What CAN You Do Today?

I'm just going to say it.

   I didn't know Kelly Reid, but I know she has an effect on a ton of people. The universal wonderfulness of those people speaks to her spirit. She has absolutely morphed at least one human being I know into being the real real.  She passed away recently, just a year after her brother and nephew left the planet. Not only is this an emotional moment, but a large financial strain on a family that has gone through way too much.

So yeah, I'm going to ask for a little Santa Claus help.

 You folks know I don't do the holidays, but I'll get the season on for the wee ones.  Let'd deliver some holiday joy to a family who deserves it.


  Kelly has an awesome daughter named Kaitlyn who never thought she'd have to ask Santa Claus to bury her mum. Let's be Santa and provide a proper girl a burial for an amazing kid's mum. If we get a few extra bucks,  maybe a sack of Legos and Barbies.

Let's get it DONE HERE <--- For more info

Send Paypal donations to kellyreiddonations@gmail.com



Thank you awesome beings. Let's play Santa.

Lunchtime Quickie : Tweeting Is Believing

  That's right, Steve. God doesn't care about the starving children of Haiti or the people flattened by tsunamis. The tears of a child dying of AIDS are unheeded because He exists solely to compensate for your lack of attention to improving your proficiency at a game, which you make a huge sum for playing.

  I'm the biggest Bills fan I know, and I still think you're a monumental moron.

In The Name Of The Father

  When some of us were kids, we'd give the stinkeye to the squash being offered for supper. We'd be convinced  to attempt to consume the offending gourd after a reference was made to the starving children of Africa who were all over the new 24-hour news station.

  And aid did come to a lot of those kids, but with a price. Many of the relief efforts were spearheaded by Evangelicals who made sure that Christianist ideals were preached in exchange for food and medicine. It was a religious cleansing by force, one where food took the place of guns. The preacher men eradicated the "scourge" of ancestral beliefs with the blessing of much of the Western world.

  Evangelicals have really been stepping it up in Africa. In Christian Tanzania, a gay man can be imprisoned for life. In Zambia, constitutionally declared a Christian nation, lengthy sentences for this "perversion against nature" are the norm for both men and women. In Uganda, Christianity is the excuse for attempting to institute the death penalty. Zimbabwe, Malawi, Lesotho, and Botswana all use the bible to justify persecution and prosecution of gay people while those in officially secular South Africa can legally marry.

  It should come as no surprise really that everyone's favourite 1980's pet nation has adopted anti-gay measures. Ethiopia's anti-gay laws are rooted in doctrine held by their Prime Minister that is so severe that merely voicing opposition can guarantee incarceration.

  However, the dubious honour of producing the first homophobic attack of the week belongs to Ethiopia's southern neighbour, Kenya. Despite what Western right-wingnuts might tell you, Kenya is a Christian nation. And their  Born-Again Evangelical Prime Minister Raila Odinga started off the week by declaring that all homosexuals should be arrested, naturally causing panic amongst citizens. And they can be arrested, prosecuted, and sentenced to up to 14 years in prison. In the nation with a booming, free-market economy held up as a model of recovery, gay people can be incarcerated and you can chop off your daughter's bits on her 16th birthday to prevent her from becoming a slut.

  In the West, there is a huge anti-Islam movement. People are unjustifiably terrified of Muslim theocracies. But it's plain to see that all religions can be used to oppress when they become state policy, which very much includes the Evangelical Christian beliefs that many politicians adhere to. Western fundamentalists have destroyed freedom overseas and will do so here if we give them the opportunity. Secularism is not the enemy of liberty, religion is. It doesn't matter whether you pray to Jesus or Allah, if those beliefs are used as a sword against your nation and its people, democracy ceases to exist.

  I am thankful to live in a country where all folks are equal, where I can step out without fear of arrest, where I can be the person I was born to be. You can be a great person who lives in a great nation without being a member of a bigoted and brutal cult. Hate in anyone's name is still the same.

Bacon-Related Post Of The Week

  I was surfing my blog for an old post for a reader and I discovered an advert for this in the sidebar. I was distracted for a few days by other things, but my friend Rosina decided to remind me that my blogs have been a little short of pork lately. Well oink-lovers- feast your eyes on this:

  That would be bacon-flavoured pure soda from the minds at Jones that created Thanksgiving Tofurky pop. I have not tried it (yet), but it is kosher-certified drinkable oink-flavoured fuzzy water. And since I'm allergic to swine, this might be the only chance I get to bacon grease without risking my life.

If I vanish for a few days, it's because I'm trying to find Jones Baconpop and/or I have found it and the sodium content has induced a coronary.

  Still, I want this. Now.

Must-Barf TV

  Pseudoreality television has been threatening a prime time takeover for some time and everyone wants a piece of the action. In our instant celebrity culture intelligence is fairly low on the list when it comes to reality TV glory. There are the shows that reward stupid decisions, like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom and those that enrage our sensibilities, like Toddlers in Tiaras and Sister Wives. With magazine cover stories, endorsement deals, and TV appearances up for grabs, the most artificial people reap the largest of the very real rewards.

  Tonight, a new waste of time made its debut on E!. Bridalplasty pits a dozen ladies against one another in the usual pseudoreality prize show format, but offers a very unusual bounty to the winner. In addition to a lavish wedding, the best of the bridezillas will receive as much surgical modification as she wants prior to the big day. The show is hosted by Shanna Moakler, famous for dating famous men and making judgments about the beauty of other women. The doctor, you'll know him too- Dr. Terry Dubrow performed the extensive string of surgeries on the women on Fox's The Swan. So we know this program is one classy joint.

  Seriously, though, who the shit thought this up? I know, I know, women in LA get shit pulled in every conceivable direction all of the time, but do we really have to glorify it? All of the ladies are better looking than I am, but even if they weren't not every dude wants his librarian fiance to come home looking like Hardy Mountits.
   If a woman is so insecure that she needs to be carved like last week's turkey in order walk down the aisle she's just displayed a trait that no amount of makeup can cover. Besides, who wants to pop the question to an amazing being and be staring up at someone entirely different come the big day?

