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Sunday, August 14, 2011

#winning With The Juggalos

Giving up your $40 million a year job to catch turdballs and glowsticks hurled by Insane Clown Posse fans isn't normal...but on crack it is.



Tila Tequila showed up for last year's gathering. Soon after, she lost what was left of her mind and started creating nearly incomprehensible blog posts about the Illuminati reading her mind.

Dude, this is NOT winning.

(Even More) Fundies With Existentialism

Read the entire thing and don't just stop at the video...please. 

Recently, AFA talking head Bryan Fischer posted a piece in which he questioned the idea of the fitness of females in politics purely because of their gender. While the piece seemed quite mild by Mr. fischer's standards, he did hop on AFA radio on Friday to clarify things a little and take opinions from callers, most of whom claimed that women are far too emotionally fragile to be leaders and, moreover, such things were "inappropriate" and "unbiblical".

The caller who prompted this response is a woman named Robin, who most certainly doesn't jive with women being political leaders, stating that the mere possibility that a woman could be president is a sign that America is under a "curse" from God because that is what God does to nations that fall out of His favour.

Naturally, Mr. Fischer gleefully chimed in with this reply:



If there is a god, who is Bryan Fischer to say that this all-powerful being would be so sociopathic as to deem one gender to be garbage in comparison to the other, useful only as a hole for quickie sex and washing the pots and pans? These Scriptures were written by men to control people, men who were racist, sexist, xenophobic, and homophobic, just like Bryan Fischer. Men who likely had serious mommy issues and hated their wives because they secretly lusted for their buddies, and whether or not that describes Mr. Fischer, we may never know.

Also, God does not choose leaders of free nations. The idea that one is pre-destined by the supernatural to rule over the people falls within the Divine Right of Kings, and as liberated people know, monarchies are not democracies, no matter how hard they try to be. In fact, opposition to undemocratic rule is one of the founding principles of that America that you believe is blessed by your Creator. Besides, if the Scriptures are correct, Barack Obama couldn't have been permitted office by this God because he's of African descent. (Those with "flat noses" are considered blemished in the Scriptures and not fit to rule over the people or to even enter a religious building.) The idea that God chooses Presidents according to divine bigotry is absurd.

The person I feel most sorry for though is the caller that inspired Bryan Fischer's ridiculous rant. It's pretty obvious that Robin has been indoctrinated with the belief that she is inferior purely because she wasn't born with a penis. She believes that women are cursed by God because some rib-lady ate a sacred apple after being told to by a talking snake. Instead of viewing the ability to bring life into the world as a wondrous gift, she sees such a thing as divine punishment, and as such America will be plagued with a female honcho because of it's spiritual iniquity.Any value system that could cause this lady, and millions of others, to hate themselves this much is far from moral, no matter how pretty the hymns are.

Bryan Fischer makes his living by willfully promoting hatred against women, Jews, Muslims, gays, immigrants, Native Americans, Hindus, atheists, and anyone else who is not a bigoted, white, American Protestant male. I'd dare to suggest that Bryan Fischer has seriously deep-rooted psychological disturbances that may have been caused by childhood religious abuse or any of the many other causes of adulthood assholery. And, with him, he found a perfect outlet for his rage in a religion that's millenia old. If it weren't for Christianity, I'm sure that Bryan Fischer would find another way to express his self-centredness, megalomania, and misogyny, but fewer people would actually take him seriously. If he didn't have this man-made version of God, he'd probably invent his own death cult or be a permanent fixture in the Bubble Room of a psychiatric facility.

People often ask why I mention zealots like Fischer so often, firmly believing that I ignored, bigots will go away. The reason is multifold, but fairly simple: If intelligent and compassionate people like you and I don't rebuke folks like Bryan Fischer whenever we can, they will continue to have influence over the political goings-on of not only America, but other free nations. Secondly, protest doesn't give fundamentalists power like so many think. Because of outrage over Bryan Fischer's incendiary radio programs, he has been rejected from speaking at many religious and/or Republican conventions of late, ones that he often counted on as a source of income and new sheep. When we clearly state that the American Family Association and its cohorts do not at all represent a positive vision of faith, they will be forced to adapt or be pushed further to the fringes, where they will no longer be able to have power over our politicians, laws, and schools.

I choose not to believe in any of the gods and goddesses presented before me, but some people do feel the need to surrender their lives to something other than themselves to become greater human beings. And I have absolutely zero malice toward anyone who uses spirituality to attain a personal relationship with the bigger, more awesome them that lies in the mind. However, the thing about belief is that it should assist you in becoming a better human being instead of enabling all of your hatreds to multiply like intracranial skinhead bunnies.

