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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hey PETA - Boycott This !

Okay kids, a lot of people are up in arms about the seal hunts that occur in Canada and Scandinavia, mainly due to horrifying images of stupid rednecks with hakapiks and clubs killing cute-looking, fairly docile creatures. Personally, I am against the manner of the Newfie seal hunt because it is so bloody wasteful. A lot of folks don't seem to consume any of the remaining carcass, and that rubs the wrong way a dude who was raised quite poor.

However I have ZERO issue with traditional folks taking what they need to survive the world's harshest climates . They have true respect for the lives they take and generally kill elderly male seals for not only their fur, but for their meat and fat. (Which I have heard is quite delicious and something I must try very soon) Now, I know HollyWacks believe in equality for everyone, you know except for aboriginals who are the only true environmentalists remaining . It's just not cute and, man, these people look kind of funny and speak a funny language and live in simple surroundings.
So, because of the misunderstandings of a not-so-trendy culture, PETA has asked all of us to boycott Maple Syrup .
OK, I'm lost. what the HELL did a tree do to anyone?  If I ever heard a tree bark or moo get me to a shrink and fast!
Of course, they pick the syrup because it is readily identifiable as Canadian even though 15% of the world's output comes from the U.S. and England .

So, PETA, I'll give you a list of Canadian things that your REALLY committed members can boycott ..... (in no special order)

#1 : The RIM BlackBerry communications devices are manufactured in Waterloo, Ontario by a Canadian company. I know, I used to work there.

But if you are thinking old-school, Canuck Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone. The walkie-talkie and pager are also Canadian inventions. Just avoid communication, to be sure.

#2 : Basketball - yup Dr. Naismith was a very proud Canuck

#3 : Comedians - Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, Howie Mandel, Rich Little, Ben Blue, Will Sasso, Lorne Michaels, Jeremy Hotz, and Tom Green are just a few.

#4 : Diamonds - well, you folks don't want African blood ice right? If it ain't cruel, that rock is a Canuck

#5 : Insulin - sorry diabetic PETA loyalists, this life-saver is not only Canadian but was tested on animals and is usually not vegan. Please die now.

#6 : Cars - Most of the non-Saudi Oil used in your autos is directly piped from Alberta!! Oh, and thank our prairies for Ethanol and biodiesel. Natural Gas consumers aren't out of the woods either as the majority of it comes from our chilly Arctic.

#7 : Television, and Imax. Yes, TV cameras and Imax technology are both ours and chances are that the lastest new star is a Canadian .

#8 : Lunch - Peanut Butter was invented by Marcellus Edison and patented in 1884. Oh and the snack in your pack might be too. The candy bar was invented by the Ganong brothers in 1910 .

#9 : Reading - Wood pulp papermaking was invented in 1844 by prolific Canadian poet and general curious dude Charles Fenerty.

#10 : Margarine - Canola is an acronym for "Canadian Oil, low Acid". The plant was derived from rapeseed to have low acidity and a better nutritive profile by the University of Manitoba and naturally margarines contain a ton of it.

--------- Seeing as Americans buy 90% of Canadian Seal fur, maybe PETA should boycott Apple Pie. It makes about as much sense -----------

5 comments:

  1. Ok here we are taught during black history month that Peanut Butter was invented by George Washington Carver, not that it matters b/c PETA is still stupid. I swear PETA is some conspiracy by animal haters to make animal lovers look retarded and make rational people associate animal activism with whiny irrational dramaboating thus making it unappealing and people less likely to join the cause.

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  2. What? Why would the U.S. gov't tell such an untruth? You gotta be joking ! Nope , Marcellus Edison was even issued US patent #306727 for inventing it!
    But , yeah , for the conspiracy thingy , I hope you are right

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  3. Aren't they were all Jewish?

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  4. Idk why do they also tell us we live in a democracy while then reteaching us that it's a republic but then throwing out the word democracy all the time? I could go on too long about this, anyway I am assuming this link was from an American source it talks about him inventing peanut butter: http://www.ideafinder.com/history/inventors/carver.htm

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  5. No @Cablasianic, We never claimed Peanut butter was invented by GWC, as a matter of fact we teach that it is the *only* part of peanut stuf that he *didn't* invent.

    Try listening to your teacher next semester.

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