  This is disgusting, short-sighted crap that exploits people's shallowness because a certain segment finds cattiness funny. It's for a specific airheaded market that doesn't have a great view of women in the first place. You'd never see a prime-time show where beefheads were competing for phalloplasties to fit into an absolutely asinine ideal. I can guarantee it would not happen. Ever.

  There are very few people who look human after cosmetic surgery- even my dad's surgically-repaired nose looks odd (sorry, man) and he needed it done because his face got flattened by a hockey puck. Every person I've met who has had a facelift looks like a tetherball with a wig. And as for fake boobs, they look and feel so artificial that I know cancer survivors who have declined them. And people with fake parts look like fake people covering up for very real mental issues, which leads us to why women go under the knife in the first place. Women hold themselves to an airbrushed, unrealistic ideal, one that can only be obtained via the scalpel.

   Every day girls and women cut themselves, starve themselves, and kill themselves because real women are now supposed to look like members of an alien clan. Sorry feminists, but it's not men pushing this but women's competitiveness and self-hatred. No normal man can hate a woman as much as she hates herself or another female. It's the reason for diet pills and why my sister is glad she has sons. There is so much pressure coming from other women, including the mothers of other kids for girls to look and act a certain way that teenage girls are routinely obtaining cosmetic surgeries while still growing. And it's all okay because they see it on TV and nobody gets hurt or dies.

   Surgery, cosmetic and otherwise, comes with potentially disfiguring or fatal consequences. It is simply a matter of time before one of the victims of these cosmetic makeover shows dies- mathematical odds guarantee it. But even if all odds are defied until this disturbing fad ends, people are still being entertained by not only psychological, but physical mutilation. They used to call such people sociopaths.

  If you're guilty of finding this program pleasurable, you're mentally vacant.

Attn : MelonHeads

  Last year, you were set to celebrate when you were caught with too many men on the field. Your monumental fail was so dreadful that it was even played on American news channels. Yes, it went from one team rushing on the field to celebrate victory to learn that their team was being nailed. In what was possibly the greatest 6 seconds in modern football history, your Riders managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

  This year, it won't be so close.

  P.S. - you still look more ridiculous than the Cheeseheads. That is all.

Hell On Earth

 Juana Elvira Gomez of Santa Fe, Argentina is an unbelievably strong woman.  The 43 year old mother of ten is skeptically stepping out into the world for the first time in over 30 years.  Ms. Gomez lost her mother and only defender at age 2 and her father decided he needed a new wife to serve him . After beating hiss daughter into submission for over a decade, Armando Gomez began visiting every possibly terror upon his only daughter.

 Juana Gomez was isolated, beaten continuously, and raped continuously for 30 years.  Her eldest son killed himself as a teen when he discovered that his dad was his grandfather, but DNA tests on the 9 ranging in age from six to 26 confirm that Armando Gomez is one of the most evil people alive.

  But the world might not have known of Juana or the monster controlling her very existence hadn't she finally found the internal fortitude to contact the Police after the 62 year old scumbag was arrested for robbery. Armando Gomez has denied his perversions and attacks, but is being held without bail and will likely never see the freedom he selfishly denied several other human beings.

  I wonder how many women and girls around the world are in similar situations to Ms. Gomez; violated in the most heinous ways by the person who is supposed to fight to the death in protection. Juana Gomez was held captive for 3 decades without anyone knowing her terror. Jozef Fritzl held his child in a basement for 24 years without even his own wife acknowledging the abuse. Two different women, denizens of modern countries, trapped and forced to bear several of their demented rapist's children.

  While the scourge of human trafficking is acknowledged as the horror that it is, with millions of victims worldwide, how many human beings are held captive by their own kin? These are most certainly not the only victims of familial sexual violence. There is religious sexual abuse, arranged rape in the form of marriages in exchange for money or status, and repetitive generational pattern evil. There are women and children who are forced to submit to the most abhorrent abuses sociopathy can imagine every day by family members that seem to be from another universe.

  May Armando Gomez never know a second of joy until his ultimate death, hopefully sooner rather than later. Folks, if you ever even think about a child in a sexual manner, do the world and it's innocents a favour and get acquainted with the muzzle of your shotgun.

The Song In My Head Part Deux

   Judy is playing Theory of A Deadman, and it's annoying me so you know I'm not going to play them, or at least I hope you do.

    Here, I'm going to offer up a delicious and melodic, fantastically different helping of Anthrax that metalheads and musical sissies will both dig.

    Enjoy!
  

The Song In My Head

   It's a little known secret that I'm a total metalhead. In my mind, the incredible riffs and beats of /anthrax make them the best of them all. With sound bass, manic guitar, and massive booms of the most talented of the drum-meisters, if you don't know Anthrax you don't know metal.

   Thusly, before I go back to my term paper reviewing irritation made more awful by using a clumsy laptop, I'll give you rock beef. To call it my favourite Anthrax track is an insult to the rest. This is possibly the best cover song done by a metal band, but maybe not. It's still awesome and a must-listen.

  It's merely a sample, and I hope you enjoy it.

  

Your Daily Awesome

  I'm sure most of you have heard about the cult headed by Fred Phelps and his notorious Westboro Baptist Church. For the few who haven't, they are a band of bigoted fundamentalists who think that disasters are the work of a vengeful God whom the West has pissed off by accepting Jews, liberals,  and gays into the fold as equal citizens. According to Phelps AIDS, earthquakes, and terrorist attacks all occur at the behest of this supernatural being who seems like a pretty bad dude if you listen to the preacher man.

  But something incredible happened on Tuesday. Phelps had announce that he was sending a band of his yoyos to protest the funeral of a young gent killed by a suicide bomber in Afghanistan. Returned home to be buried in Harrisonville, MO. Cpl. Jacob Carver's funeral service was held at Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church. Phelps' delegation sensed an easy protest, and a real two-for-one since they dislike both Catholics and soldiers, but the good people of Harrisonville decided they wanted no part of the cult and their kind.

