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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Douche For Life

  There are some tattoos that are annoyingly cliche , and barcodes are among them. But if you are idiotic enough to get one , can the barcode really scan? I found this entry from and I'm calling bullshit. :

Today , I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. Turns out I am a $5.98 16oz claw hammer. FML.

 The bar code tattoo was originally a counter-capitalism protest in ink , a reminder that we could become commodities if we aren't vigilant.  The bar code myth is based in the sci-fi conspiracy idea of people being catalogued by an all-powerful government , and carries some weight since in sci-fi land one could have magnetic ink injected into his flesh. But in todays reality , I highly doubt it.

  Now , a bar code would have to be flawless in order to hypothetically scan and the person would have to be an albino , but there MAY be some validity to such a peculiar claim . If you enter the SKU number from the bottom of a barcode into a database , it is possible that you will be a product.

  Most people who used to get these things had some idea of what the code meant. There were birthdate references , an actual word , or initials in binary code . The ink meant something to those wanting to make their secret little statement . But now every wanna-be hipster has one of these and they look stupid. And scanners are becoming so sensitive that some may actually scan in the near future.
  People have entered their SKUs , and while most people don't come up as anything , some find out that they are anything from food products to toys and more. I know of at least one artist who used the barcode from a Massengill Vinegar and Water Douche as the "random" code for these wannabes . That's right folks , there are dozens of people walking around with a tat marking them as a walking, talking douche .

  The moral of this story is that unless you want to be marked as a douche for life , know what the hell you are getting inked . Same goes for you dummies that get tattoos in hebrew or chinese that turn out to say " human ass muffler" .

Have a nice day!


  1. We're eagerly adopting technologies which can be used to track us anyway. We love paperless money and we'll pay extra for a cellphone with GPS features so we can see who's in a bathroom stall nearby.

  2. that is so awesomely appropriate re the douche guy. i worked with a musician awhile back who was planning to get a CERTAIN bar code of some book I had never heard of. having sadly worked at many retail and department stores in my life, i am calling BS with you on that skin-scanning tale!


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