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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Clown In The Court

  Daryl Simon is a con artist who likes to write bum checks and use fake credit cards. He's also not very smart. Let's take a look at his brilliant ploys to avoid the federal can, shall we?

 Dumb Idea Possibly Related To Panic: Instead of facing the music and a few years in jail for crimes ranging from buying crap at Target with phony credit cards to buying a $29,000 car with a fake cashier's check, he decided to bolt.

Dense Effort To Hide In Plain Sight:  While he was trying to avoid the slammer, he decided to become a magician, because working IN FRONT of people a few miles from where you ran from is the perfect way to hide.

Foolishly Fraudulent Resumes:  After being caught he decided to gain the favour of the judge by offering up a stack of letters of support from numerous reputable charities and high-profile people. We all KNOW that no Federal judge nor prosecutor would bother to authenticate evidence given to the court, right?

Preposterous Photoshop Abuse:  In an effort to garner even more empathy, he photoshopped himself into images of seriously ill people. Mr. Simon KNEW that anyone with a conscience would love the idea of him offering physical therapy to ill people and struggling high school students would feel empathy towards him. The problem is, Daryl Simon has no idea how to use Photoshop and even uses the same photo of himself in more than one shot. The judge noticed the similarities and the callous way he used the sufferings of others to his advantage and was unamused.

  It should come as no surprise that Judge Stephen Robinson was seriously irritated with Mr. Simon's insensitive and ridiculous ploys to make a mockery of his courtroom. Not only was the defendant convicted of credit-card fraud and bail-jumping, the judge bitched out the dipshit for attempting to commit a fraud against the court and slapped him with 4 years more than the absolute maximum for the charges he was initially facing.

  Daryl Simon will spend the next 23 years and 9 months in a federal facility where he will hopefully use his skills in illusion to avoid some of his scarier new housemates.



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