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Monday, November 30, 2009

Temper , Temper

Atlanta Thrashers Captain Ilya Kovalchuk is a big man who makes his bank flying past stupified D-Men and making goalies look like mere mortals , so it comes as no surprise that he scored adandy breakaway goal tonight . But what happens afterward is an example of what NOT to do 
when Ilya catches you napping .

Florida defenceman Keith Ballard swings is carbon composite wand at the post like a composer on meth and injures his best friend in an ultimate FAIL . Tomas Vokoun eventually passed out and had to be taken to anAtlanta hospital because of this supreme idiocy .

It should be mandated that players who engage in this insane babyman sticksmashing ritual be given an automatic Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty and an early trip to the showers like they 
do with other immature displays . 

Kudos to Kovalchuk for ceasing his celebration when he realized a man was down and skating back onto the ice to stay with his fallen opponent while Keith Ballard hid on the bench .

Scumbags Of The Worst Kind

Part of the MySpace page featuring pictures of Clifford Olson.   
Kamloops is a beautiful city on the Thompson River with 90 , 000 people that still has a very close-knit , small town type of feel . People feel safe leaving their homes unlocked and kids often walk to school without the need for grownups . 
Until now. 

People are holding their kids a little bit closer because 4 local elementary schools have been sent letters so graphically detailing intended rapes of little girls , that even hardened cops could not read them without tears . According to handwriting analysis , they have all been written by the same predatory scumbag . 
Now , while it might just be an acting out or sick joke to some people , but it isn't . 
You have got to have a demented paedophile's brain to even THINK about torturing a child , let alone to use your demented nature to put it into script . This individual probably has either harmed a child or will in the near future . It's a GIVEN . These twisted stains on humanity are never satisfied with a fantasy . This "person" has used his fantasies to terrorize a town of decent people and is thoroughly ENJOYING causing fear . 

I do not know what breeds the sick segment of our world that feels entitled to harm children . A paedophile is not just a person that commits overt acts towards children , but is consumed by the mere idea . It has been suggested (through MRIs) that perverts have altered white matter in their brains ,  the average weirdo is smaller in stature than average (Toronto study of 1,000 perverts) , and other biological factors . If this really is some genetic fuck-up , then these people should be locked up for the protection of others until a REAL cure can be found . I am of the personal opinion that most of these fuckers are insecure little shitstains who enjoy an abnormal power imbalance , by the letter of the definition they are sadists . The unabashed narcissistic behaviour of paedophiles whom are often defended by "pederast rights groups" suggests that they know what they are doing is wrong and they just don't care . These damaged-beyond-repair beings claim that they have a valid sexual orientation and that the kids REALLY want it .
Hey asshole , 6 year old kids go to sleep dreaming of  horses and race cars , not getting kidnapped and ass-raped by a man who looks like their grandfather . Thats a FACT and there is nothing you can say or do to convince me otherwise . 

We need to ensure that written matter is classified as child pornography in every province and state in every country on the Planet and that anyone who displays the will to cause the worst possible anguish to a child is incarcerated in a prison or high security psychiatric facility until the end of his or her miserable life . One day a week , lock them in a room with a nothing but a straight razor . The people most cruel and unusual deserve no sympathy , but an existence of terror not unlike that they have caused to society's most vulnerable  . 

The photo above is from a MySpace "fan page" dedicated to Clifford Olson , a multiple sex offender who raped and murdered 11 girls and boys after he was released . There are several dedicated to he and child terrorist Paul Bernardo on the web , not to mention Gacy , Manson , and Juan Corona . The idea of fan clubs for these sick fucks is exactly what's wrong with society . 

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Men With Melons

 These dudes are fans of the Saskatchewan Roughriders , and they are the greatest fans in sports . Over half of all of the football apparel sold in Canada is green and white . There are 7 other CFL and countless CIAU , NFL , and NCAA teams out there , but Melonheads rule . Saskatoon is home to more aboriginal citizens than any other Canadian city . It is home to only 220 ,000 people , but can fill a 15,000 seat arena for a JUNIOR hockey game and the first NASCAR event in Canada was held here . They drive down to Regina to fill Taylor field for Roughriders games that always sell out . More Riders fans are at away games than the home crowds , and thusly most of the 45,000 seats in Calgary for the Grey Cup will be green . Calgary had to import thousands of melons for the fan helmets . Some fans use rubber helmets , but the REAL Melonheads use the real deal.

Melonheads are the best fans in sport and are going to have the world's largest synchronized cryfest when my Alouettes kick their heroes' butts across the snow at McMahon .

Don't bother me between 3 and 7 PM tomorrow. Thanks.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Yummy Treat

     Scottish folks are known for their love of life , often expressed with food , humour , and a stiff drink . Scotland is a nation-within-a-nation full of hard-working blue-collar cats that love to laugh at themselves and have a great time . It is this thinking that has spawned Tactical Nuclear Penguin , a beer with a great package and fantastic name . It is also the strongest beer EVER produced , anywhere , at any time . At 32% alcohol by volume , it probably should not be handed out at the football game . WOW . 
To put this into perspective Bailey's Irish Cream contains 17% , and a typical Scotch around 40% alcohol by volume . This potent brew comes from a company that got raked over the coals for producing another beer with 18.2% booze , but does warn the public that it's a beer that should be sipped like a whisky . 
  It should be noted that the beer was launched on the same day as the new Scottish Alcohol Bill . 

  For getting the world to stop and take a look at a Fraserburgh microbrewery , I'd call Jim Watt of BrewDog a marketing genius .

Canadiana : The Junk Food Edition

  Everyone loves food , and the weirder and unhealthier , the better . With this in mind , I bring you an array of distinctly Canadian junk food that makes it's way across the border and onto EBay for it's sheer awesomeness. 

Ruffles Sour Cream 'n Bacon Potato Chips (Crème sure et bacon croustilles)
Lay's Smokey Bacon Potato Chips Sour Cream And BACON Ruffles . While the British do indeed have some Bacon-type crispy snacks , NOBODY has combined the two greatest and greasiest joys as perfectly as this . Ironically , these crispy ridges of glory are kosher-certified. For vegans , there are these more delicate offerings which are awesome enough to make those at UK giant Walker's sail back home . 

