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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Worse than Nickelback

Is a band produced by Chad Kroeger . Being stuck in the sheet metal shop I am reminded of the CRTC's weird playlist orders (they are NOT fuckin guidelines if you must OBEY) by bands like this one .
This band is horrid and is stealing airtime from awesome Candian talent because of their association with Kroeger , and it epically BITES .

Witness for yourself Theory of a Deadman

And it's really no fuckin surprise , you bunch of fuckin tools.

Monday, September 28, 2009

They Just Don't ........

.........Make Hookers like they used to .

...And yes , that is her gunt.

Oy to the vey.

Bomb In The Making

This is the newest offering from FOX , and I'm just not so sure if they picked the right spinoff from their successful Family Guy . Family Guy is monumentally funny , because it delves into the controversial every episode , and I just don't see that happening with a character as wholesome as Cleveland without totally skewing the original .

Thing is , FOX loves money , and people are going to watch the first 2 episodes before this spinoff winds up in the same graveyard as the infinite Seinfeld offshoots .

People aren't stupid .

FOX Greed FAIL #285

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Smoke Pack Warning

Just something else I have to worry about.

Found on today's pack of coffin nails .

The NFL is Not Dead

.and guys like Larry Fitzgerald are why . This guy WORKED his way into college through high grades when he really didn't have to . Mum and pop both had decent enough jobs and he was always a gifted athlete . Sure enough , he had a bit of drama that has long been dismissed like most Pros , but unlike them , he's not bitter in any way . Instead he dedicated his life to helping those without his blessings and it really shows . His dear mother was involved in causes throughout her life until cancer took her from the Earth , so it's pretty obvious that he donates vast amounts of time and personal wealth to the fight against the disease . But , moreover , he feels that his gifts are a blessing from God that he can use to help all sorts of people . He's well-read , well-spoken , and the kind of guy that gives us all faith that the NFL is not just a bastion of hoodrats with good genes .
Larry Fitzegerald GETS IT . His internet communications are not trash talk , but direct communications with youth to work hard and be decent and wholesome . He always shows up for work in a positive mental state and it SHOWS .

Get on the bandwagon .

Paedophile Polanski - Time to Pay Up

I've been ripping on Roman Polanski for an eternity because he is a sick fucker who has been coddled and protected by Hollywood's darlings despite the fact that he is the WORST .

For those of you who don't recall , this stain on humanity drugged and raped in every depraved way possible , a 13 year-old child back in the 1970's . He got the Hollywood sweetheart deal and pled guilty to a miniscule charge , but instead of manning up and doing his year (instead of the life sentence that you or I would have received) , he took off like the little coward that all of these sick fucks are . Switzerland didn't entirely like the idea of a CONVICTED paedophile parading around like a king in their nation , so they arrested him . He's being held in a maximum security shithole worthy of the lowest of the low until he gets his escort back to the USA to face the sombre tune he created for himself .

Now , we KNOW that the whores in Hollyweird are gonna jump to this guy's defense , but WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING SECOND here . People jumped all over Michael Jackson for being ACCUSED of perversity , but this sicko was CONVICTED . People glom over him for escaping the Nazis , yet he seems to have compassion for nobody but his sick self . He has long been known for making degarding comments about women and anyone that just makes his Napoleon Complex feel threatened . He's a proud pervert , admitting to everyone within earshot of his views that ALL men desire young girls . He proudly proclaims his deflowering of 15 year-old Nastassja Kinski and paraded around dozens of his conquests in Europe , some even younger than his child victim while proclaiming to the world his love of "very young girls" (his words , not mine). He openly abused Sharon Tate and was off doing drugs with perverted Sheiks and fucking little girls when she was butchered .
Yet people line up to star in his films with the explicit KNOWLEDGE that this is the kind of guy they are in the employ of . They are all complicit in the artificial elevation of a "man" who has violated children for over 50 years . He's a charismatic genius in the vein of Ted Bundy that , instead of killing people outright , murders their spirits wholesale . He is a psychopath that deserves to be punished and I wouldn't be shocked if more babies he raped come out of the woodwork .

I'm not optimistic but still pray that the Feds tack an Unlawful Flight charge onto this unrepentant shit .

Remind yourself when pulling your daughter away from that creepy old sex con that Roman Polanski is one of them .

"Even at school I had penchant for younger women. My friends thought I was silly…But I always liked them young, romantic and innocent." : Roman Polanski , 2003

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Rabbinical FAIL

You KNOW who one of these men is , and I'm going to tell you who the other fellow is .

his name is Shumley Boteach and he's a Celebrity Rabbi . In other words he's an overly ambitious self-centred man who earns a lavish lifestyle whilst giving discredit to his holy profession . He makes Rabbis , and by extension all Jews , look like backstabbing weasels .

