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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

WTBlue F*ck Of The Weak

Emergency services were called to a rented house in Belleaire, Ohio on Sunday to answer a call about a nonresponsive man. And what they discovered was a nightmare.

  When the medics arrived, they found a 43 year old morbidly obese man stuck to his chair- literally. The barely-living man had been sitting in his chair for 2 years, long enough for his skin to become fused to the fabric. He was covered in filth and had serious infected sores with maggots present. The EMTs had to free the gent by cutting him out of the chair and then sawing a hole in the outside wall of the living room where he had been residing. The conditions the fellow had been living in were so deplorable that the officer who freed him to threw out his uniform

  But what's most shocking is that there were two average-looking able-bodied people living there. The man had a male housemate as well as his girlfriend living with him. The girlfriend would bring food and soda to the decrepit death chamber that was once a family room.

  Had this gent not had a medical problem, there is no telling just how long he would have been a prisoner in a barcalounger. Why the heck wouldn't the man's partner have requested intervention long before this point? Not only that, but how could anyone tolerate the stench of someone who is festering while still alive? In order to sit unwashed in a chair for two years barking commands, you need someone to obey. He wouldn't have gotten this was without his girlfriend indulging every whim. I have more questions for the woman who allowed this to continue than for the seriously mentally disordered man with the food addition.

  According to WKKX Radio, the man passed away early this afternoon.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

D.I.Y. : Chain Letter Revenge

  Those of you who haven't been in a cave for 40 years know the chain letter. Formerly by mail and now transmitted through e-mail and Facebook "repost this for 32 days and something good will happen" fame, the interweb version has the potential to be a monumental pissoff.

  We've all been so excited to discover our aunt has the know how to send an e-mail- it's like the holidays without all of the drunk people. It's awesome for some peculiar reason. However, the greatest ruiner of the moment is when the first e-mail from someone is something like this:

How is it that a 15 year old child can see what Adults are missing?
Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) !
the Pledge of Allegiance
The Lord’s Prayer
Are not allowed in most Public schools anymore
Because the word ‘God’ is mentioned….
A kid in Arizona
wrote this
NEW School prayer :
Now I sit me down in
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the
class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple,
orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.
We’re allowed to cuss
and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant
Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.
We can get our condoms
and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It’s scary here I must
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
If you aren’t ashamed to
do this,
Please pass this on.
Jesus said,
‘If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.’



  Not only can these things be annoying but they ruin your celebration of mum or BFF figuring out technology. They're Facebook wall crowding, e-mail box abusing blights on humanity. They're examples of herd mentality for the simple-minded and they must stop. So, if you've tired of sending these people messages telling them to think for themselves to no avail, I suggest sending this back or posting it on their wall as needed. The person will absolutely get the point, and if he or she doesn't, why are you friends to begin with?

P.S. - If you're one of the people receiving the above image, take it as a general reminder to stop spamming your loved one. Thank you.


A Dutch 6th grade class was on a school trip last week when one of the girls experienced very severe abdominal pains. A school supervisor thought the pains seemed very familiar and alerted emergency services. When an ambulance arrived, they found the 12 year old was pregnant and the baby was coming. She gave birth in a nearby building and was rushed to a hospital, where both mum and child are doing well. According to a spokesman for health services, they don't know exactly how pregnant she was and neither the girl nor her parents were aware that she was pregnant.

Can you imagine sending your little Susie to school and receiving a call that you're a grandparent? I would absolutely lose my marbles. This is exactly why you need to teach your kids how babies happen and that little children don't need to be doing the things that produce new little Suzies. While I agree that it can be really weird to have the talk with an 8 year old, our sexually-charged society dictates that parents need to teach their kids about the birds and bees before someone else does.

It's pretty clear that the parents of this girl had their blinders on. I get how a child may not know she's got a bun in the oven, but her parents who are my age should sure as shit know. My mother didn't have the bump when she was pregnant with my microscopic self, but there were a whole host of other fun and exciting symptoms. You would have to be an absolute idiot to not take your kid to a doctor if she's barfing up Beagles for months on end. And that's just the beginning of the fun array of happenings in the life of a pregnant woman.  There's the funky cravings, water retention, missed periods, rapid hair growth, moodiness, and more. If you can ignore the myriad of weird things going on with your little Suzie, you are seriously neglectful and possibly not worthy enough of parenthood.

And one day soon you could become a grandparent.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Man Vs. Man

  I can hear the music belonging to the downstairs neighbour on a daily basis. And one song I could hear today was Imagine by John Lennon. Regardless of your opinion on Mr. Lennon's integrity, the message of the somg is resonant on most lands. It got me thinking about the reasons why humans fight and if it is in our nature to want to kill each other.

  One cited cause for injustice is religion. What if man hadn't invented gods; would we really be better off? Since the beginning of recorded history, most tribes held something as divine. It could be a rock, the stars, the earth or sun. And most of the gods man has invented are not worshiped today. Unfortunately, most of the religions observed today have brutal histories. There are tales of armies of this god or that one committing acts of rape, genocide, and enslavement. The Divine Right of Kings is a religious concept; one involving blood purity laws with the castes set from birth. Even many of today's most brutal regimes are kingdoms that oppress their people because god said not to disobey your leaders. Religion certainly has a negative effect on world peace, but it's not the whole story.

  An argument could be made that international borders interfere with peace. Nations are created and fall by force. If little Igor has the rock you want, you take it or die trying. It seems that territorial war has always occurred, often over choice strategic points or natural resources. Polygamy was practiced in early times because adult males were constantly getting killed off. There was little need to stop having babies because the infant mortality was atrocious due to disease and the tradition of killing off all of the males of a conquered tribe. We very much have a warlike mentality, but we have the International community to step in if Jimmy decides he wants Igor's rock. We will have peace even if we need to use force to obtain it.

  What about general hate? We are engaging in all kinds of culture wars that are often rooted in religion or racism. For example, homophobia is a condition of religious observance, but it wasn't always. The Bible was used to justify racism and slavery for millenia, but it doesn't anymore. Us as humans have become so ethnically diverse due to migration that racism will likely be a thing of the past soon if we want it. As it stands today, there is much work to do, but racism and homophobia seem to be easiest to overcome. We are all of the same species and the vast majority of us are aware of this fact.

  I think that humans will always engage in some form of combat because it's in our nature. Now whether the competition is to build the best microprocessor is another story. Even without racism, religion, and land divisions we would still have things like poverty because we wont live together in a 7 billion human hippie commune. Yes, without these things you would have good people doing good things. there are also some very bad people- either through genetic trait or emotional damage, some people will not always tick correctly. These people have no ability to feel empathy, but most of all, have no respect for justice. These people are the most likely to become leaders.

  It takes a certain amount of charisma to win a campaign, whether the vote be to lead 200 nations or a 7 billion man hippie commune. The folks who become heads of state are never short on confidence. Presidents are beloved and have their stables of servants on command. But even if the armed guards, large salary and stable of women aren't enough, there is one thing that always satisfies: having the power to tell one man to kill another. The charming leader has his ego satisfied and billions of people don't need to think. And don't worry, someone is always willing to get to the top of the hill.

