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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Time To Pet The Peeve: The Doodie Bomb

It's not at all uncommon in today's day and dating game to wind up dating a single parent. Heck, my grandmother had my little uncle Rob when she married the pa, and my mum had my sister before she married my dad, so I suppose it's not new, but what I'm talking about affects us more than our parents.

The prime mojo killer in a new relationship is the Doodie Bomb.

Now what is it? It is the carefully-wrapped-up dirty diaper that did not make it to the appropriate receptacle. It finds its new home on the sofa, the table, or even (eww) the countertop. And it's really fucking unnecessary. It's also an unexpected 'gift' that I've received from almost every single mum I've ever dated.

When I see The Bomb, it tells me that you don't care enough about the state of your home and the health of others to throw that shit out. Even hand it to me. i don't care whether it's a cloth nappie, a disposable one, or something you've MacGyvered with a sweatshirt and a rivet gun; I'll know where the thing goes, place it there, and wash my paws afterward. Just get rid of the thing or ask me to change the kid. Please.

Also, don't shoot me that bullshit that you forget or you're too busy or whatever- my mum raised a herd of us while working 70 hours a week and still didn't leave diapergami art all over the joint, and that was in the age of cloth nappies. It wasn't just the fact that my dad would have beaten her brains out with a cast iron skillet that prevented her from doing this, but common decency and a sense of household pride. Nobody should expect their houseguests to experience whatever dysentery-causing parasite that the Bomb contains but your kids are mysteriously immune to. Leaving Bombs everywhere doesn't tell your guests how hard-working and busy you are, but how lazy and inconsiderate you are.

So please note this: it doesn't matter how much I dig you- if we're getting groovy on the sofa and I stick my foot into a Bomb, I will get up and leave, making sure to leave shitty footprints all over your carpet. I am a super-sweet person, but only when someone respects herself and others enough not to leave the festering remains of last night's chili experiment gone wrong out for flies to breed in and the kids to play with. Lazy parenting and filthiness are my 2 biggest turnoffs and the Doodie bomb combines the two. If you are a serial shit offender, maybe you need to stop focusing on getting laid so much and learn how to be a more attentive parent. Just a thought.


  1. ewwwww that's just gross. So how do you feel about changing diapers ?

  2. Totally kosher with it. I'd rather change every diaper than experience the bomb. And yes, I know to stick the really awful ones in a grocer bag and tie it before contaminating the trash bin.


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