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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fun(dies) With Existentialism

A number of years ago, my buddy Mitchell gave me a pair of these as a gag X-Mas gift. (along with one of those boob beer can toppers)

Fundies. Underwear built for two.

  The name and potential "use" of this gag gift reminded me of another kind of fundie, this one usually caught with his or her private parts occupying the same area as those of someone not their wedded partner.

   Baptist minister and Focus on the Family fundie George Rekers was caught with a very young fellow he met off of recently and news outlets and blogs like my own gave the play-by-play. It's fair to say that unless his wife regressed 40 years and had a sex change, Lucien ain't Mrs. Rekers.

  He is the latest in a string of so-far-right-they're-staring-at-their-own-asses bigots caught doing things they have damned others for. Guys like Rev. Tommy Tester (arrested whilst wearing a skirt propositioning a cop for a blowjob), Congressman Mark Sanford ( The Argentine Affair), and Ted Haggard (meth and men) are the faces of the epidemic of religion gone bad. But it is not a new phenomenon. Remember Jimmy Swaggart and his whores?

  It is not a problem with religion so much as when one uses the excuse of faith to rid themselves of what disturbs them the most- their own very human desires. Their internal shame is directed outward as hate towards the people who contently live in a way that the suffering fundie wishes he could. If he wants to leave his wife but the Church prohibits it, he pushes for sanctions against female freedom and for male household dominance. If he really wishes to have a partner of the same gender, he will invest his efforts in the pseudoscience of "curing" homosexuality. Should he desire someone of a different race or religion, personal ignominy forces the person to project racism.

   Self-loathing is the disease and there will always be a religion asserting that they can fix your every ill. And if you are brought up in orthodoxy, you will have been indoctrinated with not only self-doubt but something to cling to while you struggle with your right to exist. Theology instills a near-impossible moral ideal and mandates blind allegiance with damnation and derision for those who violate the command of the laws. Moral codes were often instituted by various societies, but these were magically beamed into print by someone claiming to know the will of the supernatural. The books themselves may have been apocryphal by design but are now taken so literally that no human being can completely comply.

  So we confess to priests, cry to the heavens, apologize for sins we may or may not have even thought of committing on Yom Kippur, and pray for perfection. And when we fall short of the instilled archetype, we project that insecurity onto others and punish them for sins real or imagined. And it is not our place to do so.

   Should there truly be a metaphysical overseer of the worlds, this ethereal being would likely view morality in a far different view than in the books created by the most intelligent of creatures. The vengeful old bearded man in the sky is an image of man's views on G-d, and it is an insult to the most extreme degree. Why would the sublime create such variations of creatures for man to instill terror on them? Minorities, be them human or otherwise are simply variations. Where some commit atrocities through free will, others are scorned simply for being born the way they are. G-d doesn't hate, man does.

   If I was floating around the cosmos as the ultimate steward of the universe, I'd be pretty angry with those men who vainly choose to alter my design. The preacher who promises to "repair" my natural method of population control would be the true heretic in my eyes.

  Maybe that is the point to these recent "outings". Entertain for yourself the possibility that their holier-than-thou existence was contrary to the plan of the Creator. Maybe this is some sort of holy revenge for the sin of trying to fix what wasn't broken in the first place.

  Just a thought.


  1. HAHAHA you almost lost me at "male household dominance" ..but i love how ya intertwined undies & religion. I have been trying to do THAT since Catholic school. :P

  2. yeah ok idiot. you say you had to switch your shit because you're gettin old? Right around the time Shane changes his? You copy everything he does bitch. Get off the INTERNET and get a personality of your own.

  3. You're the idiot. Actually I take that back. An idiot is an old-school term for an autistic person and I'm fairly sure that you choose to be obstinate as opposed to being born that way.

    Who has been stalking my tweets 24/7 for the last 3 months yet refuses to identify herself?

    I suspect it is YOU who needs to get a life, or at the very least, an education. If you were capable of higher level thought and could read more than the rudimentary you would know that Shane and I are vastly different individuals.

    So if you dare, take a look around. You might just find something that you like here. Or go back to your generic bourbon and hair metal. Either way, please keep your comments confined to the topic at hand. You see, unlike Mr. Powers, I DO have the option to delete offensive and/or irrelevant comments or block you depending on how often you fill the comment boxes with profane drivel . Among my readers are people in their nineties who have no interest in the negativity brought from a stalker of another website that they do not visit.

    Troll elsewhere.

  4. To Anonymous, I certainly don't need to defend Mika. She is completely capable of defending herself. I am telling you that you have some work to do on yourself. You obviously don't understand the term friendship and have big jealousy issues. If you can't change on your own, seek help and you'll be alot more content when you work on YOUR OWN ISSUES. Seriously, think about it.

  5. is today my day to love 4ut and wonder who he/she is?

    mika - i'm your new biggest fan. i've read your pieces before and decided, to hell with it, i'm putting you on my favorites so i'm always a bit inspired.

    this is a fun, breezy entry that that little coward (aw, gotta love hiding behind anonymous...) took out of retrospect. all i have to say is that clearly that person just follows shane's blog and hollered at yours out of curiosity. that's what i did. the unfortunate difference? i don't judge at first post...that person does.

    what a ridiculous waste of typing on their part. and a great one on your part. fundies sound like a truly great holiday gag gift and then an even better one to check out and and share with the world.

    best of luck to anonymous who is having trouble with self-identification. he/she needs as many blessings as possible, and not in a tragic way, but in a human way.

    now to a couple things that are applicable and in the spirit of this entry:

    this quote: “Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.”

    and this link thanks to funny or die:

    cheers and thanks for being a new favorite visit of mine!!

  6. To Betsy, Ahahahahahha Can I call you Bets? I am enjoying your posts very much too. 4ut stands for 'For you tweeters' what can I say? It's not one of those fancy names. You will find me on twitter at @4ut. As soon as I know who you are on twitter I will be following you. Nice to meet you. :)

  7. so much better than "4ut, fourroot? foot? maybe it's foot?" oh no! i don't tweet! i know, i know...i quit facebook in october and i don't tweet. i look like a social hermit huh? maybe i'll give in and join; i do have a lot of friends in other states that i should reconnect with... i am on tumblr though! - we'll have connect somehow cause i think we're kindred spirits with these posts tahahhaa :) great meeting you and mika, look at you connecting new friends on the interwebs. you've done your great deed for the day! -bets (oddly everyone does call me that. feel free!)

  8. Oh Bets, please come on twitter. Keep your account private and just follow the people you really like. I'll be checking out your tumblr. I am a kindered spirit with Mika and Shane and others on here too. there are alot of wonderful people on here. Just ignore the nut cases. Seriously consider joining. Mika, thank you for allowing us to chat on your blog. I love you Mika. AND I'm a female btw

  9. I loathe people that can't even say who they are whilst shooting something down. Coward. But I do have a suspicion as to whom it may be.If I say something, good or bad, im woman enough to sign my name to it.I don't always agree with roof's blogs, but I do respect her.So the fuck what if she DID follow Shane's lead, there's a whole lot worse she could follow.Live & let live.If the blog annoys you ..then do NOT read it. PEACE.


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