There are a number of things that the remainder of the world finds puzzling about America. Be it the flavourless chocolate, weird spellings of words, or the unusual absence of vehicles more than 5 years old, America really is different from other places. There is one thing that I notice in washrooms in America that makes me chuckle, and it is the toilet seat cover.
I assure you that nobody besides Americans understands the need to cover the seat in a layer of paper. What exactly is a layer of incredibly porous paper supposed to protect you from? Even if toilets weren't cleaner than water fountains, telephones, computers, doorhandles, taxicabs, and nearly everything else that exists the toilet seat cover wouldn't protect you from anything. According to The American Institute of Microbiology, nobody has ever acquired an STD from a toilet seat in the United States. The only way your bum or legs would be dirty enough to spread disease would be if you absolutely lacked hygiene and enjoyed smearing poo on your glutes. Plus, if the person previous to you peed on the seat, the cover will stick to your arse when you get up.
Occasionally, an American tourist will notice the absence of seatcovers in Canadian loos and leave a telltale ring of carefully placed toilet sheets. Only Americans do this. They either sit on their makeshift ring of paranoia or squat, which results in someone screaming that they have a wet ass and alerting all that there is indeed an American in the pub. Toilet seat covers are the most obnoxious example of disposable culture and you probably won't find them in a country where people have actually owned their fedoras since the 70s
Americans, do understand. We like you, but we don't comprehend why you are so petrified of disease and other people that you'll worry about someone else's assprint when your cholesterol is 340 and there are a million other things that will actually kill you. And we are not stupid enough to think you give out cowboy hats in the loo, although the joke is almost funny.