with toxic asbestos to destroy the lungs of some random mechanic's wife because it is part of some book of life. Man did all of these things and more but we have developed technology to save those people. Found in the bodies of those that no longer need them is power to save another.

  If you haven't signed a donor card, please do it as soon as possible. Some people do go before their time, and if it is you, make sure you don't take someone else into the ground with you.

  Links (alphabetical by state, province, territory, or country) If yours is not listed, check your phone book

The Organ Donation and Transplant Association of Canada 

To Register For Donation in Alabama

To Register For Donation in Australia

To Register for Donation in British Columbia

To Register For Donation in California 

To Register For Donation in Florida

To Register for Donation in Israel   Halachic Donation (International)

To Register For Donation in New York State

To Register For Donation in North Carolina

To Register For Donation in Nova Scotia

To Register for Donation in Ontario 

To Register For Donation in Quebec

To Register For Donation in the United Kingdom

To Register For Donation Call : Yukon 1-800-661-0408; Manitoba 1-204-787-1897; Alberta 1-866-408-5465; Saskatchewan 1-800-667-7551

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sorry PeTA.....

...but taxidermy has never been hotter.

Be still my beating everything. I'm going to die now.

Happy 65th Birthday!

  To outed crazy closetcase Larry Craig, whose old age pension you taxpayers will commence providing today. Okay, that's not so happy. Actually it is quite sad. However, to relieve you of this feeling of dread, it is also the 65th birthday of someone everyone likes- musician Kim Carnes. It's also Moody Blues bassist John Lodge's pensioner payday.

Now that you feel suitably old, here's some music to make you feel better. Well as two of my favourite tunes, it makes me happy anyways.

Grab Your Pitchfork and Barfbag

  There are some seriously damaged folks out there, and 64-year-old Armand Pacher is no exception.

  Like most guys, the retired insurance exec likes some lovin. The girl he's in love with is Christie Brinkley, but the problem is she isn't the famous model, she's his Great Dane. And he didn't really seem to think anything was too strange about getting canal with his canine friend.

  But Mr. Pacher is looking at 5 years in jail for felony animal abuse after his vet's secretary asked about the animal's health and the freaky Floridian proceeded to tell the staffer about sexual problems he was having with his furry friend. He reported that Christie wasn't enjoying being boinked like the old days.
  While this could be taken in jest, the vet used the appointment to check to see if there was a possibility that the spayed animal could have been violated. Not only did the doc conclude that forced nastiness occurred, but that the culprit couldn't have been another dog.

  I get that there are all sorts of fetishes and that some people do indeed get lonely, but this is seriously perverse. I'm not sure what in one's brain must snap in order to want to rape an enormous dog, but if any of you ever have such an inclination get your ass to a psychiatrist. Not only will you save an animal from the most heinous kind of abuse, you'll save your face from being plastered all over every website on the globe. If that's not a deterrent, you deserve shame, ridicule, and incarceration.

  Armand M. Pacher, you are one severely creepy individual.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Yummy Treat

  KFC has unleashed some nutritional tragedies recently - the gravy-filled multi-layer bowls and the Double-Down come to mind here. And Canada has her own high-calorie beasts, from the 560-calorie Vegetarian Sandwich to the 970-cal Poutine from hell. And now, KFC Canada has introduced a strange creation that sports a very peculiar name.

 It's called The Box Master and it is not for those on any diet. A sandwich composed of a fried chicken patty, deep-fried hash brown, some unidentifiable sauce,"cheese" and a few veggies rolled up in a tortilla. At 719 calories and 43 grams of fat, this sucker is worse than the Double-Down. It also sports 56 grams of simple carbs and two-thirds of your daily sodium requirement. And this is if you eat just one and don't include the bacon option.

  The NAME of this thing seems like a macho double-entendre. I'm thinking that is the point since there are a million other things to call this cerebrovascular accident inducing burrito. It could be the Tempromandibular Terrorist, the Coronary Chalupa, or Constipation Vacation. I know that KFC will never be confused with health spa cuisine, but this is ridiculous. It's a given that if you consume too many of these that the only box you'll be mastering will be made of pine.

 Please make this shit stop.


  Some microdicked poachers killed the sole female rhino at Krugersdorp Park in South Africa last week. These guys shot her with a tranquilizer from a helicopter, hopped down and hacked off her horn and left her to bleed to death while they celebrated a future payday. If this is not evil enough, they did it all in full view of her wee calf.