   While I think Lennon wrote a pretty song, it kind of misses the point when it comes to who we are as a species. Think about it- religion, racism, xenophobia- they're all things that relate to one group's power over another and manipulating the natural selection process. To assert that we will never fight is a complete denial of the existence of an animal named Homo Sapiens Sapiens. We fight like animals because we are animals fighting for the same things as our cave-dwelling ancestors: resources and status, guarantees of opportunities to breed. It's just that our species has skewed the balance by having 5% of people control 90% of the resources. Plus, we have guns.

  Do I wish for peace? Absolutely. I believe that we can all be better to our neighbours far and wide. We should work to provide relief to the hungry and education for children affected by conflict. But even in a more understanding world there will still be a few cavemen trying to take what's not theirs; we'll just be better prepared to deal with them. If anything, I think our generation has learned the perils of unconstrained authority and will look forward to a future of smarter, more wholistic decisions that will benefit more people. Otherwise it will just be another war in the life of the species that can fly itself into space but not ground itself in sanity.

Stay Tuned

Worker Beware: A Cautionary Tale Of One Brave Migrant Worker

  In 2008, Alicia Gali was working at a resort hotel in Farujah, United Arab Emirates when she reported to police that she had been drugged and raped by three coworkers.
  She was part of a group of foreigners working at the luxury Le Meridien Al Aqah Beach Resort. The hotel encouraged staff members to consume alcohol in the staff bar, where it is alleged that the environment provided easy opportunities for female staff members to be drugged.

  And if the ordeal itself wasn't enough, the victim was arrested for adultery, because premarital sex in the UAE is a serious crime. The Australian national served 9 months of a one year sentenced and was booted out of the country. Now Ms. Gali is suing the hotel, as she was hired in Queensland, Australia. The suit alleges that even the most basic working conditions, such as segregating male and female quarters, were not applied in any way.

As for the victim, she justifiably feels doubly punished for buying into the idea that the UAE is what it portrays itself to be on postcards. She thought that being in the employ of a major hotel chain, an internationally held company, that she would be safe. When she was arrested for daring to witness to a most vile crime committed against her person and spirit, the famous multinational said absolutely nothing. When you work in the United Arab Emirates you are never safe, and Alicia Gali found out just how evil that men as well as a corporation can be.

  While it is certainly my hope that Alicia Gali is compensated, one needs to heed this warning: The United Arab Emirates may have glitter and their royalty, but they have no regard for women's rights or migrant worker's rights. It is a collective of micro-kingdoms that still adhere to draconian moral codes that only apply to certain classes. Every time you choose Dubai, Farjah, or Abu Dhabi as a get-away destination, you are consenting to the dehumanization of women like Ms. Gali and so many more. And don't even think of working in the UAE regardless of the salary. Theocracies only change when their money train grinds to a halt, and we are the brakemen.

Be well

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hate Vs. State

According to several recent polls, including this one released yesterday by Gallup, Mike Huckabee is the current GOP presidential frontrunner for the 2012 election. This poll comes out during a week in which Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee, and Haley Barbour all made baseless, homophobic comments on-air.Gingrich and Huckabee's rants were particularly troubling because it's becoming increasingly apparent that neither of these gents have any concept as to the meaning of "the state shall make no establishment of religion".

Here's your front-runner telling the enthusiastic crowd to be bigoted even if it costs them their jobs. (?)

This week's highlights also include superbigot Cindy Jacobs speaking at Sarah Palin's church about mobilizing Christian warriors for the 2012 election and Michele Bachmann made a speech in Iowa praising the work of homophobic activists.

The Eisenhower Republican is a thing of the past, replaced by those whose only interests are power and control of those subjected to it. The Republican who fought for justice for all is becoming extinct and a nation is becoming increasingly divided because of culture war issues that have very little to do with what a government is there to do.

  Canadian Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper used to be asked about abortion and other issues often and simply replied that a politician is there to govern, and not to make Bible-based moral judgments against citizens. Continually focusing on oppressing minority groups is not only invasive, big brother governing, but a colossal waste of time and money that could be better put to use dealing with the things that truly matter like education and health care.

Freedom is not an absolute; indeed the degree and type of liberty we have fluctuates continuously at any given time. However, with each new law invading the personal lives of taxpayers, several of the fundamental traits that made America exceptional are under attack. The bullies that do this sort of thing will not be satisfied with taking just your neighbours' rights- eventually it will move on to you. Religious fundamentalism as law is not appropriate in any nation, nor are the racism, sexism, and homophobia that accompany it.

This is Newt Gingrich chitchatting this week about Christianity with Bryan Fischer, who believes that First Nations people deserved it and Muslims aren't humans. It should be noted that Newt is a known adulterer who has been married several times.

Newt also may or many not become your president, but that's up to you to decide. For now. Your vote is only your voice if you use it.

Friday, March 25, 2011

WTBlue Media Moment Of The Weak

Earlier in the week, I posted my hypothesis about American belief in holy revenge and its effects on donations to disaster effort. My theory stipulated that the increase in religiosity adversely affected contributions to countries like Japan, and a few people strongly disagreed with the idea that religion could have any part of the financial equation.

So, then we have this. As you know, I'm not an avid fan of Fox, but 100% agree with the incredulous looks on the anchors' faces. Apparently 38% of Americans are clueless as to the existence of plate tectonics. Oh, and those damn Buddhists deserved it.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

OMG, SRLSLY?! : The Worst Words Added To The Oxford Dictionary

  I'm a huge fan of language in its original, correct form in conjunction with several personal combined words and invented terminology. Mastery of the English language is something I work on, continuously making an effort to improve sentence structure. Within reach of my seat at this moment can be found an Oxford Companion to the English Language, a monstrous Webster dictionary, thesaurus, and several books pertaining to correct form. While I have occasionally been referred to as a pedant or grammar Nazi, I assert that I'm not attempting to pull one over on anyone. However, the fact remains that I will not dumb things down for anyone who possesses the ability to open a dictionary.

But what if the problem is the dictionary? I've noticed that in recent years, words added to the Oxford English Dictionary have become increasingly asinine. Whilst the Oxford claims that their 70 or so wordmeisters are some of the planet's most cunning linguists, it's become apparent that their additions reflect the current assault on the English language.

I've also noticed that this prologue is becoming a tad lengthy, so let's move onto the Worst Additions to the Oxford English Dictionary in  2011.

 (aloud, heart) v. 2011 : To begin with, this is not a word; it's a symbol on a playing card. Usually uttered with a squeal by valley girls and other irritating effete folks ( kitties!!! I heart kitties!) , this term may have the potential to grate on grammar stiffs the most. Why? The simple answer is that heart is a noun and love is a verb, and the only way heart could becoming a verb is if someone was running around with a heart stamping people with the blood.

