Classic Rewind : Let's Make America A Christian Nation

What if the USA really was REALLY a Christian nation?
What would that mean?
What would this country become if it was?

Well first of all if The USA was a Christian nation things would REALLY HAVE TO change.
The first thing we would have to do is change the Constitution! To remove the separation of church and state clause. If the USA were a Christian nation then why would there be a NEED FOR a separation of the church and the state?
Then I can see few more changes. To be a Citizen of the USA you would have to be a Christian because if the USA is a Christian nation every American would and should have to be a Christian.

The motto would obviously have to change then too because “in God we trust” is not correct -- it would have to be “in Jesus Christ we trust.” This is obvious because Christians believe in Jesus Christ not just God.

No one could or should be allowed immigrate to the USA unless they are a Christian.
This is plain to see too - a Christian nation would  have only Christian immigrants .

Only Christians can work for the US Government. The US is a Christian nation and only Christians are real Americans so only American Christians should be allowed to work for the US Government.

Same for the military and get them women out of the military. they should not be in there in the first place.

English would be the official language of the USA and all of its Christians.
Because the King James Holy bible is written in English so that must be right.

We should expel all non -Christians.
We might make allowances for Jews because they were God's Chosen ones before, but not any more . Make it the "Don't ask , don't tell" kinda deal.

Muslims
Hindus
Bahais
jains
Hari Krisnas
Buddhists
Sufis
daoists
confucionist
pagans ... all the rest, you know em.

they are not a REAL believers in the REAL God, so out they must go.

Lets talk about Catholics now.
Everyone knows that the Catholic Church is referred to in Revelations as the Great Whore.
So they should go to.

Lets talk about Jehovah Witnesses everyone knows they are not real Christians either. They believe only like 100,000 people are going to God . This is retarded - God is limitless.

Lets talk about Mormons they are not really Christians either. Remember the false prophets thing?

What about Episcopalians? They are really just British Catholics.

I think that maybe the Southern Baptists are OK and but what about the Northern Baptists? We gotta watch em . They hang with Negroes.

The Charismatic Christians and Pentecostal Christian churches are ALL OK.
Well maybe the snake charming Pentecostals are iffy. We all know that the snake is Satan , so we gotta watch em.

Think of the great things Christianity can do if the USA were really a Christians nation.

Make all public schools truly Christian church schools because after all, all Americans are Christians.

Remove all Non - Christian literature from all libraries.
Heck only the Bible and Christian books about the bible should be allowed in a real Christian nation's libraries.
Remove all non-Christian TV programing.
Why, we could make the 700 club the new public TV station.
Make Hollywood into the new JesusChristwood.
Burn all those old movies and TV copies. they are all unchristian anyway. If it ain't Christian it ain't any good for us Americans.

Make it illegal for all women to work outside the home - barefoot and pregnant is what God intended for them after all.
Make it illegal for all women to go to school. what do they need a education for? They need to cook and sew and maybe milk the cows and work the farms but not much else.
Make it illegal for all women to vote, the men know whats best and are the head of the households anyway.
f the woman can't drive then they cant go out and get into trouble and it would be easier to keep them home anyway, since that is where they belong.

Make women cover up! Modesty is what god wanted from woman anyway.
Maybe even birkas.. maybe them Muslim men do know a something about how to make women modest and docile.

Lets talk about the gays, lesbians, bi-sexual, trans-sexuals .
Lets get rid of them too they ain't real Americans/Christians anyway. Make us god-fearing people wanna puke

You know all those Mexicans are Catholics so kick them out too
all them native Americans are pagans also so out they go

The Chinese and Japanese are too
....The viet namies too
....The Koreans
.....hell all the Asians out they go!
They are not the real American Christians anyway.

Now we are getting somewhere!

How about the Negros.
They are not the real white Americans Christians either.
Mexican, blacks (colored?), Asians.... now we are really getting this place cleaned up and made into a real Christian USA.

those Irish are either Catholics or Episcopalians so lets get them out too
what about the Italians they are Catholics too damm them.
The Turks are eastern Catholics let's get them out too

the Russians are too and if they are not , they are commies and a commie don't got no god.
And all their eastern block neighbors too damm them!
Yeah no commies at ALL so get the Cubans out.

Heck the Argentinians too.
Those Brazilians are godless people too.
They are either Catholics or pagans damm it.
Kick them out too.

Hell all them damm foreigners are dangerous to the USA so lets kick em all out
and the damm UN too.
The hell with NATO, screw them Europeans.

Hell all them democrats ain't Christians either, they are pinko commies and anti Christians so lets kick them out too
The dammed abortion lovers, kickem out. The doctor men are murderers so off to the gas chamber for them godless beasts.
the divorced people too they ain't real Christians.

You know shipping them overseas would be expensive and so very wasteful and a wrong use of god's money so just kill em all! they are all going to hell anyway so let's just speed em along their way.

git'er dun.

Now we are really getting somewhere.

Praise the Lord.

Hell lets just Nuke em all and let God sort em out.
Maybe them KKK, and the Nazis were right all along.
We need to Make this a real white American Christian nation.

Yes praise the lord.
And may Jesus come back soon.
Hell he might just land here instead of Israel if we CAN GET ALL OF THIS DONE IN HIS NAME.

Halleluiah, thank you JESUS.

I can feel the holy spirit moving in my veins right now!

Think of what we could do!

This is satire and  several edits were made last year, with the latest revision in October 2009. Copyright ME, mothafucka.