  The horns can fetch as much as $100 000 because certain Asian groups believe it to be a vital ingredient in fertility and other traditional treatments. To these folks it doesn't matter if the body parts come from endangered species as long as they get what they want. The underground market and booming wealth of previously-poor people has sparked a massive boom in black-market animal remains from rhino horns to elephant tusks to glands of white kermode bears. This is narcissism at it's worst.

  The extermination of species has nothing to do with evolution and everything to do with Man's lust for control over other beasts. Humans naturally kill common creatures and use as much of the animal as possible. There is no species that tortures another to death simply for a payday. Ours has become that sole aberration. Some members of our place in the animal kingdom have used our technological resourcefulness to selfishly commit genocide. Whether against ethnic minorities or hulking herbivores, we have taken the lives of those who look up to us and destroyed them.

  A real man protects the weak and gives strength to the voiceless. A small man destroys everything he sees because harming others, whether it be children or beasts, makes him feel powerful. There is nothing macho about ambushing a mother and murdering her in front of her child. If we find such actions despicable on our soil, it should outrage us when it occurs in a foreign land as well because everything is connected. And if it angers us to see humans butchered, it should enrage us when any member of our global community is systematically eradicated. Our Earth is like everything else- a sum of her parts; and when one element is destroyed it makes the remainder less than what it was.

 If you buy any of these folk remedies, I hope your dick falls off.

Call Me Judgmental....

.... but if you have permanently inked yourself with the logo of an energy drink, I'm going to assume you're an enormous douchenozzle. I won't even need to see the fact that you have "Monster Man For Life" tattooed across your wrists or "Schwing" right above your pecker to think this. I can almost ignore the poorly-placed piercings, weird chest-hair manicure and horrendous haircut simply because of the day-glo tragedy permanently poked into your side. It's all just so wrong.

  I really hope this Wal-Mart stockboy can find it inside himself to come up with an identity that isn't revolved around advertising a product that won't be around in 5 years. But since I am not holding out much for this cat, here's to a future ass-billboard of Christian Audigier's Ed Hardy condom collection.

(***sidebar*** Yes this tattoo and the ones discussed in this blog are real. Sorry.)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Cool Riders

There is a lot of controversy about the ongoing battles in Afghanistan and there are editorials and protest marches. But the thing is that no amount of objection will bring back the lives already lost nor restore quality of life to the increasing number of catastrophically injured young people who sacrifice themselves in an effort to bring peace to a land destroyed by centuries of war.

  But there are those of us who support the individuals who give it all up for what they believe in, which brings me to a cause that I support in any way I can. Wounded Warriors offers support to injured soldiers and their families in a variety of ways. From flying families to visit their critically wounded members to providing mobility devices to offering help for those with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, these guys get donations to where it is needed most.

  Saturday was their annual ride along the stretch of highway 401 where the dead often take their last trip. Not only is this done to raise money for a cause but to honour those who have passed and those presently serving. Wounded Warriors is always on the go riding hogs, playing rock-and-roll, and finding new ways to get the message out about the forgotten wounded soldier. No matter your opinion about whether or not we should be involved in overseas conflicts, take a moment to show appreciation for those who are braver than you.

  Check out Wounded Warriors HERE

To support the Coast-to-Coast Motorcycle Relay click HERE

USA Wounded Warrior Project

UK Help For Heroes

Animal Instinct

  I've been known to rip on people for doing stupid and neglectful things to their pets.Loads of critters become disabled or die because folks are too busy to stop and think of Rover. And then there is this :

  In Pennsylvania, a Lab named Max was forgotten in a car. It was over 90 degrees out and his lady had forgotten about him after she unloaded all of the parcels and returned to the house. And a horn started blaring. The lady looked outside a few times and figured it was some random yoyo's alarm. After it persisted, she realized that it was her car and there was Max in the driver's seat with his paws on the horn.
  Naturally, Max's human rushed out to get him water and zipped him to the vet and outside of heat exhaustion and being scared shitless, the 11-year-old canine will be just fine.

  I don't know how one forgets a large-breed dog for an hour, but I'm glad he was smart enough to sound the alarm. Hopefully he drops a nice steaming loaf on the bathroom floor.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Speedy Geek : 5 Facts About Your Eyes

  This entry begins like so many others, because of a strange tweet. So no big into here, just a list of cool facts about human (yes that includes hippies) eyes.