So, if your god is demanding that you  make your daughter dress up like Darth Vader or tell her she's only useful as a baby factory, you may just be a child abuser. And if you don't live in Saudi Arabia or Iran, it is at least partially your fault. You have a choice as to whether or not you'll allow a preacher to tell you and your kin how to live. Stop blaming your religion- it can only make you do what you would do anyways- and take some accountability for the way in which your kids' self-esteem is formed. Stop blaming a book written by Bronze Age nincompoops for your disgruntlement over your son doing 20-to-life for killing a gay guy, for the fact that you beat your wife, or for the fact that you allow sequences of bizarre superstitions to dictate what you can eat and when you can eat it. Don't give me the "but God said so" bullshit. God didn't say it, man said it and wrote it down for posterity. God doesn't hate fags or abortion or women or blacks. You do. Own it, and if you feel badly about it, atone for it by being a decent human being.

If you bring peace with you, it will multiply.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

13 Questions

  After the well-publicized Republican debate that Rick Perry and Sarah Palin famously chickened out of was complete, opinions on how well presidential hopefuls had done began to flow as wildly as the Iowa River in springtime. There are always a few comments that people latch on to, like Santorum dissing Iran for having a lousy gay rights record when he hates gays as openly as any old-school Imam or Huntsman seeming to forget that he was involved in high-level talks with China whilst working as Ambassador; however, there are also pundits weighing in on the appropriateness of questions posed to the panelists.

  The question that seems to have garnered the most media steam was asked by Byron York to the only female on stage, that being Michele Bachmann. In reference to the following speech, Mr. York asked Mrs. Bachmann if, as Commander in Chief, she would be under the power of her husband.



  Mrs. Bachmann naturally tried to skirt the question by claiming that her and Marcus have a mutual respect relationship instead of an "I do not permit a woman to speak" one, as instructed in the Bible. She certainly didn't definitively answer who exactly would be running the show should America become suddenly insane and vote her in as Prez.

  Naturally, news organizations have called the question sexist or otherwise inappropriate, but I don't find it either. You see, people have the right to know if their country could be run not by the woman they voted for, but a badly closeted guy who believes in the spiritual and psychological terrorism of gay people. For the citizens of the land, it is imperative that who decides to bomb Iran and institute Biblical law is the zealot of their choosing. As such, not only is the query appropriate, but necessary. If someone would hand over the wellbeing of over 300 million people to another solely because of a book written by bronze-age miscreants, not only do Republicans deserve to know, but the rest of the world should.

  Now, I don't believe that Mrs. Bachmann should have been singled out for the submission question, even though we know that Newt keeps his wives and mistresses suitably subjugated. All of them should have been asked if they believe that women are second-class humans because of the tale of a rib-lady and a talking snake. In this vein, I've compiled a list of 13 questions that I would pose to this gaggle of Bible-beaters during the next Republican schmoozefest. I have more in my mind, but 13 seems like a fantastic number when dealing with matters of the superstitious kind.

  1. If a bull gores someone, do you believe that both the ox and his owner shall be stoned to death as commanded in Exodus 21:28-29?

  2. If someone works on the Sabbath, shall he or she be put to death in accordance with several sections of the Bible, including Exodus 31:13-17?

  3. Do you kill a lamb or goat every time you touch an insect, making sure to sprinkle the blood all over the place and burning the fat, head, and innards in a bizarre spectacle?

  4. As President, will you require that both parties in adultery be executed?

  5. Would you execute Pat Robertson, Harold Camping, and other dreamers and Prophets if their predictions are wrong in accordance with God's laws?

  6. Will you keep your daughter's bloody sheets to prove her virginity lest her husband decide he hates her and should lie that she was a whore? Remember, if you don't save the relic, your daughter shall be stoned to death at your doorstep.

  7. Would you bar the blind, the deaf, or dwarves from entering houses of worship as they "profane the sanctuaries" of God? And would you reward those who kill the blind, just like David did?

  8. Should we fear mass executions because your God commands you to murder all of those who do not "seek out the God of Israel"?

  9. Would you and your buddies stone a disobedient son to death? Remember, this is not only commanded by God, but Jesus, who came to enforce the commandments, not alter them.

  10. As President, would you demand a return to slavery with penalties for disobedient slaves as prescribed by God, Jesus, Peter, and Paul dozens of times? Do you currently own slaves? If not, why not?

  11. Would you force schools to teach that the world is flat, as it is said to be so 18 times in the Bible? Would our kids also be taught that Earth is fixed, with the Sun revolving around it as mentioned 13 times? Will geography be banned from classrooms, as it involves Earth's measurement, which is strictly prohibited in Jeremiah 31:37?

  12. Do you believe in dragons, unicorns, or talking donkeys? If not, you haven't read Numbers, 2 Peter, or Job.

  13. Do you have a Christmas tree? If so, you haven't read Jeremiah 10:2-8, which states" Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.... They are altogether brutish and foolish."