Doritos KetchupHumpty Dumpty Ketchup Ringolos Humpty Dumpty Ringolos . Similar to Walker's Hula Hoops , but slightly thicker and tastier . Plus , those across the pond might have Curry flavour , but we have ketchup . Ketchup-flavoured snacks are my #1 request when coming to visit Yankeeland . Not only do we have rings and regular chips , we have ketchup Doritos . They are like chips and Salsa times 1000 . 
We also have ketchup Pringles , which may be one of the greatest snack creations ever. I'm salivating thinking about the perfect combination of crispy potato , tomato and vinegar . Ebay may become your new best friend . 

Hawkins Cheezies BagHawkins Cheezies are the pride of ironically-named Belleville , Ontario and can be found in some U.S. locations . The package boasts the claim of REAL cheddar , and they are NOT joking . Chester Cheetah has nothing on these dense creations that are actually a brighter orange than the package would suggest . They are electric . After you inhale a few mouthfuls of these fried logs of cheese (with a bit of corn to hold them together) , you will exhale orange dust . They contain enough real old Canadian cheese to leave your breath smelling like sweat socks , but that just means more for you . Be warned : entering the state of Wisconsin in possession of Hawkins Cheezies will result in you being mugged. 

Maple Leaf® Wax BolognaMaple Leaf Wax Bologna . I KNOW what you are thinking .  What on Earth is a tube of lips and assholes doing on a list of iconic and amazing junk foods ? Well , it's really quite simple - I had several requests for it to be included and the history of this product in Canada has elevated it's status to a rank higher than Spam . While I have never consumed the notorious Newfie Steak , generations of kids have been raised on inch-thick fried slices of the pork , beef , bacon and turkey roll . It is hard to find where I live and I know people who have this shipped to them from their loving east coast mums and dads . I have been hailed as heroic for finding this for friends . There is just something about it that people crave - be it the hint of maple syrup or the smokiness or  the combination of all of these . People who do not like Spam or any other commercial lips-and-assholes will line up to get at the light pink tube . Plus , it is readily identifiable as Canadian and there is nothing like it .

Nestle Canada Big Turk Candy Bar . This is one of the most unique candy creations out there and it is OURS . While Turkish Delight obviously did not originate here , this bar is perfection . In a nutshell , it is rose jelly enrobed in an amount of chocolate that doesn't overwhelm the intended exotic taste . It is not overly sweet and the chocolate is of a quality more common to a good European bar . Even better - this cannon of yumminess has far less fat and calories than any other chocolate bar . This is the candy shop all grown up . The Brits have made numerous attempts at the turkish delight-chocolate combination but none come close to the 1 dollar candy bar that may truly be better than sex .

 Lucky Elephant Popcorn . Like American Cracker Jack , it has candied popcorn and a prize . Unlike Cracker Jack , there are no peanuts and it is coated with pink glossy sugary goodness . It's simple and unchanged packaging and contents make it a winner on store shelves and keep a lot of local mom-and-pop joints afloat . It is considerably lighter than what you would find in places like Kernels - think of prettier kettle corn and you are closer . Even my mother's eyes light up when she sees the Elephant . It no longer costs 10 cents a box like when I was small , but do yourself a favour and try this at least once . 

So , there flies my first installment as I am more than aware of the fact that a whole heap of people will be pitching their opinions for the coolest in Canadiana . While I realize that it's not as funny as some of my other columns , it might be a regular one since people love to find out the fun things about places they may never have been . I think it's important that people around the world recognize that Canada is a unique nation with it's own cultural significance and not "America Light" . 



Thursday, November 26, 2009

Stupidity Is Limitless

The American education czars have been napping at the wheel for a LONG time and everybody who is capable of higher thought recognizes it .
Kids are being raised to be mindless and the end product can be summed up in the comment above.
This dude actually had to log in to comment , which means he had time to think ahead . Then again...


Sign Of The Times

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tomorrow , Thank The Little Guy

Tomorrow is the day of the dead . Yes , millions of people are going to be eating the flesh of another living being without a thought , without any respect for the animal that has given up his life for someone's satisfaction . I have killed thousands of living beings for my tastebuds or those of others . Even the first job I had when I moved to this island involved "processing" the corpses of animals . I hereby challenge all of you people to go catch a turkey and kill it . If you are reasonably agile and not incredibly loud , it's really easy to do . Simply grab it's leg , slam it down, and slit it's throat . Hold onto the bird (use your common sense so it doesn't carve YOU) and try not to look into his eyes as the life leaves his body . If you're a really lucky cat , your sweetheart will gut it and pluck all the feathers for you and allow you to take all the glory after perfectly preparing the delicious corpse for your guests. If you think the idea is somehow horrifying to your sensibilities , maybe you should leave animals off of your plates or at least buy them from a local farmer so you can personally give thanks to someone who can take a life for your family's enjoyment. Support the little guy who has to do the dirty deeds up close and personal instead of a factory conglomerate that makes huge profits off of human and animal misery. Besides , you are not only doing a favour for the "little guy" , but for the Earth , and your family's well being . Animals that are not inbred , abused , and pumped full of chemicals are less likely to make you sick . It might cost you an extra dollar a pound , but that shouldn't detract you from doing the right thing . While you're shopping , you can reduce your carbon footprint by buying local spuds and corn and keep someone from getting the gift of foreclosure for the holidays.
Mom and Pop cannot be the backbone of the economy without YOU .

Be safe .

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Jury Is IN


Tila "Tequila" Nguyen has hit a reprehensible new low. She can engage in all of the grandiose yet shitty showmanship she wants , and it doesn't matter so long as she hurts nobody other than herself in her self-involved quest for stardom she doesn't deserve . That , I really don't care a bit about . She's free to parade her damaged self all over the place and spread her legs for the masses like the internet stripper she is . Some would argue that it's entertainment and no worse than Playboy , and I tend to agree. Everyone loves a celebrity mess , especially when she's doing a striptease on UStream while proclaiming her love for the ladies. 

But what if she was going to sell out decent people who have done NOTHING wrong ? What if Tila took it upon her ego to out people and fuel hatred ? What will you do when she comes after you ?