LOL abbreviation 2011:  This dandy comes in with other internet colloquialisms such as  OMG, TMI, FYI, and a bundle of others. I'm not sure where to start here other than to say that I would hate to be an English teacher attempting to grade a paper that features juvenile Reddit shorthand and have some kid claim that all of these are real words. Newsflash, folks: they're abbreviations of collections of words, not words themselves. They're not even correct acronyms since you cannot say them aloud, like WAG (also added this year) or BOHICA. (workplace slang that will hopefully stay far from the folks at Oxford) If GTL makes next year's edition, I'm hanging myself.

Wassup?! int., 2011: This may be the most asinine attempt at justification for the degradation of the English language this year. When this mistake is written, it looks horrid; when said aloud, it is consistently obnoxious. Any attempt to use this in a serious way in my presence will result in me beating you to death with a dictionary that was made prior to 2011.

Pap n. and v., 2011 : Why is this one here? Well, because this pap has nothing to do with shorthand for the Papilloma virus nor the test for the presence of it. It is used in this sense as a short-form of paparazzo, paps being short for paparazzi. I didn't realize that anyone besides frustrated Angelinos used this term; the usage of it implies an air of self-importance and notoriety. Paps is simply not used by regular folks, save for the odd teenager and fame whore. Words like this belong in the dictionary-on-tape titled Snooki's Verbal Dictionary For The Rich And Brainless.

Sammich, prolly, and who'da: misspelled words that deserve a separate category, 2011: These are all intentionally misspelled words that only sound cute or clever if you're a toddler. Any person who uses any of these words is announcing to the world that he or she is a bleating moron. Even typing these words annoyed me immensely. If someone I was dating texted any of these dreadful examples ( "Let's go get a sammich", for example.) it would be an absolute dealbreaker. I am a bit obsessive when it comes to language, and intentional misuse not only denotes a lack of respect for the written word, but for the recipient of the communique.

Fnarr fnarr int. and adj, 2011: This snicker from comic series Viz is also used by kids who make rage comics and other assisted-publishing comedic devices. It is used to imply usage of particularly crude sexual innuendo. Isn't the Oxford heavy enough without inclusion of every distinct zing, zam, zip, and blammo from every comic series? This is getting ridiculous.

Dishonourable mentions: doughnut hole, ten-second rule, muffin top, tinfoil hat, meep, ruckus juice, clickjack. Amazingly, rubella virus was just added this year.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Media Moment: The Day Of Doom

  According to some biblical scholars and engineer Harold Camping, the prophesy of the End of Days will come to fruition. There are websites tracking every moment the caravans of folks witnessing to this event until the absolute divine judgment, followed by a 5-moth period. After this period the physical world will go boom.

The date set for the Judgment is the day before my 35th birthday. On May 21st of this year, a lord we cannot see or touch will take his perfect flock from amongst us, leaving the remainder to perish. While I'm not entirely sure what guy would kill billions of his creations, I suppose it's up to Yahweh.

But maybe the prophecy is true: that a carpenter will rise to take everyone to heaven. According to some Jews, it will be someone who possesses both male and female characteristics. I'm an androgynous, mid-30's Jew (recovering) who is a pretty fine carpenter. Maybe your Messiah is me. Maybe this big day of rapture is a revelation of my being a spiritual deity.  Maybe I have a hidden dark self who wants to take all of the annoying folks for myself and leave all of the non-virgins and unbaptised babies to burn in eternal fire.

So make sure to send me your gold and silver well in advance of the day my godliness is revealed to you and burn a few rams in my honour. Save me a virgin or ten to satisfy my eternal needs and a few hundred slaves to build me a castle in the clouds. All of the great things will be revealed to you as I decide who should live to worship me forever and who should die to be roasted over a spit by Satan; for all of the ancient tales were told in parables to confuse you into sinning and you won't know until the end. Because I am the living lord your God and this is my will.

And then you'll wake up from this dream on May 22nd and hand me a birthday beer.

Intermission Quickie Than May Initiate A Fatwa

Was Muhammad history's ultimate troll?

If you're wondering, this is all factual. Well except maybe the peas.


As I reported to you before this horrendous case of Block happened, self-appointed messengers of God have declared Japan's horrifying natural disaster to be the birth pangs of the coming Messiah. Such thoughts were dismissed by the public at large, but the idea of holy revenge has become very widely circulated with quite a profound effect: Americans are donating less money to victims of the Japanese earthquake than other tragedies.

While there are a multitude of reasons why someone may seem less inclined to donate, but the influence of increasingly powerful preachers cannot be ignored. When financial and social difficulties arise, people often turn to their faith when the world they live in provides few solutions. And when a disaster such as this occurs, the idea that God may have been responsible offers an answer for personal helplessness, particularly when one has been raised to discount scientific evidence.

Never before in recent history have so many preachers so overtly exploited a tragedy to their benefit, and everyone from Tim LaHaye to Pat Robertson to the entire New Apostolic Reformation have jumped on the bandwagon. Chuck Pierce even claims that the quake was caused by his group praying on Japanese soil. Glenn Beck has also shifted blame to humans, comedians have joked about the tragedy, and even Japan's Christian minority sees God in this crisis. Combine this as a general antipathy for the Japanese over Pearl Harbor, and you have a climate where people just don't give a damn, and certainly not a dollar.

Here's a news flash, folks. According to the U.S. Geological survey, over 1.6 million earthquakes occur every year. There are between 1400 and 1500 quakes measuring 5 or above on the Richter scale each and every year. That's 4 or so per day, but some days are busier than others. (There have been 20 so far today)  A 3.3 gave Malibu, California a massage last night. There was a 4.4 where I live 2 days ago and I didn't even notice it. Earthquakes have always occurred due to shifting of tectonic plates, it's just that the world is vastly more populated than it ever was, putting more folks in harm's way. Either that or some space zombie has a perpetual case of PMS.

You decide.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Few Words About Rebecca Black

All weekend I've seen some Rebecca Black trending on the nets. Seems she's a singer who is being rode hard by a lot of people, from trolls to the famous. And this morning I caught a few tweets from Tommy Lee (of Methods of Mayhem, Motley Crue, and others) saying that the "dumb bitch" should be taken "out for a long swim".

Now I don't condone violence against women in any way whatsoever, so I decided to look into who Tommy figures should be drowned. Turns out that Miss Black is a 13 year old girl; a tween kid trying to take a shot at the dream. In fact, Tommy has a kid older than her. Tommy also sent her a tweet of a Twitterart character flipping her the bird.

I've seen her video. I'll admit that it seems overproduced and it really isn't my style, but I'm also not a teenager. I'm not a huge fan of the musical style that most of the young aspiring singers are being geared towards by ambitious managers and parents, and I'll freely admit it.  But this young girl is being cyberbullied by legions of adults, and that's not okay.

It is absolutely unacceptable for grown folks to threaten children simply for trying something new. Childhood is supposed to be as carefree an experience as possible. In addition to threats, several people have sent her messages telling her to get an eating disorder.  Rebecca Black's body and their vocal cords are nowhere near mature, and who knows, she could become a decent country singer when she grows up if us adults haven't stripped every last shred of her confidence.