  Due to word of mouth and social networking, a wall of counter-protest was born. And people came, some 3000 in all, flags in hand. Bus owners filled their rigs with children and the elderly, people took their day off of work to bring their families from places far and wide, and farmers and truckers lined the roads with their vehicles. Men and women, young and old showed up. People brought service dogs and a motorcycle group braved the cold to lead the funeral procession. So many people appeared that 4 police departments came in to ensure safety and participate in this tiny locale's largest human wall.

  Then the seven protesters exited the Phelps van with their signs, beginning their "God hates fags" chants. The  mass of love and respect responded by singing God Bless America and drowning out the wingnuts with patriotic and inclusive chants of their own. Soon, the defeated hate group hopped back into their van in disgust. It was and remains a victory for love and an affirmation that non-violent protest really can work, and how.

  There is nothing one can do to bring back this brave young fellow, but the collective work done to prevent his memory from being sullied makes one joyful. Thank you, Corporal Carver, for your exemplary service. If one could award a Bronze Service Star to a town, it would most certainly go to Harrisonville, Missouri.


 In memory of Cpl. Jacob R. Carver, 101st Airborne Division; April 25, 1990- November 13, 2010

 

What The Blue F*ck Of The Weak

  When your loved one is send overseas as part of military assignment, there is no guarantee that he or she will return in the same condition. This is especially true of Canadian soldiers whose terms in Afghanistan are notoriously long and in dangerous locations such as Kandahar. For a second, imagine how you would feel if someone phoned you in the wee hours stating that your beloved soldier had been killed in action. Well, this is what has been happening to the husbands and wives of troops serving out of CFB Valcartier.

  The troops serving out of Valcartier are the last serving in a combat role in Afghanistan. It's a fact that some of those boys and girls will not come back alive. With this in mind, some reject has been calling military spouses at the base and telling them that their partner has been blown up. I cannot imagine how distressing such a call would be.

  Rest assured, the military will generally not contact a family member by phone, and never a family member who lives near a base. In the vast majority of instances, families are informed of the tragic event by an officer accompanied by a chaplain and/or physician. A surviving spouse or child will be assigned an Assisting Officer to help get through the most difficult time. While nothing can bring a deceased soldier back, as much care as possible is taken to be sensitive to the needs of surviving relatives.

  I have absolutely no idea what would possess anyone to do something so appalling. I can only imagine the depth of evil that must exist inside someone to find emotionally destroying people a form of amusement. Here's hoping that MP finds this foul stain on humanity and he is locked up for a good long time.

Reality Chick

 

 The TSA screening procedures have everybody and their uncle up in arms. One traveler's utterance of "don't touch my junk" has made him a folk hero and TSA agents have been physically attacked on several occasions for doing their job.
  Amongst those who enjoy civil disobedience is the National Opt-Out Day, in which travelers are told to decline full-body scanners and insist on the hands-on search. Slated for tomorrow, one of the busiest travel days of the year, the protest could delay flights and make the journey through security a serious pain in the ass.

  People, grow the fuck up. The agents are simply doing their jobs, which have become more difficult during this climate. If people came to your workplace en masse with the sole purpose of making your job more difficult you'd be upset, so don't do it to security officers. Your self-centred attention-seeking will have an effect on fellow passengers, including children and the aged. Nobody likes the regulations, but I can state that as a person who is routinely searched and taken aside it's not worth it to you to get arrested or fair to other passengers to interfere with their ability to see their families.

  If it really offends you to be searched, don't fly. There are a litany of other travel options that do not involve air transport. If you're just flying to make a point about the TSA being a gaggle of perverts, you're an idiot.

Trust me, nobody actually wants to touch your junk.

Vlog : Tigers Aren't Pets

Watch the video, then click the cat -->

Speedy Geek : Because Auto-Correct Sucks

 The iPhone is one of the most hyped gadgets of our time. It's more than a phone- it's a phone, PSP, music machine, and computer that fits in your pocket. But iPhone features something that annoys many users : Auto-correct. It's the feature that turns texts to your mum into inadvertent sexts  and emails to your boss into unintentional comedy. Auto-correction is the thing about the iPhone that people love to hate, and you can get rid of it relatively easy.

Removing auto-correct on newer IGadget OS

Click Settings
Click General
Click Keyboard
Shimmy Auto-Correction into the OFF position.
Celebrate!


Removing Auto-Correct on Geriatric OS (that you keep because you hate being told what to do)

Launch Installer
Go To Install
Click the Tweaks under Categories
Find Kb2 and Install it
Click Home (iGadget will go to the Unlock screen)
Go To Settings/General/Keyboard. Auto-correct option is now magically there. Use it.
Celebrate with a bottle of vino and new iGadget.

You're Welcome.

This Is Wrong

  Eliza Schaaf is a student at Southern Oregon University, or at least she was until November 8. The student, who was auditing a Ceramics class, was told that she was no longer welcome.

  According to the University, she was not qualified to participate in the class and her presence “resulted in a disruption of curriculum delivery and interfered with the teaching and learning environment for the instructor and other students.”. You see, Eliza Schaaf has a genetic condition that many know as Down Syndrome. As a consolation, the University offered to refund her tuition while reiterating their stance that she was unwelcome. 


  Eliza Schaaf's classmates have absolutely no idea what the honchos at SOU are talking about, for administrators have never been to a class to witness for themselves whether or not Eliza is capable of doing the work. Her classmates were not interviewed by school administration, for if they had they would have known that her classmates felt she added to their experience. Every student even signed a letter to the university stating that neither Eliza nor her assistant were a disruption and that they wanted their classmate back. Students in other classes have signed separate petitions and protested; the Student Senate voting unanimously on a resolution to pressure the school to keep Eliza Schaff on the student roll. All of this is to no avail, SOU is standing with their decision. 


  SOU has completely dropped the ball here. With only 2 classes left, they should let Eliza finish and take her experience to another school. She was obviously permitted at the school to begin with and her classmates adore her. How school officials can live with themselves is beyond me. As for Eliza, she signed up for lessons about art and was enrolled in Discrimination 101.