This is happening right now. Tila Nguyen is starting up a new celebrity gossip site and she promises to betray the confidences of people and tell salacious tales of the personal lives of the famous because she feels it's her divine right to hurt other human beings for the entertainment of the masses and herself . I have been quietly watching her and her new websites unfold . And here are a few quotes from the self-proclaimed new "King of Hollywood" : 
"As a matter of fact , I know an A-list Celeb who pretends that she LOVES men , but she's secretly a lesbian." 
"ohhhhhh another HUUUUUUUUUUUGE A-List MAle Celeb I know is DEFINITELY GAY, but nobody knows it. They suspect but not sure...I KNOW HE IS!"
"Omg I know much juicy shit just by being friends with these people and being on the inside. THERE'S LOTS U DONT KNOW, BUT I DO!"
"There is another MALE that is EXTREMELY rich, powerful, and famous....and he pretends he's straight...BUT HE IS ALSO TOTALLY GAY!!!"

And there are hundreds of tweets all along the same vein from Tila proclaiming that she is going to out anyone and anyone she feels deserves it , because at some point someone seriously destroyed this woman's sense of self so much that she only feels better by hurting people , by exacting revenge no matter the costs . Careers and even lives are on the line and Tila sees her star fading , so she is intent on taking anyone down she can . The only thing she feels can resolve all of her demons is to take down and replace one-time friend Perez Hilton by spilling the beans on her "friends" . Those are mighty high aspirations , lady. 


  Listen up , you morally bankrupt little sociopath . You are a self-involved , backward bitch who deserves no fucking happiness or acclaim . You are NO friend to gay people . We fucking hate you and want you far away from us , which is why the only people who want to fuck you are 18 year old groupies . If harm comes to ONE human being because of your actions , i hope you get those porcelain overlays kicked out of your skull . I used to pity you , but now I want to vomit whenever your presence is known . 

Now go do something productive like claim you don't drink and dance yourself off of your balcony .

Bye , bitch.


Question Of The Day

Cute commercial highlighting the natural curiosity of children or subversive left-wing commentary?


Monday, November 23, 2009

Stop! Thief!

  When I was a kid , people who had body art were considered out of the norm , a little dangerous , kid of badass. They were the stuff of metal musicians , abused kids , gang members , and military lifers . I was one of 3 people in my high school with any kind of piercings or ink , and very few people knew about it until they could see it through the white sleeves of a shirt I wore with my tux . ( in 1993!)  I digress . The difference with today is that anyone and everyone is getting inked and people seem to forget that it's permanent when they are getting a Day-Glo Casper tattooed on their ass . And there's nothing really avant-garde about most of the people who get inked or poked now - some of the biggest sissies are human pincushions . It almost seems that  rebels don't own their vice of old since it's been replaced by doofuses who do shit like this to themselves .

But the finest famous examples are found in the world of music . Fluffbags like AJ McLean are covered in a sea of faded blue . I was checking out all the cheeserocket bands that my 14 year old sister digs and there's a whole lot of really meaningless scrawlings going on . Here's a fine example
of what I'm talking about - this is Hedley and most of their musical travesty is inked to the fuckin eyeballs .
  They look just as stupid for the fact that this video is a rip off of everyone from Good Charlotte to Pink to Eminem , all of whom have more talent in their toenail clippings than this outfit .
  We've been style punked by a bunch of entitled , vapid brats . And that sucks.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Olympic Insanity

  This is Faisal Faisal and he's trying to be the first Iraqi to compete in the Winter Olympics a few months from now . It's been his dream for over 10 years . He's tried skiing , snowboarding , and speed skating . Because of an IOC rule , he cannot represent in speed skating because they have no tracks . So he found this sport - skeleton . They use the same tracks as bobsleigh , but you are propelled FACE FIRST down the ice and you don't have any steeing mechanism except your wits and prayers . On extreme runs , your body can be subject to forces close to 5G . And the people who race skeleton are not huge like those in Bobsleigh - the average MAN who does this is about my size and the women are even smaller. (Oddly , they both run at roughly the same speed )
These people are the glorious kind of insane that makes sport endear to spectators.

Here's @DoubleFaisal doing what he does .

Just For Fun : Musical Youth


 The proof that people will believe ANYTHING is that a shitload of people in North America thought that this was completely innocent .
  Don't get me wrong , it's a wicked tune and these dudes still tour for a reason , but come on . Who was so sheltered that they really were convinced these kids were talking about an actual Dutch Oven ? It's just another euphemism - it's a POT - get it? It's also a direct cover (with replacement of one word) of "Pass The Kutchie" by the Mighty Diamonds. They even slip Kutchie instead of Dutchie in a few times.
I KNEW what they were talking about when I was 10 .
  Intentional or not , this song wound up being a protest song that drew attention to poverty in the Caribbean , and that's always a good thing.

Pon de Dutchie and enjoy!

Soup Chronicles : Easiest Soup Ever

  I have had a few requests for recipes from people who are convinced that my food is far too complex to cook . In reality it's generally fool-proof and welcomes substitutions . But , here's something I came up with after a long day at work in the cold. I wanted warm home made soup in a flash , and here is what I came up with. 5 ingredients and your imagination - that's it.
It is so easy your 5 year old can do it .

Get a big-ass pot and get it medium hot with a tablespoon of oil .
Dice (chop into teeny bits) 1 small or hallf a large onion and fire into the pot. Sizzle til they glisten and add 2-3 cloves of garlic (remove skins and chop) and do the same.

Fend off your cats while you grab a can opener.

Grab yourself a large (540ml / 19oz ) Can Black Beans and put the entire contents , liquid and all into the pan with half a can of water . Don't believe the old tale about rinsing canned beans , and if you are worried about bugs , buy kosher beans .

Deposit the contents of one tin Diced Tomatoes (796ml / 28oz) and bring to a light boil.

This would be the point that you add 1/2 cup of rice and stir.

