Today is Independence Day for my wicked American neighbours, and for those of you not recovering from a drug or alcohol dependence, many of you will be celebrating with a few brewskis. And some of you might even have to work tomorrow. With that in mind, I've decided to repost one of my classic blogs with a few edits just because I can. Happy 4th and don't drive, wise guys.
The 411 On Hangovers
Can You Fix Me (Pretty please) : Like other things , preparation is the best medicine - eat , drink some water , and pray . On a serious note , you should try reintroducing electrolytes to your system : watered-down Gatorade is great simply for the sodium . Sodium helps your body absorb not only water but sugars as long as you don't overdo it. It has also been suggested that drinking clear liquors versus darker may be preferrable. If you have the twitches , you might need to take a benzo in order to quell tremors . The standbys seem to be food , water , sleep , and Advil or ketoprofen. B-complex vitamins as well as vitamin C and potassium seem to keep the hangover from stretching out into days of hurt.
Symptom #5 : The most unspeakable of horrors - you wake up , your belly rumbles loudly enough to scare your Pit Bull , and you run to the can . You sit for what seems like days wondering what on Earth you did to deserve the howling from the deep. Welcome to the burning ring of fire known as beer shits .
Why Oh Why Is My Anus so Heinous? : It boils (:D) down to a few things , namely what you ate and what you drank. Simply , the Big D occurs when your colon has more fluid in it than it can reabsorb. Electrolytes help your bowels reabsorb water , but you were out boozing it up and peeing out those needed minerals . Also , booze is toxic to your inerds . As the booze travels through your digestive system , the cells absorb the alcohol and they get drunk , they lose their ability to function properly just as you do . As your intestines begin to become injured , more fluid flows from your abdomen to the affected cells , giving you the squirts from Hell . Even better , it dehydrates you further . Another problem with drinking in public places is that there may be various contaminants that can get into your booze adding to the hurt . Cheap draft-only bars are notorious for furthering the spread of various germs due to poorly sanitized taps and glasses , not to mention the food you might eat there. Beer has this effect for reasons of bacteria , the fact that beer does not have a high enough alcohol volume to santize anything , and sheer volume of liquid.
O.K. , Fix Me NOW , I Have To Go To Work : Firstly , do not drink draught beer from any place you do not trust - the normal beer shits will quell after a few hours , but e.Coli will cause your bum a whole pile of distress for a lot longer . Next , because booze causes funky intestinal contractions , Immodium may help while you return electrolytes to your system. Avoid coffee like the plague - it will make the shits SO much worse . If you are prone to party in the potty , you might want to avoid the taco truck outside the bar - the capsacin will make those tender tissues burn like a mofo and you really don't need any more pain. Stay away from too much fat the day of the bender as it can also mess with the intestines' ability to absorb water . If you REALLY have to get to work and are employed in a location where the gas and frequent trips to the can will be an issue and were stupid enough to get tanked the night before , I suggest an Immodium and sipping on Pedialyte. (Disclaimer: i am NOT a doctor , and in that vein I have also been told that smoking pot helps.)
A few more words about hangovers - Natural fructose can help your body regulate sugars and burn alcohol faster . Have you ever noticed that your buddy who drinks screwdrivers seems to feel less hurt than you with your Beam and Cokes? Also , bubbly beverages speed up your body's absorption of alcohol , and the excess goes right into your bloodstream , not only making you more drunk , but more hungover. Try some tomato or orange juice before bed and when you rise . It really does help.
Chicken soup really does work , as do miso and and brothy mixture . The reasons for this are related to replacing needed water , salt , and amino acids . B-complex vitamins are helpful because booze strips those from your tender wee brain .
Drink clearer alcohols and try to avoid mixing drinks . It is absolutely TRUE - mixing types confuses your body and can slow down its ability to metabolize the poison.
DO NOT take aspirin prior to drinking - EVER! Aspirin has been shown to drastically increase your blood alcohol content and slows your body's ability to remove it . Plus , it can make your stomach bleed , especially in combination with alcohol . This is according to the paid professionals at the AMA .
I hope this has been helpful and/or entertaining , but before I go remember that moderation is always a good option and to arrange safe transport for yourself and your friends. If your friend passes out from booze , monitor them . If the person has not previously vomited , you should probably take him or her to the hospital . It's better to deal with waking up in a hospital than to never wake up.