You see , Rabbi Shumley used to be a pretty nice dude until the fame bug bit him , and people really wanted to hang with this young , hip , spiritual dude , and the rich and talented were no exception . While it may have been surprising to some , the Reb and Michael Jackson became close friends . They were buddies and their wives and kids were even close ...and then came those nasty allegations . Rabbi Shmuley claims he knows Mikey wasn't a pervert , but still got the fuck out of Dodge before the claims against his so-called #1 buddy could alter Reb's rising star .

That's right kids , in an effort to become more famous , Rabbi Shmuley dumped his best buddy and like good subservient Frummies , his wife and older kids had to follow suit. Now I don't know where you come from , but where I do , this is scummy . Friends are supposed to stand by their closest friends when they are hurting .

After Michael Jackson's death , Rabbi Shmuley wrote numerous articles praising his buddy's humanity on one hand and unleashing an angry tirade on the other to reviews and publicity . And to add insult to his pal's memory , he's now publishing a book based on recorded conversations he had with his former friend that anyone with half a brain knows were supposed to be confidential . And he's already begun releasing the "juiciest" parts of the tapes as spoilers to the hungry media in an effort to sell his book and make more millions .

Regardless of whether he was a counsellor , friend , or both , this is douchebaggery at it's most horrifying low . This serves no other purpose than to capitalize on further smearing the reputation of a dead man , one who did NOTHING WRONG to Mr Boteach . All this does is feed into the salacious media shithole , something every Rabbi I have ever met would find abhorrent. People are supposed to be able to trust those that are higher on the spiritual plain . What would happen if ALL Priests , Rabbis , Imams and Gurus began publishing the confidential , and often emotional exchanges of those who look to them for guidance?
It would be pandemonium! NOBODY would trust ANYBODY!

Good thing that there are people who take their gifts more seriously than Scumbag Shumley .

"How could you betray what we tried so hard to build? " Famewhore Boteach AFTER the death of Michael Jackson

Friday, September 25, 2009

Super Kid

This adorable micro is Kate Dou and she's just 21 months old . she seems like your average kid , full of life and waiting to explore the world .
But she is far more than that - she's Canada's smallest superhero .

All was well and normal last Sunday until her little ears heard a noise coming from the apartment below and decided to go into her parents room and scream the noise at mum and pop and wouldn't stop unitl her folks woke up. Her parents thought it was weird and decided to check it out .
As it turns out , they live in a building where alarms aren't centrally-wired and the guy below them was nearly dead from smoke inhalation and the smoke was spreading to the rest of the floor .

At least one person is alive because of this amazingly perceptive kid's actions . She likely saved an entire bulding from burning due to that innate ability kids have to sense something is strange . And kudos to mum and dad for not being pissed off and telling their kid to go back to bed like many parents would .

Listen to your kids .


This man is Patrice Brisebois and he just retired from pro hockey to be a race car driver and I wish him all the luck in the world .
This dude had the roughest unjustified fan ride in ANY sport EVER . He came into Montreal after they gave Larry Robinson away to the Kings and the fans were fucking pissed . They transferred their hatred to the then 20 year-old D-Man and rode him for not being the Bird and for being just too good looking . They never stopped with the hate storm and for the majority of this dude's career he feared for his safety in public - For well over a decade .
The man is an impeccable example of grace on and off the ice , selflessly donating every free moment to helping those less fortunate than himself .
He finally discovered a new sport where he won't hear the jeers and retired with the team he worshipped as a boy .
Last night he took to the arena for one last time to receive recognition for his off-ice amazingness and was given something surprising from the Habs faithful .

A 3 minute standing ovation .


Monday, September 21, 2009

Skin Scare

There has been some debate about whether or not the famous and deliciously dark alter their complexions to appear "fairer" does occur . It's become commonplace for Indo and Middle-Eastern folks to request pigmentation , or lack thereof in personal ads , and the world's largest skin care barons , such as Garnier and Nivea are out to make a buck not only capitalizing on , but promoting an insecurity that just shouldn't happen in our age of understanding .

While most common in Asia and Northern Europe , I've seen these potions sold on our side of the pond as well and if you think that Hollywood hasn't gotten wind of these things , you have GOT TO BE BLIND .
I'm not going to fire out names because some folks might just have "good" racist makeup artists , but some people are actually using this stuff because it WORKS . It's a combination bleach and uber-sunscreen that doesn't work in 20 seconds , but will in 20 days .

Nobody knows for sure if this self-loathing-in-a-tube causes permanent damage to the follicles , but it does reinforce a dangerous lie .

When are YOU going to line up to degrade your beautiful ancestry ?

Artificiality sells . Everyone in the pool .

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Hearing Is Believing

Everyone with an iota of intellect knows that Rush Limbaugh is a divisive , bigoted moron and he proves it yet again . Have a wee listen as Rush calls for segregating school buses and blames Obama for the end of the world .