When did we get so cruel? I mean when I was a kid, my stepdad was a mean motherfucker, but I knew he was an aberration. Our society has started to find it socially acceptable to viciously attack children, but it wasn't always so. If a 50 year old stranger went after the average kid back in the day, there would be hell to pay and rightly so. The fact that Tommy Lee went after Rebecca Black is not surprising because he is an arrogant, childish jerk but being an arrogant, childish jerk doesn't absolve someone from the responsibility of treating other human beings, particularly children, with dignity.

Trees My Dog Pees On #2

The creek rockin'

After the first batch of photos, the response was so awesome, I decided to take a few shots on a rainier dog walk. As usual, Dieter was an excited dude, more than happy to lead the way.
The bottom of the tree below
Looking up a tree makes you feel mighty small

2 of Mr. Dog's favourite trees

This bothers me. The city is uprooting huge old guys and selling them to rich Americans. some are 2 metres across.

And the finale- something more cheerful.

I'm off for a dog jog now. Have a great day!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Intermission Quickie

Although I think the order is seriously skewed, I can't believe the shit people think is okay to say on television. Personally, I think 9 is even dreadful to think, let alone say.

Okay, here we go with the 10 Most Racist Things Said On TV (In The Modern Era, anywho)

Attn: Evangelical Dingleshits

When you drop to the floor drooling and gurgling, you aren't convincing anyone of your spiritual superiority. Even all of the other Evangelical dingleshits know you are pretending. The preacher is laughing on the inside, knowing that your display is proof that you're stupid enough for you to give all of your money to him.

 You're not overcome with the spirit; you're insulting epileptics- the same people that preachers had burned to death after convincing the Evangelical sheep (sorry sheep,, I know you're smarter than this) that epilepsy was caused by demonic possession. Just because you heard 3 sentences in a Bagel shop doesn't mean you can automatically speak Russian.

Please fucking stop embarrassing yourselves and bringing your children up to think that ululating is okay. Not one of you is a Zulu warrior.You're not fooling anyone. Except maybe yourself.

 I hope your invented language means " I like to fuck my chicken in the ass" in Polish

One Week

  There's a movie I've seen a couple of times. It's not a high-budget flick, but it's a great one. The film is called One Week and it has Josh Jackson in it.  It's about a guy who has a week or so left to live. He buys a Norton bike and decides to ride it across Canada. While it's fun to wax nostalgic watching it because Jackson actually rode the (rad) bike across Canada and I've been to most of the places; (A fair chunk of the road scenes were shot near where I live right now) it would be missing the point.

   This guy in his thirties knows he's going to die, but he doesn't let anyone else decide for him what he wants to do with his final days. He lives his dreams because he believes that his days are very numbered. I know it's just a character, but his impending death is the impetus of something truly grand.

   We have our lives so compartmentalized today, so carefully planned. From birth we are told what our parents want us to be and we're shaped in their vision; growing up to live very structured adulthoods. But life is fluid and absolutely unpredictable. As much as we try to mold our existence to fit an artificial norm, nature itself rebels against such abnormalities.

   We all find ourselves under pressure to conform and perform with some excelling and others melting. As I get older, I'm starting to understand the concept of time out; of taking a break from noise and websites and writing someone else's work. It can be exciting or boring, and sometimes both. I like my life in general, I think I'm starting to get the point. Whether you work a 9-to-5 or 18 hours a day, you need to take a week off every 6 months or so to live like it is your last week above ground.

   While I opt to go far in the wilderness with a few other people, inner peace is not a one size fits all consciousness. But do it- not just because stress kills people, but because nobody lives forever. Make sure to kiss your sweetheart like you'll never see each other again and find some adventure. In a world that's becoming increasingly artificial and supercilious, it's important to love yourself by being good to your mind. And your brain does need a rest, for when it breaks down the service station has padded walls and horrid drugs.

Go for it. The only thing you have to lose is the pickle in your posterior.

If you're bored, you can come here. After 1:30 is where I'm fortunate enough to live.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Long And Winding Blog About Drunks, Enablers, and Related Subjects

Today, I'm discussing drunks. I'm not talking about people who go out for St. Patty's and take a taxi home. You all are fine. What I am discussing here are the drunks who selfishly rant and do whatever the fuck they want because drunk, violent men are scary and unpredictable.

Here's a news flash: alcohol and drugs rot your brain. Not figuratively, literally. There are even names for conditions distinct to alcohol and drug use. An alcohol-induced one like Wernicke-Korsakoff psychosis, which is caused by the lack of B vitamins in your brain. You see, booze strips them from your noggin. What results is an often fatal senile dementia that is like a super-angry Alzheimer's. Your shrunken brain cannot grow again once you have it; the disease is only arrested by quitting your bottle-a-day habit and getting injections of the low B's.

Now, i'm pretty sure that my housemate has said dementia because of the particular path the disease follows. First, a person becomes super-organized to compensate for lost short-term memory, and then they usually become a violent bastard, then uncooridated, then helpless, angry and drooling, then they die wearing a diaper. The guy who taught me a lot about high-tech roofing has this disease and now he's in a full-care facility with 80 year olds at 49. It's a sad existence and he was one of those drunk dudes who actually ate; now he has no choice since food is delivered in a tube.

Now, back to the housemate. He has seen the coworker on a roof as HM does sheet metal and they need to hire roofers for curb installations, drain systems, Air conditioner, and so on. This guy has seen a man deteriorate due to booze and HM enjoys making fun of former coworker because HM is a bully. When HM's brain wasn't so fried (he was just in the OCD stage) I told him that it could happen to him with the obvious distinction being that former co-worker was a far nicer man when he had a brain.

So where am I going with this? About half an hour ago I asked HM if he'd seen my pliers. I thought it was a reasonable question since he had them last time I saw them. I was kind about it because I know he's a fuckwit, but he lost it; I mean his walnut-sized brain exploded. He went batshit insane over me asking if he'd seen a pair of $20 pliers and zoomed around the house screaming insults and stomping and trashing the tool room. And I left. I have a far greater sense of self-worth than I used to. I left because he has attacked me and then invented stories to justify the things he doesn't remember. (I always leave because calling the cops is useless in this town, the 10% of you who are from this town know exactly what I mean.) He seems unaware that his noggin is rotting as of yet and it's only been recently that the rage fits have been happening.

  Here's the deal kids. The blabber about alcoholism being a selfish disease doesn't mean that you or anyone else has to put up with a ranting, dangerous, pitiful punk. You are not obligated to save the life of someone who is killing himself, and certainly not if the person is a threat to you. There are only so many interventions you can do, and if the narcissistic bum doesn't shape up you must get out of every negative situation. Most drunkards are little boys that chose to never grow up and if you keep reinforcing their negative behaviours you'll be changing the dude's nappie 'til he needs an actual nappie, which you'll be changing too.