Add salt and pepper to taste and spices you dig. If you want it hot , kick it up . The proteins love heat .
My suggestion
1 teas salt
1 teas pepper
1/2 teas coriander
1/2 teas chili powder ( I generally kick it up a bit by also adding a thai chile)
1-2 teas chives ( i buy them fresh and freeze them , but I don't expect you to be as obsessive)
A few splashes Maggi seasoning (you can go with Worcestershire )

Boil , then simmer until it reaches desired consistency . It can be a soup , reduced to a bean stew , or even used as a main over rice if you add corn instead of rice. This is a base for whatever you want to create and easily the most versatile staple recipe I know of . If I'm feeling like a prat , I'll take an immersion blender (that thing in your granny's house that looks like an outboard motor) to it for a creamy soup
Don't tell your sweetheart that this is low in fat , vegan , high in protein and iron , and has a whole host of handy-dandy artery-clearing vitamins and antioxidant thingys.

Takes 20 minutes to 45 depending on the use and whether or not you use rice. Enjoy!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Scumbag Of A Lifetime

  Some people are just not worth being alive . The first one in the picture is obviously the damaged fuckhead who felt it his right to rape and murder this little girl . He's a fail as a human and will certainly spend the remainder of his days learning what it means to be a victim.
But how did he get hold of this angel in the first place?

Her MOTHER , entrusted by God to protect her from harm , GAVE her to Mario McNeill to do what he wished because she owed someone money . She sold her baby to perverts because she wanted a fuckin hit . It's all in the human trafficking charges she is charged with . But why not charge the demented bitch with murder? Even if she had no intentions of her child being killed , she murdered her soul and should be charged with everything stemming from ever instance that she sold an innocent to be abused in ways adults cannot even imagine . She should never see the light of day because Antoinette Davis CHOSE to have someone rape and murder her own trusting HUMAN child because she was too chickenshit to accept the responsibilities of owing someone money . Antoinette Davis raped her child as sure as any of the men and she should be subject to the same penalty .
    Douchebaguette Davis could have given the child to the baby's father , dropped her off at a hospital , handed her to a cop but all she saw someone she birthed as was a commodity to get her what she wanted .
In a competely hypothetical context , if I was Antoinette Davis I would have dropped the kid off with a safe adult and done the world a favour and blown my head off .
   Instead she's gonna offer up every cop-out her and her lawyers can invent to defend herself against the indefencible .
  Shanya Davis was 5 years old . Nobody stepped up to defend her when she cried . And nobody should defend her "mother" . Even Satan himself couldn't imagine someone or something so depraved .
   Antoinette Davis is only alive because it's illegal to shoot her , but I'm thinking that people will be lining up to torture this scumbag until she hangs herself. And as much as I disapprove of the taking of a life , this might be my exception.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Ecstasy And The Agony

Imagine this . Your team has made it to the World Cup. You have managed to tie a  higher-ranked team
 and have a chance to go for the win . You receive a fantastic pass and score an awesome looking goal .

And then you realize it's on your own goal .

Watch 12 seconds in the life of Kon Yosuke.

Even if you have never seen a hockey game before , you will laugh.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Toronto Maple Leafs : Apathy for $200 a Seat

  I am a fan of all sports , but hockey is the winter sport that i have loved the longest . The only NHL game I've ever been to was at Maple Leaf Gardens when they had a captain named Salming and a rookie named Wendel Clark . they lost to Bernie Federko's Blues that night and lost most games that followed .
Toronto Maple Leafs fans have had a few moments of glory since , but most of it has been misery . Leafs owners don't seem to care that much because win or lose , they sell out every might and are one of the most profitable sports entities on the planet . From a financial perspective , the blue-and-white is hockey's equivalent of pinstripes.
Last year , they essentially threw the season away and alienated fans by not signing beloved captain Mats Sundin and trading away anyone and everyone who resembled talent . This year , they went for a change signing big names to big contracts trying to spend their way into respectability .
And something went wrong. Their coach , Ron Wilson is not a loved or respected guy in the league , but plenty of teams have banded together to overcome useless coaches with success if they WANT it .
The Leafs don't have a bunch of high-scoring talent up front , but they are tough and give an honest effort night in and night out . Defense shouldn't be a problem - they have the best collective of D-Men in the game . 9 guys who can be in the top 4 of any other team toil in the ACC . Tomas Kaberle has more assists-per-game than any player of any position in the league and leads the league in scoring from the blueline . With 12 men earning 2.5 million dollars or more and 6 hitting the $4 million mark , it's not a labour dispute.

It boils down to 2 things , or rather 2 words : Vesa Toskala

  I know that hockey is the quintessential team game , but some players are just so tragically terrible that it is impossible to ignore. The goaltender is the 60-minute on-ice leader and the last line of defense . Teams have overcome enormous deficits to win simply by being inspired by one mind-boggling save or sunk by one soft goal . The emotional well-being of the team rests with the heart displayed by the man in the cage . Only the greatest position players earn colourful nicknames , but almost every goalie has one . And sorry ladies , Vesa is the Vagina .

Vesa Toskala is the only #1 man without a win . At 4.5 goals against per game , he allows a goal per game more than the second-worst Steve Mason . If he maintains his save percentage of 0.853 , it might be one of the worst in modern history . For those of you who don't dig math , he allows 15 goals per 100 shots faced . He hasn't stopped a single shot in overtime , where those precious points that make or break you are earned. He is a colossal waste of 4.5 million per annum that nobody else wants near them . And if the Leafs insist on starting him versus rookie Jonas "The Monster" Gustavsson , they could wind up with their worst record ever.

 And let's take a wee peek at this Monster kid for a second . While he still plays for the same crappy club , Jonas Gustavsson does not enjoy the same glorious stats as some other young fellows who get the coaching and goal support , yet he seems to be on a different PLANET than his Scandinavian cohort . His .903 save percentage and 3.06 goals-against easily eclipse Toskala's miserable digits . Plus , he has points in 6 of his 10 games and all of Toronto's few wins . When Toskala got hurt , weaselboy Ron started an older Joey Mcdonald whose numbers were abominable . The Monster has been given zero props and every opportunity and expectation to fail , but hasn't . At 1/5 of Vesa's dollars , he could be the biggest bargain in a mask .
It's a crying SHAME that the "thinking" men at the ACC have tried to destroy the spirit of an incredibly humble and talented young man to flatter the ego of a guy who has no interest in winning , team spirit , or accountability.

