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Saturday, August 21, 2010

Public Service Announcement

Evangelical motherfuckers confuse me.

  Snakes are really rad critters, but apparently they are devil spawn. So who exactly said "yo Mr. Slither, you're evil?" Well it wasn't the Skyboss, because God doesn't fuck up, and when he does he turns everything into pillars of salt or makes them fuck their dads. (Lot)

  But snakes got a bad rap somehow. The bible says that some metaphysical dude took snake's legs, but for some reason Eve still wanted to fuck Snake (I can't figure out why) .

  Anywho, some idiot decided that snake was Satan in critter form. Nobody can explain to me why. They just say "it's in the Bible, idiot". But snake seems pretty awesome. He eats all the plague-spreading rats and can choke an intruder and he even sheds without you having to comb his ass. Snake is a pretty rad dude.

  But there are these weird evangelical motherfuckers claiming that they can tame Snake. They say they can control Snake and even charm Snake. This is crap. Snake is the Chuck Norris of the critter kingdom. Nobody owns Snake, he owns you.

  And we need to save Snake. Seriously. We need to preserve the integrity of this oft-stepped on beast.

  Why the fuck isn't PeTA on all these pseudoreligious twatwaffles' asses? This is clearly animal cruelty. I mean we don't want Biblical bullshit yarred down our yaws, so imagine Snake. He's defenseless. We NEED to do something about this.

  So stand up for the cool dude that lives on his belly.

  Let's save snakes from evangelicals.

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