Oh , and when was the last time you heard black kids yelling "right on!" over again in a toothless peckerwood accent ?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Give Me ONE Reason ...

The world is a strange place where people can be free to hate others without knowing the first (or last) thing about them .

Some epic asshats and illiterates are trying their hardest to scare decent people into believing that THIS is WRONG .

If you can give me one decent reason not involving some man-made "God" why this 16 year-old girl shouldn't be overjoyed that her parents are finally "allowed" to be married , I will bow to you .

You CAN'T .

Keep your ridiculously shallow interpretations of a higher being out of the lives of decent taxpayers and citizens .


Besides , We all know uber-Con douchebags do everything they can to avoid paying taxes , so fuckwads don't deserve a voice .

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

At Least They're Honest...

Wonder if Kevorkian was a parishioner before getting locked up .

Another instance of a group being their own poetic insult .

Monday, September 14, 2009

Proofreading Isn't For Everyone ...

.... particularly xenophobes .

It's not the mayor's fault . He wasn't expecting his sister to bite down .

Crusty Rockets

This is Russell Brand and he is a fucking douchebag .

I'm sure everyone can sense the gross shit that would eminate from someone who looks like this and has a nacissistic fascination with it's own creepy visage .
Anyone who has suferred through one of his grotesquely overprices shows know that all he "jokes" about is his weird fascination with his penis .
Due to the fact that he looks and sounds like a woman and mentions said part so much , I'm not convinced he's a dude at all .

Now why on Earth would I be such a shallow shit about all of this?

Seems the brain cramps over at MTV booked him to "host" the MVA's again during which (s)he discussed violating everyone in sight and a few who might be aliens but the piece de resistance is when Bearded Lady went into detail about the idea of drugging and raping Megan Fox . Classy .

MTV - you fucking suck for permitting this fuckwad to joke about this kind of behaviour in front of an audience that is comprised of teenagers . Even Ms. Fox was mortified by this . way to treat your young , talented stars .

Oh , and Miss Brand , I know you're British and all , but shave your pits you fithy cunt .

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Tila Tequila : Gaybashing For Sale

For most gay people , there are a lot of struggles that go on with the whole process of coming out . Being disowned by family and friends , getting fired , and getting shit-kicked by random people is frequently part of it . Even the most understanding people would rather their kids grow up hetero simply because nobody wants hardships for their kin . And in our male-dominated society , gay women are frequently assaulted for the way they are born . At the very least , a lifetime full of sexist comments like "who "turned" you?" or "you just haven't met the right bloke" will follow .

Tila "Tequila" Nguyen's latest statement just reinforces the crap that a lot of the world believes , that one bad dude is all it takes to "turn" someone gay . Whether her "bisexual" famewhoredom is a cover for her being straight or gay is something that only she knows for herself , but either way , she has managed to further misunderstanding and hatred by stating that orientation is mutable .

She has used her "orientation" as the selling point for a career based on an inaccurate male fantasy . She has sold real gay people down the river for her chance at fame . It's all a big game in the land of the rich and famous where nobody gets hurt for the way they are born and misguided kids are eating it up . People like her and Lady (?) RagRag have used the "bisexual" tag not to further discussion and understanding , as David Bowie did , but to pander to the lowest common denominator to make bank , trivializing the bravery of those before them . Anyone who thinks that either of these twits is a friend of the gay community is sorely mistaken .

With "friends" like these two prostitutes , we don't need skinheads .

Propaganda Propogation Nation

There are thousands of videos made by crackpot Republican haters depicting Barack Obama as Hitler.
What is inexplicable is that people actually believe this shit and spread it on to the media universe . It's just yet another hate ploy by white idiots who need a history lesson . Republicans openly supported Hitler back in the day until that whole inconvenient Pearl Harbour attack , and many even supported him after . Xenophobic twats back in the day supported turning away people who were escaping the Nazis and returned thousands to their deaths but they were just Jews and Gypsies who aren't people anyways .
I could really get into this , but sometimes people are their own rebuttal .

The "silent majority" has made themselves look more ridiculous than any Liberal ever could .


You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

Some overly forgiving people in Kentucky want to give not only a second chance to a child rapist , but ordain him and I'm just not cool with this .
This fuckhead admits that he likes little kids and should be policed when around them yet people in his congregation seem to think he is fit for service . I'm fucking confused here .

Every interview I've seen with the dude he's going on about the rehab programs he's been in but he never mentions the FACT that he probably destroyed at least one kid's life . He doesn't even seem sorry for what he did . Yet people are lining up to praise this "changed" man - this "Christian" man .Oh , and as a kicker , his boss compares Hourigan to Christ . EEE FUCKING GAHD!

You don't see Jews up to kiss the ass of sick fucks like Mark Hourigan , nor Muslims , nor ANYONE . this is a distinctly Christian phenomenon , and this dude's not the first . They must be getting desperate .

