Thursday, October 29, 2009
Just in Time For Halloween
I was told of this , but I had to see it to believe it . Wal-Mart sells caskets ...and memorial jewelery ... even URNS for your granny or fido's cinders .
COFFINS! Is NOTHING FUCKING SACRED ANYMORE?!
To add insult to Mom-and-Pop funeral homes everywhere , Wally World prefers to ship their ceremonial nap chambers to the shops. Now , if I owned a mortuary I would be offended by the obvious disrespect to both my small business and the dead . I mean how fucking cheap can you get?
If my family even CONSIDERS burying my bones in a discount store pine box I will HAUNT there asses for all of eternity . And not the romantic Ghost way , nor the quirky Beetlejuice manner .
I will go Poltergeist on their asses .
Torment WILL occur.
Even skinflint Sam Walton's substructure must be spinning (in a bed that did NOT cost $895) at the concept of his namesake becoming "Your One-Stop Shop For All Things Postmortem" .
Then again , if the box contains your brother-father-husband JimBob 's hand remaining after he blew himself up in the shed cooking Meth , it might just wax poetic .
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I can't go to wally world, I have seen the way people have to dress to go there. Luckily they only sell the coffins online, or I would make a special trip just to have my pic taken in one at the store :))
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