Friends Don't Let Friends...

... go out in public (or pubic) places with mangina.

For those who don't know, a mangina is what occurs when a dude wears khakis or shorts so tight that his junk looks like fat lady camel toe. Yes, everyone is staring at your crotch - it's like trying not to look at the sun during an eclipse. We know it's wrong and that we have the possibility of scorching your retinas, but it is magnetic.

And it's not because we like your package. It's because we can tell you have (slightly compressed) balls but are curious as to where your pecker went. I'm thinking it retreated out of embarrassment or atrophied from the intense heat that's gotta be going on in those Child's Size 12 Adidas. You are placing a sign on your head that says that a 10 year old corpse has a higher sperm count than you. Moreover, there are better ways to tell the world your religious preference - most folks wear their faith around their necks as opposed to their genitals.

It's even worse when gay dudes do this. Guys who groove with other gents are pretty clear about not feeling the schwing for the ladies. They might like Aretha Franklin's voice but they aren't placing adverts on Craigslist looking for a guy with her crotch en masse. I troll Craigslist looking for absurd posts and I've NEVER seen "GWM seeks GBM with a large vagina", and I'm hoping that I never will. Nobody deserves to have their ocular spheres assaulted in such a grotesque fashion, regardless of sexual orientation.

If you are unlucky enough to witness one of your buddies try to hop in your ride with his junk tight and voice strained, smack him in the head and go buy him some pants that fit. True friends are friends of the world as well. they don't let their friends get away with polluting the eyeballs of the masses with their usually-concealed  balls regardless of their mass.

This is violence we CAN stop.