Until the Leafs get rid of the overwhelmingly negative sieve and wimpy , unaccountable Ron they will continue to be the NHL's laughing stock and the biggest waste of entertainment dollars short of a front-row seat to an AIG board meeting . Even loyal Raptors fans would revolt if apathy was this widespread . If this was Montreal , heads would roll .

sidebar : Vesa Toskala was a chef before he got to the bigs , he could always go back to making Lingonberry tarts. : sidebar over

Cue to 0:25 . Sorta sums it up in a nutshell


This is Wanda Barzee and she is a worst-class scumbag . you might not recognize her now , but she was married to Brian Mitchell when he kidnapped , tortured , and imprisoned Elizabeth smart a number of years ago .
While she didn't participate in the most heinous crimes against the body of Ms. Smart , she helped Mitchell brainwash the young woman and permitted the whole horror show by enabling her husband . It's clear to anyone on the outside that she was indeed a victim as well , but she's not feeling ours or anyone else's pity .
Today , Wanda Barzee pled guilty to kidnapping Ms. Smart and will testify against her husband . She's not getting any sweetheart deal either .

  This stain on the human species didn't claim to be a victim and while she pled out , she's not asking for sympathy or a wimpy sentence . She will likely spend the rest of her days behind bars where she belongs with the other douchebaguettes . And she agrees with the whole idea because she recognizes that what she did was absolutely inhumane and accepts the consequences of her actions and inactions .  She didn't pass the blame onto her creepshow ex while she humbly told the world what she did to deserve her sentence . She took RESPONSIBILITY for herself and apologized with everything she has in her .

Unlike her ex , who is hiding behind a psychiatric "defense" , she owned up .
She'll be doing at least 15 years which at 64 means she will no longer see the unguarded light of day . And everyone feels that this is just . She'll probably do harder time than her old man , and that really isn't justice because he should spend the remainder of his days with the worst sociopaths that hell has to offer . Time will tell whether or not he has to pay for what he did to an incredibly decent and serene young woman , but for now , Wanda will be doing her time like the criminal she knows that she is .

  After seeing psychopaths like Karla Holmolka weasel their unrepentant selves down to princess sentences with the victim claim , it's at least somewhat of a comfort to know that at least one of these bitches can stand accountable and pay full price for what they did to violate the laws of humanity.

 Nancy Garrido - are YOU listening?

On A Serious Note

  An incredible true friend to me and enthusiastic supporter of this website is in the hospital with a very rare automimmune blood platelet disorder . This condition used to kill about 95% of the affected people and the treatment for it , but can be treated now by essentially removing someone's blood and removing the offending antibodies before returning it . And it sounds terrifying to me as an outsider , but this person is the kind of tough that we all wish we could be .
  The point is that no matter how shitty or how fabulous life is , we can all get thrown immense and sudden challenges . Whether we fight or allow ourselves to be consumed and defeated is up to US , and nobody else. Sometimes we can be in need of help , be it a dollar or a prayer , and sometimes we might have to offer it .
Tonight , i know where my prayers are directed .
  Please G-d , spare this incredible asset to humanity . And , sweetheart , I know you have it in you to survive . There are too many of us who just aren't ready to part with your fire yet . You know as well as we do that you are far from done.

  I love you.


Middle-Of-The-Night Insomnia Thought

This is one of the new "Paul The Human Parrot" (what the ad agency calls "him") Vinta cracker commercials and it's just as stupid as anything else really , but I think it's kinda gross. 

I mean bestiality kinda deal . I'm all for suspension of disbelief and all , but seriously , who fucks a PARROT? Aren't they kind of sharp with the whole talons and beak going on? Do they even have PARTS?
And who really eats crackers in bed? I always thought you got kicked out for that. 

I have really got to get some sleep .

Monday, November 16, 2009

If You Are Weak-Stomached , Scroll Down To Another Post

 The Urban Primitive movement was essentially started as extreme piercing by The Incredible Til in the 1920's and more respectfully by Fakir Musafar in the 1950's . Fakir has taught piercing techniques to hundreds of people including the fellow who pierced my nipples (!) . Some people have gotten into suspension as a test of wills derived from ancient spiritual practices , and if that's your deal , so be it . But there is one thing I cannot get my brain around - extreme genital modification .
Back in the day , Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black lead singer Kembra Pfaler temporarily sewed her lady bits shut onstage to protest invasion into female reproductive rights , and I can kind of see the point to that . But what I'm talking about is a rare subset of primarily straight men who get their dicks totally bisected (yup , split in two) , and there are a few forms of it . It arose from The Incredible Til and although related to a rare primitive practice known as subincision  , it is an extreme extension with no real historical basis. People do it to be extreme or connect with their female side or whatnot . 
I cannot THINK of what would make a  dude hate his dick so much to cut it in half or put a fuckin donut through it . That escapes me entirely . I mean , if you hate it so much , why not just go all the way and get a vijay instead of having a pecker that looks like crab claws?
Another thing is that a good many bisections and castrations are performed by people other than medical doctors . Just exactly how much fuckin Meth would someone have to consume to think that letting such a person mutilate them permanently is a good idea? 3 dudes in North Carolina were arrested for doing this to people on a not-so-sterile mountain top.

I would like to meet a dude who has had this done to get an explanation because from the outside world , it just seems so epically fucked up that I cannot comprehend the amount of self-hatred required to do this voluntarily .  Looking into this , I discovered that there are people who have all different kinds of body parts REMOVED for no real reason at all than the persons must be extremely disturbed.

And how do you word the questions to ask such an individual? "Um , excuse me Mr. Nutless sack , but why on Earth would you want to cook and eat your own balls?" ; "What kind of mental disorder do you have that would make you want to cut off your own hand?" ; "OK dude , seriously . Why the fuck would you want to turn your dick inside out?"

As I grow older it seems to me that some people need to be saved from THEMSELVES. don't give me the consent issue here - if you chop off your body parts and you aren't  transgendered or whatnot , you need to be hospitalized until you figure out why you hate yourself so much .
It's that simple.