# 1 : There Is A Reason For Ecru

  Most of us are irritated with the number of colours in a crayon box or in a paint catalogue. And the NAMES drive us nutty. Can the human eye tell the difference between the 30 kinds of pink at a fabric shop for real?
  The answer is YES. While other creatures' eyes sport amazing features like telescopic lenses, humans have the advantage when it comes to colour perception. The average human eye can distinguish differences amongst 10 million colours and shades.

# 2 : Our Brain Makes Up For Structural Flaws

  For such intelligent creatures, the human brain is only able to process so many images across a tiny part of the eye at a time, and this number is fewer than many others. We also have a poor field of vision. We are pretty crappy when it comes to ability. But all is not lost when it comes to human eyesight. The part of our brain responsible for eye movement sends speedy messages that our strong muscles obey- our eyes physically move just quickly enough for us to have not been rendered extinct.

# 3 : We Still Have Terrible Eyesight

  While vision problems such as cataracts visually impair elders of many species, humans have many reasons why we have more damaged eyes per beast. First, humans can exist with disabilities. Our highly social nature and brains capable of incredible adaptation equal an increased ability to survive with sight disorders. In the wild, animals with poor vision are less likely to survive to adulthood and not as competent at finding mates.
  Humans have such genetic diversity that such factors seldom come into play.

 The major problems that cause 1/3 of humans to be myopic and 1/4 of humans to be hyperopic have something to do with our parents, but not as much as other creatures.

  To begin with, we do REALLY dumb shit. Humans have invented some of the reasons for total blindness and eye injury. We have manufactured not only machines that can poke your eye out, but many environmental factors that can ruin sight. We have thin eyelids and everything from tar dust to allergens can mess with the eyeballs over time resulting in a progressive erosion or overproduction of essential fats and/or physical damage that may even be at a microscopic level. If that isn't bad enough, we also live far longer than our predecessors. The human eye does not age gracefully and as more than a normal amount of us live to be over 40, more of us will need assistance. Oh well, humans invented glasses and Lasik.

# 4 : Eye Colour Does Matter

  at least to some degree. Eye colour is an inherited trait, but several genes influence it. The same genes that influence a blue or green eye colour are related to various other things like freckles, hair, and skin tone.
  The blue eye colour itself  is a genetic mutation that occurred so narrowly that you can guarantee that you are distantly related to another individual with the same eyes, even if back a few hundred generations.

  On a serious note, those with lighter irises are at a far higher risk of many age-related forms of blindness as well as eye cancer, so protect those baby blues. Brown-eyed folks aren't out of trouble though, and can develop cataracts from prolonged sun exposure. Put a hat on, folks.

# 5 : You CAN Sunburn Your Eyes

  This applies to all folks regardless of pigmentation. While sunburns of light-pigmented eyes can result in macular degeneration and cancer, ALL eyes can burn. Ultraviolet light can play the same tricks on your eyes as your skin, but in most people it is a progressive thing.

  Immediate sunburn or photokeratitis can occur, commonly from reflected light so snomobilers and those who engage in outdoor arena sports should be careful. While the condition is painful and last only a few days, persistently sunburning your eyeballs can scar your eyes and cause everything from poor response to cataracts. If you sunburn only your cornea, you probably won't even feel it. but your wounded corneas can become scratched by common pollutants and cause damage that can last from a few days to a lifetime. If this is your first time, don't panic- just don't keep scorching your sockets.

  While we don't have the 360 degree sight of insects or telescopic vision of snakes, our eyes are a fundamental part of who we are. Protect your eyes lest you pray that some other sense can compensate for your giggly, uncoordinated ass. I've found out so many things about eyes that you should be shocked if there isn't a second installment.

Your Random Duran

 One of my followers sent me this song this evening and it brought back a few memories. The Chauffeur was not promoted heavily in the USA primarily because of this video. It is tame by today's standards in content, but I still had to find an obscure Romanian website to get the uncensored version. You see, in Europe breast are not offensive by themselves, but on our side of the pond natural unaltered mammaries still get the black stripe.

  That being said, this song and its accompanying video are one of Duran Duran's greatest treasures. Sometimes your best work doesn't sell 10 million copies.

  Here's proof.

Vezi mai multe video din Muzica

Friday, July 16, 2010

Soup Chronicles: The Drive-In

  I had a dream last night that reminded me of something from the past. I have fond memories of the drive-in. Drive-in theatres used to be all over the place, and while I remember few of the movies played, the experiences are the sharpest of all of my memories from my youth. And I have no negative recollections here.

