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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

WTBlue FUCK of The Weak

 Some people don't do well with emotional wounding. Whether they have been scorned by a lover or ripped off by an old buddy their ire will not be calmed without exacting some sort of punishment on the person who has done the perceived wrong. With that in mind, some industrious British geeks have come up with mail-order revenge of the uncomfortable kind.

  For 15 BPS plus shipping (or more, depending on how many people have pissed you off) , they will send you crabs in a vial so you can infest your objects home or vehicle with the creepy crawlies. Not soft-shelled Boston crabs, but Pthirius Pubis. The itchy hellfire known as crotch crickets.

  The creators of the enterprise known as claim that their site is no joke and include testimonials from satisfied customers. Their tagline is "Make That Bitch Itch", making it clear that their target audience is comprised of young men. They have employed their geek skills to selectively breed lice that are Kwellada-resistent so that the money spent isn't wasted by some pesky pharmaceutical. There is also a U.S. based website that sells them called with more direct and sinister marketing.

  That's really disgusting, but is it legal? Essentially it hits that grey area of the law. It is not illegal to infest someone with lice, nor to mail eggs. While one could conceivably be sued or charged with criminal mischief, the burden would be on the other person to prove where the infestation originated. I have never heard of a case of someone successfully suing someone for giving them any form of lice for any reason. A court won't hear it because every kindergartener's parents would be suing other ones for their kid getting head lice off of the other kid. Even if the parents intentionally sent an infested child to school as a form of payback, the case would be tossed.

  On a serious note though, if you feel the need to infest someone with ass-hair bungee jumpers, you need serious help. While it may be REALLY tempting to dump these things in your sleazy pool boy's F-150, just dump your old lady and move on. Besides, the little bastards are barely visible  and you can easily infest yourself. And from a particularly embarassing 1994 incident, I know that these things are the party in your pants that all of your worst enemies have been invited to. And it's mean, and acting like your ex isn't going to make your life any better.

   So come one, come all to the Circus Internetus- where everything from ham to porn to pubic lice is bought and sold. I'd like to say this is shocking, but I've seen 2 girls-1 cup.

Be well.

1 comment:

  1. OMG where do they get the crabs from in the 1st place?


Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think