I've always found it amusing when drunks use "but I was drunk" as some type of Get Out Of Jail Free card. If I assaulted someone while under the influence of burritos, could I blame pinto beans? (Hey man, gas can make you hella bitchy.) Of course not, and if anyone uses the booze excuse he or she is a bonafide retard of the voluntary kind. If you are a drunk person, own and atone. And stop being a drunken fool. There are many people I know that have gotten clean and been amazing super-duper folks. Unfortunately, there have been many others who have either died, been rendered senile, or wound up with toxic psychosis ( One dude I know has been hopping around like a frog since 1995)  from bad Meth or PCP.

While some people get it, others don't. And being an addict is no excuse for being a complete bastard. If drink or drugs make you into a fuckwit, stop before you die or everyone leaves you to rot. And enablers : please stop permitting these yoyos to continue their life-ending actions . If you don't call the cops, leave, or do something else to ensure you're own safety, you need your head examined. So whether you're drunk or drunked upon, love yourself in a productive way.

You can do this.

Things That Make You Go Ewww

    Like most inexplicable trends, this one comes from Japan and has spread elsewhere.

  Yes, turd cakes. Ranging from piles of poo to the litterbox shown here, the turd cake is becoming quite popular. With cakes becoming increasingly intricate, it's just a matter of time before you see one on Ace of Cakes or TLC's shitty copy, Cake Boss.

  As for me, I am not a fan of poo; even if it's in cake form I may feel nauseous. Yes, I clean my cat box, but that's on a must do list and consumption of food that looks like crap is not one of those things I must do before I die.

I have to lie down before I lose my lunch.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Writer's block.

I've heard it happens to people, but I haven't personally experienced it for quite some time. It's been years since I was unable to convey what is going on in the world. However, every time I have an idea in my head I start and then stop.

I could be telling you about the new ways the Libyan lunatic has discovered to terrorize his own people or about the fact that Verizon and AT&T USA are still not releasing the donations to Japanese quake victims, but my brain seems blank. All I can seem to do is repetitively post on my sports website. 

Has anyone else experienced the will to do something, the skills to do their task, and complete failure when it comes to carrying a plan out?

I know this will pass and hope you all stay tuned.

Much love.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Media Moment: Prelude To A Blog

I watched part of one of those MSNBC doohas where a perpetrator of grisly murders was claiming that since he found Jesus, his sins weren't any worse than anyone else's. He was saved. And I came to thinking about Jeff Dahmer, Aileen Wuornos, and David Berkowitz; these being killers who have converted to Christianity whilst in the tank.

Apparently all sins are forgiven and you don't even have to make amends to those harmed- you go to heaven. I think this is one heck of a religion to adhere to if you're a douchebag. You get to hurt whomever you want and still hit paradise once you croaked. There's no real incentive to be decent since you'll go to death row, where taxpayers are paying your tab, and then you go off to paradise.

I'm thinking that this dude's ancestors invented this system.

Cheers to Dusty Smith 

Friday, March 11, 2011

Random Thought Of The Good Kind

  I have a beautiful male cat named Dodavehu, usually called Doda, Dave, or Doodlemonkey. He is a little over 2 years old, and I keep trying to have him neutered. However, when I go to get Doda snipped, he always has some sort of thing we must treat from fighting other cats. The cheapest place will not clip him until I buy 3 days salary worth of drugs and wait 2 weeks. It isn't a freak thing or mental dealio- Dave is the rare cat who loves car rides for any reason.

  Anywho, they won't snip Dave if he has a scratch, which he always does because he doesn't spray in the house, so he must be getting feral pussy. Anywho, I was talking to a colleague about this, and she said that a male cat unaltered is just as dangerous as a female; plus, he can reproduce with more than one female. Why don't they have a program for male microlions belonging to the poor to get fixed too? Also, I was better off to use the antibiotics that I already have and go to the $300 clinic instead of the cheap one that refuses my cat all the time.

  So, I am getting my cat neutered regardless of what it costs me and you should too, if you can catch the horny fucker. But I came in intent on blogging about something silly and came up with an idea. With all the programs offering spaying of female cats, why don't we come up with one for owners of toms? Toms can create just as much havoc if they're in an area with feral females. Plus, many of the poor have disabilities that are aided by having their fuzzy companion. I know that if I have a shitty day, Dave will be there for me.

Hey, we give money for a lot of reasons, and this one may even help your fellow man. Fixing a cat enables a disabled or elderly person solace, and that is translated into fewer medical dollars spent. So, regardless of whether you are a far-right capitalist, a centrist such as myself, or a lefty who volunteers for everything, this should be a wise idea. Oh, and according to the tax laws of Canada, the US, and most of Europe, vets will be able to score a tax deduction for doing these life-saving procedures at little cost to the animals that need them.

What I'm proposing is a win overall, and I wonder how we can set up a database of vets and a donation procedure for veterinary procedure. If anyone has any ideas, I'll certainly be up for promoting something that is needed.

Hug your kids and cats.


A massive earthquake and subsequent series of waves hit Japan early this morning. While this isn't the first earthquake Japan has experienced, and certainly won't be their last, some of the names you know are already using this event to line their pockets. Gordon Roberton and Tim LaHaye are two of many evangelical Christians using this seismic tragedy to earn money for their end of times cults.

Both men claim that earthquakes are the birth pangs of Jesus and that everyone should be afraid and spread Christianity before it's too late. In other calls, Robertson reminded folks to choose Christian candidates and to oppose Medicaid. And don't forget to support the CBN.

LaHaye was in Hawaii making more money when his hotel was evacuated due to a tsunami warning. Instead of saying "Lord take me if it is your will", he left with his wife until it was safe to return. When he was sure that he was okay, he became overwhelmed by the spirit that he felt the need to add the disaster to his 2 prophesy conferences this weekend in Maui. Citing Matthew 24, he also claims that these earthquakes are the will of an almighty creator birthing his son.

If these were really the end times, the preachers wouldn't be asking for your money. If only 144, 000 human beings were to survive this apocalyptic ice storm/nuclear war/general clusterfuck like the wingnuts claim, paper currency would be just another thing to wipe your arse with. Once again, these shameless buffoons are using a seismic disaster to scare people into buying them new Lamborghinis, which they know would be terrible cars to own if we had to start over. These con men know that they're lying, and just hope that nobody else will notice.

From tornados to earthquakes and more, there have always been disasters; some of them even leveling entire cities. The world is not coming to an end, and when and if it should, a scientist will be far more likely to predict Earth's demise than a guy who quotes from a book written by cave-dwellers. If divine protection was real, LaHaye and his wife wouldn't have evacuated.

So, what to do? Well, you should give, and do so from the heart. But don't give your money to the CBN or buy Tim LaHaye's ridiculous books; instead opt for one of the many relief organizations that actually do something for the people affected by natural disasters.

And here are a few.