The man above self-amputated the fingers and toes of one hand gradually with a guillotine , then his hand , foot , and most of his netherregions and then lost his leg and other foot in a car accident . Apparently , there is even a new PC term for such people . Yes , I know . Strange.

What's Wrong With America In A Nutshell

The people who produced this and other videos have tax-exempt status . That means YOU are paying for the Westboro Baptist Church to openly promote execution of people in the name of God . They picket funerals of killed military members PRAISING the enemy . They claim that Major Hassan was set from God to murder people as punishment for what they see as America's wrongs . They stalk and harass elderly Holocaust victims and even little children at their schools . 
If they were Muslims , we would call them terrorists . We most certainly would not be giving them every tax break imaginable.
This is one of the milder productions that Fred Phelps' web-savvy grandkids produced . Their latest parodies Havah Nagilah and is so repulsive I'm not going to post it , but you can find it at along with other bastardizations if you dare . 
American taxpayers , this is what YOU are paying for 

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Los Angeles - Find This Amoeba

  This is Miguel Herrera and he is the WORST . He hates women and loves to make sure that his old lady knows who the boss is . On Halloween , he ordered his girl to come over and she showed up late . Traffic is a bitch in LA any time , but Halloween is going to set you back a few minutes . Instead of being a typical worried guy , he was outright pissed and figured he was going to teach mama a lesson . 
He then proceeded to beat her senseless with his fists , whip her with a cord , and stab her . He poured corrosive acid all over her face and tried to make her drink it . When he was done with all of this , he raped her for an extra measure of degradation . The amazing part is she escaped his hellhole and managed to lose him in a car chase from hell . 

Now , while the victim will survive , this creepshow is out there . That's right , this fuckface is roaming around Los Angeles and he drives a red 2005 Nissan Titan truck . A big tank to compensate for a pathetically small man . This isn't his truck , but sorta what it will look like . 

If you are happenin around LA and you see this punk , make him your bitch    beat the shit out of him  call the LAPD so he doesn't kill some woman. 

This is never okay.

Customer Service 01010101010101010

  I was suckered into a 3 year contract with Telus Communications that recently expired . It didn't seem to big a big deal to have them , after all they are the default phone and ISP for Western Canada and I was brand loyal . I always went with Bell back home and since I was out west , Telus was just IT .
And I was wasting my hard-earned dollars .
I accepted the speed at my previous house , but when I moved a mile away , Telus tried to slap me with a $455 termination fee because I moved into a dead zone of low connectivity . Eventually , they reneged and hooked me up with their "best" for $32 a month . I was already paying their atrocious scam rate for phone service . I complained and was given the " we know you are in a dead zone and loads of our customers are complaining , but we're not replacing the lines so suck it ." dealio .
I KNEW there had to be something better . I had complained about my lack of cable quality to the TV Gods at Shaw and guess what ? They replaced ALL of the lines coming into my building to keep me loyal , no questions asked . I am a loyal customer and they wanted to keep me and my entertainment dollar away from their competitors . Plus , their customer service people seemed far more helpful than the outsourced twits at Telus .
Today , a guy from Shaw came in and installed internet service claimed to be as high as 7.5 MBPS , and trust me brand loyal me was a lil bit tentative about it . Until I downloaded Kashmir in less than 5 seconds . Even better , it costs the same amount of money as Telus' dead zone and considerably less than I was paying for their high speed that I now realize was SO inferior.
I speed-tested the new service and it is actually FASTER than they claim and that's just awesome . Imagine the concept of giving a customer what they are paying for and then some . On average 50 TIMES FASTER than the old standby .
I'm gonna hook up their phone service soon and save even more money .

Telus needs to genuinely listen to their customers' wants and needs or they won't have very many left . At the end of the day , communications is service-driven and if you don't provide that , people will go elsewhere . No wonder why Telus collectively shat themselves when they lost their monopoly and competitors got into the phone and internet game - they KNEW that their products were inferior and that the best service was for people in affluent areas . And thus far they have used brand allegiance without caring about average working-class people . When they saw that slipping they used cheap promotions and oppressive contracts to trap people into a monthly purchase of a lower grade product .  People  can't afford to be blindly loyal when they are struggling to afford old conveniences . And they are leaving.
The snobs at Telus have lost yet another long-time customer who will not be returning .

And you thought Capitalism was such a bad thing.

Tis The Season

Sports memorabilia is highly sought by fans and investors alike . A Honus Wagner baseball card once owned by Wayne Gretzky sold recently for $2.8 million , but that's not my cup of tea. If I was going to drop monster coin , I'd want something personal , a tangible reminder of true greatness. If I had it to spend I would drop 30 grand on a Bobby Orr jersey or 100 large on Sandy Koufax's mitt . 
But THIS is my personal Holy Grail of Rec Room amazingness .

Jackie Robinson's 1951 Brooklyn Dodgers jersey . You can buy me this and cover every past . present , and future holiday .

It's only $341,000

Pretty Please

Truth Is Funnier Than Fiction

Joshua Basso is a pretty typical twentysomething dude . He loves the company of a good woman , and when you are a lonely dude , sometimes phone sex is your only resort . The thing is , it's a recession and Josh didn't have any money on his cell phone . So he called the only number that's always free from a pocket rocket - that's right , he called 911 . 4 times.
After a couple of calls , the lady cop decided to play along somewhat to get his address and Romeo thought he was gonna score. So he started asking the usual bunch of tits and ass questions (yes , he used those words) and got really happy . You know , because EVERY mama Cop is going to leave work to hook up with a dude who's so busted he can't afford a phone card . Happens every day in Tampa . 
When the cops showed up at Cyrano de Dipshit's crib and he noticed their gender , he lied and said it wasn't him . 
And then his pocket started to ring . 
This hunk o' burnin love was busted for 911 abuse and claims he didn't know what he was doing was illegal . 

He best save his pennies for 1-900-PALM SEX because that's the only nookie he's getting for the rest of his life .

