Va-What?

  

 I heard about a few people bedazzling their hoo-has and thought it was a bit of a stretch, but people actually glue crystal thingies to their netherbits as some sort of female empowerment dealio. But me being me, I have a few questions about this.

   How secure are the crystals? For example, if you are enjoying an extensive dive, is there any risk of swallowing a few only to have the scratchy things reemgerge a couple of days later? Also, don't some get knocked loose when you are knocking boots? I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that waking up with one or ten crystals in the crack of your ass can't be all that fun.

  Which leads me to - are they scratchy? When I see something bedazzled, I think it's going to be about as comfy to snuggle up to as a belt sander. I mean I'm sure there are people who enjoy having their genitals poked with sharp objects, but I'm not one of them. It does, however, give new meaning to the term "mashing nasties".

   On another note - chicks seem far too obsessed with their poons and people make way too much bank selling deodorants, depilatories, dyes and even vajliner-type cosmetics. People prune their girl-fur and dye it to look like strawberries, peaches, and a whole array of inanimate things. But those of us interested in the girl aren't really overly concerned about the Dirty South as long as you periodically bathe and take out the hedgeclippers from time to time. I don't think anyone goes on eHarmony with an ad that reads "only bushes pruned to look like apples need apply". If you have a bejewelled Glock on your vaj, I might personally be a tad intimidated.
  I think I'm just getting started on this, but I do have one final question...

  WHY???