Crap In A Box

 Jamie Oliver recently drew fire for naming Lunchables as one of the most horrifying lunch ideas ever, and I agree with him 100%.
  These prepackaged "lunches" have drawn critics for at least 15 years, but now Kraft has a new advertising campaign . They are offering up field trips and cash for schools (paid by Terracycle) based on consumption of these insults to food.
  Their new campaign claims that their lunch kits are wholesome and include water and apple sauce (ooooh) and sport a "cool, new look so you can see all the good stuff inside". Yeah, right. Inside the 9 pieces of packaging involved in each one.

  So let's take a wee look at them. First off, Kraft claims that their bread products are made with whole grain. They are using that term VERY loosely. They are made with "enriched bleached wheat flour" (read processed) with around 2% of the flour actually coming from any whole grain.
  And the cheese, er "pasteurized prepared cheese product" contains bizarre things including Natamycin and a ton of modified food starch. Every meal contains nitrites, MSG, sodium stearoyl lactylate, high fructose corn syrup and other offenders. Even better, the water comes with a packet of sugary Kool-Aid, and every kid on the planet is going to add it to the water.
   Not just that, but the serving size doesn't justify the calories. For example, the listed size of the Deep Dish Pepperoni "meal" is a mere 138 grammes or 4 1/2 ounces. That isn't going to fill up a kid for very long but at 1/3 of the calories and 1/2 the fat your 9 year-old should consume in a whole day, it better. The 20 grammes of fat and simple carbs are going to make kids sluggish immediately, hyper for a brief period, and then sleepy. Add the fact that the 60 grammes of carbohydrate are comprised of half sugar (and double the daily recommendation for children), and your kid is going to be one bitchy (and hungry) little heathen when you pick him or her up from school. And you fucking deserve it.

   When I see a kid with one of these things, I instantly think parental neglect. Call me a bitch or a hippie, but I DO care about your kids. If you are too lazy to take 5 minutes at night to put together a PB&J sandwich and cut up a few apples, you deserve scorn. People claim to be too pressed for time, but these are your CHILDREN, not fashion accessories. If you can take the time to take your kid out shopping for the latest pair of Jordans or whatever you overcompensate with, you can fix your kids food that actually IS wholesome. Kids who eat healthy food are healthier and happier. They also get better grades so they can get the job that will pay for your nursing home.

  How do you expect your kids to care for you in your old age if they die from heart disease before you do?

 Oh, and ParentLife and Animal Planet should be gassed for endorsing these things.