Canadian Red Cross Disaster Relief : 1-800-418-1111 or
                   Canadian Mobile Text Relief  - text ASIA (all caps) to 30333 to donate $5
                                                                - text QUAKE to 45678 to donate $10

American Red Cross Disaster Relief : 1-800-Red Cross or
                  American Mobile Text Relief  - text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10

Convoy of Hope USA - text TSUNAMI to 50555 to donate $10 or

British Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund 0844- 209- 0009 (24h, accepts charge cards and other methods)
                                                         Donate online
American Muslims For Emergency and Relief
Direct Relief International
International Medical Corps
IsraAID (Israel)
Japanese Red Cross
Jewish Federations of North America Japan Relief Fund
Philippine Red Cross 

Thursday, March 10, 2011


There have been clips of this incident on the news, and for my readers on the other side of the pond, it is brutal. It shows 6'9" veteran defenseman Zdeno Chara pushing Montreal's Max Pacioretty into a part of the rink glass known as the turnbuckle. The hit was so violent that the young man was knocked unconscious and hospitalized with a severe concussion and fractured 4th cervical vertebra. Since the spinal area controls the diaphragm, Mr. Pacioretty is lucky to have survived.

When an incident such as this happens, there are always shocked cries from onlookers. Whether it is Todd Bertuzzi's mauling of Steve Moore or Mark Messier ending Darcy Rota's career, there are questions that arise when the violent nature of hockey is nurtured to terrifying extremes. More and more, we are seeing serious head injuries ruin livelihoods and erase memories, with folks like Messier himself now trying to stop the bleeding that his type of reckless play caused. Messier has developed helmets that he thinks will help folks avoid brain damage, but is among the many that stay mum on the root of the problem.

What it boils down to is respect, and for whatever reason players are more willing to maim their opponents than in previous generations. Yes, there are huge players, but as I recall Moose Vasko and Barry Beck were far from tiny. There used to be an unwritten rule that the big guys would hit you face-first, knocking you on your well-passed backsides. You would hit to take a guy out of the play and create excitement, not to send him to the hospital unable to remember his wife's name.  Zdeno Chara has been around the league for a very long time and if he had an iota of respect for this kid he would have let him go, but instead he shoves a 22 year old's melon into a piece of glass that shouldn't even be there. As for Max Pacioretty, his talent has burned the Bruins many times in his young career. The spirit of rivalry and revenge is so beaten into guys that Bruins fans consider this just desserts for Pacioretty daring to score a few overtime goals.

Max Pacioretty joins a number of NHL stars who are on the shelf due to brutal attacks on skilled players. Men like Brad Richards, Sidney Crosby, Marc Savard, Marian Gaborik are missing huge time due to head hunting when they should be chasing glory. We're even seeing goalies like Jonas Hiller sidelined due to brain injuries. All-in-all, over 30 skill players have lost chunks of this season due to injuries largely caused by players making names for themselves by taking the greatest names out of the game. The coach doesn't order you to go out and break a guy's neck, but if you do you'll be known as a guy who finishes checks.

There are talks about redesigning the glass, and for the partition between benches I have a few solutions. One would be to make the glass a consistent sheet. This would require players to use the doors instead of jumping over the bench, but it would remove the hazard that broke Pacioretty's spine. Another would be to have an extra padded piece of glass on a 45 degree angle on each side of the partition where the backup goalie and #12 forward chill for most of the game. It would have the advantage of slowing guys down so they aren't defenseless. One of these solutions should certainly be mandated, but it is not the end of it.

What needs to happen in the NHL is enforcement of no-nonsense rules about intentionally injuring players. While Zdeno Chara may not have intended to break a dude's neck, he absolutely intended to hurt Max Pacioretty to intimidate his opponents. The NHL needs to apply a policy similar to criminal justice ie if you rob someone and an individual dies, you are liable regardless of whether or not you intended to cause a death before the plan was hatched. Chara didn't set out to nearly kill a guy, but he certainly tried to harm him and he should be liable for the end result. If pleading to players not to be jackasses doesn't work, huge fines and suspensions certainly will.

Leaving all the boys alone to settle their disputes isn't working. The game is broken and Gary Bettman and Colin Campbell aren't getting the idea that the message they're sending is that ruining the lives of young men is okay as long as the results are wins. Maple Leafs fringe player Mike Komisarek got that message tonight- and sent Daniel Carcillo face-first into the boards.

What's Up!

I've been a tad scarce lately, so I figured I'd pop in so those of you who may be afraid I'm in the hospital yet again will have some peace.

  Well, I'm not in the hospital- I've been working my butt off. The usual stuff to be sure, but I also decided that I need to unload some stuff from my crib. You see, in the slow season, I used to sell old books and sports memorabilia online and it made me a fairly tidy supplemental income. But now I have a TON of sports stuff kicking around and have been spending my free time uploading it. Obviously, it's not all up (that would take about 9 months) but I'm having a bit of fun. Plus, there are a lot of collectors out there who'd like to get their paws on some of my stuff.

  anywho, the site link will be at the bottom of this post for the curious. I'll figure out a promo to do for blog buddies soon. Oh, and if you're so inclined, the store is actually open. I might also add a books and antiques section in the future.

Rooferonfire's Sports Stuff

p.s. Yes, the Vachon and Ovechkin are for sale.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Capitalism 101

The unraveling of multiply-convicted felon Charlie Sheen is all over the news. Everyone from celebrity cheeserocket TMZ to credible outlets like ABC are enjoying the extra viewers that a personality such as Sheen can bring in. And people are tuning in in droves, with thousands joining Twitter and Ustream to get the play-by-play of all things Charlie. As for consumer products, there are posters, shirts and more of the self-professed winner's philosophy. It seems like everyone is on the drug called Charlie Sheen; and if you're in California you really can be on a drug called Charlie Sheen.

  Dispensaries all over L.A. are advertising a fairly potent strain of weed called Charlie Sheen. Even at $400 an ounce, places are having a difficult time keeping the green in stock and are asking growers to get on cultivating more. So basically, someone renamed a new strain and is making big bucks. I wonder if Charlie's getting free samples in exchange for his name. All I know is that if I'm paying $400 for an ounce of weed, they better throw in a goddess for an hour or two.

Trees My Dog Pees On

A couple of times a day, the dog takes me for a walk. When I'm particularly lazy and don't want to drive to larger woods, I take him into the river canyon that begins about 50 metres from my house. For some goofy-ass reason, they've started uprooting a lot of the largest trees, but it's still a pretty rad place to walk the dog.

Here are a few photos from today's wander. I'll post more from other walks if it's of interest. Hopefully, I'll figure out how to take better pictures soon.
I'm your tourguide Dieter and I'm larger than a baby Rhinoceros 

Orange tree marked for execution. To give you perspective, the downed tree  comes up to M's ribcage.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

As Seen On Television

 On a lot of weekends, MSNBC runs a marathon of documentaries on prison life called Lockup. The series explores the lives of people who are in prison because of committing various offenses, many of them brutal crimes against other human beings. Naturally, because I'm writing here, you know I have a few opinions about the people and stories seen on shows like Lockup that I'll bring forth.

  To begin with, there seems to be a lionizing of the most idiotic inmates. Indeed, you'll hear tales about the cell extractions and Ad-Seg units. These dudes' toughness is played up to the max for the viewer with only a rare few stories told about their victims. We aren't told in detail about what Joe Dickhead did to wind up in the most extreme custody, just that he was a bad boy.