I'd like to believe that people are capable of immense change , but baby bangers have a shitty track record . The recidivism rate is far too high and this stain has only been out of jail for a few years . Plus , you have to put your whole being into a change instead of going through the bullshit offender programs , and this dude truly seems cold , almost soulless . Oh , and this dude is on the LIFETIME shit list so it's not like he could go do all that out of state evangelical shit that Pentecostals do .

So , for all you folks who believe in that whole repenting thing I have one question...

Would you trust this guy around YOUR kid ?


This is my favourite credit card abuse mail-order prank .

Vegan Haggis in a "skin" casing . This isn't the only brand , but this one is available in North America for speedy FedExing to your local gun club or creepy cousin.
According to several brave folks , this mix of mushrooms , lentils , and other crap tastes enough like the revolting real thing to fool people. In other words like chopped up sheep lungs boiled in a stomach.
All it needs now is an incomphensible poem dedicated to it and we're all set.


Saturday, September 12, 2009


I'm watching this glorious match on the tube right now . Jimmy Connors as the aging star versus Aaron Krickstein , the owner of tennis' second-best mullet.

In today's stage-parenting world , the working-class hero has vanished from tennis . The williams sisters are likely the last and , like Jimmy , you can sense the intensity and gratitude in every point .It's an amazing paradox that the greatest black players since (the greatest player ever) Althea Gibson are the last of a dying breed of cats who truly deserve to grunt .

But , enjoy some classic Jimmy Connors . Hey , the man is only 57 and could easily scare the country club sissies of today off of the court should he mount a comeback.

This granddaddy still packed stadiums to beat on young fellas for charity , but I want to see him back at Centre Court.

The ATP needs a serious seniors tour and this is why.

Truth Is Scarier Than Fiction : Perez Strikes Again

We all know what a self-obsessed twit Perez Hilton is , and here's a few reasons from the first show on his concert tour that didn't get cancelled for lack of ticket sales . (I'm not kidding , the Vancouver show was given the boot after only 12 advance tix were sold)
Ignore the warning from me being lazy and not registering the program - READ ....

Your eyes are not deceiving you - Scuzzez is promoting binge drinking , the very foundation of alcoholism .

And since most of the people who actually show up for these things are TEENS , he tells THEM to get tanked too ! And then his band basically invites an orgy .

I don't have to invent reasons to hate this shitstain - he provides endless ammunition .

Once again , he proves that he is a threat to society . It's not simply his words anymore , it is his actions .

I hope that the parents of every kid who gets alcohol poisoning at his events sue his ass . Hopefully someone gets his dog in the settlement - no animal deserves to be the plaything of this sick fuck .

Thanks go out to Jay Link for alerting me to this latest display of crapulence.

Proofreading Isn't For Everyone

I stumbled onto this site today because I have arthritis and can't type worth a shit .

It is advertised as offering wholesome family-friendly games for girls , and it does carry games that would be considered such .

...I know it is probably some Japanese company capitalizing on typos , but it's still called TITTER and that's gonna make SOMEONE (O.K. - me) uncomfortable . Besides , I'm sure a lot of dudes have typed this in thinking they are gonna get something adult .


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Does Size REALLY Matter?

Apparently , in the midwest , there's a lonely farmer who spent vast amounts of time mowing this into his (or his neighbour's) yard .

He's very smart , because in order to read this , the lady would also be able to pilot a crop duster.

Truth Is Funnier Than Fiction : The Republican Likes It Rough Edition

Republican Congress twit Mike Duvall apparently likes to get groovy with the ladies . The catch is , he's married , and the mamas are married lobbyists . This is too beautiful ! This dude is a known "family rights" Christian wingnut who votes against the homosex , but sees nothing wrong with spanking the lobbyist whores . Hey , it's easy to cum to the same cuntclusion when you're selling your state down the road .
And everyone KNOWS that it's not cheating when you are fucking your way to the top . And men are powerless against nerds in skirts who like a lil bum action - so am I , which is why I'm not a Republican politician .

This is a win and a fail all rolled into one creepy package.

Scumbag Of A Lifetime #2

This is Nancy Garrido and she is a paedophile , rapist , and possibly even a murderess . I know i'm going to get a litany of flack from you bleeding hearts out there , but I don't really give a damn , and here's why.

This wench was 25 when she met and married incarcerated pervert Phil . She explicitly KNEW what she was getting into with this arrangement . She essentially admits to kidnapping an 11 year-old innocent but pulls the gender card out so she can feign a "not guilty" plea . And people are buying it .

We live in a twisted , sexist society that continues to believe that women cannot be capable of such horrors , but if the Karla Holmolka case is in your memory , you would recall that not only did she facilitate her old man in kidnapping victims , she raped them herself . She is a pervert who needed a strong man in Bernardo , and they were a match made in the pits of hell . She used the gender card to weasel herself down to a paltry 12-year term , and she is laughing at us right now , with a new identity and the freedom to continue in her shameless depravity . And , I for one belive that Nancy Garrido is no different . She sought out her strong man and found him and she will most likely get a comparative slap on the wrist because we cannot fathom that a woman could possibly be responsible for her own actions .

