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Monday, June 21, 2010

Something's Wrong With Someone's Sonar

  In the not-so-long-ago days of Slobodan Milosevic and Apartheid, oppressive regimes had their international sports spotlights dimmed and were generally barred from huge events, but times have changed and for a variety of reasons, I am glad.

  Case in point - the North Korean National Football Team.

  North Korea earned their first entry in the World Cup since 1966 and Kim Jong-Il is one proud guy. Well, he was until today.

  Coach Kim Jong-hun claimed that The Dear Leader could sonically send positive vibes and instructions to he and his charges simply by facing South Africa, and after PRK's brave performance against World number one Brazil, it seemed to work. But something must have been wrong with Dear Leader's instructions or Dead Coach's antennae because they were humiliated by Brazil's linguistic mate in Portugal.

  After the amazing show against Brazil, Kim Jong-Il decided to broadcast the game, allowing his entire country to witness the 7-0 throttling and offering Herr Hairpiece the largest dose of humiliation he has felt in his LIFETIME. Portugal hit Kim where it hurts in front of his own people in a way that international sanctions could not. No amount of propaganda can erase the ineptitude. Dear Leader and his supposed mystical abilities have been shot in the ass by 7 pairs of Adidas. I mean Kim's boys tried their hearts out until the final whistle, but guys dig sports and winner takes all. It is a universal truth and North Koreans finally have reason to truly doubt the megalomaniacal midget.

  Now somebody PLEASE get those Korean kids out of South Africa before Dear Douchebag's henchmen get hold of them.

  They'll blend in nicely in Vancouver and the Caps could use a few good boys. It's the least we can do for the biggest unsung heroes of the World Cup.

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