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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Yo, Believers : Letting Go Of God Part 12

If you're a religious person, you may not empathize with the irritations suffered by atheist/agnostic/skeptical folks around you; in fact you might even try to proselytize to them. You may do so out of genuine concern for their mortal soul, or you might not realize what you do, but every John: blah: blah-blah you send signifies that you have no respect for the non-belief of those around you. This may not be the intended result of your subversive preaching, but quietly annoyed we are.

Non-brainwashed people are expected to somehow try not to offend the deluded. We're supposed to smile and nod while someone rips out a quote about the evils of homosexuality from Leviticus and the next minute claims that it's only the New Testament that matters. It is the believer who angers if his or her crackpot creationist theory is categorically disproven by science. Creationists freak the hell out when it's even suggested that the story of Jesus is identical to Mithra and oodles of previous savior gods and there is no proof of any of them existing. It is always the potential offense of the religious person that it taken into account, even if said religious person is beet-faced and screaming at the top of his lungs that atheists are Satanists and that the only life worth living is one spent in submission to a god they cannot see, hear, or touch; one that loves him, but will send anyone to a screaming, eternal pyre for torture until Satan tires of him.

The thing is, I don't care what you believe in. Whatever gets you through the day without killing someone is fine with me. Your belief is actually of fairly little concern to me if you're not ramming it down my throat, and even if you try, I'll be generally patient enough to change the topic to something that won't cause you to suffer a cerebrovascular accident. I'm nice like that, and I can safely say that most free thinkers are pretty chill when it comes to what you choose to believe.

The problem is, most creationists I have met see my lack of angry reaction to their ridiculousness as a sign that there's a smidgen of belief in there, and this is a sign from god that they need to witness to me. But I'm atheist, which means that no gods or goddesses presented in storybooks have proven themselves worthy of belief, let alone submission to. Neither your preaching nor Youtube videos of Jack van Whatshissnatch will convert me to your illogical view of the world and the heavens. (Don't get too excited; I'm just referring to all of the stars and comets and things that have escaped from the Space Station.)

So, believers, just quit already. You are already sitting in the privileged position where you get to ask atheists a litany of questions per day, but don't take advantage of it. You don't see atheists hammering on your door when you are knocking boots with a hottie, so maybe chill the fuck out. If you stop irritating atheists with your "you may not believe in god but he believes in you" bullshit and unwelcome prayers, we may actually enjoy your company. If we do indeed have souls, mine is not yours to save. What goes on in my noggin or whether or not I pray should be of absolutely zero concern to you, because we are all individuals, and as I have stated before, I am not you. I don't need a god to tell me not to steal my neighbour's chickens; I have common sense and empathy to enable me to come to the conclusion that Bob would be adversely affected by such a selfish gesture. If all that is keeping you from lying, killing, stealing, or banging your brother's wife is the Bible, I'm truly glad for humanity that you do believe. Again, I'm cool like that.

In conclusion, take a quote from your book and love your neighbour. Love your neighbour for who he or she truly is and not for who you wish them to be. Stop trying to convert people to your faith and use the time to take a self-improvement course or go fishing with your kids. Live your own lives to the best of your ability  and stop being annoying, sanctimonious twits. And if you still haven't figured out what really frustrates your usually friendly atheist, maybe you should watch this.


  1. Hey, I COMPLETELY understand your frustrations. Nothing makes me angrier than people who want to shove their beliefs down your throat but won't bother to listen to yours.

    The thing about most religions though is that they call their followers to "spread the good news." I've learned to see this as a marketing strategy, instead of a personal attack--even though it sometimes feels very personal. I explain it in more detail in my blog: "Witnessing"--What Does That Even Mean?

    PS I like your writing style :) You may have this posted on your profile somewhere, but it's late, and I'll admit I'm a little too lazy to look for it ha, so: Where'd you come up with the name "Roofer on Fire"?

  2. Witnessing is telling some other human (who may, but is usually not interested) how talking to an imaginary friend saved them from drinking, or drugging, or screwing their mother-in-law and trying to pursuade you to convert.

    The name comes from an occupation and the fact that I always have an opinion


Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think