Let's call a spade a fucking spade here - if you help pick out child victims for your husband's grotesque pleasures based on their appearance , that makes you a paedophile , nothing less . While it's not certain whether or not she physically participated in the rapes of innocents , she did arrange for the conditions for these crimes to occur and delivered the products of these vile acts and thusly , she is also a rapist . And if anyone dies as a result of her and her husband's abusive intentions , it makes her a murderess.

For a woman to intentionally harm women and children beyond repair and then claim to be a victim takes balls . Let's not let our own preconceptions let the vilest of criminals out to find a new strong man or commit solo shitheadery .

Nancy Garrido is a selfish bitch who should never again have a positive human experience .

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

This Is Not Michael Moore's Love Song

The collapse of financial institutions shocked the general public and people are justifiably pissed off . People are hurting and they want to know WHY . Due to this , serial opportunist Michael Moore has taken a stab at big business using the collapse as an example . This is not a creative nor novel idea and not entirely out of character for Mr. Moore . In days gone by , he has informed the average person of what he deems to be horrors of the world using one-sided facts that anyone can look up in an encyclopaedia and he's become fabulously wealthy as a result.

In his latest tome on film , he takes yet another uncreative stab at financially-blessed scumbags under the blanket of evil capitalism . In Mikey's jaded myopia , any capitalist , save for himself and his malcontent cohorts , is a bastard out to take everyone for a ride. While my personal leanings might be slightly socialist to the average person , there is nothing inherently wrong with any system . there are douchebags in all systems - you had Stalin's bastardization of theoretically wholesome communism that has now become a totalitarian capitalist dynasty run by oligarchs who ensure that opponents have no hope of changing the status quo . But just because Russia has no concept of moderation doesn't mean that the globe is hopeless .

Capitalism as a system is not evil , nor are the vast majority of those who have attained wealth from it . A great deal of the wealthy did not start off in luxe surroundings , but to the contrary . Any Canadian will remember Yehuda "Honest Ed" Mirvish and his retail and theatre empire . His father owned a tiny grocery , and at 15 Ed dropped out of school to run it after his father's untimely death and saw his first business failure . Later on , he came up with a novel concept - the "loss-leader" and his wife allowed him to cash in an insurance policy she held to start his flagship cash-only no-frills shop stocked with fire-sale oddities and cut-rate groceries with his below cost gatecrashers to draw crowds that never went away . He and his wife amassed vast real estate holdings and saved every artistic genre from destruction by offering studios to artists and saving the now-luxurious royal Alexandra Theatre that was slated for demolition . Every year until his death he gave away a minimum of 10,000 pounds of turkeys to working-class families and was known for randomly handing out parkas and sleeping bags to the homeless , a teenage me being one of them . He was a capitalist .

While people focus on a few assholes , think of the philanthropy of the benefactors of the system - Warren Buffet , Joan Kroc , Bill Gates , Sam Sniderman , Michael Bloomberg , and George Soros are just a few of the super-rich who have made it their raison d'etre to help those less fortunate with their blessings .

Michael Moore uses the plight of conglomerates who used existing financial loopholes to assert his position that capitalism is evil while he reaps the luxuries of said system . At best , his films are investigative journalism , at worst alarmist and categorically unfair judgments of people he has never met to piss off people who don't understand the way that the world works. Yes , health care should be a right and people should be free to question their government . Dissent and questioning are always fair , but what isn't is the wholesale branding of self-made people as oppressors . After all , didn't Moore's prepackaged finger-pointing make him wealthier than most of us could dream of becoming?

Instead of pointing the finger at others , us educated people need to look inside ourselves . Why are we so quick to trust our finances with people foreign to our lives ? Simply , it's because we all buy into the get-rich-quick investment strategy as opposed to working our asses off to realize our dreams . We need to use our collective voices to question the things we find objectionable . We need to be like Honest Ed . It is imperative that we pass on positive ethics to our kids instead of propagating laziness and the whiny why-can't-I-have-a-Maserati-without-working-for-it attitude becoming prevalent . The alternative is the Communist Revolution for the new century , where the poor murder the rich and then have no idea how to run the show , with a few Bill Mahers thrown in for good measure.
I'm not promoting vilification of people like Michael Moore , but we must guard ourselves from making heroes out of hypocrites .

