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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Tailor-Fit Tragedy

Every pro sport has experimented with the idea of throwback uniforms . Some are real winners that wind up being modified and returned to everyday use , like the Washington Capitals decided to do and Ovechkin looks mighty fine in these 80's-inspired threads . The patriotic look of DC's team should never have been messed with in the first place. This is how to reintroduce an old look for a new generation of stars.

And here is the newest reason why the old shouldn't always come back . This poor soul is Denver Bronco's Quarterback Kyle Orton and his svelte physique looks BEST in these horrifying unis . It goes without saying that the larger linemen are an amplification of this diarrhea-inspired travesty . I get it , they were trying to celebrate the anniversary of the AFL by reverting to these garments that probably made all the seamstresses (or tailors) vomit or cry .
If the colour scheme reminiscent of the content of an ill infant's Huggies isn't bad enough , (and trust your eyes , it's horrendous ) the long , striped socks could induce nausea in a trash collector or a seisure in the epileptic .
These threads were originally designed by a cheap owner who wanted unis that could be worn at home as well as the road , but still , are those STRIPES REALLY NECCESSARY ? And while their opponents looked pretty slick , this whole deal really shouldn't have happened in the first place since the AFL and NFL merged in 1970.

The majority of "Throwback" jerseys were thrown away for damn good reason . Vancouver changed to these 1970's-style jerseys permanently , and they look like mobile mould and have a playoff record to match . If I was Mats Sundin and had to come back for another hurrah wearing these awful snuggies-from-hell on a permanent basis , I'd retire too.

There needs to be a leash put on these decisions made solely to capitalize on nostalgia and the buying power of the average sports fan . You see , us jocks are voluntarily retarded and will buy a TOILET SEAT if it sports our team's insignia from 1902 . The fact that the team may have been in a different city or even COUNTRY as in the case of The Expos/Nationals or Atlanta/Calgary Flames does not matter to us stupids and we need to be protected from ourselves lest we require protection from our wives when the credit card statements come in . We're powerless over our sports addiction and this is like waving an 8-ball in front of a Blowtard .

Plus , after running through all of the cool old jerseys , they are recycling stitched slander and that's just cruel to the eyeballs .

Remember - Throwback = Thrown Away

1 comment:

  1. LMFAO "mobile mold"!!! I saw the uniforms from the 80's on yahoo...the only thing that should live on from that era is the music.period.


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