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Monday, August 10, 2009

Honestly , This Is An Annoying Blog

The English language is a perplexing enough bastardization of numerous languages without the grammatical irritations and other annoyances commonly used by advertisers and layfolk alike . Advertisers will even stoop so low as to insult their target audience with redundant or useless claims , and here is my spotlight on some of the vernacular that annoys me to tears .

#1: Alliteration combined with intentional misspelling : This does not make your company sound "Klassy" , "Klever" , or "Koquettish" but might make one seem "Coke-headish" . If you are so illiterate as to be unable to spell "clean" , I will assume that you will clean my floor with Drain-O .

#2 : Unintentional double negatives : People use technically grammatically-correct terms such as "irregardless" in an attempt to sound more intelligent without realizing the correct meanings . Double-negatives are annoying by themselves without using them in places not required . You are essentially negating the following word with this prefix . Stop it.

#3 : Claims that cannot be factual : "New and Improved" is the classic here . If it is improved , then it cannot be a new concept and vice-versa . In addition , you are implying that your previous attempt was a failure .

#4 : Advertising that insults the intelligence : I witnessed the prime example today at the 7-11 today where a sign proudly proclaimed " All of our hot beverages are made with pure water" as if the corporation had just isolated Radon . Did they honestly think that the customers believed that the tea was steeped in Camel urine?

And here are a few common expressions that are just as irritating :

"Near-miss" - term for an accident that DIDN'T happen . Technically , a "near-miss" would be something that DID happen but almost did not . The more correct term would be "near catastrophe ".

"Ice Cold" - term for a chilly soda pop or what-have-you that implies the temperature is Sub-Arctic . But , the thing is , if something was that cold , wouldn't it indeed BE ice? Anyone who passed grade 3 Science should surely know this.

" I'm (You're , She is) the liaison" - Pretentious term for someone who sugar-coats bullshit between parties . The thing is , a "liaison" is part of a spoken FRENCH sentence , technically the pronunciation of a word-final consonant prior to a word beginning with a vowel . The misuse of this term makes me want to smack the offender with a large textbook.

"Literally" : If something is literal , it is definite , factual . The most common misuse would be "I laughed so hard I literally died" , or something in that vein . If you "literally" died , you wouldn't be still breathing to make that erroneous claim .

"Now More Than Ever" : "... tell your kids not to drink and drive" , " is time to watch CNN" , etc. Because it really wasn't terribly necessary before , it may have just been optional .

"Let's do lunch" and it's related variants : Lunch is something one eats or has , "doing it" would be something entirely different . while I am certain it is possible to "do" a burger , if you did so in public you would likely be arrested .

Beginning a sentence with "Honestly" or "Truthfully" : It implies that everything you previously stated was a lie , or at least somewhat evasive . In an end to sound more credible , the person who utilizes redundant words such as this has just removed every shred of his or her own credibility . And beginning a phrase with "I'm going to be brutally honest" implies that you are going to be rude to the point of verbally assaulting your victim .

There are dozens more similar phrases in the "English" language that boggle the mind . Feel free to share a few .

Have a great day!


  1. "Irregardless" sounds like a perfect example of what Americans proudly call a "Bush-ism" No one had less command of the English language.This was fun to read, and just goes to show, you can't "slaughter" the language with out "laughter".

  2. Water actually maintains the same temperature shortly after it melts as when it was frozen. The graph for water temperature is kind of like 3 tiers of solid, liquid, and gas that plateau, so there is kind of a grey zone, you can technically have an ice cold liquid, albeit not for very long.

    I say "Honestly" alot, because my nature is to joke alot and I need to let ppl know that I'm not joking. It's not that I'm a liar, I just like to kidd.

  3. That was hilarious, thank you. But don't forget "hot" water heater", because everyone needs to heat hot water (??) and "hosepipe", well is it a hose or a pipe? Make up your mind.


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