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Thank You , Sir

The beautiful old fellow in the centre is Nicholas Winton and he is 100 years old . This isn't a party recognizing his historic age , but a long-awaited celebration of a real life superhero who is meeting people he saved 70 years back . The immense proportion of his heroism was completely lost on the world until his wife found a scrapbook full of names in the attic , 669 in all , and began writing letters to people to figure out what the book was all about .
Back in December of 1938 , stockbroker Mr . Winton planned a ski vacation to Switzerland but instead took a detour to meet up with a friend in Prague . There he discovered children orphaned and abandoned due to the advancing Nazi pogroms and felt he could save at least some of these kids from extermination . He discovered an exception to the racist refugee laws employed by Britain at the time , raised money , begged people to foster these souls , and arranged for their safe transport to havens in his homeland . Although the last train was sent back , thousands of people today owe their lives to this remarkable , selfless man . There are over 5,000 known descendants of his saved children living in Great Britain alone . Famed director Karel Reisz was one of the kids saved by these refugee transports , as well as super-journalist Joe Schlesinger and Britsh politician Alfred Dubs , yet nobody really mentions Nicholas Winton's epic contributions to humanity with exception of the Czech governmenr , who has championed him for over a decade . He has been honoured in Britain for establishing the Abbeyfield homes for the aged , and was quietly knighted in 2002 amidst zero fanfare . By contrast , the Czech people have bestowed well-deserved honours time and again , as well as nominating him for the Nobel Peace Prize and even naming a PLANET after this amazing man . They even organized the train of survivors to London to meet their hero .
With people bringing up the past in Hollywoodland , this guy never comes up and I'm puzzled as to why , but it's simply possible that a grandiose film could do justice to the humble hero that few people know of .

Music At Work

I had this song in my head at work today . The Canadian version of the video is so much better , but I couldn't find it anywhere . Check the lyrics .

Monday, September 7, 2009

WTBlue Fuck Of The Weak

This is Jake Raynard and he's in a Canadian hospital awaiting reconstructive surgery for the 15 major fractures to his face .. that's not a typo , kids , this man had his entire face broken . What , dare you say , was this man's crime ? The dude was smoking a cigarette outside of a bar . When Raynard and his buddy tried to walk away from what they thought was an overly aggressive panhandler , 8 dudes waiting in the wings beat this man down . Now he tried to fight back , but there is no way that he was any match for 8 peckerwoods intent on beating down a homo for kicks. This attack was premeditated by a bunch of closet wankers for no other reason than hatred . They were waiting for someone to come out of that bar so they could prove how "manly" they were by frogstomping another human being .
If this can happen in Canada , it can and does happen all over the world .

When are people just gonna stop using hatred as justification for the inexcusable ?

The SHAPE of Things To Come

I haven't bought this cereal in a very long time , but my mother insisted , so it was my breakfast . While reading the cereal box I noticed that there is an internet voting campaign and people are heated about it . The focus - whether Shreddies should be diamond or square . Nothing else , no new flavour or anything , no frosting like they have in England , a simple and probably accidental 45 degree rotation of the weaves. I checked the grocery stores and in every one of them the Diamond Shreddies are more expensive than the ones in my bowl . What a marketing gimmick gone horribly genius!
When Post/Nabisco came out with this product , they advertised a "delicious new diamond shape." Okay , Nabisco , the only way a SHAPE can be POSSIBLY delicious is if we're talking Vida Guerra or Helena Bonham Carter and I see ZERO luscious ladies anywhere in the weaves .
This is ridiculous and people are lining up to buy more pre-packaged bullshit .

I'm off to look up stills from Planet Of The Apes and phone my therapist.

The Roofer is Ranting Part Deux

Watch live video from roofchick on

This is an excerpt from a justin webcast earlier this evening and , yes , shawne Merriman and some other douchebags make their appearances. If you can tolerate it , enjoy . otherwise , just fast forward to me incinerating Merriman's rookie card on cam .

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Holy Flaming Biscuit! : A Recipe - Soup Chronicles

I love food . Food is the blessing that united poor families in days gone by , everything scratch made , no Betty Crocker in sight . No matter how hard your work was , you could count on a belly full of nourishment as a reward for your toil . In our prepackaged world , the ability to create has been stifled everywhere , but no place has felt the sting of modernity quite like the kitchen . Those of you who were raised on Swanson's and McCain's offerings , have no fear - you can bring the sing back into your tastebuds and impress your family , and here's how .

The Main : Mad Cholent

Step 1 : Get out a big ass pot and get it hot
Add some fat - butter,margarine,olive oil , back sweat , use whatever you have
Get a rockin sizzle and add:
1/2 to a whole onion
3 scallions
6 cloves garlic
2 carrots
3-5 small chopped up spuds

Get the mess glossy and add a bucketful of water , and to this add
3 tbs pepper
1 tbs salt
1 tbs dried oregano
2 teas dried mustard
3 bay leaves
1 chili pod
2 teas smoked or hot paprika
1/2 cup marrowfat peas
1 cup cannelini beans
1/2 cup pinto beans
and garbanzos if you wish . Substitute if needed

Cook forever . At least 6 hours in a crockpot or stove will do . Lats for eons . Better the next day .