About Eliza


“I have never thought of myself as being disabled. I am not a disability. I am a person who loves to learn.” - Eliza Schaaf

Happy Birthday Old Dude!

   It is this gentleman's birthday. Who is he? Well, he would be my dad, Bruce who also shares a birthday with my uncle Ralph. While I haven't seen my dad in person in 13 years, I do recall him having an odd memory of his birthday. You see, on his 12th birthday, John F. Kennedy, C.S. Lewis, and Aldous Huxley all died. Bummer.

  However, one very cool thing about Bruce is that he is responsible for about 90% of my pre-1995 musical knowledge. Amidst all our scraps and the stupid shit that he did, he could always spin a fine record. However, because I'm not a bitter person, I'd rather think of the riffs instead of the rails.

  This is a song off of a record that my dad introduced me to. Hurt is the last song on The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails. It's not a happy song really. It's one about addiction, but I guess if you think about the fact that both Trent Reznor and my dad have overcome their demons, it is. The act of going from desperation to triumph through work is a rare event that must always be celebrated, and today is the perfect day.

Happy birthday Sir.

Hell That Comes In A Bottle

  So you've got your Ed Hardy shirt, your cocked hat, and weird swagger. You're sauced on Jagerbombs and smell like a herd of horny camels. What do you do if you want to get a girl hammered enough to use your Ed Hardy extra-tight rubbers and you're too cheap to drop big coin on real booze?

  Well, if you're a fistpumpin' orange agent like this cat, then you NEED Ed Hardy beer.

  Yes, for real. It's flat and tastes like tin, much like the other fine products produced by the sewer thieves at Tecate.

  Acrid and uric with the fromunda cheese aftertaste typical of lower-end Mexican brews; it will get you drunk enough to make you forget that you paid premium price for what is essentially rejected Tecate.

  But the lay-deeez will dig the high-class bottles.

 <--Imported from Mexico

<-- Brewed by Tecate

<-- Water from the sewers of Cancun

Media Moment: Indoctrination

   Activists argue that Gaza is some horrendous refugee camp, its denizens oppressed by the evil Israelis and Jews as a whole. In reality Israel is a multiethnic, multireligious democracy and Gaza has been described by visitors from other Arab states as a bounty of prosperity.

  With this wealth (Claimed to come from smuggled Egyptian goods that clearly display Hebrew packaging. Look for yourself.) comes media, and television programming is naturally a part of it. And kids get their dose of puppet characters as they do elsewhere. The fuzzy friends tell them to listen to their parents, eat right, and the Islamic duties of women. They also have messages that you might not expect.


Hamas children's TV program again calls for the 'slaughter of Jews' from Palestinian Media Watch on Vimeo.


"Silly Saraa, you're supposed to kill them."

Media Moment : It's A Miracle!

  Belief is a tricky thing. We are a vast array of believers and non-believers, with more variations to belief than you could  imagine. There are over 33, 000 sects of Protestantism alone, all believing slightly different versions of the tale. To count each and every variation would likely result in millions, even billions of forms of faith. There is something out there for everyone who seeks something to take responsibility for his life as he sees it.

  Amongst some forms of observance is the credence paid to miracles. And with everything from the Virgin Birth to the Miracle On Ice there too is a miracle for everyone. I remember being 16 and in Beaupre, Quebec at a cathedral that purported to have the radial bone of St. Anne. There were piles of canes and crutches to attest to the great power of praying to this gold-encased arm bone. I recall thinking of the absurdity, especially considering my prior knowledge that 7 other churches around the world claimed to have this very same artifact in their midst. Certainly there was justification for the power of faith that allowed these people the self-esteem to drop their canes (or possibly 100 old canes tacked to the wall by an old priest who wanted more gold to gild the walls), but I was certainly not convinced that it was a supernatural being at play.

  The ability to believe that you are capable of doing something and then accomplish said task is within you. The extraordinary occurs daily amongst believers and non-believers alike. Whether there is or is not a God is open for discussion, but I'm certain that if there is one, it doesn't care whether the Broncos or Cowboys win and is certainly not waiting for you in a bag of Cheetos.

What CAN You Do Today?

  This is an awesome young gent named Dylan and his mum Melanie and they reside near my hometown.

  Dylan is courageously scrapping with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and Type 1 Diabetes, both of which can take his life at any given time. As his muscles have rapidly degenerated, he has been confined to a wheelchair.

  Last year, grandmother Lorraine was able to locate a used accessible van to transport Dylan to school and important appointments, but last month it broke down. Without wheels, Dylan has missed almost a month of school and is unable to get to appointments with Toronto specialists that can prolong his life. With his school located a 45 minute drive from their home, there is no way Dylan can get back into class without a specially-equipped vehicle.

  Dylan's family has set up small fundraisers, but the reality remains that he won't be able to get a van without outside help, which is why I'm happy to do what I do best, which is get the word out about Dylan and this tragic killer of children.

  When this gentle giant was diagnosed, it was thought that he might never live to his grade 8 graduation. Now it's up to good folks like us to ensure that he can get to the party.

Be well.

To donate at any TD Bank in Canada the account is registered as Dylan Smith Branch Number 2072 Account Number 6360857 . For secure donations via bank transfer or credit card, the Paypal is melaniem325@msn.com . If you live in Ontario and can donate use of a van, contact me and I'll get you in touch with Melanie. Dylan Smith's Facebook group is here for more information.

Most importantly, if you cannot donate financially please pass Dylan's story on to as many people as you can.

Your Daily Awesome

  Larry Skopnick is a big guy who has always been ingrained with the idea of standing up for the smaller human being. The thing is that Larry has been paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair since a broken back severed his spinal cord. But, for a moment last weekend, the resident of Vancouver's Commercial Drive district kind of forgot about what makes him different.

