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Monday, March 22, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends...

  I was watching TV and noticed the ad for Extenze. I KNOW, it's not a life-changing revelation - it is on ALL the time late at night. Anywho, at the end of the customary douchiness, I noticed something - the logos of the places you can buy the placebo for peckers.


  I shit you not.

  Now, we all KNOW that 24 hour joints sell all sorts of stuff for grown-ups, like Advil and condoms, but they are sort of "immediate need" things. You have a headache before work, you grab the Advil. You have some unexpected after-the-club chandelier swinging in the near future, Trojans. I mean, these things are supposed to take WEEKS to work. You don't go "OH SHIT!!! and run for Extenze and a 6 pack."

Or at least I HOPE. Moreover, one should never be seen in pubic nor public places buying this shit. It makes you look like an insecure twat who is out of his realm. And not only are you alerting your 4 embarrassed drunk buddies to your ineptitude, but all the potential booty calls scoring Doritos at 2 A.M . There's no concealing that box without looking like you're shoplifting. It's even WORSE if they keep it behind the counter. And that's NOT even the WORST part- wait til a woman stays over and finds it in your medicine cabinet or bedstand. that's where dudes put shit and every woman "explores". She will be off like a rocket the FIRST chance she gets. Women find insecurity as sexy as you find nude images of Nancy Pelosi.

  Friends NEVER  risk implicating their buddies by buying this shit in front of them. Nor do they let their friends waste their scratch on the product whose image is saltpetre for females. If you are going to use this as a gag gift, buy it online and get rid of it as soon as possible. If gifted, incinerate it. Seriously.

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