The Side : Holy Shit It's Granny's Biscuits

You can multiple this for the big fessers in your life.
First you can get some onions , chives , mushrooms goin in a skillet . They will be needed later.

Mix this shit with a fork and then your paws

2 cups or more flour
1 teas Hyssop (or some other green shit)
1 teas dried oregano
1 major teas baking powder
1 level tea salt
2 teas sugar
1 cup milk , buttermilk , soya stuff , whatever you got

Get er happy then mix in the sizzled stuff with your paws and turn out onto floured countertop . (cause I know NONE of you have a bread board)
Cut into whatever shapes you want . Rounds work , but sometimes I braid mine into micro-Challahs .

The important part - put in UberHot oven (450-500) on an UNGREASED sheet and bake for around 12 minutes or until you can't take it any longer.

OK , I gotta eat!

Goodbye For Good

I am an alcoholic. This is neither a new nor earth shattering revelation , but simply an honest one . I fell off the wagon on Super Bowl Sunday of 2008 after having my heart ripped into shreds by yet another woman who secretly wanted to be with a friend of mine , but as much as that burned me , it's not her fault but mine entirely . Every addict no matter how much clean time can find the excuse to pick up whatever it is that has the potential for destruction .
I have few people close to me in my life now simply because , due to their addictions and/or whatever they needed to do to fuel them , they are no longer walking the Earth . I picked up the Narcotic Anonymous handbook given to me in 2002 by a group of friends today for the first time in years and noticed the various inscriptions and what stood out to me is ... they're all dead . Mothers , fathers , sons , daughters , and the dearest friends all gone now because they relapsed or died from diseases caused by their previous addictions . Front and centre is my dearest friend John who died under strange circumstances after being introduced to Oxycontin by a girlfriend in an effort to control his pain because he was too "tough" to see a doctor . Not even a coroner could determine whether it was diabetes , an accident , or suicide , but the point is , he was one of the greatest beings to grace the planet and I miss him more than any arrangement of words can describe . His 8 years of clean time couldn't save him when it came down to it and if he can fall , anyone can .
Most of my relatives are addicts of one thing or another . My mother is an alcoholic and my father has been addicted to every vice known to man and a few you probably haven't heard about . I watched my dad put millions of dollars worth of intoxicants into his body and wind up a sad , irresponsible , paranoid NOTHING , a man shunned by his children and famous friends , relegated to blankly staring into space . Myself , i have in many ways emulated my father's selfish ways but in a more closeted way , but I cannot let the weight destroy me anymore .
Alcohol is drug of illusion . It's legal so it gives an impression of acceptance , of belonging with friends , something that's not worth missing out on . What those people over at Seagram's don't tell you is that booze will fuel aggression and self-loathing while giving you the guise of a socially responsible coping mechanism . Booze will stifle all creativity - it's an anesthetic that numbs you to all of the pain for a moment , but it will also numb your joys , your art , your ambitions and honest desires. It is customs-cleared , supertaxed misery that only benefits the profiteers - Alcohol IS a drug and you are no less a junkie if you are addicted to it as Heroin . You can become the person you hate the most , and I for one , am done with it .

Mr.Booze , we've had the best and worst of times together , but we're getting a divorce . And this time , it's permanent .

----as a sidenote , if anyone knows the whereabouts of my dad and whether or not he is still alive , an e-mail would be gratefully appreciated . TX---

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Friday, September 4, 2009

Aaaaaaaand We're Off.......

Smash-and-grab robberies are pretty terrifying events for the clerks , but apparently they also have fans . Cue to 0:48 to hear the JOY expressed by the play-by-play announcer , er reporter . He seems to have this confused with a Macy's grand prize shopping spree .


Thursday, September 3, 2009

The Pain By Shane

The blog post that caused this reaction can be found HERE

Thanks , asshole , I love you too.

Requested Reprint Blog : Michael Phelps

Monday, February 02, 2009
Phelps and whatnot

Seems that the moral police over at CNN and Fox News are all up in arms about the "aberrant" behaviour of Michael Phelps . Seems that the kid has been caught passed out drunk and smoking a (very nice) bong. They are questioning all sorts of things about a normal kid doing dumb kid shit . Now if it was a Canadian (like Ross Rebagliatti) caught in the vicinity of cannabis or a European (like the English Winter Olympic team ) passed out drunk ,it is excused . In fact , Ross became a millionaire from the publicity and had his mug on the cereal box AFTER the Fox News created "scandal" . (Mind you , cereal may be THE preeminent stoner food) Come on people , who died and made CNN the great moral authority of the Western Hemisphere? There is this monstrous headline questioning whether or not Phelps is "An American Hero". Now when I think of a Hero , I think of Police Officers , Firefighters , Peacekeepers (oops , those are Canadian) , Pilots , etc. Now if Phelps uses his superhuman gift to jump into a roaring current to save a toddler , then he's a hero. Otherwise , he's a kid with a great talent who should be able to do the same dumb shit and follow his own learning curve without undue scrutiny . He's not getting women knocked up all over the place , he's not running a dogfighting ring , or doing anything more offensive than maybe attempting to fondue a Cheeto. (don't ask)If you are looking for someone to blame for your kid being a stoner , look at their friends and your own neglect and/or naivite . Michael Phelps is just the latest in a long line of people made scapegoats by a generation of sissy parents too egotistical to take the time out of their important lives to properly care for their offspring .

