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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Sign Of The Times

I have seen this sign and it's variations out there . They are common in countries where the locals might not be accustomed to the lavatory that most of us are . (My paternal grandmother's crib had a shit shack until I was 12 , but I'm sure this is an aberration.) But this one is the best of the best , so I'll give you a rundown .

Icon Dude Photo #1 : Sit to poo . This is the preferred thing to do , but if you are in a third-world country , you might get leprosy of the ass. Still , this is what they figure is best.

#2 : What dude in his right mind doesn't hold his member when he pees? He might spray the sitting spot . Besides , one should not stare at one's pecker like it's a lost puppy. Hold your pud to avoid misfire.

#3 : No puking in the lav ...? Where the fuck else are you supposed to do it after consuming enough booze to attempt the other prohibited activities ? The floor? Then again , if he missed and hit the rim , the dude in #4 might slip and die of a closed head injury .

#4 : (This one I've seen in India) The Yoga Squat . I'm not really sure WHY this is prohibited because if you can accomplish this without falling or crapping on your foot I'll find you impressive indeed . I think it might be a time consideration , for you would have to be completely pantsless to pull this off successfully . People just don't want to wait in line for 20 minutes while you attempt to be a porcelain acrobat.

#5 : Okay , I get it - it's water - but FISHING!? Exactly how much Thai stick would you have to consume to try this? Maybe this was their attempt at the "dude holding his wang" icon and they missed . Maybe some dude said to himself "it's SO much cleaner than the Ganges " and tried . Maybe it was someone with a scatological poo thing where he was afraid that the evil toilet Jinns would steal his turd . I've heard that people believe in things like this - maybe one dude took this too far .

#6 : Now THIS I believe . You NEVER KNOW when Romulus and Remus are going to show up looking for a place to lift a leg , or at least a pair of dudes who have taken enough LSD to think they are . Maybe this is REALLY instructional and the printer screwed up .

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