  The first time I can recall being at a drive-in stems back to when my grandmother lived in a bathroomless shack on Lake Simcoe. While everything is faded, I remember being snuck in along with my sister, granmother and dad. One of the Jaws movies opened and I had a new crossword book to entertain me before darkness took over. They had the cheesy intermission adverts for the snack shop, but those were ignored for my grandmother made bags of sweets that no market could replicate. My granny was into recycling long before everyone I knew, and sweets and nuts packaged in reused milk bags were something I looked forward to until she passed. I know that I was at the drive-in on previous occasions from stories of family members (apparently my pop took me to see the Exorcist when I was 3, but I fell asleep.) but this is the first that I remember.

   Fast forward a decade or so to the last time I was at one of these field parties with film. It was winter and I was 18. I was in Toronto and there were 4 of us crammed into a tin bodied Suzuki Sidekick. I was on a date with a lovely anarchist named Rebekah and a pair of her art-student pals. (Sorry that I don't remember your names, but I know you went to Ryerson Polytech) My date and I quietly cuddled under the blanket. The headlining flicks were some Creepshow thing with Jada Pinkett-Before-she-Became-A-Smith and Natural Born Killers. It wouldn't have mattered to a stripper and a kid who lived in a group home if they were playing Fried Green Tomatoes. It was an organic escape from reality and a vacation to the past.

  Corporate mega-cinemas and urban expansion have caused this amazing arena of pure fun to vanish along with the dusty fields that gave youthful joy a home. There used to be tens of thousands in North America and their numbers have dwindled. The Toronto 400  is now a commercial district, but due to a resurgence in nostalgia, the Barrie drive-in still features Dusk-to-dawn weekends. Despite attempts to remove them, drive-ins and old-school theatres still exist because some of us still fondly remember them and it is our duty to make sure that everyone has the opportunity to enjoy an experience to last a lifetime. These fantastic joints are out there- all you have to do is look. Take your girl, your kids, or your dog. Whether it is a recollection of a family member who shaped your life beyond death or you are simply curious, take your friends and pile into the biggest car you can find and go on a little trip. Sometimes the greatest escape is only a few miles away.

Can't Make This Up

  Sometimes when I'm bored I stumble upon the weirdest things, like this for example. Yes, it is the leading brand of computer duster crap. Teenagers also get ridiculously high and die from inhaling this shit.

  Now notice the name of the company. Stoner. Their website name is which is the most unintentionally appropriate domain name in history. If the stuff wasn't 5000 shades of dangerous, it would be incredibly funny.

  On a serious note, don't buy this crap. It's ecologically toxic, wasteful and can be the final solution to your little stoner.

  Use a Dustbuster.

Reality Soundbite

  I have ripped some shit on Casey Anthony in the past because I believed that she had done something loathsome to her daughter. And I still do. The stain on humanity either killed her child physically or in some way enabled it. Either way, in the state of Florida and in my mind, you are a murderess.

  But there was a little something that occurred today that struck me. It was the mother of the alleged baby killer. Cindy Anthony's utterance that it smelled like death in Casey's car was admitted into evidence, and that's fine and dandy. But it was dear old mum trying to somehow claim that she only said it to get the police to show up. She also stated that she still believed her grandchild alive, but I can accept that. Sometimes my mother forgets my brother is dead, it's pretty average on the level of grief.

 I digress. Cindy Anthony stated that she made the "dead body" comparison to draw police instead of saying her kid had stolen a car, possessed narcotics, or any of the thousands of statements related to criminal behaviour. Dead. Body. This makes even more sense when you realize that Cindy Anthony is a nurse and old dad used to be a police officer.  The elder Anthony is out and out lying if she says that the analogy is a mistake. Human decomp has a very specific, nearly indescribably noxious fetor. I will tell you from experience that there really is nothing on the planet like it. Whether it is from our fat content, the crap we put into our bodies, or our sensitivity to the aroma of dead members of our species, we smell horrid after we kick it.

  If you have ever smelled a putrefied corpse, you cannot lie and say you haven't. Everyone in the western hemisphere knows that Cindy Anthony is lying to save her kid's life. Some people would be tempted to save a sociopathic family member from their required punishment. I absolutely understand that it is difficult to think of one's own child as a savage. But if she really wants to save Casey from riding the lightning, she should tell the truth and give the bitch a choice as to her fate. Confess and do life, continue being a dicksmack and get Florida's ultimate penalty.
  Neither sentence will bring back a child. Caylee Anthony didn't want to drink and fuck everyone in sight- she wanted to play with toys and paint like any other kid. But the person sworn to protect her from danger was so focused on hedonism over homemaking that an angel's life was stolen.

