Great New Product

 I swear to the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster that this is not a parody recorded by me and my goofy buddies. The Slob Stopper (try saying that 10 times really fast) is a very real product.

  Bibs for adults are not new- they've been sold at specialty shops for home nurses forever- but this time they're being marketed as something great for able-bodied, active adults.

  Could you imagine cruising a hot mama like the dude in our video and the lady's reaction when she sees you wearing a BIB?! I personally would rather spill volcanic espresso lava all over my crotch and have someone see me doing the panic dance than be seen in something I haven't required for the last 35 years. Besides, braving a scalding may elicit sympathy. So will a bib, but it will not be the kind of sympathy that results in one scoring a phone number and a hot date at Nobu.

  So, if you have some kind of weird infantilism fetish or just want to give something assholish to your boss, get the Slob Stopper today!