TW: harassment, shit my sister shouldn't read
When you've been single as long as I've been, the whole dating thing is a mystery. However, lately, I've been getting a lot of attention from a multitude of genders. Now, I'm not exactly used to being frequently hit on, so it is kind of freaky. For the first while, it was all good, but now it's the precursor to a serious panic attack. Regular readers know that I'm not dating anybody or sleeping with too many different people, so I must be turning folks down. And this is where the problems begin.
If you've known someone for awhile, there may be an attraction. Sometimes the while consists of 3 beers, sometimes a year or so. But sometimes (okay, most times), there is just something about the person that doesn't do it for me sexually. Sure he/she/they could be my friend, and we may even become really good friends. Most folks laugh it off when I turn them down, a lot of cisguys act like it was a joke, and we move on.
But what happens if the human doesn't get the point?
Sometimes this occurs and most of the time the person will require being told more than once, but will eventually understand that it ain't gonna happen and you're all good. But when the person persists, there can be a serious problem. Sometimes someone you've passed on continues to be not only flirtatious, but sexually aggressive. While I've had insane-ass stalker people, who I'm writing about today comes short of being a criminal.
There's this woman who lives nearby who is a really decent person, for the most part. She cooks for people and hangs out and she's a fun person to smoke a joint with. So, all is wonderful, except for the fact that I just don't dig her that way.
But she really, really likes me and wants to have sex with me.
Lately, this person has been hitting on me strong. She discusses her level of horniness and the fact her pot's been down her bra. She tries to guilt me into sex and says she is going to get me drunk so I'll hook up with her. She doesn't want a boyfriend or anything, just a breathing masturbatory device like the guy upstairs who she would have made sleep with her had he not been sleeping. This really sounds like a whiny mancomplaint, but when woman X gets too big of a hard-on for me, I have a massive anxiety attack. I have to leave the room as soon as possible before she frots me or something.
Today, she was in full pervert mode and made me feel so uncomfortable that I barely said a word. She uttered all of the above things and more before I quietly left. And that's what I always do- I separate myself from the individual and gradually distance myself socially until the unwanted affection ceases. It may seem wimpy, but it's nonconfrontational and has worked for me thus far. But with this mama lies a fear that if I don't put out, she will get extremely upset with me. I won't do it; in fact I'll be more likely to be further repelled in my mind, but I am still not good at defending myself from overtly suggestive women, and humans in general.
So, here's where I need you, my readers. How do you turn someone down without hurting his or her feelings and remain friends? Is this even possible; will there always be sexual tension? Am I being a wimp by weaseling out of parties where she may be, and if so what do I say or do to better handle this and similar situations?
Throw your two cents in below.