...Jon Gosselin .
And I am the luckiest asshole on the planet.
While my ex old lady is taking care of my 8 kids , I get to prance around Park City with my choice of naivly ambitious young ladies and not pay for a dime of it. See , my 8 kids make me MANLIER than you and people will kiss my ass for it. And I didn't even have to risk my life to bring them into the world - hell , I didn't even have to bang the creepy bitch. Yup , all I had to do was jerk off in a little plastic cup while checking out the latest Hustler and the rack on that hot nurse in the hallway.
My ability to allow my old lady to put my balls in a vise for a decade and exploit my relatives entitles me to hang with the rich and famous , score free shit , and act like the star that I really want to be.
Hell , people are talking about putting me in films now. I think I can really dig this kind of life as long as you don't tell anyone I haven't earned it . Well , I've earned a drop of it.
Me : 1 ; Every Real Dad : No Score
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Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think