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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Worst Songs Ever - A Superficial Blog



10. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (1988)
- I think this deserves to be ranked higher . This is easily one of the worst songs , but the tragic thing is , there are worse. 80's cheese at it's finest

9. "Batdance" by Prince (1989)

Weird , yes . Dancable , not unless you are on Crystal meth . One of the worst , nope.

8. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin (1988)
This song annoyed me through grade 7 and even longer . The weird thing is this guy isn't actually a bad artist . Deserves to be on this list as one of the most overrated cheese songs ever.

7. “I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys (1999)

The REAL reason Lou Pearlman should be locked up . As a boy band , these guys actually aren't that bad. But this track is easily their worst. I'm sure there are numerous girls born in the late 1980's who want to strangle me right now.

6. "I’m Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred (1992)

I know this song was supposed to be satire , but it's trash . That said , if drunk enough one can dance to it. I first heard this weird track in a Montreal mall and prayed it was isolated to Quebec. I was sorely mistaken.

5. "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter (2006)

Limburger for the new millenium. Brainless crap , but not the worst song by far. Still , I would neever voluntarily listen to it .

4. "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men (2000)
This song is the theme song for the Alberni Valley Bulldogs Hockey Team . And , as a fan of the club , have to suffer through this frequently. Mind you , the local hockey wingnuts singing along to it provides me with way more laughs than any single person can handle. Thank G-d these idiots didn't score any other "hits". This song is possibly the worst pseudo-dance hall song ever.

3. "Wannabe" by Spice Girls (1997)

Hmmm , typical cheese for the masses. Certainly not worse than Baha Men . Kind of sends a "message" . Then again , I may just be paying more attention to Victoria Beckham's arse and Mel C's biceps. The video doesn't really seem to go with the song.

2. "Macarena" by Los Del Rio (1995)

Now THIS is the merd de la merd of dancehall type mambo WTF ever. I remember being in a Toronto nightclub when the yo-yo at the turntables played this . I wanted to slap him. And the fact there was a line dance to this ....TRAGIC!!!! I honestly fell of my bar stool laughing and was rescued from the floor by a very large drag queen who was howling as well. This song is the recurring yeast infection of the music industry. I want to puke thinking about this song.

1. "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (2005)

This song is James Blunt's worst ....but the worst EVER.... not even close . I know he sounds like his nuts are in a hydraulic press , but 11 million bored housewives can't be wrong ... or can they be? The rest of the album is not that bad and there is the odd tolerable song. this just isn't one of them.


“Mambo No. 5” cover

Does this need to be explained?? A remake of a 1949 song that should have stayed there. I actually did drag whist incredibly inebriated to this song. Hit #1 in the UK and Canada . Belongs somewhere between a large trucker and his seat cushion.

“We Built This City” cover

Ever notice Grace Slick's eyes do not move through the entire video? Maybe because people were expecting "White Rabbit" , we have unreasonable criticism of this song and it's terrible video. Or is it unreasonable ? I think not . This song hit #1 in Australia and on the Billboard Hot 100.

“MMMBop” cover

Hit #1 in no fewer than 11 countries . (but not Canada) I know these guys were kids , but WTF!!!!!! This "song" is just a smattering of incomprehensible groans , wails , and nuts-in-a-vise sounds as only a group of barely pubescent boys can provide. Horrid.

“Kokomo” cover

Who the HELL advised the Beach Boys to publish this crap??? The comeback song from hell . And , sorry ladies , i did NOT like Cocktail . Tom Cruise even annoyed me in the 80's. It was almost as cheesy and pretentious and just plain wrong as this dreadful song which hit #1 in Australia and on the dreadful Hot 100 charts.

“She's Like the Wind” cover

Proof that decent actors should be carefully monitored anytime they choose to sing. My mother liked this song for some odd reason . she also REALLY liked Dirty Dancing. I can't put my finger on exactly what makes this drivel so irritating , it just is. Every time I hear this I want to slit my wrists.

“Scatman (Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop)” cover

Does this man know what "SCAT" is? In addition to being one of the more bizarre technoesque tracks ever , I could never dance to it , let alone sing along. I know there is another meaning to the word "Scat" , as in music style , but this song doesn't qualify . So it's Scat as in crap , much like this song . I'm sure Perez Hilton likes it , though.

...and the piece de resistence...

“Achy Breaky Heart” cover

How did Spike TV miss this?? I wrote at least 5 parody variations of this irritation. Not shockingly , this hit #1 in (drumroll please ) Australia ! I remember being around 16 when this came out , and I was in a small town at the time , so trust me , I've heard this (and seen the resultant line dance) WAAAAAY too often . The first time I drank so much beer i puked , this song was on repeat . ( I had some weird and sadistic pals) I still have no idea whether it was the song or the booze.

So , the end of my superficial music critique... have a great week!!!!


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