  These questions are not intended to ridicule believers, but to point out the fact that absolutely none of the self-righteous Christians who want to score the Republican nomination adhere to their faith by the letter. And this is probably a good thing, since these are people that, save for Ron Paul, do not believe in any separation of church and state. Asking Michele Bachmann, a self-described  Evangelical whether or not she's submissive is an absolutely fair question because she brings her private beliefs into the public spectre so often; in that vein, it would be completely acceptable to ask any other Republican hopeful any of the above.

  I thoroughly encourage you to think about exactly what your politicians bring to the table. Do they have sound ideas about how to better the lives of others or demand that hundreds of millions of very different people have their rights restricted or removed because of their belief in the superiority of words written by some of the most proudly brutal men in human history? Political ideals and religious practice are and must remain sovereign in order for nations to become and remain free. Perhaps, Republicans would understand the necessary segregation between church and state if they actually researched the woman whose words mean so much to them. Ayn Rand was the selfish, free-market heroine, but she was also pro-choice and very staunchly atheist. She also was an immigrant.

  What I have done here is what folks like Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum don't want you to do, and that's think. One question generally follows another- not only in a political debate, but in life itself. It's when we stop asking questions and making decisions based on fact and instead settle for appeals to judgmentalism force-fed by those who care naught about us that we become partners in the loss of liberty.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Because New Twitter Is a Pain In The Tweet



  Normally I'm making you aware of super-important global causes and corrupt politicians, or at least giving you a history of the toilet, but today it's a little wee touch different. This post is about Twitter, the microblogging service that most of you know and love.

  Some of you may have noticed that your Twitter is looking a little weird now. It's because the New Twitter, which made it's beta debut 11 months ago, has been foisted upon all tweeters. And a ton of you plumb hate it, which is why you opted out of New Twitter when you had a choice, choosing to stay with the tried-and-true original that had been around since early 2006. It's less busy and you need fewer clicks to do the same thing.

  Until August 3rd, you were winning, and now that you're forced to deal with an interface not of your choosing, many of you have messaged me or bitched on Twitter about your New Twitter rage. Complaints have ranged from not being able to get online from dialup (yes, some people still use this) to forgetting about DMs, not to mention the weird way messages are dealt with. Twitter features an older demographic than most social networks and has a huge international reach. As such, Twitter should give their unique audience a choice as to which interface they'd wish to use. It's not Facebook, and twitterati wouldn't wish their fave service become so.

   So, here's the deal: Because I had noticed the plethora of folks upset about involuntary conversion to New Twitter, I decided to try and do something about it. I know it's a first-world problem, but I decided to petition Twitter to bring back the opt-out, allowing my dad and you to figure out what the hell is going on in the Twitterverse.

  If you're one of the many who hate New Twitter, or at least believe users should have a choice, wander over HERE to let them know how you feel.

 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Media Moment: Circular Impression

This woman may become the leader of 65% of my readers.

Watch and wretch while Mrs. Bachmann attempts to justify indiscriminate pollution.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Your Morning Tea

Tea Party members have made no secret that they want Barack Obama to be a one-term president. They've stalled legislation and held the nation's economy hostage in an attempt to bring down a guy who may not be the best prez ever, but is the one voters placed in his seat.

Recently, the U.S. lost her AAA credit rating, and this does have an impact on everyday Americans in more ways than one can imagine. The Dow Jones took a plunge so huge yesterday that it was even felt on the Toronto Stock Exchange, instilling a sense of uneasiness in many middle-class folks with private retirement plans and mutual funds.

The downgrade has been given the moniker, The Tea Party Downgrade, and one would think this would bother the usually-disgruntled band of kazoos, but in this case they're overjoyed. Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz is among them, proudly squealing "We weren't kidding around either. We would have taken it down.". It in this instance refers to something affecting the nation's global economic standing and her sense of financial pride.

This is a Tea Party Express event in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin, a state so polarized by these malcontents that their government was at a standstill for what seemed like an eternity. Florida talk show host Andrea Shea King to discuss the credit rating downgrade and how it's been blamed on the Tea Party. Instead of this bothering the small crowd, they cheered.

This is not a faction of patriots, but parasites.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Media Moment : The Padded Edition

  The Always menstrual diaper adverts have always annoyed me. Every so often, they come up with a tagline that's obviously been invented by either a man or 80 year old woman who remembers when pads were 2 inches thick and held on with jockstraps. Their new TV spot is in their Have A Happy Period series and it offends not only female-born-women, but everyone else too. According to Always, some women (ie: transgendered ones) would love to be blessed with the monthly curse, so those of us who still have uteri should just stop whining.

Not only has Always managed to piss off those of us who have horrible periods, but they've managed to poke fun at the transgendered and made an underhanded stab at women who have had hysterectomies.

Great work, assholes.