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Monday, March 29, 2010

Holy Flaming Biscuit! The King of All Briskets



Now many of you kids are aware of the fact that I am a vegetarian , but there are few foods as evocative of wonderful childhood memories quite like the perfection that is the KING of carnivore cuisine for the masses - the corned brisket , and I'm making one for at least a couple of holiday events and other occasions this year. Try this out , it is GUARANTEED to make an impression .. and here's how :


Firstly , dice up Walla Walla onion , a stalk of celery , a carrot , and half a head of garlic and fry in a wee bit of olive oil in a large pot until they happlily glisten in the light like an old grandmother's smile .

Pour a couple of litres of water (or half a gallon , for you lazy Amerks ) into the pot - stand back - it might bite you with the oil-vs-water action , and patiently wait for 5 minutes while this goes happy at high heat .

Then we have Mr. Brisket . O.K. , kids , many many recipes state to remove this handsome fruit of the Gods from the bag . DO NOT DO THIS!!! Instead , perforate the bag roughly a million times on the top side with a fork . Gently place Briskie into the pot of boiling mirepoix and boil it for a good 20 minutes or so . Don't freak out if you go outside for a smoke and forget about it for a while , just reduce your overall cooking time . Then reduce the heat and simmer for approximately 2 1/2 to 3 hours based on a 900 gram (2 pound ) roast .

Be patient - go grocery shopping , play with your dog , choke your chicken , but LEAVE IT ALONE!! You could even write a blog detailing your experiences with the glorious beef while reminiscing about your grandmother and feeling blessed to be able to use her knowledge to bring Brisket Extraordinaire to the masses .

My mum's mum was a passionate and able lady who wasted little that she had and had a beautiful bright mind until the last moment I saw her alive . She had a difficult but gratifying life and could fix almost anything and cook - oh , she was without equal . Possibly the most supreme compliment I have ever received is when she proclaimed me to be her equal and possibly superior in the kitchen , but the truth is , if not for her , I would have NEVER mastered bagels , chili sauce , roast turkey , or the million uses for chick peas . She was truly one of a kind , not just in my eyes , but in the minds of everyone she met . One could be a homeless alcoholic and she would invite you in for a hot meal - everyone was treated as a guest of the highest regard in my grandmother's home . Hundreds if not thousands of down-on-their luck folks found hope and understanding via a few hours in Granny Annie's kitchen . If I become a fraction as remarkable as this phenomenal being i will be a success. ....but back to the brisket...

After patiently awaiting the sumptuous beast , carefully open the bag and deposit any stray pieces , liquid , and fat back into the stock pot and bring it to a ferocious boil . Take the brisket and lovingly douse it with pepper and a bit of soy and brown sugar as well as paprika (tip : Ras el Hanout = GOLD) and place it in the oven for about 15 minutes until it becomes a glorious brown . Thickly slice said beast and serve with some fragrant rice , nugget potatoes and any other sides you can come up with . SUCCESS! You have mastered the greatest crowd pleaser known to man!

But we don't waste a thing around here , so turn your attention to the stock pot .

After you have reduced the quantity to half , reserve the stock for later and add any remains of the brisket and some spuds or barley and corn and you will have the most delicious bowl of warmth possible - so fantastic , in fact , that you can enjoy it on even the hottest of days and you will be the hero of your family for the current generation .
We can all honour our past by remembering those who have shaped our lives and it is imperative to do so . We need to instill our culinary traditions into this fast-food society lest an imporatant part of history be lost forever.

Have a great day!

p.s. This is the finished beast. I finished it in a pan for out-of-this-world caramelization and used a red wine reduction.


 

2 comments:

  1. I just cooked one for St. Patrick's -- in a slow cooker for 7 hours and then finished with twenty minutes in the oven. I'll have to try your spices the next time.

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  2. Sounds wonderful. Will have to try it soon. One more week till I can eat meat again. I admire your committment to vegetarianism, but my 40 day-trial has been difficult for me. I will, however, make an effort to not eat meat as much as I used to.

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Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think