  Larry was waiting in line at his local store when a man became aggressive with the shopkeeper and goes behind the counter, knocking her down. Mr. Skopnick blocked the would-be attacker off and tackled him to the ground with a headlock.

  Other customers held the man until VPD arrived and amazingly did not press charges.

  

 

Blast From The Past, Present, and Future

Yesterday was the 32nd anniversary of the Jonestown Massacre. On November 18th, 1977 909 lives were lost because of a man whose extremism turned into paranoia, drug abuse, and murder.

  Two memorial services were held yesterday in succession at evergreen Cemetery- one by Jim Jones Jr. and one by Jyona Norwood, who lost 27 family members that fateful day. While both have different formats, they both involve remembering those lost and hoping for the future that such tragedies do not recur.

  But the thing is that they do. Every day people are killed in the name of man-appointed Gods and prophets. Moses, Mohammed, and Jesus all committed atrocities against their fellow man and demanded blind allegiance from their followers, and some people of those faiths are more than happy to oblige today. The Jones movement proved that even atheistic processes can become terribly flawed and monumentally barbaric when they cease to be democratic. Jim Jones gave people hope and then took it away as his own morale vanished into a sea of chemically-induced mental illness.

People are free to believe or not as they wish, but should never do so without analysis. When the word of man exceeds in value that of common decency; when belief is so myopic that it cannot be questioned, the seeds of self-doubt and ultimately terrorism are sown.



  .

The World Toilet Day Is For Real

  Some of you who have access to clean water and the internet may be a tad confused as to why today is World Toilet Day. The fact of the matter is that millions of people become disabled or die every year because of poor sanitation. As a matter of fact, diarrhea causes more disease and death than anything else. While you'd never think of drinking from your own toilet, a third of the Earth's denizens have no choice- their waste water and drinking water may very well be the same thing.

  In honour of World Toilet Day, I shall share with you some interesting things about the magical, life-saving throne. P.S. , be sure to visit the Big Squat today for more info on the pro-toilet events.

#1 : The Flush Toilet Was Invented About 4500 Years Ago

   In approx. 2600 BCE, the flush toilet was in such common usage in the Indus Valley (what is now Pakistan) that nearly every home had a flush toilet connected to a fairly modern sewer system.  They had domesticated crops and animals , fabulous artwork, boats,and cities with governments that most today would envy. 

  Various societies obsessed with hygiene utilized similar technology for around 3000 years, including the Romans. When the lauded empire fell , the toilet vanished into oblivion like the remains of your late-night run to Taco Bell.

#2 : Crap Has Nothing To Do With Crapaud

   Crapaud is the french word for a toad as opposed to a frog, or sometimes an ostentatious person. It is not pronounced the way it is spelled either. While it is indeed possible that a few crapaud have been flushed, it's hopefully not a common occurrence. 

  The word "crap" may have origins in the Dutch word "krappen", meaning "to break off" or the low German "krape" meaning a foul, inedible fish. 

#3 Thomas Crapper Was A Real Dude, But He Didn't Invent The Toilet

  Thomas Crapper was also a real plumber, with a career spanning a whopping 43 years . He was indeed plumber to many of England's rich and powerful, and the manhole covers at Westminster Abbey still bear his name . contrary to legend, he was never knighted and therefore was not "Sir" Thomas Crapper.

  While Mr. Crapper did not invent the toilet, nor the term "crap", the term "crapper" does originate with this drainage whiz. During the First World War, North American soldiers noticed the "Crapper" name on the toilets, and like we did with Xerox photocopiers, began calling all toilets Crappers. Thusly, for those anal retentive grammar types, the "C" at the beginning of Crapper should be capitalized like the name of the unique capitalist whose name the term came from.

#4 The Modern Toilet Has Its Origins in Islam

  When Islamic scholar al-Jazari wasn't studying , he invented hundreds of devices, including the predecessors to robots, the crankshaft, mechanical gears and controls, and the flush mechanism for the toilet. The early muslims as well as the new wash hands with frequency, thusly al-Jazari invented a flushing sink. The user would pull a lever and the sink would drain and an automaton would replenish the basin. Some later models even had humanoid servants that would offer soap and towels. It wasn't until several centuries later that this genius was applied to the toilet. 

#5 But The Direction Of The Swirl Changes When You Cross The Equator, Right?

   This is absolutely INCORRECT. It is commonly thought and even taught in some science classes that a Crapper flushes with a counter-clockwise swirl in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the south. The Simpsons and your science teacher are wrong here - the Coriolis effect is too weak to have an effect on something as tiny as a toilet. I had to find out about this because I live in Canada, which is clearly north of most of you and my toilet flushes clockwise. I thought that there may be some environmental factor that causes this, but it's just not true. The swirl direction is determined by the direction the water jets are pointed and it just happens that most toilets made in North America flush counter-clockwise and the one in my house deviates from the norm. To have a toilet that flushes "funny", you don't need to be a master of physics or attach a funny contraption, you just need a toilet made with different rim jets.

#6 There IS A Reason For This Sign

  Many people chuckle when they are in foreign countries and see restroom signs directing people to sit. After all, people only squat if they are using a hole in the ground, right? 

Not exactly. 

 In many parts of the world , including some very modern nations, the squat toilet is the norm. From Russian railway stations to Thai hotels, they are all over the place. Though rare, they can even be found on our side of the pond. Even better, there are the inclusive dual-use thrones where one can sit or squat based on preference. 

Let's Be Honest

  The only reason this product exists is to give you an idea of which drunken hookup knocked you up.


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Uploaded by hamster1992. - Classic TV and last night's shows, online.

Thursday Trending Topic Rundown

This is where I take Twitter Trending Topics from various joints and my two cents for your amusement, embarrassment, and irritation. 


Enjoy...or not.


Boston, USA; Dallas, USA; Philadelphia, USA ; USA; Canada - Purple Haze

  Apparently Adam Lambert covered Jimi Henrdix's iconic 1967 7" chunk of amazing this evening in Paris  and fangurls all over North America are having a collective orgasm. While it has been covered live before, it has never been done by a pop star, let alone one created on a shitty pseudoreality show. Thusly, there is a collective shit being dropped by rock loyalists, who view this as tantamount to taking Mother Teresa's virginity. Few people are ambivalent here.

