According to the idiots in the know, Snooki Polizzi of Jersey shore and falling on her claymation melon has scored a new pseudoreality show. Yes boys, girls, and amphibians, Snooki is looking for love!
Does the Snook have some special variety of Herpes that causes rainbows to fly out of one's anus or just the regular kind? I'm hoping it's the former and so is the rest of the modern world, because if it's the latter nobody is signing up for this clusterfuck from Hell.
You could not pay me enough to sit beside Snooki, let alone go near her not-so-sacred bagel. And I know what ya'll are thinking- it's not because she looks like the spawn of Danny DeVito and Aretha Franklin. I'm not that shallow. It's that she looks like that AND has the IQ of a potato peel, (my apologies to the wonderful provinces and states that produce delicious future french fries) the personality of a mouldy car sponge, and one or more sexually transmissible embarrassments. (outside of the obvious one being shagging the Ooompa)
Now, I'm sure that there are juicerocket limpazoids who want the shot at future fame or at least a 10 second pussy pass at the Zanzibar, and with that in mind I have an idea. A fantastic, moneymaking, sporting idea. Why don't we take all of the victims of the weird government STD experiments (or their descendants, as it may be) and let them play Russian Roulette with all these useless tits? Hear me out- the peeps who got experimented on originally had minds and this could be some sort of Fun With Zombies dealio.
Okay, I'm obviously joking. I don't actually advocate anyone going Mengele on anyone, even Soylent People. However it does make one wonder what the blue fuck is wrong with western culture. Why the Hell are we rewarding stupidity by causing it to replicate? Why not have a reality show where the objective is to come up with a cure for Multiple Myeloma or Juvenile Diabetes? Or a contest to find the best bush doctor? Now THAT, I'd watch. Even if they didn't cure it and just tried, it would raise so much money and bring awareness.
But then again, that would be reality television.