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Sunday, September 26, 2010


  A ton of respected gossip columnists and Scuzzez are reporting that Keanu Reeves and that annoying dude who looks like Spencer Pratt are reprising their roles of yore to produce Bill and Ted's Excellent Whatever #3.

  Am I the only one who thinks that this  is a very BAD idea?

 If you haven't noticed, these fellas are getting a little grey in the beard.

  What kind of adventure will this be? Cruising around in a Miata scouring Rite-Aid stores for Metamucil and support hose? Maybe they'll travel through time desperately seeking the cure to impotence.

 Yes, I KNOW, we love nostalgia; and if you can remember correctly the only thing excellent about installments 1 and 2 was George Carlin, who is still rad as fuck, but still worm feed. The only way I'm showing up for this impending disaster is if Hugh Laurie brings his epic cuntiness to the show and reprises the role of Rufus. Don't worry about pissing off George's ghost- he was an atheist.

  Being a pothead surf kook might be a good year off from college, but these dudes are in their 40's now. There's just nothing funny about old guys being retarded unless they're politicians and it's real life. This is going to be a nuclear theatrical bomb of a magnitude not witnessed since Waterworld. I know that I'm not going to line up to get into Bill and Ted's Atrocious Midlife Crisis.

  Okay Keanu, I know that it's the Canadian way to feel guilty about the fact that your bank account is a mountain and Alex Winter's is an anthill, but just give him a few of your millions to not drag you into this ridiculous exercise. It's okay to be old and rich, just accept it and avoid this shitshow like it's Snooki's vagina.

  I'm going to stop now.

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