  The thing is when it comes to historical art, regardless of genre, people are going to be protective. Us old farts do not want an unseasoned tart making mincemeat out of what we view as the real deal. Moreover, we will take particular offence to all of you young shits enjoying it so obnoxiously. I suggest you not rub our noses in it lest we chase you around with a skillet or cry.


Worldwide - (Greg) Oden


   Proof of the global exposure that the NBA gets, Greg Oden and his fine china bones have trended for over a day. The 7 foot tall, 3rd year pro has blown both of his knees, resulting in him playing 82 games in his entire career. Blazers fans think he's a sissy and a bust and everyone who had him in the pool is pissed.

  Greg Oden has a ton of talent, but the fact a man so big came into the NBA at 19 made him fragile. Take a note from guys like Oden and Brett Lindros and don't hold your breath. All the talent in the world is of no use when you can't use your skills, let alone stand. Whatever. 


Worldwide - Maury (Povich)


  For no real reason other than a few dudes think they're funny and got people to retweet them, eteral taint Maury Povich is trending. I cannot give a reasonable synopsis of this without having the persistent thought that people are fucking idiots and need to read the news or CNN's website or something. This might be one of the worst things not originated on TMZ- fuck it, including Tony Parker and all that pop culture bullshit.

 I really hope It Gets Better for people who create TT's like this because otherwise we are doomed as a species.


Germany - Terroristen


  The fine folks of Deutschland have been under a terror warning since NATO forces apprehended jihadist scumbags who warned that Germany was next. And assuming that the terrorists are more skilled than those Yemenites who tried to mail bombs to U.S. synagogues, it might just be a serious threat. And their usually understated Interior Ministry is taking a collective krap, so you know that there's a serious problem.

  There are a lot of dickweeds out there who are pissed off that the Germans no longer want to kill all the Jews and too many hippies in Deutschland. We need to offer support to these fine examples of redemption whenever we can. Good on NATO for making  one of Europe's cogs pay attention. it's also nice to know that Germans pay attention to things far more important than some pompous inbred English cunt getting married on the taxpayer dime.


Toronto, Canada - Queen West

  There's no particular reason for this to be trending, other than the fact that Queen west is home to loads of bars and tattoo shops. It is kind of the counterculture heart of Toronto and a really fun place to wander along day or night.
  Dufferin is also trending, but not Dufferin and Queen. Weird. I worked on Dufferin for a t-shirt wholesaler in 1994. man, that job sucked.

  Inclusion of this in my rundown is indicative of the following facts : I need live punk music like Pete Doherty needs smack; I really want vegan poutine from Poutini's but I'll take the cheese too; I miss being able to drink beer out of jugs as opposed to mugs or glasses; Toronto dykes are hot and easy and I need some butch; and I'm really tired and probably should nap.

Happy Friday!


P.S. - If you haven't donated your 5 minutes to help those with Pancreatic Cancer, get on it. Right sidebar below the globe ------------->>>

Chile Peppered

This afternoon I glanced at HLN for a moment. Mike Galanos and Richelle Carey were doing their typical rundown of the news and the subject turned to the Chilean miners. Out of the blue, Richelle Carey utters something about whether or not the miners knew what was going on. Mike stepped in to inform her that they're educated dudes, but Richelle seemed sincerely convinced that Chile was a third-world country. I was aghast (and so was my mum after I told her a few minutes ago) since I know full well that Chile is far from an illiterate backwoods. Some of my faithful readers even hail from this mountainous country to my south.

 Instead of calling Ms. Carey an ignorant potzevateh and unleashing a tear of NSFW insults about how she's an example of typical North American ignorance, I'll tell you (and her, presuming she can read anything without someone yelling it into her earpiece) a few awesome things about Chile.

  Chile is a very literate nation. Nicknamed the Nation of Poets, Chile has produced Nobel prizewinners in literature and Isabel Allende, the world's most widely-read Spanish language author. Jose Donoso, Roberto Bolano, and Pablo Neruda are a few of the many celebrated writers to come from the nation. Fluency in Spanish and English are compulsory elements of schools and many Chileans can read and write in 3 or more languages. Over 96% of adult Chileans are able to read and write.

  Chile is prosperous. It is a founding member of the United Nations and a member of the OECD. Chile has the highest per capita income south of the U.S. border. Chile has low inflation, free trade agreements with many countries (including Canada) , and an economy stable enough to handle earthquakes and the global downturn with few problems.

  Chile has freedoms that are the envy of most  nations. The majority of the country is Catholic, but religious minorities don't feel the sting. Why? Because Chile has an official separation of church and state. With it's citizens constitutionally protected against religious discrimination, citizens and visitors alike are free to worship or not as they please. They are one of the few countries to have ratified the Indigenous and Tribal People's Convention and honour the rights of their tribal people to observe traditions as well as water and other concerns. Chile is one of the most ethnically diverse countries in the world, with nationals considering their country far more important than any colour or creed.

  Chile is more than just soccer. While futbol is a massive event drawing huge crowds, Chile also boasts a history of having some of the world's finest tennis players. Chile is the reigning World Polo champion and has medaled in Equestrian at the Olympics. Basketball and Cricket are popular with men and women alike as well as Downhill and Cross-Country Skiing. Most Chileans watch or play some type of sport, from boxing to rugby to mountain biking. Sweet.

And now that you know a bit about this barbaric, third world *sarc* country, I'll show you a few more reasons why I love Chile, and mainly its delicious wines.

The Song In My Head

  I used to have a lot of unusual late-night conversations with my buddy Jay, and tonight we had one of our off-the-beaten-chitchats.
  See, Jay moved to Vegas and in Vancouver you rust, Vegas you dehydrate. Thusly my odd mentality wandered into the theme park of mental illness known as Nostalgialand. I was instantly taken back to the mid-80's- a time of paper routes, beer sneaking, and claymation.