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Yummy Treat

This is fucking stupid . After the FDA tried to get this shit off the market (because the company  claimed it to lower cholesterol) , Cocaine is back on the market . Take a wander over to their website and look at all the photos and videos of stupid suburban kids thinking they are doing something transgressive . Oh yeah , Cocaine is real cool buddy . Do the real thing and you will be feelin real transgressive alright , more like transexual in your little skirt giving blowjobs to 80 year olds at Jarvis and Maitland for dimes . You'll be real rad getting chased down Homewood by the real hard bitches who don't like to make nice and share .  Dummies. 

Why don't they just call it  Pimped  or Advanced HIV Disease or I Sold My Sister ? 
Make it real simple and call it Death and see how well their marketing plan goes. 

They also have Meth brand coffee . 

People are fucked.


  This shit sucks . When I was a kid , my dad and all of his  friends were at the mercy of this and other drugs . My pop left his second wife , an epically awesome woman , for his coke dealer . This was one drug of the many addictions that turned my pop from an ambitious , intelligent , enterprising young man into a paranoid , useless waste of a life . The very same lifestyle that gave him famous friends in his youth has left him a lonely old man . 
You would think that watching my dad (when he bothered to show up) self-destruct would be the ultimate anti-drug . And you would be wrong . While I never got addicted this specific drug (I preferred things that come from poppies) , I did get addicted to a lifestyle , and certainly used Peru's most famous export . I used every excuse in the book to sell vast quantities of Yey and other drugs to a party circuit that destroyed entire sets of human beings . The overwhelming majority of people I partied with are no longer with us . They are all DEAD , and I used to feel guilty for being one of the few remaining . They overdosed , they got shot , they evaporated from AIDS , some even shot themselves , but the point is they are no longer walking the Earth . And the sad thing is that mean , arrogant people seldom become addicts - quiet , decent people longing for acceptance do . I used to think that I didn't deserve to even exist .
 I was high on a multitude of drugs (coke , oxy, and several others) when I got on the plane that took me 5000km away from all of the shit . 
While I have managed through  work to change my existence into a real life , hardships do tempt me to earn an easy buck . I live in a city that is addicted and whether they rail it , smoke it , or slam it , the drug of choice is the same one I used to sell . I see coworkers who don't blink for what seems to be hours and I know exactly what they have been up to . Sometimes they believe they are fooling people at the same moment the telltale sign is running down to their lips . I have been propositioned at the gas station in the morning by skeletal , scarred , zombified former people that seem to be everywhere . My recent neighbour went from a beautiful young mother to one of these lifeless beasts in a matter of MONTHS .  And , man , I started to resent her - addicted people are the most annoying fucking pests alive . 
Maybe all of these people are my anti-drug . I know as sure as anything that no amount of money is worth the fucking irritation of being woke up mid-nap by a jonesing freak destined for death . I don't want to be the person who sells the bag that stops another human being's heart from beating because even the worst , most hopeless addict can find a way out as long as he or she is still breathing . One of the first crackheads I met after staggering off the plane is now an amazing parent and star University student . Recovery can and does happen .

Anyone can become human again . Sometimes it takes watching everyone around you die , sometimes you do hard time , sometimes you just get sick of it all . For me , it was one particularly awakening plane ride . I am truly terrified of returning to a life of hate , and maybe that's why I don't . That's not to say that I haven't used things to alter my mind , because I have - alcohol is just another drug . I cannot change things I have done , but I CAN change the things I DO . Reality is a beautiful and scary place , and I'm so thankful to be a part of it . Sometimes we all have to stop and realize that we are all here for a reason . We all have families and friends , but addiction is so selfish that none of these things matter . We have to find an iota of actual self-love to make it stick . 
After 40 years of lying , cheating , blaming, and being enabled , my dad finally has found sobriety . Maybe I should phone him and find out how he did it . 

Friday, November 13, 2009

So Romantic

  Dating for the long term is a serious deal . You have to find the right person , let everything grow , and if all goes well you are a reasonably happy critter for a very long time . There are professional matchmakers , speed dating , video dating , Christian dating , gay dating , Muslim dating , and all conceivable combinations . 
But now we have DNA dating . 

  For about a grand , will hook you up with a prospective partner based on values and the usual , but also some peculiar system related to the DNA from your skin cells . Nerds say the HLA genes (stink genes) play a major part in attraction due to pheromones . They claim that scent is the final question on whether or not a person is your ideal . 
  I'm really not buying this , but even current couples have had such tests done . I get the tests for Cystic Fibrosis and Tay-Sachs that some susceptible people get when preparing to have kids . That's quite responsible . 
  But dating? What if the skin cells are all happy but one of the people is gay or any other combination of traits that someone might not be looking for ? And are the pheromone rules different for the various orientations? 
I have to find this out . 
But until then , I think that this is likely the least romantic idea to grace the dating jungle . That said , if rich people buy into this B.S. and a few Biochem majors get their education paid for it's a " no harm no foul" situation.

People of the interwebs , would you line up for a service like this?
I think it's ridiculous but I'm open to your ideas on how to navigate the romance highway.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sign Of The Times

I have seen this sign and it's variations out there . They are common in countries where the locals might not be accustomed to the lavatory that most of us are . (My paternal grandmother's crib had a shit shack until I was 12 , but I'm sure this is an aberration.) But this one is the best of the best , so I'll give you a rundown .

Icon Dude Photo #1 : Sit to poo . This is the preferred thing to do , but if you are in a third-world country , you might get leprosy of the ass. Still , this is what they figure is best.

#2 : What dude in his right mind doesn't hold his member when he pees? He might spray the sitting spot . Besides , one should not stare at one's pecker like it's a lost puppy. Hold your pud to avoid misfire.

#3 : No puking in the lav ...? Where the fuck else are you supposed to do it after consuming enough booze to attempt the other prohibited activities ? The floor? Then again , if he missed and hit the rim , the dude in #4 might slip and die of a closed head injury .

#4 : (This one I've seen in India) The Yoga Squat . I'm not really sure WHY this is prohibited because if you can accomplish this without falling or crapping on your foot I'll find you impressive indeed . I think it might be a time consideration , for you would have to be completely pantsless to pull this off successfully . People just don't want to wait in line for 20 minutes while you attempt to be a porcelain acrobat.