A good many of these guys are proud of the things they do and there seems to be a lot of victim-blaming, particularly when it comes to victims of serial rapists. The us versus them mentality is an important motif, but the line between who is the hero and who is the bad guy is so blurred that corrections officers are often portrayed as deserving all of the shit they deal with on a daily basis.

When murderers and other serious offenders are spotlighted in this manner something very bizarre happens in our media age. These criminals garner fans. All it takes is a look at Youtube or any of the other video-posting sites to know that the most aggressive inmates develop cult followings, receiving positive reinforcement for their negative actions. A man may not know what Youtube is, but he'll sure know the difference between a full canteen and stacks of letters from women and the alternative.

And speaking of the broads, because I won't call them ladies, they seem like a bunch of emotionally-dependent weirdos. They all get tattoos proclaiming their love for the dude who tugs it to their photos. These dingos always act so shocked when they discover that Serial Robber Roger is stringing 264 other women along with the same bullshit story and usually the same bullshit loveletters penned by their gay cellie. They had this one chick who married one of these dickweeds and when he moved on to some other jillbilly, she went and got his brother's name inked on her. And the shocker- his brother's an inmate too.

Okay, girls, I hate to break it to you. These dudes (and sometimes butch chicks) are using you. All they want is your money and someone less furry to wank to because their particular prison banned porn. They're lonely and broke and have pissed off their families enough that mommy won't send them stipends from their SSA checks anymore. If he was so wonderful in his day-to-day he wouldn't be doing 20-to-45 for holding up 16 banks and terrorizing innumerable tellers and patrons. Just a thought- you don't have to believe me.

It absolutely burns my ass that channels like MSNBC and National Geographic waste their time and money making heroes out of the worst-behaved murderers, thieves, and skinheads in penal institutions. Giving a sympathetic eye to society's worst without exactly showing how they got there just opens up more people to the disease of unwarranted fame. Turn the cameras off and let the fuckers rot.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Letting Go Of God Part Six

When you tell people that you believe in any personal god, or even one that differs from theirs, the person will desire to confront you about your lack of belief. The person raised to fear a god also fears the presence of an atheist. Often times a free thinker will be publicly accused of corrupting children with their scientific ideas and not hating fags; the unbeliever scapegoated for the destruction of the so-called traditional family.

  But, as the priest who reminded my mum that my 4 month old brother was in Hell for not being baptized knows, children aren't born with religion. All babies are born atheists. They don't fear god when they're circumcised or dunked in a tub, but they may indeed be afraid of dudes with white beards or those in purple dresses afterward. Children learn what we teach them, and many of us tell them a variety of tales we know aren't true simply because that's what our parents taught us. Some deliberately lie to kids rather than tell them that Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy aren't real  rather than confuse them or offend their grandparents. And religion certainly plays a role.

Religious indoctrination begins early by design, before kids can ask to many questions. More often than not, people will claim to be born with a religion or another because they can never remember a period in which they didn't believe. With media, there are programs teaching very young kids to never question and always obey this father they cannot see or touch, but are still told is there. As they get older, they will be taught that girls are less than boys because of some tale about her coming out of Adam's rib cage and Eve falling prey to Satan. By the time kids hit school, they will likely know that god is male and that those who don't believe as they do will burn in a fiery Hell.

Belief systems certainly do offer parents advantages. The major plus to teaching your kids the religion that you were brought up with is to have answers to inconvenient questions. It's far nicer to say that granddad is in the clouds floating amongst the angels than that he's simply lived a good life and is now gone save for the memories. It offers explanation for natural disasters and why man sees himself as more important than the other species- after all, it was god who gave mankind dominion over the Earth.

Additionally, religion institutes rigid structure and blind obedience that some parents find far easier to deal with, especially if it is a family with many kids. If kids are left to their own devices, who knows what kind of trouble they'll get themselves into? Religion gives parents an easy way to control their kid's behaviour because instead of explaining the pros and cons of something, one need just say that god says that girls who have sex before marriage are whores. Religious scripture reflects a flawed parent-child structure where the person is so petrified of an eternity roasting over Satan's pyre, they'll submit to anything to avoid it.

So, is the atheist an enemy of the traditional family? Not really. If your family is a authoritarian patriarchy, the presence of atheist families might cause your kids to ask questions, but you'll just tell your kids that my kids are going to Hell anyways. Such will be the same for the Jewish families or gay families or anyone else who doesn't see the world the way you do. If your tradition involves forcing your children into believing that the world is 6000 years old, man roamed the Earth with dinosaurs, and women are only allowed to speak with permission of their husbands who can abuse them in any way they see fit, reason may be a very minor threat to your beliefs.

When I still believed, I encountered a lady and her daughter, whom hold no personal god. Naturally, I asked a lot of questions. At this point it was inconceivable to me that someone didn't talk to their imaginary friends. Now, this very interesting child did not judge me. She explained very maturely that religion and morality were vastly different things and while she didn't have a god, she respected other people. She mentioned the pagan origins of the major religions and that there's really nothing wrong with celebrating a harvest or a change of season. There was no insulting language from either end, just a very thought-provoking exchange of ideas. This teenager was anything but angst-ridden; she was and is one of the most serene and intelligent human beings I have ever met.

As I've grown as a person, I've come to the realization that no amount of belief in irrational things can make them true. However, I do not hate god. You cannot hate the nonexistent. Do I hate the actions some have done in the name of their gods? Most certainly, but I understand how easy it is to be a slave to a man-made master. Thinking for yourself is a difficult thing and just as Moses claimed god told him to rape and pillage, people will often seek almighty justification for their depravity. Divine command is no excuse for hatred, and if it is, you might want to let go of your god.

"The more I study religions, the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." - Richard Burton

Quick Thought : Tiger Blood Radio

You are not imagining this. The Sirius/XM satellite radio giant is capitalizing on Charlie Sheen's meltdown and figures everyone will want to tune in. According to the official copy, the channel will "explore the breaking news, facts, fallout and career implications” of the unemployed winner for 24 hours starting tomorrow at 6 A.M.

I'd poke my eardrums out with pencils if this wasn't in a competing timeslot.  Just so we're clear, Charlie ridiculed people who die from their addictions on 20/20 on Tuesday.

Do Androids Dream Of The Almighty Dollar?

About 15 years ago, I was given a copy of this book by my friend Dan. It's called Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and it was written by Philip K. Dick in 1968.

  Somewhat post-apocalyptic, the sci-fi classic focuses on a bounty hunter's quest to remove androids  after mankind's actions caused androids to be indistinguishable from humans. Set in 2021, it includes robotic pets, as entire species have been driven into extinction.

The book itself is quite a short read, and while you may not have heard of it, it was the basis for the film Blade Runner. Ridley Scott's acclaimed 1982 flick starred Harrison Ford and featured more intricate character development than the book, but remained fairly true to Mr. Dick's vision. Blade Runner remains a cult classic- a standard that sci-fi noobs are essentially required to check out. But, like Tron, someone's not content letting this one just be.