   And king were the California Raisins- the dandy little dudes that kept a generation of kids from requiring fiber. The adverts were so fun that an entire industry was revitalized, children demanding something cheap and healthy for a change. The Raisins continued the Chia Pet tradition of proving that you could sell anything if it was marketed correctly.

  Let's take a trip back to 1986 for 30 seconds of awesome.

The Kids Are Alright

  One of my readers posted this and thought that a good number of you would enjoy this.

  This kid is 14 and he's speaking up to defend a teacher suspended for kicking a bigoted teen out of class. Whether or not you agree with teacher Jay McDowell's actions in removing the student, take time to admire the skill with which this young man delivers his message.

Thanks to Leroy Box, a fellow who knows all about fighting discrimination.

Yummy Treat

(This would be the part of the article known as a preamble. Google it.)   It's been awhile since I brought you something incredibly awe-inspiring from the culinary world, but luckily my little researching brain hath returned along with my Yummy Treats. Enjoy!

  Various cultures have indulged in the practice of meat consumption since the discovery of fire. Domestication of animals means that generally someone will have to slaughter the beasts in order to get them to the dinner table. Throughout much of history and most of the time today, the future roast meets its maker via the blade- a singular slice severs carotid arteries, jugular vein and trachea. Naturally, such a process releases a lot of blood quite rapidly and the beast dies quickly.

 But what to do with all of that blood?

  Various cultures have had opinions of what to do with this unsightly by-product of critter consumption. Jews, Muslims, and many others do not consume it at all, with prohibition written into the annals of history. Many European and South American societies hide blood inside sausage casings or stews. In China, congealed blood becomes a form of tofu, which is cubed and cooked to be served with noodles. The element common to all of the dishes is that the blood is cooked, thus preventing various diseases including the tapeworm that afflicted raw food connoisseuse Maria Callas.

  One rare exception to the raw blood taboo comes from Vietnam. This is Tiết Canh , or Raw Blood Soup. It is the protein-rich controversial breakfast of country folks. Composed of goose, duck, or even pig blood left to congeal in the cold, it is often served with alcoholic beverages (I cannot figure out why.) and comes with the added fun of a little risk. With the possibility of H5N1, tapeworm, and heavy metal poisoning Tiết Canh offers excitement for those with open minds. Sometimes it is served very cold, so as to allow it to congeal with herbs on top like a pizza. 


  Because of Avian Flu, the Vietnamese government is considering banning the dish. However, locals and immigrants will likely just continue to quietly making and consuming their funky blend of plasma with 11 herbs and spices. And since I know that you are just dying to try some for yourself, I've decided to include a very real recipe for the Soup That Eats Like A Mule. 


 Tiết Canh (recipe courtesy of xuvn)

1. Obtain fresh, healthy livestock. Pigs (in order to make tiết canh heo) and ducks (for tiết canh vit) are the most common choices.
2. Slit the animal's throat and drain the blood into a cup or bowl.
3. Place cups into a freezer and let them sit for twenty-four hours
4. Remove the bowls and let the blood thaw.
5. For garnish, add chopped peanuts to the top of your semi-congealed meal
6. Drink with beer.

  Happy snacking!

Cry Me A River

 

 James Poulin is a tough-looking customer who is currently incarcerated at Florida's Brevard County Jail. Held since early 2007, Mr. Poulin should have been tried and sentenced by now but has requested 15 continuances on his trial for killing a woman while driving drunk. But Mr. Poulin has used his time to bitch and complain and generally annoy the justice system. You see, this killer sees himself as a prisoner-rights advocate.

  James Poulin has sued 6 times for various things, all but one dismissed. And now he is suing for torture. What constitutes cruel and unusual punishment? Watching movies on the prison-provided television sets.

  Brevard County is like most public facilities in our tough financial times. When broadcasts switched from analog to digital, they decided to screen educational DVDs followed by a related film instead of shelling out for new equipment. Because Mr. Poulin has been wasting taxpayer dollars for so long, he's seen most of the films on more than one occasion and now claims he cannot sleep because the noises are running through his head.

Cry me a f*cking river. Maybe if Mr. Poulin hadn't killed someone through his selfish actions he wouldn't be behind bars.   The sad thing is that if James Poulin hadn't been stalling, he'd be off to a prison that has these facilities and would probably be out by now. He can go inside his cell, close the door, and read a newspaper unlike his victim. the last thing she read was GMC before she became road pizza. A just punishment would be him having a woman's screams piped into his cell 24 hours a day. Or how about giving him actual Chinese Water Torture so he can reasonably compare the two.

  This cheeserocket is wasting time and money that could far more reasonably be spent on lawsuits on behalf of prisoners who are raped by guards or on drink driving education. In fact, if he wasn't consuming so many state resources, Brevard County could probably afford cable television. I wonder if his fellow inmates know this.

  Jail is not supposed to be a fun time. It's designed to hold you until you are sentenced for the offences against man and society that you have committed.

  Now go cry in your stainless shitter because some blogger made fun of you, you narcissistic, whiny moron.

Help The Roofer Lose Her Head...Errr Hair For Charity

I will record better videos, but just watch this and find out how you can help some good folks and deprive me of a whole lotta hair.

Enjoy!

P.S. I've been told it's kind of vague, so I'll tell you. Go to the SocialVibe link in the sidebar and do the cheesy activities. GE and Toyota will donate money to the cause if you do. Thanks!

Beware The Gay TSA

  Americans For Truth About Homosexuality is a one-man crusade against the gay "disease" and in favour of America becoming a Christian theocracy. A single-issue "group", Peter LaBarbera and his blog have a sole purpose- to reinstate virulent discrimination against gays. Opposed to not only gay marriage, but decriminalization of homosexuality, the repeal of DADT, gay parental rights, and even our very existence, AFTAH loves to make mountains out of molehills and enemies out of neighbours. And now that Mr. LaBarbera has employees, AFTAH is recognized as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. 


