Dude, Where's My Car?

  Recently the globe heard about Terry Jones because he's the hillbilly preacher who wanted to burn Qu'rans on 9/11. Rick Sanchez talked to him about his plot in July, but nobody paid attention to the Sanchez Show. I'd heard about him from his Fu Man Phelps (come on, look at him for a second.) type anti-gay protests that also targeted Jews. And as September 11th approached, the world lay in wait to fear the Islamic aftermath of the match lit by some attention-seeking Gainesville peckerwood and his flock. And nothing happened.

  Through the threats and worry and Bill O'Reilly being a douchebag, nothing happened. No burning, no terrorist bombing, no apocalypse. Terry Jones didn't burn the $20 book and went back to his cave to preach his xenophobia and doom and we went back to ignoring him. Terry Jones was happy to get his 15 minutes and we were elated to see him vanish into the cultural compost pile. But Terry is getting some press tonight from me, and I'm going to tell you why.

  Ben Benson Hyundai in New Jersey is giving this idiot stick a new car. They're delivering a 2011 Hyundai Accent to his hillybilly hotel. Neither Terry Jones nor his flock paid for this vehicle. They're giving it to him because he didn't burn a $20 book held holy by 17% of the world's population. And as much as I value the spirit of freedom to give, I think this is plumb ridiculous.

  You and I don't burn Qu'rans and we're still rumbling our 1982 Hyundai Pony(ies) down the road. Your neighbour isn't threatening to incinerate literature for fun and profit. There are 400 million folks in North America and over 6 billion on the planet not burning Qu'rans right now, and most of them either don't own cars or are driving something ugly and rusty. No free cars for us.

  Maybe there is some secret division of the Cash for Clunkers program that we don't know about called Cars for Qu'rans. If that's the case, I should at least be able to score a 94 Eldorado for the Qu'ran gathering dust in my basement. Well it makes sense, doesn't it?

  What it boils down to folks is that we now live in a society that rewards bad behaviour. From the athlete considered cool for hooking up with every good-time girl in every city to Snooki getting paid to eat pickles on the Crapper, wastes of skin are being paid more than you and I to behave like rejects. And that is profoundly saddening.

  I don't know what will inspire us to fundamentally change as people; whether there is truly a way to change our spectator greed. I have no idea what changes we will have to make to cease recognizing achievements that do not exist. I long for the day when those with the greatest minds or the highest ethics will realize glory amongst humans, where talent and effort and humanity would reign. But until that magical day of joy, decent folks like you and I will look at those who endorse stupidity and ask...

...dude, where's my car?