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Sunday, September 12, 2010

Frivolous Lawsuit of the Weak

  A Georgia couple are suing a grocer and Ralston foods because they claim a used tampon was found in their breakfast cereal.

  The suit alleges that Thomas Roddenberry was eating his breaky in 2008 and found a tampon in his Chocolate Chip Crunch. He claims he spat it out and rushed to the hospital for treatment. Mr. and Mrs. Roddenberry are now suing for an unspecified amount of damages that claim physical injuries and emotional worry.

  I'm calling this a farce, and here's why:

 First, they are suing a grocery store even though the box was not tampered with. This would mean that the cereal had to have been messed with either at the manufacturer or at home. Save-A-Lot has absolutely nothing to do with it.

  Next, the suit alleges that this horrifying food adulteration occurred over 2 YEARS ago. If I found something as terrifying as a used tampon in my food, I'd be calling a lawyer the second after I discovered it wasn't some practical joke played by my wife, which in this case I think it is.

  Also, WHAT physical injury did Thomas Roddenberry suffer? The suit doesn't claim that he choked on the tampon, just that he SAW it. And as a man who has been married for a number of years, I'm sure that he's seen a feminine hygiene product. the suit doesn't allege that he contracted any disease nor that the offending vagina cork made his eyes bleed. (Although it may have stopped the bleeding if they were to.)

  Moreover, have YOU seen a tampon? they are kind of large and will NEVER be mistaken for a chunk of cereal. You'd notice something like that right away. I mean, pardon the gross, but a used plug would cover a fair chunk of the bowl, you certainly would notice it before you poured the milk in. This guy obviously assumes that judges are blind.

  People like the Roddenberrys are exactly what's wrong with the Western world today. Frivolous lawsuits raise the cost of everything from vitamins to cereal. I'm willing to bet the amount of the lawsuit that IF there is an offending female appliance, it belongs to his wife. In fact, maybe they should DNA test the hypothetical cereal-offending tampon. For all of the above reasons, I'm calling this a lie and hope that the judge sees the truth. Hopefully Ralston and Save-A-Lot countersue these twits for libel, but if they don't they'll still be better than this pair of tools. If you believe this claim, I just found a calcified dog turd in my Italpasta.

Case dismissed.

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