  Cindy Anthony has to choose between living in a fantasy and the reality that her daughter is likely going to be taking a forever taxpayer-supported nap. Pretending that your daughter is not nefarious will not bring your grandchild back. Don't perjure yourself because you feel guilty about the beast your spawn became. It is simply not worth being incarcerated for fabricating a defense for a malevolent deviant who does not care about anyone other than herself.

 Below is the admitted phone call, and you can understand why it is damning. Listen to someone who does care and someone who doesn't in 2 minutes or less. 

Thursday, July 15, 2010

No Comprendo

  Most of us know what toe-socks are and opinions on them as a fashion item are pretty polar- you don't witness a lot of ambivalence. Folks either loathe them or sing their praises.

  There's another crowd that doesn't dig the look, but believes single-pocket footwear to be restrictive. For runners and yogis, it is function over form. There's a perception that having individual toes contacting the surface, that there will be an increase in response and a better overall result. This, I buy. This makes absolute sense to me and enough to other people that there are running shoes that have individual toes.

THIS however, I cannot get my head around. The nearly-toeless "half-toe" sock. Proof that some inventions really are ridiculous lies here. Not only do we normally throw away socks with their toes missing, these things take the grip away from the fronts of your feet making them only useful for doing moonwalks. You know that feeling of lint between your toes  that could make you want to take your shoe off under any circumstance? This is the psychosomatic sensation I got when I first saw these beasts. Wretched.
  ToeSox advertises them to permit a better grip (your nicely manicures toes over nubs), but every stretch sister who's tried them utterly hates them. I need an explanation here. Please don't tell me it is form, because I think toeless socks are hideous. Could someone give me a reason for their existence other than a large increase in need for fishing gloves for the armless?

I do not understand.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Enjoy The Virus

   YouTube is riddled with people speaking their views, skateboarding into brick walls, and trying to prove that they are funnier than you. Occasionally, someone combines hilarity with an underlying social commentary, and this is one of those times.

  This young lady has got it, and if you don't believe me, believe everyone else. 3.7 MILLION hits in FOUR DAYS!

  Seriously, check Jenna out right now.

Possibly The Greatest New Product Ever

  Do you risk gangrene by sleeping on your arm? Well my favourite store has an app for that.

   This is the Arm Sleeper Pillow and it is glorious. Not only can you sleep on your side or belly without waking up with an arm so numb that you slap yourself in the face, but you can spoon with your mate without looking like you're dreaming about doing the Safety Dance. It also facilitates easy escape for that drunk valley girl you picked up from the bar so you won't be forced to amuse her and/or make breakfast after she discovers her regrettable decision. It also features funky memory foam that prevents snoring so you won't scare her off in the unlikely event that you have acquired someone who actually finds you attractive and/or is blind.

  The only thing that is not amazing about this is the $99 price tag, but if you are handy (or happen to have a weird male housemate who likes to sew shit) you can cook one of these up for about 10 bones.

  While you are waiting for your order to come in, entertain yourself with this:

Monday, July 12, 2010

Truth Is Funnier Than Fiction: The iPhone Edition

  Consumer Reports has rated the new iPhone 4 high in fun, but low in call signal quality echoing complains from those who have purchased the cool devices. But have no fear, iPhone users, CR has come up with a solution for your problem that would make your dad proud.

  Wherever Bob Vila is, you know he's smiling right now.

Great New Product

  Have you noticed that your boyfriend seems to spend a little too much time watching Japanimation, and not enough time looking into your beautiful eyes?

  Well fear no more, because companies like Geo have come up with the solution- extra-wide contact lenses. Designed to make the eyes look large and make the rest of the face look smaller, the lenses are not only tinted but feature and extra shot of colour in a supersized outer ring. The effect creates the illusion of a monster iris without surgery.

  The website outs forth this tagline "Wanna get big, watery shiny eyes without any surgery? CRAVE AND ENVY NO MORE!" to draw folks into purchasing their relatively cheap product that can be customized to fit most prescriptions. And at least the Astrogirl look isn't permanent.

  While this look seems popular in Asia, I just don't see the sexiness here. From the photos I've seen, the models either look like they are children or are afflicted with Graves Disease. I'm  not feeling the cartoonish appearance, but for every fetish, there is a product and this will sell like hotcakes. And while it doesn't suit my idea of attractive, it is a temporary way to experiment with a new kind of cuteness that won't break your bank roll. Besides, it could be a fun.