  Many people have weighed in on the TSA's new security measures, and most arguments focus on liberty versus security.  But Peter LaBarbera has his mind somewhere else. Possibly due to his own fantasies, he's worried about the TSA employing gays. 


  In response to the pat-downs being same gender, Mr. LaBarbera responded : 
“Isn’t it just as inappropriate for a ‘gay’ male TSA agent to pat down male travelers as it is for a normal, heterosexual male TSA agent to pat down female travelers?" and; 

“The reality is, most traveling men would not want Barney Frank to pat them down at the airport security checkpoint,” LaBarbera said. “Neither would it be fair to assign Ellen DeGeneres to pat down female travelers. (In the same vein, the Army should no more force normal male soldiers to shower and bunk with homosexual male soldiers than it would force females soldiers to bunk and shower with their male counterparts.)” and:

 " Does the TSA know which of its employees are homosexual, anyway, and how? If not, is it fair to travelers who may end up getting ‘groped’ by homosexual TSA agents who are secretly getting turned on through the process?" 

  It's true, most people of any gender do not want Barney Frank patting them down- they want him in Congress doing the job they paid him to do. Conversely, I doubt that Ellen is going to quit her $15million a year job to make $15 an hour groping people, as much as many women would like. 

  I have to wonder why Peter LaBarbera is focused on this imaginary, predatory homo who cannot control his desires. I mean, if anyone takes joy in molesting others on the job or off, they are usually incarcerated. (Yes, I know Mr. LaBarbera wants us all jailed until he can make us into normal Christians) Gay people are as likely to feel just as awkward giving or receiving a patdown as anyone else, if not moreso. By extension, should only proven heterosexual Christian females be able to be gynocologists? 

  Peter LaBarbera is focused on curing the gay because of some family connection- he is either trying to remedy his own desires or those of someone close to him. Just as NARTH was founded by a guy trying to fix his gay kid, AFTAH must have such a basis. Quite simply, people do not pay so much attention to something unless it affects them intimately. This latest attack on gays and the TSA is just Peter LaBarbera's latest excuse to prove what a real man he is. In reality, he's not afraid of the TSA dude being excited by the pat-down process, but his own desires. 

You might also like this : Fundies With Existentialism

Quick Definition

Asshat:

Whatever is on Ginni Thomas' head.

You're welcome.

Hey Bully!

  I grew up around Staffordshire Bull Terriers, dogs commonly referred to as Pit Bulls. Pit Bulls can be dogs from several different breeds and are most commonly singled out for characteristics. They're tough-looking, sturdy companions often owned by irresponsible manchildren today, but 100 years ago, they were the most common family pet.

  Due to inbreeding, dogfighting, and a massive killing campaign by PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk, the once-beloved Bull has found himself on the margins instead of the rug in front of the fireplace. Over 60% of Bulls are euthanized or shot on sight before they have a chance to be considered for adoption. It's a shame too, because Bulls are remarkably easy to rehabilitate, and far more forgiving than you or I.

  Hugabull is a British Columbia agency that specializes in rehabbing and placing these misunderstood dogs. They provide education and advocacy about truly amazing animals. But saving Bulls from abusive hoodrats and always-kill shelters takes money.
  With this in mind I'm happy to tell you about HugAbull's first ever EBay auction  . Not only will you help dogs but you can score some awesome British Columbia goodies at far below retail. It says on the ads that it is pickup only, but they'll ship anywhere for cost.

  Not everyone can open their home to a dog. Animal stewardship takes time, money, and love that we don't all have in abundance. But to advocate extinction of any species or breed simply because of its innate characteristics is contrary to what makes us human. Open your mind to the idea that all dogs are created awesome. Take time to hug a Bull.

The dog above is Brei, one of several Pit Bulls who work for the Washington State Patrol.

Facebook-Related Irritation Of The Week

Against my own better judgment,  I decided to sign into Facebook this morning. I know this is not terribly remarkable, as tens of millions of folks all over the world do this same thing on any given day. However, what greeted me is something new. Check it out:

This Social Media Survey is actually a scam to get you to enter your mobile phone number to subscribe to one of those Love Crush app thingies that cost $5 per week and/or $2 a message.

Okay Zuckerberg, what the Hell?! Don't you make enough money off of adverts and Mafia Wars kickbacks without trying to rope your loyal following into scams? Don't say you don't know about it- if you didn't, you'd sue for trademark infringement along with Bell Mobility, Virgin Mobile, and all of the other douchebag corporations making bank off of stupid kids who don't know what is what. Most adults can spot this racket, but our teens whose bills we pay might not until they get yelled at by mum or pop after the bill comes in. Beautiful job, fellas.

 It is exactly this kind of greed that has all but sunk MySpace and I hope you follow suit. From annoying apps to information peddling to this new racket, Facebook has gnawed off the hands that feed. Facebook was enough long before it tried to become MySpace.

  I'm going to play on Twitter now.

Who Gives A Sh*t Of The Week

  In the world of people with no lives, stupid pictures and the like are a big deal, and today the battle of virgins plans to come to a head.
  In a few short hours, the wankstars over at 4chan plan to stop trading kitty porn to embark on a monumentally sinister mission- to shut down Tumblr.

  You see, the wankstars are pissed at the hipsters for stealing content they consider theirs, namely LOLcats, infantile internet words, and videos of idiots skateboarding off of roofs. I admit to having very little use for either platform since I spend my time in the blogosphere either reading or writing substantive content. Plus, I have my very own real-life LOLcats, one of which just fell out of the window sill in my office.

  So, if you are one of the three people I know of who uses Tumblr for anything worth reading, don't freak the f*ck out when it crashes today because of some useless sh*ts and their game. (Yes Sophia, I'm talking to you.)
 The hosers on Tumblr have planned a counterattack (for tomorrow) and it might actually be fun watching this Battle Of The Rejects play out live on Twitter. It will be bestiality versus Mean Girls in the ultimate DDoS showdown sure to take no prisoners and free you from having to worry about that creepy neighbour kid  looking through your bathroom window.  

 EPIC WIN.