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Tuesday, July 21, 2009


We see these upright weinerdogs cruising nightclubs , malls , and car lots everywhere - yes! The ubiquitous BlueDouche! A peculiar creature that is so devoid of real-life friends he has to sit in the bar at LAX talking to himself looking all self-important while watching kiddie porn on his laptop while waiting for his "business" flight to Bangkok . Note the uniform : undersized designer shades , company promo golf shirt , and tennis shoes whiter and more painful to the corneas than a solar flare . He is not a fan of Rogaine or hairsystems or even a razor and wears his partial baldness proudly and invariably sports some sort of facial hair like a compensatory mane . If you see this variety of BlueDouche in the wild , take your children by the hand and walk away VERY SLOWLY .

The next variety would be the fella to your right , generally seen SLOWLY wandering department stores and nightclubs nationwide . He's in roughly the same income bracket as the PedoDouche , but he's generally a trust-fund kid and is frequently seen toting Blutooth-connected IPhones , BlackBerrys , a micro-laptop , and a Samsung ALL AT THE SAME TIME and generally drives a Toyota Avalon with black leather seats . He always knows SOMEBODY and weasels his $2000 suit and Walmart dressshirt wearing ass into finer clubs and gets off trying to seduce drunk college girls and dropping Roofies in the Appletinis of D-list celebutantes . By day he is often seen in Starbucks pretending to be employed and superior to the service people who at least have jobs or slinking around the Gap trying to get a glimpse of college-girl ass and trying to make cute anecdotes to the staff that only HE seems to chuckle at . He elicits the arms-hugged-around-body-shudder better than even PedoDouche , mainly because he actually stares and speaks , alerting everyone to his presence . If you catch RoofieRapist in the wild , smack him VERY HARD in the back of the head and run! He probably knows a lawyer , but if you do it right , you can get the last laugh.

If you wear one of these earpieces and aren't driving a car , piloting an airplane , or on security patrol somewhere , you will look like a threat to national security and I will come up with a category and description for you . More to come!


  1. Haha Mika I hate these bloody idiots too, going around the place like they're in the matrix or something!! They usually have really big newspapers too, really small fingers and absolutely zero personality! haha! Down with the blue douche!

  2. Damn did you nail this on. It always strikes me that they are desperately tryin to impress anyone who'll notice with their gadgets and to second Shell..Down w/the Blue Douches!

  3. Tell me about it, that's why I've dedicated my life now to publicly humiliating bluetooth douchebags, or handsfree homos as I like to call them (homosapiens that is)


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