#5 : Okay , I get it - it's water - but FISHING!? Exactly how much Thai stick would you have to consume to try this? Maybe this was their attempt at the "dude holding his wang" icon and they missed . Maybe some dude said to himself "it's SO much cleaner than the Ganges " and tried . Maybe it was someone with a scatological poo thing where he was afraid that the evil toilet Jinns would steal his turd . I've heard that people believe in things like this - maybe one dude took this too far .

#6 : Now THIS I believe . You NEVER KNOW when Romulus and Remus are going to show up looking for a place to lift a leg , or at least a pair of dudes who have taken enough LSD to think they are . Maybe this is REALLY instructional and the printer screwed up .

I Have A Question

 A United Airlines pilot was yanked off of a flight for being a drunk-ass , and that is absolutely a good thing . That dude should have one shot at rehab , and if you fail , you go to jail . Period . 
But there is a current issue right now that concerns me more than a dude getting apprehended for neglecting his duties . After a couple of pilots nodded off and overshot a runway by a bunch of miles , the FAA is considering ALLOWING pilots to NAP on flights. British Airways and Qantas allow one pilot at a time to catch a nod when they are coasting over vast oceans , and while I don't think it should be going on , nothing major has happened because of it . But the thing is , the US is NOT a vast ocean , etc, etc - it is a country that is a transit point for tons of International traffic . The US is the PCH and the Ocean is a backroad . I mean there ARE 2 pilots , but a lot of these dudes are in the prime demographic for heart attacks - sedentary , middle aged , stressed dudes with shitty airport diets . I mean , WHAT would happen during the inevitable if pilot #2 is catching some zzzs and pilot #1 has a medical emergency? 

Think on this for a wee second and then tell me ...

...would you rather have a drunk pilot or a sleeping one? 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

WTBlueFuck Of The Day

Carrie Prejean has been (in my opinion , justly) dissed for being a dingbat , and probably 
homophobic , but this takes the fucking cake.
It's not that shocking for someone to have a magically "discovered" sex tape , but cue to 2:45 here and give a wee listen.

She was 17!!! She's fucking admitting to being involved in child pornography , but is such a 
potzevateh that she doesn't seem to realize it .

So , yeah TMZ , if any of you dipshits has viewed this , you are a CRIMINAL. Harvey , you are a 
fucking lawyer and I'm thinking that you know that you cannot legally leak this shit . Or I hope.

I'm dumbfounded.

And Carrie has no right to tell ME which ADULTS I can groove with .

There is just way too much idiocy in this story for my brain to comprehend .

Monday, November 9, 2009

Vegan This!

Environmental blogger. 
Radio host.
Drives a Hybrid.
Speaks French.
BIG Yoga nut. 
PETA spokesman.

Sounds like the kind of little hippie you could push around and he's not gonna hit you back . You're gonna have a real fun time picking on a wimp like this dude. 

Good Luck. 
I've just described 6'3" , 260 pound Montreal Canadiens forward Georges Laraque . This guy makes a living throwing around guys who would make you piss your pants like ragdolls . And he SMILES while he's doing it  with a monstrous grin because in his 15 years of high-level hockey , NOBODY has been tough enough to knock one of those chiclets loose. If you think calling him dirty names will help , it won't - as one of the first black tough guys to make it to the Show he's heard it all before. 
Here's the big man's first fight in juniors against then reigning heavyweight Joel Theriault. 

20 Years

20 years ago I watched this very newscast and now it seems so unreal . Those of us watching couldn't imagine the sheer scope of what we were witnessing then and what would become.
Just before , Hungary had removed it's barrier with Austria and the Czechs were no longer keeping people from leaving . But the largest symbol of totalitarianism was still there and attempting to scale it equalled death .
A lot of people wanted to keep the majority of Europeans from enjoying freedom - Francois Mitterand equated the unification of Germany with promoting Nazism . Margaret Thatcher secretly met with Gorbachev and begged him to prevent East Germany from being free .

But this time , the PEOPLE won out . After a series of peaceful protests and defections , the hardline East German leader was replaced by Egon Krentz . After only 3 weeks as Chancellor , he decided to allow people to peacefully leave . It was supposed to take effect a week later , but due to an announcement snafu people would be allowed to go immediately . It could have been violent and chaotic , but it wasn't . In a matter of hours the same police officers that were ordered to kill were helping the elderly across and dancing with children . Families met at the border , some seeing their grandchildren for the first time . The gates that divided the world were opened in an instant and the world is a very beautiful and different place because of it . The arts , sciences , and sport have benefitted tremendously , but all of humanity scored the overtime goal on November 9th , 1989 .

For those of you who promote hatred and wars , remember the day that peaceful , law abiding people dramatically altered the course of history for the simple reason that it was the right thing to do .

This video appears courtesy of CBC television . If you repost it , give them credit .

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hypocrisy Teabagger Style

  Nazi analogies have been used to further all kinds of opinions and to smear. Ford and others used such images as an ideal , and current activists use them to paint their opponents as vile . All in all , it's a pretty sick circumstance that takes away from the original point , which IS the point entirely . It is done to create a blind , brainless reaction .

At a recent Teabagger rally , all kinds of imagery were on display - Images of Obama as a Nazi juxtaposed off those depicting Obama as an Israeli puppet. See , rednecks can't make up their minds - Hitler is bad , but so are Jews . If you don't get it , you are not alone.

The image above takes the shitstain cake . It equates Obama's policies with mass extermination and uses an image of murdered people at Dachau to further the point. Naturally , this is repugnant for all of the obvious reasons , but leaves me confused. Since most Baggers are Evangelical Christians , wouldn't all those dead Jews , Gypsies and queers be a GREAT thing? I mean , that's what they preach at their Churches every Sunday . And sure as shit they weren't murdered by a Black dude - it was their buddy Hitler .After all , I've never heard of a Democrat running a Holocaust "revisionist" website.
I just fucking LOVE how people who spend their lifetimes hating other people use images of dead people they hate to promote hatred on someone they want you to hate while claiming that they are victims of the same ethnic group as the people in the images .

Stupid Teabaggers need to get their own pictures of massacred rich , white , Christian Conservatives to prove their point .

Oh , WAIT! There aren't any.

I wish these fuckwads an eternity of having the hairiest Jew balls gently caressing their pasty visages.