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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Party Poopers : Canada's Most Inappropriately-Named Group Turns A Party Into Politics

  Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper's politics don't please everyone all the time, but at heart he's a pretty normal middle-aged dude. Like a lot of old dogs Mr. Harper plays in his own old dude tribute band and as leader of the Conservative Party, he and his boys rocked out at the Tories' (Canuck nickname for CPC) Christmas shindig. And the oddly-named Liberal Party is absolutely steamed about it, and not for the reason most people might think.

    Some cautious types might think that the Grits would object to the festive evening being called a Christmas party, fearing that someone would feel left out, but this is not the case. Canadians tend to celebrate everyone's traditions and differences without taking offense to accidental non-PC statements. It goes without saying that the nation that produced Russell Peters, Elvira Kurt. and Mike Myers has no problem laughing at itself. The Canadian parliament is the most religiously diverse caucus on the planet, counting the Big three, but also Sikhs, Buddhists, Bahais, Atheists, and at least one Scientologist amongst the group. God is basically left out of politics and an individual's religion or lack thereof is a major issue. Mr. Harper is a Christian but everybody was invited to come to his party without changing the name of it.

  The problem that got the Grits' panties in a pickle was the musical content, specifically the fact that Mr. Harper chose only English-language songs. You see, Canada is an officially bilingual nation and Harper and The Herringbones covered The Guess Who, Neil Diamond, The Proclaimers and other anglo bands' tracks. Even though it was Harper's party, the Liberals couldn't let it pass without finding something to whine about.

  The Liberal Party really needs to take a chill pill and tune into reality. I'm sure that the Prime Minister didn't mean to offend francophones, he was just playing songs he liked. The reality of musicland is that most rock, particularly old school stuff, is in English. Even Quebecois bands primarily sing in English. Let's see here- The Box, Men Without Hats, Corey Hart, Sam Roberts, Voivod, Simple Plan, Arcade Fire, Terri Clark, The Stills ; all of these fine folks are from Quebec and sing in English. Even Roch Voisine's best tracks are in English.While I'm sure that you could find something from Leonard Cohen or Celine Dion en francais, neither exactly qualify as CPC beerfest music. English is the first language of rock and roll; it's just a fact.

  Yes Grits, we get it. You don't like Stephen Harper and his party. Since Canada has several parties and the majority did not vote Conservative, I'm sure you'll find scads of citizens who share in your dislike of the PM. You're free to organize a big emo-hippie gathering where you can engage in group brooding to Michel Rivard and Celine Dion and whine about how uncanadian Harper is whilst scarfing sushi washed down with European brandy and grappa. As people who voted, you can organize the nation's biggest, baddest bitchfest and invite all of your friends.

  Seriously, the Liberal Party needs to get a collective life. With this uproar you'd think the CPC had sent out invitations written on the pelts of baby seals. There are serious political issues (like the 10 year long WAR we're in) and assertions that could be made about Stephen Harper's actual policies, this is just obfuscation brought on by those too lazy to formulate a cohesive, substantive argument. Canada's most inappropriately-named political party needs to take the collective pickle out of it's ass and stop making progressives seem like a collective of moronic killjoys.

  The only thing that this should offend is your pair of ears.


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