  Whether you want to have some cheap fun or desire this look for a longer term, you can buy the funky lenses HERE.

9 Lives

  Some of you have been hanging around long enough to know that my cat vanished only to have wandered back to my previous home and be discovered over a month later. With this in mind, imagine the joy experience by the humans of this black cat.

  You see, Weezy has been gone for 8 months and the family that she was part of presumed her lost forever. That is, until the Peace River, Alberta residents received a call from the Whitehorse SPCA. (For those of you who don't know exactly where this is, I've provided you with a map. The hot pink line is the shortest distance between the two cities.) It seems that their cat is alive and well and was presumed to be a stray until she cheerfully hopped into the vehicle of an animal control officer. After noting that the cat was microchipped it was discovered that she had travelled a minimum of 1,142 kilometres and seems to be in fairly decent shape considering her journey.

  And it gets better. An elderly Alberta couple just happened to be vacationing in Whitehorse and heard of the little girl missing her kitty and offered to drive the friendly furball home to be reunited with her family.

  I love happy endings.

Runaway Brain

   Jesse Jackson claims to be a civil rights warrior, but I think the failed presidential candidate is losing touch with reality.

  This past weekend, Cleveland cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert posted a blog and gave a subsequent radio interview criticizing the  actions of former star LeBron James. While somewhat over-the-top, Gilbert was emotionally conveying the feelings of the community that surrounds his basketball franchise.

  Naturally, because Jesse cannot let a white guy speak his mind with impunity, he decided to pipe up and call Dan Gilbert more than simply a racist, but claimed that he had a slave-owner mentality and was treating LeBron like a runaway piece of human property. .

 Sure, Gilbert slammed LeBron for being cowardly and narcissistic, and LBJ's self-indulgent hour-long special proved those assertions to be correct. A real man would have taken his boss aside and then had a little open press junket and been on his merry way. Wayne Gretzky knew he pissed off most of a continent when he requested a trade to L.A but didn't hide. He stood up to Peter Pocklington, a man known for bullying and underpaying players, and told him the facts before respectfully announcing to the rest of the world that he was getting out of Dodge.

  Dan Gilbert exposed to the world that LeBron petered out during the playoffs, something all of us witnessed. LBJ tanked the last few games and in my mind didn't really show the desire to win. Number 23 did not play like a man who wanted to be there because he knew that he wasn't going to next season. He also expressed his city's heartbreak at the lack of effort and sudden departure. The fine folks of Cleveland are upset and Dan Gilbert is in such a position that any statement of his will be noticed by the press. If you or I did not do our jobs, we would be called out for it regardless of our ethnicity or traits.

  Jesse Jackson claimed that the Cleveland Cavaliers are a "plantation", which I'm sure is news not only to the multi-ethnic team, but the citizens of one of the most diverse cities in America. It is also news to those who pay high ticket prices and to the financial professionals who manage the multi-million dollar salaries of Ohio's gifted athletes. It is a vicious insult to Dan Gilbert and his family, folks who have done nothing wrong outside of the horror of being born with a skin colour that Jesse Jackson sees as inherently evil.

  Mr. Jackson hurled a slew of horrendous epithets at another man simply because of his race. Had Michael Jordan insulted a white player (not saying he would) , there would be no discussion, no complaints. While racism is indeed alive and well, there has never been anything to suggest that Dan Gilbert holds such views, in fact evidence speaks to the contrary. Jesse Jackson's mistaken interpretation of non-existent bigotry is not only polarizing, but slanderous. Not only that, but Mr. Jackson volunteered LeBron James to represent a divisive cause that he may not even believe in. There has never been any suggestion that LeBron James holds any ill will towards white folks and it is safe to say that he considers himself to be a slave to nobody .

  Jesse Jackson needs to focus on the true injustices that exist in the world instead of embarking on defamatory fame-seeking missions like this one. There are people discriminated against for their innate traits, but they simply don't have NBA-sized incomes. Poor people do not matter to Jesse Jackson as individuals but are reduced to collectives and political catch-phrases. Jesse Jackson is guilty of the same classism that he used to rally against, and that is a shame because before he started going on anti-white and anti-semitic rants he was a pretty decent guy. The Baptist minister has been caught up in the disease of fame and abandoned his principles. Moreover he has become the kind of man he once found repulsive.

  Bigots come in all shapes and sizes, and while Dan Gilbert, LeBron James, and the city of Cleveland are not racist, the Rev. Jesse Jackson most certainly is.