Screenwriter Travis Wright has been working on a script for a new Blade Runner film. Original producer Bud Yorkin has sold his rights to Blade Runner to Alcon, who are considering prequels and sequels to one of the greatest sci-fi films ever made. While it should be noted that KW Jeter penned a few dreadful Blade Runner sequels, Philip K. Dick himself never wrote a follow-up nor prequel to Androids. In fact, Jeter's first sequel came out 13 years after the Total Recall writer's early death.

Am I the only person who thinks that messing around with this classic is a very bad idea? Philip K. Dick was a severely mentally ill man, something quite evident in works like A Scanner Darkly. And it's this paranoia that lent itself to his futuristic cautionary tales. It's highly unlikely that a career writer will be able to convey the essence of a man who spent most of his life on the fringes of society, a tortured genius on the outside looking in.

Just like the man-made humans in Philip K. Dick's works, there are some things that will never be able to have the same properties as the real thing. If there is anything that Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? taught us is that you cannot replicate authenticity; and try as he may, Travis Wright is not Philip K. Dick.

This dream should be put to rest.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Media Moment (NSFW)

 Muammar Qaddafi has gone mad, plying foreigners with booze to kill his own people rather than step down. The notorious kleptocrat was said to have mellowed by the west in recent years after his reigns of terror and mania where he thought himself greater than Mohammed.

What's known all too well is that Qaddafi has always seen himself as an Arab Hitler, with desires for a conquered Africa with himself at the helm. This disturbing footage surfaced today of Libyan men dead and dying because they dared to refuse to kill their fellow citizens. There have been reports of this occurring in other parts of Libya as well.

When someone finally hangs the Qaddafi family, western diplomats should have to answer for why they ever thought this evil clan had changed one bit.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Fallen Soldier

  While you were immersed in the latest pop culture train wrecks, people were dying for the right to protest their oppressive governments. And according to reports, one of these good young people was Saudi activist Faisal Ahmed Abdul-Ahadwas. His crime? Being the Facebook administator of a group calling for a protest march to occur in Riyadh next week.

  According to activists and reported by Aya el Batrawy (Deutsche Press-Agentur), the 27-year-old was shot dead by state security and his body taken to hide evidence of the human rights offense. Saudi Arabia, a prominent western trading partner, has come under fire recently for arresting Shia cleric Sheikh Tafiq al-Amir. Mr. Amir had been calling for free elections and sect minority rights in the regime.

  It's important to truly recognize that while we are cheering people on from the outside, we need to respect just how much of a risk they are taking. In undemocratic societies, merely speaking out requires a degree of fortitute that a western soldier would be decorated for possessing. While you and I are free to speak our minds, merely suggesting that women are intelligent in your blog can bring about an arrest in Iran or Saudi Arabia.

  So when you discuss Libya, Bahrain, Yemen, or any of the other nations where people are fighting for their freedom, be more than a cheerleader. Educate yourself about what it is people are fighting for and just how dangerous their mission is. If an army fights for freedom, a humble young man like Faisal Abdul-Ahadwas should be counted among the bravest soldiers in the real war on terror.

Capitalism Is A Funny Thing

I'm not shitting you here. This is a very real product called the Potty Putter, and I'm sure you'll want to buy one for your weird father-in-law. Seeing as we're the culture that spawned bacon-flavored mints and Pet Rocks, I really shouldn't be too judgmental; however I do have a few questions:

1. How is this supposed to improve your golf game? Who the hell putts sitting down with a (second) club between their legs? I can sense a pair of balls in danger here.

2. It says that the flag, hole, etc. are included free (!), but the fine print says just pay separate shipping and handling. How is this free? Also, isn't including the hole kind of part of the deal? I mean it's not called Deuce Drop Driving Range.

3. With iGadgets, Hustler, and Uncle John's Bathroom Readers, don't you think people have enough things to distract them from the time-honoured task of pinching one off, wiping arse,  pulling up pants, washing hands, and getting the fuck out of the loo?

4. Does this strike anyone else as a tad unhygienic? I mean I realize that most of these will wind up as gag gifts, but there just seems something unsanitary about having a putt-putt in the same place you loaf.

5. How many of you are going to run to the phone or website to buy one? I can think of no better way to annoy the shit out of your mother-in-law than to purchase one of these for her mate. Not only will he likely actually use it, her sensibilities will be offended that someone would actually spend their hard-earned money on something so stupid.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A Good Cause

  The Grevy's Zebra is the world's largest wild equid that remains alive, but it is endangered. It roams vast expanses in Kenya and Ethiopia, where some farmers consider it a pest competing for forage grasses.

Loss of habitat due to human encroachment and droughts have combined with a black market trade in skins and theft for use in circuses to reduce their numbers to less than 3,000 alive today.

  A way to protect this species is through conservation that includes habitat rehabilitation and enforcement of hunting bans. As it stands, less than one percent of the territory these wonderful creatures roam is protected.

After learning about these rare equine giants, animal lover and all-around hot mama Kelly Rae Cole decided to lend herself to the cause, quite literally. Borrowing from one of her stage names, the Dirty Zeebra transformed herself into one for a 13-month calendar with proceeds going to the Grevy's Zebra Trust. The Trust is a registered conservation organization based in Kenya dedicated to preserving the original Zebra.

Wander over here to score a calendar that is a feast for the eyes and good for the soul.

If you're in L.A. and feeling dirty, you can stop by Jumbo's Clown Room 5153 Hollywood Blvd. between 9pm and 2am and get a calendar from the Zeebra herself.

Media Moment : Pat Vaughn And A Song

 For those not in the know, American Family Association legal director Pat Vaughn makes his living by attempting to deprive others of their civil rights. But something very interesting occurred in the wee hours.

In a rambling defense of a hypothetical President Palin (because McCain was supposed to be teleported to Mars) and Newt Gingrich's weird Roe v. Wade rants, the AFA brain man let something slip. Watch and listen as Mr. Vaughn actually agrees with President Obama that the Full Faith and Credit clause in DOMA is unconstitutional. This is akin to Hutton Gibson saying that Jews are the loves of his life.

While one wonders how such an off-message tidbit made it to air and basks in the bewildered looks on the other two bigots' faces, it's important to not ignore this whatsoever. It is an incredibly gutsy move for a man like Pat Vaughn to state that any provision in a law that was endorsed by the people who pay his bills is unconstitutional. Even though I disagree with everything the AFA stands for, and Mr. Vaughn's personal opinions as well, I would be a jerk to not raise my glass to Pat for having the spine to tell the truth about what is legal and what is not. And he could find himself in a hot pit of lava for it.

  For you legal noobs, what he's saying is if the lady with the red wig marries her girlie in Vermont, it should be legal in New York, where she lives. This makes me feel like dancing.

Cheers to Island/Warner. Buy this here.

Canadianese Term Du Jour

We really have no idea why you guys think this is funny

But it makes it easy to spot an American an aisle away.