Note To California

Susan Atkins committed horrific acts before most of us were even born . Many people offer the excuse that she was under the mind control of Charles M. Manson and LSD , but I am not going to offer such justification . She participated in one of the most horrifying crime and murder sprees of modern times and admitted to ending the lives of Sharon Tate and her unborn child . She was justifiably sentenced to spend her remaining days safely locked away from the positive human experience . She was denied parole for the 17th time despite being a case in rehabilitation and being paralyzed by malignant brain cancer . By being denied such release , she was determined to be a threat to human life . In my estimation , the only reason why she was denied such release is because of the notoriety of the crimes - if the unrepentant Lockerbie bomber should be released than an exemplary case such as Susan Atkins must be , if only for the fact that she has served over 40 years in prison and lookout and getaway driver Linda Kasabian got off scott free .

California is drowning in debt and has spent 1.2 million dollars in the last year alone on Susan's care . Her husband is a prominent attorney and would gladly foot the bill for her care if she was released , and as sick as she is now , he could be saving California's taxpayers as much as $300 000 per month .
I am not in favour of referring to this as "compassionate" release where it relates to the now Mrs. Whitehouse , but for the California people .

She has been given a death sentence , and now it's time for her family to pay for the bullet.

Ugh ... Boots?

You are NOT hallucinating - these are the new Ugg boots . At first glance I thought the hideous knit thing was to appease animal loving types , but after perusing the website , I have learned that they are still lined with the same sheepskin weirdness so this is supposed to be a fashion statement . Like the Argyle socks they are patterned after , you can bunch them up for added fright factor . Now , I may not be the most fashion-forward person on the planet , but these things are horrid , and at $200 a pair , they are suitably expensive enough that some famous twat is going to promote them and some wee relative of mine is going to pester me for a pair .

Ugg , taking the two WORST footwear trends and combining them does not make them fashionable - ever heard of the old phrase "two wrongs don't make a right" ?

Ugg - Uggly boots for Uggly people .

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dear : The GAP

I really love the fit of your denim . You see I am afflicted with very long legs and most jeans are either 8 sizes too large or slide down my ass , but not yours . I love how those 7 extra-longs fit me and make me feel like I have the greatest ass on the planet , but I have an issue that I am unable to ignore . That is your endorsement and promotion of Perez Hilton's CocoPerez website . Not only are you a sponsor , you are the presenting , founding endorser of the website that just sugar-coats his judgments on others . He ridicules innate traits of children and dances on the graves of the dead . He is nobody's friend - he'll even ridicule people wearing your brand if he thinks it will get him publicity , and it's not fair to you , your models , or your consumers , most of whom would be repulsed by this association . I mean , if you are SO proud , post headers in your stores of him dressed like this

and see how many people leave in disgust never to return .

He is not an asset to your marque , and while I will miss you , I just cannot support a business that fuels the hatred that The GAP and your subsidiaries have campaigned against . Thusly , until this repulsive arrangement is severed , you will not see me anywhere in the vicinity of a GAP , Old Navy , or Banana Republic store .

Thank You ;


Faggots ...

...are pork meatballs usually made with leftover bits and organ meat with onions rolled in pork belly fat served in a heavy sauce with spuds and peas. Most Americans would find them to be quite delicious.

Now you know what they are next time you decide to use this term as an insult.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Giant Killer

The U.S. and Canadian national women's hockey teams receive millions in funding along with the best schools , sports medicine and coaching to keep atop the game . And then there is Finland - a small country with less than 5000 total female hockey players and a less than spectacular fanbase . But they have Noora Raty .

Yesterday , the defending world champs thought they had an easy one . They were leading 2-0 after the first and thought themselves unstoppable . And then Noora Raty closed the door .

....49 TIMES ....

The big Americans tried crashing down on the skinny 5'4" kid but she kept the players as well as the pucks out of the net , the normally low-scoring Finns got inspired by all of this and erased the lead . And then took it.
Try as they might , the Stars and Stripes could not solve the kid who might just grow up to be the greatest of all .

Noora Raty has been awarded a position with a top-tier university with a free education and I cannot think of anyone in the sports world more deserving .

Heart . It's the intangible factor that creates miracles on and off the ice .