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Monday, November 8, 2010


  You're on a date with an intelligent, sexy being and all is going well until this statement:

"I'm into polyamory"

 "So, you're into cheating and getting away with it."

 "But, you just don't get it. (In a sanctimonious tone as if the person thinks she has invented the concept.)" It's about love and respect and openness."

 "With more than one person."

  "Well, yes. but stop making it sound so sinister. You just don't get it. " (You simple jillbilly)

  "Actually, I do get it. You see, when my parents were married a decade before you were born, my dad's other partner lived with us."

  "Oh, that's awesome!' (valley girl excitement)

  "And guess what my parent's aren't now? Married. They got divorced 30 years ago"

  "Oh..." (uncomfortable silence)

  I am kind of old-fashioned- I'm into loving one person, and doing so with every fibre of my being. While I am not terribly jealous, I'm not the type to look around. I'm not into cheating no matter what label you give it, and the concept of loving more than one person is even worse in my heart.

  While I have no problem with whatever makes a person happy, I am never going to be someone's second-best nor tolerate anyone who wants a multitude of partners. In every polyrelationship I have ever witnessed, there is inequality- one person has more partners than the other. Polyamory is often a concession made by someone who wants someone and can only have him or her by sharing with another. I'm certain that there are a few polyrelationships that have an equal power balance, and if that works for you, fine and dandy. Just don't expect me to be part of it and don't wait until the third date to tell me that you are in such an arrangement.

  I will never be involved in an open relationship, bisexual relationship, or polywhatever arrangement. Besides, if it is all kinds of excellent, why wait to tell me? I don't think that I'm being unreasonable in assuming that someone who wishes to begin a relationship with me is actually single when they ask me out. I am not a bad person for expecting honesty, loyalty, and decency. In my mind, someone who loves more than one person is not loving one enough. Now go home to your husband.

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